LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread

Twice a week the local parish priest liked to go up on the roof of the rectory and crank one out. He had decided that this was probably the most discreet and secure place he could be and not be discovered.

One day a tourist on a nearby tower was taking pictures of the city landscape and noticed the priest pleasuring himself, he quickly took a number of pictures. The next day he went to the church and asked to see the Priest. The priest's secretary introduced them and they went back to his office to talk. He asked the Priest if he was interested in photography because he might have a really nice camera for sale.

The Priest replied that he was not that interested at which point the man laid out several 8x10 glossy prints of the Priest in all his glory vigorously choking the chicken.

"Any interest now?" the man exclaimed.

"How much?" the Priest asked embarrassingly. "$5000", the man replied, and the Priest begrudgingly paid the money and put the camera up on a shelf behind him.

Later that day the secretary came into the office to ask a question when she noticed the camera. "That's a nice camera father, I didn't even know you were into photography. Do you mind me asking how much you paid for it?"

"$5000" the Priest replied.

"Wow!", she responded, "they must have seen you coming!"
 
A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.

The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.

He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-existant."

He starts to go home and thinks that the slip was weird, until he sees another line underneath, hidden well.

"Not that it'd effect you very much right now anyway."
 
Little Billy had diarrhea so he asked his mom for some medicine.

Groaning in pain, he met with his mother in the living room and said “mom, I have the runs - it’s so bad that I need Viagra!”

“Billy, why do you think you need Viagra? Let’s get you some medicine to help you feel better” said the mom.

“Well that’s what you give Dad every time his shit don’t get hard!”
 
George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter.

"Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". "

We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

"Of course we do."

"How about support hose for circulation?"

"Definitely."

"What about medicine for rheumatism, osteoporosis and arthritis?"

"All kinds."

"How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hearing aide, denture supplies, sleeping pills, Geritol and Ensure?"

"Absolutely"

"You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"

"All kinds and sizes. Why all the questions?"

George smiles and replies to the pharmacist, "we'd like to use your store for our Bridal Registry."
 
Last edited:
An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.
They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.

American: "I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk."

European: "I'll have a watery rum! I'll stay up for the drive."

Asian: "I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!"

The American and the European are astonished!! The European asks the Asian why he ordered all of that alcohol.

Asian: "Isn't it obvious? You guys won't let me drive anyway."
 
Letter from North Korea

When my friend moved to North Korea, he knew his mail would be read by censors, so he told me: "Let's establish a code. If a letter you get from me is written in blue ink, it is true what I say. If it is written in red ink, it is false."

After a month, I got the first letter. Everything was written in blue. It said, this letter: "Everything is wonderful here. Stores are full of good food. Movie theaters show good films from the west. Apartments are large and luxurious. The only thing you cannot buy is red ink."
 
attachment.php
 
A man's waiting in a bread line in the Soviet Union

He's been waiting for hours, but just as he reaches the front of the line, the woman inside says, "sorry, out for today," and slams the door shut.

Naturally, he's angry. He starts shouting- "So this is communism, eh?! I fought in the war against fascism, I've worked for the state my whole life, and I can't even get a loaf of bread?!"

An official-looking man pulls him aside. "Comrade, you have to be careful talking like that, you could get in trouble. Why, even just a few years ago…", he mimics a gunshot to the head.

The man goes home despondent. As he walks inside, he says to his wife, "Things are getting very bad out there."

"What's that? Were they out of bread again?" She asks.

"Worse, they were out of bullets."
 
A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her. The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wakes up and notices that the flesh of his toe is sore and a little pink and tender. He ignores it, but after a few days decides to go see his doctor when the symptoms get worse.

The old doctor brings him into the examining room, leans in, and looks at his toe. After a few minutes of examination, he begins to laugh.

"What's wrong?" the young man asks.

"Well," the doctor giggles, "you're not gonna believe this, but it looks like you have a yeast infection on your big toe!"

The young man begins to laugh himself. "Boy, Doc," he says, "I bet that's the weirdest thing you've seen in this office!"

"Well not quite," the doctor replies. "You see, just earlier today a young woman came in with a bad case of athlete's pussy."
 
A Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied for
membership at a local golf club. About a week later he received a
letter that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to
inquire as to why.

Secretary: "You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?"

Scot: "Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, my name is MacTavish."

Secretary: "Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?"

Scot: "Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too."

Secretary: "You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?"

Scot: "Aye, and neither do I."

Secretary: "Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?"

Scot: "Aye, I also do the same."

Secretary: "But you are a Jew?"

Scot: "Aye, I be that."

Secretary: "So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?"

Scot: "Aye, I be that, too."

Secretary: "I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel
comfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privates
are different from theirs."

Scot: "Ach, I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the
Order of the Orangemen.. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to
join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I've heard
that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club!!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

FreyaGersemi
Virtual Literotica Convention 2026 Author Challenge Official Support Thread
Replies
20
Views
659
Lifestyle66
L
ChloeTzang
Heroism - The Oggbashan Memorial Event 2026 Support Thread
Replies
3
Views
412
Kumquatqueen
Kumquatqueen
Annisthyrienne
  • Locked
The Story Idea Exchange Thread
Replies
5
Views
745
Annisthyrienne
Annisthyrienne
Fingerfuxs
Lit🌎World ©️🏴‍☠️ yes 🧑‍🍳 🍽️ !! Chef
6 7 8
Replies
181
Views
24K
Tessinwales
Tessinwales
FreyaGersemi
Virtual Literotica Convention 2025 Author Challenge Official Support Thread
9 10 11
Replies
253
Views
11K
FreyaGersemi
FreyaGersemi
Back
Top