Long Distance Relationships

[hatara]

My heart is broken also. I never wanted any of this to happen. We both messed up. When he thought I needed space was when I needed him the most. I had been trying to tell him and he just didn't seem to understand but the problem with that was a part of me will always still love Marty.

I had no choice but to end it for reasons with the break down between us. But when I got distant he thought I needed time away from him. I needed his love and to know that I was loved. Unfortunately that was when he was trying to give me space and not talking to me. I literally spent months crying. It was tearing me to pieces. My family took me to a dr it was so bad.

As for the break up it was horrible and Marty was hurt and that hurt me and it was all my fault. I kept trying to tell him and couldn't get the words out right. It would not have gone on forever I emailed a mutual friend of ours and asked her to talk to him and explain things. The problem was she went on vacation and couldnt before she left. I would not have "strung him along" forever. I just couldn't find the words and cried to hard when I tried. The plain truth is I have never broken up with anyone before, certainly never with someone that i was still in love with. I don't know how to do that "crying". I tried, I talked to others and asked them for help. I kept trying. I guess I just failed miserably.

My own pain I could take. It is his pain that is ripping me apart. I just didn't know what to do. I tried, all I can say is I tried.

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Hatara....

I think you need a (((hug))) too... maybe you two can talk and try to sort it out, maybe you can even end up being friends someday...
It's worth a shot anyway.

AC
Erotic Tendencies

 

[JennyOmanHill]

So sorry to hear this

((((((((((Marty))))))))))

((((((((((Hat)))))))))))))


I am so surpised and very sorry to hear this news. As difficult as it seems, it is so very important to communicate in ANY relationship. Silence always results in hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Thank you Marty for posting what must be a very difficult post, but it's important for anyone considering a LDR to know both the blessings and the sadness that is involved in keeping the relationship going. By sharing your heart at this time, you are helping others recognize the downside as well.

Thank you, darling Hat, for always being there for so many of us. This must be such a very difficult time. Let the guilt go though! We learn through our mistakes. I've learned that as much as we don't want to hurt anyone, if we stop worrying about how our loved one feels, and just stay honest, it's all for the better.

As happy as I am right now about my future, it surely does pain me to learn what has happened. I wish you both the best and hope that by "letting go" you will soon find peace.


Hope you're doing fine, Cherrie Got a call from Oman late last night, and the poor darling is sick; this move took so much out of him, and he was sent home early from his job to get some rest. Wish I could be there right now, but he promised to take care of himself! He should be back online this week.

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Yeah... I'm hangin'....

Still no Allan yet though... That tax certificate he was supposed to get before they'll let him out of the country..... remember I told ya about that? Well, he still doesn't have it! He's finally turned everything over to the Embassy, and they are trying to straighten everything out for him... So I'm still in limbo... dammit! I swear at times it just feels like it'll never happen... I just keep trying to convince myself that this will all be worth it in the end... It had better be after all of the hell I've been through! *lol* (*sob*)

CherrieAllan
Erotic Tendencies

 

[tryingsumtinnew]

I have a question and would like some feedback. How many people here have had a long distance relationship work and if so, what are some good secrets?

Thanx

 

[meop79]

Well my LDR is working

I think honesty... total honesty...

Trust, Comitment, the ability to admit when you are wrong and compromise, the knowledge on both partners sides of when the other person is hurting and needs suport... shrug

That kind of thing

Meop79@yahoo.com

 

[JennyOmanHill]

I have a question and would like some feedback. How many people here have had a long distance relationship work and if so, what are some good secrets?

Thanx

Hi TSN

Every LDR situation (like any other) has unique situations that cannot really be generalized. However, the common denominator are the words "long distance"!

Honesty and trust become issues immediately since the couples are separated by time and space (many times continents and time zones). Even when the honesty is apparent, there is no getting around the many hours where each person's offline existence interferes with this "connection", so trust in each other is sometimes tested to great limits.

As has already been emphasized, communication is the key (but I believe this is an important "key" in any relationship). Unfortunately, especially in the world of LIT, I am aware of many married and involved couples that carry on "secret" lives from their partners. I am NOT making any judgements, but this would not work for me.

I have discovered in almost the year that Oman and I have been involved that the benefits outweigh the bad points. We were fortunately to actually meet early on (4 months) into our partnership, and that meeting gave us the strength and the desire that we truly wanted to share our lives (or give it the best try we can). We have also been able to share our most intimate feelings and dreams and fears in a way that I had never quite experienced before.

We are older in age than many other couples, and we have taken things slowly (almost maddeningly so!), but our time apart has only solidified our commitment to each other. We are the lucky ones. In October we'll be "dumping" the LD out of our partnership, and will see firsthand if we are going to work out on a day-to-day basis.

Hope this addresses your question! In MY case, my LDR became my best friend, and the rest was the icing!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Older?

Ok, now I gotta know... how old are you guys?
Allan is 35 and I'm 43, so I thought we were the oldie moldies here! *lol*

Ok, I'm the oldie moldy, at 35 he can't really be considered old...

CA

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Older?

Ok, now I gotta know... how old are you guys?
Allan is 35 and I'm 43, so I thought we were the oldie moldies here! *lol*

Ok, I'm the oldie moldy, at 35 he can't really be considered old...

CA

LOL!!!

No, Oman (46) and I (49) win the "golden oldie" award!

I only mentioned age because there's a part of me that knows I wouldn't have been ready for a relationship like this in my younger days!

Plus I do believe that a LOT of things get better with age!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Who'd a ever thunk it!

*lol* that's pretty good! I thought you guys were in your twenties! Kewlness! No way could I have done this when I was younger... no way in hell!

Now if he would just get here!

AllenCherrie

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Who'd a ever thunk it!

*lol* that's pretty good! I thought you guys were in your twenties! Kewlness! No way could I have done this when I was younger... no way in hell!

Now if he would just get here!

AllenCherrie

I hope he gets there soon, Cherrie!

Age is relative, as I truly feel twenty years younger (and sometimes giddy!) where Oman is concerned! Age does NOT make us wiser, yet I think it has made me love myself and feel more confident with listening to my heart!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Amen to that!

CherrieAllan
Erotic Tendencies

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am crying with you both...

My own pain I could take. It is his pain that is ripping me apart. I just didn't know what to do. I tried, all I can say is I tried.

I am sorry Hat & Marty. I was kinda hoping that what happened to me would not happen to you.

Hat at least you feel pain. And Marty knows you still love him. I feel forgotten. A footnote. Someone who was tossed away when things got inconvenient. I hope that you both heal quickly. I have my good days and bad days. This has been a very bad day.

To me when answering the question if it is better to have loved and lost, I would much rather never to have loved at all. I will work very hard not to feel like this again. I hope you are Marty can mend your broken hearts. I am gonna lock mine up.

Ebony

 

[Lady_Sam]

*hugs to Hat* I'm sorry you're hurting Hat. Its sad things ended this way, but hopefully you two can at least remain friends.

 

[hatara]

I don't know if he would consider me a friend ever. But I made it very clear to everyone in chat where we go that anyone that goes after him will be no friend of mine. It's sad for both of us and hard on both of us. Mainly I think it is hardest on him. I am staying out of chat for a while in the hopes that he will still go in and talk to his friends. He needs support and caring.

I wish all of you all the luck in the world. Cherrie I am praying really hard for you and will keep a good thought besides. Hopefully he will be there soon.

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Cherrie I am praying really hard for you and will keep a good thought besides. Hopefully he will be there soon.

Hat,
Thanks so much sweety... I hope he'll be here soon too. But don't you worry about me, you just work on getting your life on track. Just remember, you can't change the past, but you can control the future, so keep your face forward and try not to make the same mistakes. (((hugs)))

Allan Cherrie
Erotic Tendencies

 

[cycleman]

Hi Jenny glad to hear your coming to Omaha. I wish you two the best. I hope that someday I can find that special love also. Online or in daily life.Thanks for the inspiration.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hat,
Thanks so much sweety... I hope he'll be here soon too. But don't you worry about me, you just work on getting your life on track. Just remember, you can't change the past, but you can control the future, so keep your face forward and try not to make the same mistakes. (((hugs)))

Allan Cherrie
Erotic Tendencies

yes, Cherrie, I am hoping you days of waiting will be over soon!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

If I can ever help,

I don't know if he would consider me a friend ever. But I made it very clear to everyone in chat where we go that anyone that goes after him will be no friend of mine. It's sad for both of us and hard on both of us. Mainly I think it is hardest on him. I am staying out of chat for a while in the hopes that he will still go in and talk to his friends. He needs support and caring.

I wish all of you all the luck in the world. Cherrie I am praying really hard for you and will keep a good thought besides. Hopefully he will be there soon.

Do not hesitate to ask. You have comforted me when I needed it!

Eb

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hi Jenny glad to hear your coming to Omaha. I wish you two the best. I hope that someday I can find that special love also. Online or in daily life.Thanks for the inspiration.

Hi Cycleman Thanks for dropping by! My wish is for everyone to find someone special in this lifetime! (Big order, huh?)

Hugs to Ebony, Hat and Lady Sam Hope you each learn to open your hearts again someday as I did.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I believe

that not everyone is supposed to go through life two by two. I may be one of those. There are worse things that can happen. I am not afraid of being alone.

Soon you and Oman will be together, that is wonderful. I am having fun, being Me. That will just have to suffice.

Allen & Cherrie, good luck and good wishes. Your separate journey will end soon.


Here are some floweres for all you LDRS.

Hi Cycleman Thanks for dropping by! My wish is for everyone to find someone special in this lifetime! (Big order, huh?)

Hugs to Ebony, Hat and Lady Sam Hope you each learn to open your hearts again someday as I did. [/QUOTE

 

[Arden]

Dealing with longing

How does everyone else involved in LDR's deal with keeping their sanity during lengths of time where there is no communication?

I'm not talking about possible cheating, strictly talking about times when it's impossible to talk because of dad-son custodial vacations, business seminars, etc. I feel so alone when this happens. It doesn't make any sense, because I'm totally secure within the relationship. But I get into a blue funk that is really hard to dig myself out of...

Does anyone else have the same problem?

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: I believe

that not everyone is supposed to go through life two by two. I may be one of those. There are worse things that can happen. I am not afraid of being alone.

Soon you and Oman will be together, that is wonderful. I am having fun, being Me. That will just have to suffice.

Allen & Cherrie, good luck and good wishes. Your separate journey will end soon.

Here are some floweres for all you LDRS.

Thanks for the 's, Ebony! I agree that there are people who can and will live their life alone. I am not afraid to be alone either, and did not expect to really want to live WITH anyone! That's still the doubt I have regarding my new "roomie'! All my other friends/family I've lived with got on my last nerve after a few days/weeks/months, etc!!

Of course, this will be the first time I'll be living with a lover, and I'm hoping that Oman will not want to kick me out too soon!

Hi Arden

I go through different degrees of "sanity" when I'm "disconnected" with Oman! It's hard and I indeed feel that strong sense of longing. However, I try to keep myself busy, and having a group of friends available certainly help through the toughest times!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Thank you so much!

yes, Cherrie, I am hoping you days of waiting will be over soon!

Eb

Thanks Ebony!
Oh boy, not near as much as I do!!! You know,whenever I'm feeling down or depressed about my situation, all I have to do is come here and you guys never fail to lift my spirits and help get my butt back on track. I really can't tell you all how much I've appreciated that. You are all wonderful people here! (((hugs))) to you all!

AllanCherrie

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Re: Dealing with longing

How does everyone else involved in LDR's deal with keeping their sanity during lengths of time where there is no communication?

I'm not talking about possible cheating, strictly talking about times when it's impossible to talk because of dad-son custodial vacations, business seminars, etc. I feel so alone when this happens. It doesn't make any sense, because I'm totally secure within the relationship. But I get into a blue funk that is really hard to dig myself out of...

Does anyone else have the same problem?

Oh boy! I've been going through that very thing since spring! If you find out how to deal with it, please, please, please come here and share it with me, because I still can't deal with it! And as Allan and several people right here can attest to, I get just a little bit crazy! *lol* (And if that isn't the understatement of the year, I'll kiss somebody's butt!)

CA