SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Two well-dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in an Airport Terminal.
The first lady was an arrogant young woman married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman.
After a little while the young woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The older lady commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
Again, the older commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman went on, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the older lady commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman then asked, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the older lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "What on earth could they teach you??"
The older lady responded, "Well as an example..... instead of saying, "Who gives a Fuck? I learned to say, ....Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
The first lady was an arrogant young woman married to a wealthy business man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman.
After a little while the young woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The older lady commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
Again, the older commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman went on, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the older lady commented, "Well, isn’t that fantastic?"
The first woman then asked, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the older lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "What on earth could they teach you??"
The older lady responded, "Well as an example..... instead of saying, "Who gives a Fuck? I learned to say, ....Well, isn’t that fantastic?”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A young banker goes to jail for the first time for fraud...
He is immediately confronted by a large tattooed inmate as he enters the yard, who grabs him and says, “You wait til shower time, sweetheart. You’re going to get it good from me.”
The banker is trembling; his hands shake when he’s called out of his cell to lunch, knowing that after eating they’re hitting the showers.
He hardly touches his food when the jailer shouts, “Alright fellas, shower time!’'
They shuffle along to the showers where, sure enough, the tattooed prisoner is waiting for him. “Alright,” he says, “since it’s your first day and all, I’ll give you a choice. You gonna take it with spit, or without spit?”
The banker thinks for a second and comes to the conclusion that a bit of lubrication would help things a bit more than without.
“With spit, please.”
The tattooed guy turns to the bald fat fella next to him: “Hey, Spit! This guy wants a threesome.”
He is immediately confronted by a large tattooed inmate as he enters the yard, who grabs him and says, “You wait til shower time, sweetheart. You’re going to get it good from me.”
The banker is trembling; his hands shake when he’s called out of his cell to lunch, knowing that after eating they’re hitting the showers.
He hardly touches his food when the jailer shouts, “Alright fellas, shower time!’'
They shuffle along to the showers where, sure enough, the tattooed prisoner is waiting for him. “Alright,” he says, “since it’s your first day and all, I’ll give you a choice. You gonna take it with spit, or without spit?”
The banker thinks for a second and comes to the conclusion that a bit of lubrication would help things a bit more than without.
“With spit, please.”
The tattooed guy turns to the bald fat fella next to him: “Hey, Spit! This guy wants a threesome.”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too." So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too." So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."
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SunnyDays1
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Upon arriving home a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the pharmacist ..... He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open register. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no letup, and I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer and believe me mister, as God is my witness ........ ALL I DID WAS TELL HER!"
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open register. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no letup, and I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer and believe me mister, as God is my witness ........ ALL I DID WAS TELL HER!"
SunnyDays1
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then…..” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then…..” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
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Never will you meet a man like Jeff.
Diana told Jeff she hated to be embarrassed. She broke up with every man she embarrassed herself in front of.
After eating at a resturaunt, Diana unexpectedly burped loudly. Before she could even turn red, Jeff burped so loud the dishes rattled.
While sitting in church, Diana farted. Before anyone could even snicker, Jeff let out a monster fart that shook the whole pew.
When taking the train home after visiting the family in the city, Diana really had to pee. The bumpiness of the train caused her to lose control and she wet herself significantly. Before the pee smell could even hit anyone, Jeff pulled down his pants and pissed all over the train floor.
One day, Diana came home from a party. Jeff was working late, and she was quite inebriated and wasn't thinking clearly, so she called an ex-boyfriend for a ride, because Jeff wasn't answering.
Jeff finished his work really early, and thought he would come home and surprise Diana. When he arrived home, he went into the bedroom and found a man intensely shoving his dick inside Diana's butt.
Diana turned around and just sat down on the bed, a loss for words. Jeff immediately left the room and slammed the door shut.
After around 10 minutes, Diana was about to cry. The door burst open moments later, and Jeff had 2 huge naked men in tow. He looked squarely at Diana and said, "Don't you dare start crying. It was hard finding men who wanted to fuck me in the ass at this time of night."
Diana told Jeff she hated to be embarrassed. She broke up with every man she embarrassed herself in front of.
After eating at a resturaunt, Diana unexpectedly burped loudly. Before she could even turn red, Jeff burped so loud the dishes rattled.
While sitting in church, Diana farted. Before anyone could even snicker, Jeff let out a monster fart that shook the whole pew.
When taking the train home after visiting the family in the city, Diana really had to pee. The bumpiness of the train caused her to lose control and she wet herself significantly. Before the pee smell could even hit anyone, Jeff pulled down his pants and pissed all over the train floor.
One day, Diana came home from a party. Jeff was working late, and she was quite inebriated and wasn't thinking clearly, so she called an ex-boyfriend for a ride, because Jeff wasn't answering.
Jeff finished his work really early, and thought he would come home and surprise Diana. When he arrived home, he went into the bedroom and found a man intensely shoving his dick inside Diana's butt.
Diana turned around and just sat down on the bed, a loss for words. Jeff immediately left the room and slammed the door shut.
After around 10 minutes, Diana was about to cry. The door burst open moments later, and Jeff had 2 huge naked men in tow. He looked squarely at Diana and said, "Don't you dare start crying. It was hard finding men who wanted to fuck me in the ass at this time of night."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Two Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time & decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space.
Dr. Smith was a Psychiatrist & Dr. Jones was a Proctologist
They put up a sign reading
Dr Smith & Dr Jones
*Hysterias & Posteriors*
-The town council was livid and insisted they change it-
So, the docs changed it to read...
*Schizoids & Haemorrhoids*
This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to...
*Catatonics and High Colonics*
-no go
Next, they tried...
*Manic Depressives & Anal Retentives*
Then came...
*Minds & Behinds*
-still no good.
Another attempt resulted in...
*Lost Souls & Butt Holes*
-unacceptable again!
So, they tried...
*Analysis & Anal Cysts*
-not a chance
*Nuts & Butts*
-no way
*Freaks & Cheeks*
-still no good
*Loons & Moons*
-forget it!
Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with
Dr. Smith & Dr. Jones
*Specializing in Odds & Ends*
Everyone loved it..!
Dr. Smith was a Psychiatrist & Dr. Jones was a Proctologist
They put up a sign reading
Dr Smith & Dr Jones
*Hysterias & Posteriors*
-The town council was livid and insisted they change it-
So, the docs changed it to read...
*Schizoids & Haemorrhoids*
This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to...
*Catatonics and High Colonics*
-no go
Next, they tried...
*Manic Depressives & Anal Retentives*
Then came...
*Minds & Behinds*
-still no good.
Another attempt resulted in...
*Lost Souls & Butt Holes*
-unacceptable again!
So, they tried...
*Analysis & Anal Cysts*
-not a chance
*Nuts & Butts*
-no way
*Freaks & Cheeks*
-still no good
*Loons & Moons*
-forget it!
Almost at their wits end, the docs finally came up with
Dr. Smith & Dr. Jones
*Specializing in Odds & Ends*
Everyone loved it..!
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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