SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop.
"That desk is going for $2000," says the shopkeeper.
"$2000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Eric.
"Ah", says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk." He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?"
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are $4.00 in there.
"Wow, that's pretty cool," says Eric. "Now let me try. All right, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?"
At this, the desk goes wild, banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
"Damn, how the hell did she get all that money?!" asks Eric.
At this, the desk's legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.
"That desk is going for $2000," says the shopkeeper.
"$2000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Eric.
"Ah", says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk." He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?"
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are $4.00 in there.
"Wow, that's pretty cool," says Eric. "Now let me try. All right, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?"
At this, the desk goes wild, banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
"Damn, how the hell did she get all that money?!" asks Eric.
At this, the desk's legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.
SunnyDays1
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One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.r>
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the
city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had
ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with
expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one
greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his
appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him
and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here
again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be
appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he
would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same
ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely
shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I
thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be
for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear.
He said He'd never been in this church. "
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.r>
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the
city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had
ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with
expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one
greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his
appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him
and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here
again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be
appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he
would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same
ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely
shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I
thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be
for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear.
He said He'd never been in this church. "
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
SunnyDays1
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There's a Fly in My Champagne
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, "Now spit out all that you swallowed."
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, "Now spit out all that you swallowed."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Waking groggily, a man remembered flying off his motorbike.
The smell and sounds quickly made him realize that he was in a hospital, but something wasn't right.
The man reached down to feel his legs, but sat up and screamed as he felt nothing!
It was only then that he noticed the doctor standing by the end of my bed who raised his eyebrows in surprise and said "whatever is wrong?"
"My legs!" he said. "I can't feel my legs!"
"Your legs are fine" he said reassuringly.
The man looked down and saw that he was right - his legs looked fine. Relieved, he collapsed back on to the bed.
"It was only your arms that we had to remove"
The smell and sounds quickly made him realize that he was in a hospital, but something wasn't right.
The man reached down to feel his legs, but sat up and screamed as he felt nothing!
It was only then that he noticed the doctor standing by the end of my bed who raised his eyebrows in surprise and said "whatever is wrong?"
"My legs!" he said. "I can't feel my legs!"
"Your legs are fine" he said reassuringly.
The man looked down and saw that he was right - his legs looked fine. Relieved, he collapsed back on to the bed.
"It was only your arms that we had to remove"
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Three generations of women go to their annual checkup at the gynecologist.
First up is the youngest, the doc does the default checks and tells her that everything is fine, she just wants to know how often she has sex. She replies: "SSW". The doc is confused and asks her what SSW means and her answer is, Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday.
Next up is her mom, again after all the checks the doc asks her how often she has sex. Again the reply is "SSW". The doc raises an eyebrow, "Three times a week is quite unusual for your age". The mother shakes her head, "No, no, SSW means Spring, Summer and Winter."
Finally, the grandmother comes in, everything seems to be in best order and once again the doc asks her how often she has sex. The 80 year old replies: "SSW". The doc is a bit suspicious at this points and asks her to explain the abbreviation. The old lady replies: "Sometimes still wanna."
First up is the youngest, the doc does the default checks and tells her that everything is fine, she just wants to know how often she has sex. She replies: "SSW". The doc is confused and asks her what SSW means and her answer is, Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday.
Next up is her mom, again after all the checks the doc asks her how often she has sex. Again the reply is "SSW". The doc raises an eyebrow, "Three times a week is quite unusual for your age". The mother shakes her head, "No, no, SSW means Spring, Summer and Winter."
Finally, the grandmother comes in, everything seems to be in best order and once again the doc asks her how often she has sex. The 80 year old replies: "SSW". The doc is a bit suspicious at this points and asks her to explain the abbreviation. The old lady replies: "Sometimes still wanna."
SunnyDays1
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A man walks into a diner during a terrible blizzard, but only has enough money to order a cup of coffee.
He hasn't eaten anything all day and is terribly hungry. Down the bar he sees another man leaning over a steaming bowl of chili, but the man isn't eating his chili, just looking at it.
Stomach rumbling he calls out to his neighbor "are you planning on eating that?"
The other man shakes his head saying, "I've lost my appetite."
The first man says, "well would you mind if I took that?"
"not at all, be my guest" he replies, sliding the bowl carefully to the 1st man.
Eager to fill his belly he unabashedly digs into the warm bowl of chili. As he gets to the bottom of the bowl he discovers a hairy scabby bandaid at the bottom of the bowl of chili. Disgusted, he throws up everything he just ate back into the bowl.
The second man comments "Yep, that's about as far as I got into it too."
He hasn't eaten anything all day and is terribly hungry. Down the bar he sees another man leaning over a steaming bowl of chili, but the man isn't eating his chili, just looking at it.
Stomach rumbling he calls out to his neighbor "are you planning on eating that?"
The other man shakes his head saying, "I've lost my appetite."
The first man says, "well would you mind if I took that?"
"not at all, be my guest" he replies, sliding the bowl carefully to the 1st man.
Eager to fill his belly he unabashedly digs into the warm bowl of chili. As he gets to the bottom of the bowl he discovers a hairy scabby bandaid at the bottom of the bowl of chili. Disgusted, he throws up everything he just ate back into the bowl.
The second man comments "Yep, that's about as far as I got into it too."
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