SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
SunnyDays1
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I've been diagnosed with a disease that causes intense headaches, confusion, and a complete inability to have sex. Luckily there's a cure.
Divorce.
Divorce.
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out.
After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought,the pope stated, “I agree but under four conditions.”
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, “And what are the four conditions?”
The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, “First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex.
“Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.
“And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one.”
After another long pause a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?”
The pope smiled and replied, “She gotta have big tits.”
After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought,the pope stated, “I agree but under four conditions.”
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, “And what are the four conditions?”
The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, “First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex.
“Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.
“And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one.”
After another long pause a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?”
The pope smiled and replied, “She gotta have big tits.”
SunnyDays1
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In a town somewhere there lived 2 very problematic 12 year old twin boys. If there was trouble in town, they were sure to be involved. It gotten to the point where every time some stranger came to their house it was to complain about something they did.
Naturally their mother had it with their behavior, so she went to this famous priest who was said to have the ability to cure such cases. She explained the issue to him, and he said he'd be able to help, but that she needed to bring each of the twins separately.
The next day she brought the first one to the priest. After asking him some mundane questions, he asks if he believes in God. The boy, finding this to be an inappropriate question, refused to answer.
The priest asks again.
The boy doesn't answer.
The priest gets angry and shouts at the boy "do you not know God?!"
Hearing his tone the boy gets scared and runs away from the priest's office.
He keeps running like crazy until he gets to his home.
Seeing his fearful expression, his brother comes over to him and asks what happened.
The boy says "listen carefully, apparently something happened to God and they think we're involved."
Naturally their mother had it with their behavior, so she went to this famous priest who was said to have the ability to cure such cases. She explained the issue to him, and he said he'd be able to help, but that she needed to bring each of the twins separately.
The next day she brought the first one to the priest. After asking him some mundane questions, he asks if he believes in God. The boy, finding this to be an inappropriate question, refused to answer.
The priest asks again.
The boy doesn't answer.
The priest gets angry and shouts at the boy "do you not know God?!"
Hearing his tone the boy gets scared and runs away from the priest's office.
He keeps running like crazy until he gets to his home.
Seeing his fearful expression, his brother comes over to him and asks what happened.
The boy says "listen carefully, apparently something happened to God and they think we're involved."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A plane crashed in the Pacific Ocean and only three people survived.
Eventually, with the tide, they luckily got carried to shore on a deserted island. These three people, two men and a woman, were smart enough to gather everything they could to set up camp.
After three months of surviving and a long discussion with the other man, the first one went to the girl and told her this :
''You know, we've been stranded here for three months now and.....Well.. it's been a while since.....You know.....We took care of our other needs. Would you agree to have sex sometimes?''
Seeing this as an opportunity to relieve stress they all agreed to have sex there times a week.
This went on for months but unfortunately, after some time, the woman died from a lack of medical care after having contracted a disease.
The men were used to their previous habits and after only some days the first one went to the other one and said :
''It's really a shame she died but I really liked to relieve stress the way we did. Would you like to do it?''
And then they agreed to do it every other day.
A month later while they were doing it one of the two men said :
''Well, it was good as long as it lasted but dude, we gotta stop. She's really starting to smell and my dick is ripping against her bone there.''
Eventually, with the tide, they luckily got carried to shore on a deserted island. These three people, two men and a woman, were smart enough to gather everything they could to set up camp.
After three months of surviving and a long discussion with the other man, the first one went to the girl and told her this :
''You know, we've been stranded here for three months now and.....Well.. it's been a while since.....You know.....We took care of our other needs. Would you agree to have sex sometimes?''
Seeing this as an opportunity to relieve stress they all agreed to have sex there times a week.
This went on for months but unfortunately, after some time, the woman died from a lack of medical care after having contracted a disease.
The men were used to their previous habits and after only some days the first one went to the other one and said :
''It's really a shame she died but I really liked to relieve stress the way we did. Would you like to do it?''
And then they agreed to do it every other day.
A month later while they were doing it one of the two men said :
''Well, it was good as long as it lasted but dude, we gotta stop. She's really starting to smell and my dick is ripping against her bone there.''
SunnyDays1
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A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he is a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his manhood. Startled and excited, father John drops a bar of soap!
"Oh look!" says the nun. "It's a soap dispenser!" To test her theory the second nun also pulls his tool. and sure enough he drops the other bar of soap. The nun says, "Sure, it is a soap dispenser!!"
The third nun now decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens! So she tries once more and, to her delight, she yells."Hand Lotion!!!"
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he is a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his manhood. Startled and excited, father John drops a bar of soap!
"Oh look!" says the nun. "It's a soap dispenser!" To test her theory the second nun also pulls his tool. and sure enough he drops the other bar of soap. The nun says, "Sure, it is a soap dispenser!!"
The third nun now decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens! So she tries once more and, to her delight, she yells."Hand Lotion!!!"
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Johnnie didn't know what else to do to have sex with his wife...
... every time he tried, she would make him feel like a perv and would lecture him about going to church to get rid of those dirty thoughts.
They lived in a small town and after work, Johnnie was a regular at a bar. Each night, everybody would make a toast and people would vote for the best toast. One night, Johnnie made a special toast:
"I toast to spending the rest of my nights between my wife's legs!"
So he won the best toast of the night for the first time. He arrived home buzzed and overly excited thinking this was the night they would finally have sex.
"Mary, I won the best toast of the night!"
"Really, what did you toast for?"
But Johnnie was suddenly scared of making things worse: "Well... I toasted to spending all my days in church!"
So the next day, Johnnie and Mary are walking in town and one of Johnnie's friends approaches the couple with a naughty smile.
"Mary... did you know Johnnie won the best toast last night?"
Johnnie freezes and Mary replies: "Yes, but that's odd.......every time I tell him to do it he refuses. If we ever do it, he falls asleep halfway through. And last weekend I had to grab him by his ears, and still, he didn't come!"
... every time he tried, she would make him feel like a perv and would lecture him about going to church to get rid of those dirty thoughts.
They lived in a small town and after work, Johnnie was a regular at a bar. Each night, everybody would make a toast and people would vote for the best toast. One night, Johnnie made a special toast:
"I toast to spending the rest of my nights between my wife's legs!"
So he won the best toast of the night for the first time. He arrived home buzzed and overly excited thinking this was the night they would finally have sex.
"Mary, I won the best toast of the night!"
"Really, what did you toast for?"
But Johnnie was suddenly scared of making things worse: "Well... I toasted to spending all my days in church!"
So the next day, Johnnie and Mary are walking in town and one of Johnnie's friends approaches the couple with a naughty smile.
"Mary... did you know Johnnie won the best toast last night?"
Johnnie freezes and Mary replies: "Yes, but that's odd.......every time I tell him to do it he refuses. If we ever do it, he falls asleep halfway through. And last weekend I had to grab him by his ears, and still, he didn't come!"
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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