Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread

[SunnyDays1]

A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, “What happened?”

The man rubbed the back of his head and said, “I don’t know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, “Well, at least they tried.”

 

[SunnyDays1]

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-


1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.


The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The redneck then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

https://uhrforum.de/attachments/myfunlink_picdump_191_46-jpg.293982/

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.

One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."

"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.

The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."

 

[SunnyDays1]

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/comment/comics-gif-nsfw-grandpa-1565170.jpeg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/0a/56/d2/0a56d281c00f9dee94ed26e51869cf93--ball-chain-september-.jpg?nii=t

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://worldwideinterweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/friday-sunday-memes.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world.

The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean.

The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the table, and the house was immaculate.

The third man married a girl from Canada. He told her he wanted her to do all the housework, keep the lawn mowed, do the laundry, and make sure he had a hot meal on the table three times a day. On the first day, he didn't see anything. On the second day, he still hadn't seen anything. By the third day, he could see a little bit out of his left eye, he could load the dishwasher, and make himself a sandwhich. To this day, he still has some difficulty peeing.

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

http://image.marriage.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/3.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-b56bd8078c2366232f3d7100fff8c713

 

[SunnyDays1]

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

 

[SunnyDays1]

What’s the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck?


Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.


Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her.

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JDOjVzS09RM/SBd7q38k6KI/AAAAAAAAAnI/EInYngZl_p8/s400/walter.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://www.askideas.com/media/48/Math-Made-Simple-If-You-Have-Dollar-20-And-Your-Wife-Has-Dollar-15-She-Has-Dollar-Funny-Math-Meme-Image.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

https://childinsider.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/meme-for-kid3.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed.

After a while the girl walked quietly over to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded with a loud voice: "$1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!" All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for what you did earlier, right? I study law; I know how to make someone feel guilty."

 

[SunnyDays1]

The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'
have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for
her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,
orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for
Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox
End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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