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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A woman was in bed with 3 men when her husband came home.
One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony.
After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money.
Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money.
The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."
One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony.
After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money.
Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money.
The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed…
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear, "That’s me before the surgery."
He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
She whispers in his ear, "That’s me before the surgery."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Ma comes marching into the kitchen and hollers, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the seat!"
Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the seat!"
Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"
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One day a woman was lying on her couch watching TV when she heard her boyfriend in the kitchen
She assumed he was in there getting some ice cream and she called in there "Bring me some too!"
A few minutes later, the boyfriend comes into the living room and hands her a bowl. She says "thanks" and takes a bite and immediately spits it out in disgust. "What is this? It's disgusting!" she exclaimed.
"Cat food", the boyfriend answered. "I was in the kitchen feeding the cat and I "brought you some too".
She assumed he was in there getting some ice cream and she called in there "Bring me some too!"
A few minutes later, the boyfriend comes into the living room and hands her a bowl. She says "thanks" and takes a bite and immediately spits it out in disgust. "What is this? It's disgusting!" she exclaimed.
"Cat food", the boyfriend answered. "I was in the kitchen feeding the cat and I "brought you some too".
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
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A cricket is in love with a mantis but he's terrified, because he keeps hearing that a mantis will eat the male after sex. Nevertheless, one night the cricket gets really drunk and propositions the mantis. The two have amazing sex all night long, but in the morning the cricket comes to his senses and starts eyeing the mantis warily.
"What's wrong?" asks the mantis.
"Well, I don't want to make this weird, but are you going to try to eat me?"
"Oh, don't worry, only the females do that."
"What's wrong?" asks the mantis.
"Well, I don't want to make this weird, but are you going to try to eat me?"
"Oh, don't worry, only the females do that."
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A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street
and asked him to cover for him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to
come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to
do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. After a few
minutes a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?".
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I
have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once.”
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”
confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street
and asked him to cover for him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to
come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to
do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. After a few
minutes a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?".
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I
have sinned."
Rabbi: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once.”
Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”
SunnyDays1
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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, ''That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin.
I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.''
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for
two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear
and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, ''That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin
and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have 'rough sex.'"
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear
than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and
managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is
shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, ''Admit it Frank, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?''
He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, ''That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin.
I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.''
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for
two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear
and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, ''That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin
and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have 'rough sex.'"
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear
than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and
managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is
shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, ''Admit it Frank, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?''
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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