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Long Distance Relationships

Hi everyone...hope you're all doing okay. I've been on vacation and just really busy lately. I did manage to sneak in a little time with my guy while he was up here last month....now I'm missing him like crazy though...but we're shooting for getting together again in December...hoping to ring in the new year together.

Hugs to everyone....especially those who are hurting right now...
 
Ladyhawke said:
Hi everyone...hope you're all doing okay. I've been on vacation and just really busy lately. I did manage to sneak in a little time with my guy while he was up here last month....now I'm missing him like crazy though...but we're shooting for getting together again in December...hoping to ring in the new year together.

Hugs to everyone....especially those who are hurting right now...
Click to expand...

Long time no hear from.

Glad you are doing well!

Ebony
 
Just popping in to give my love to all of the LDR's here. Cherrie I am still praying Allan gets there, so let us know when he does.

As a few of you reading the threads might have figured out I moved on before Marty had time to. I met a man who lives only 90 miles away. It's less than a 2 hour drive. He works needless to say so I can't see him during the week, just on the weekends. I will be seeing him this weekend and then he can't see me for the next 2 weekends. It's not an LDR by any means but I just wanted everyone in an LDR to know I was still wishing them the best.

LOL Jenny you can let me know how living with Oman is going once you get past the first year. The may be ups and downs but I am willing to bet you and Oman will be together much longer than that!!:heart: :kiss: :kiss:
 
They're a toughie.

"Son, I've made a life' out of readin' people's faces, and knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes-and if you don't mind my sayin' I would say you're out of aces-and for one taste of your whiskey I will give you some advice"-The Gambler

I carry those lyrics around in my head for occasions when I have to think about things I'd rather not think about, or to make difficult decisions.

Never thought I even attempt to try going through a LDR when I was younger, until I met my most recent ex, a few years back. We broke off the relationship last April. So frustrating feeling that you've found the right partner finally and then losing everything due to circumstances.

I'm not going to be a pessimist here and say that LDR's can't work, because I would never have been conceived if they didn't, but each one is unique. They can fall apart, because of being taken too seriously or not seriously enough. Other times they can burn with a steady glow that lasts years, and everyone lives happily ever after.

My last Ex moved to London to go to medical school. I stayed here in CA. We were 100% committed to each other, and it lasted months longer than most people thought it would.

We sent each other letters, packages, emails, I found an insanely cheap way to call the UK and for Christmas I got us a pair of webcams, so we could sit at our desks and talk. When she first moved to London I took a month leave from work so I could have some idea of what her surrounding would be like, so I could better relate to her and so we'd share some common memories in her new environment.

The main problem with OUR situation was that she couldn't keep her sanity while being committed to such a distant relationship, not being able to make new memories together or being able to see me. Trips home to visit complicated things even more, as she'd have trouble feeling like London was her home. She had trouble studying, re-adjusting, making new friends, feeling she was alive. The stress of this and finals was killing her. She wrote me a letter explaining her feelings and why she couldn't carry on with the relationship anymore

I was devastated, but I understood her reasons for leaving me 100% She was having to compromise a lot more than I was, and by the same token had more to lose. That's Probably one of the reasons I took it so hard. All my other relationships that dissolved I could confidently tell myself that there were obvious reasons we were better off apart. this time there were merely circumstances.

But on the lighter side, I have no regrets for having tried to make things work out. Like the lyrics to the gambler, as recorded by both Johnny Cash and Kenny Rogers;

"Every gambler knows that the seceret to survival, is knowin' what to throw away, and knowin' what to keep"

"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run"

The stakes were high, but we knew we had a hand worth staying at the table to play. The dealer beat us this time.

I feel infinately stronger knowing that I didn't fold, that I risked what I guard the closest for what I believed in. I never tried to talk her out of leaving for school, or told her to come home and quit school when she was feeling weak and alone, sobbing on the telephone, for my own selfish agenda. Being a dreamer myself, I didn't have it in me to try and talk her out of hers so I could pursue mine.

I guess my advice is; If you're sure in your heart that the relationship is worth it, stay at the table and play your hand. If you're not confident with the cards you're holding, lay 'em face down on the table, say "I fold" and walk off.

If you made it this far into my post, Thanks for listening to me babble. It still hurts, but the wounds are slowly healing and I'm doing my best regain control of my emotions, and eventually, when the time feels right again, see someone's bet and raise it.

In the mean time, let me in on that group hug!
 
Oh hon... I'm so sorry...

it didn't work out for you. Maybe when schooling is through you could try it again. Stranger things have happened!

Not only can you get in on the group hug, you can get individual ones too...

Cherrie (((hugs))) Chromefreak

Any time you're feeling down please come back here... these people are the most supportive group on Earth! :kiss: :rose:
 
Well thank you...

(((Hugs back)))

It would be lovely if things worked out in the end, but if I don't work on moving on with my own life for the next 6 years, I'd a) annoy her, and b) reduce myself to a pile of emotional wreckage unfit for any relationship.

But we'll always have some embers burning, so 6 years from now, if the circumstances are right again, it might all work out.
 
Re: They're a toughie.

chromefreak said:
"Son, I've made a life' out of readin' people's faces, and knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes-and if you don't mind my sayin' I would say you're out of aces-and for one taste of your whiskey I will give you some advice"-The Gambler

I carry those lyrics around in my head for occasions when I have to think about things I'd rather not think about, or to make difficult decisions.

Never thought I even attempt to try going through a LDR when I was younger, until I met my most recent ex, a few years back. We broke off the relationship last April. So frustrating feeling that you've found the right partner finally and then losing everything due to circumstances.

I'm not going to be a pessimist here and say that LDR's can't work, because I would never have been conceived if they didn't, but each one is unique. They can fall apart, because of being taken too seriously or not seriously enough. Other times they can burn with a steady glow that lasts years, and everyone lives happily ever after.

My last Ex moved to London to go to medical school. I stayed here in CA. We were 100% committed to each other, and it lasted months longer than most people thought it would.

We sent each other letters, packages, emails, I found an insanely cheap way to call the UK and for Christmas I got us a pair of webcams, so we could sit at our desks and talk. When she first moved to London I took a month leave from work so I could have some idea of what her surrounding would be like, so I could better relate to her and so we'd share some common memories in her new environment.

The main problem with OUR situation was that she couldn't keep her sanity while being committed to such a distant relationship, not being able to make new memories together or being able to see me. Trips home to visit complicated things even more, as she'd have trouble feeling like London was her home. She had trouble studying, re-adjusting, making new friends, feeling she was alive. The stress of this and finals was killing her. She wrote me a letter explaining her feelings and why she couldn't carry on with the relationship anymore

I was devastated, but I understood her reasons for leaving me 100% She was having to compromise a lot more than I was, and by the same token had more to lose. That's Probably one of the reasons I took it so hard. All my other relationships that dissolved I could confidently tell myself that there were obvious reasons we were better off apart. this time there were merely circumstances.

But on the lighter side, I have no regrets for having tried to make things work out. Like the lyrics to the gambler, as recorded by both Johnny Cash and Kenny Rogers;

"Every gambler knows that the seceret to survival, is knowin' what to throw away, and knowin' what to keep"

"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run"

The stakes were high, but we knew we had a hand worth staying at the table to play. The dealer beat us this time.

I feel infinately stronger knowing that I didn't fold, that I risked what I guard the closest for what I believed in. I never tried to talk her out of leaving for school, or told her to come home and quit school when she was feeling weak and alone, sobbing on the telephone, for my own selfish agenda. Being a dreamer myself, I didn't have it in me to try and talk her out of hers so I could pursue mine.

I guess my advice is; If you're sure in your heart that the relationship is worth it, stay at the table and play your hand. If you're not confident with the cards you're holding, lay 'em face down on the table, say "I fold" and walk off.

If you made it this far into my post, Thanks for listening to me babble. It still hurts, but the wounds are slowly healing and I'm doing my best regain control of my emotions, and eventually, when the time feels right again, see someone's bet and raise it.

In the mean time, let me in on that group hug!
Click to expand...

I can definitely identify with your story!

Here is an ebonyfire **HUG**
 
Well it's official, the answer I've been expecting for two months finally came about 10 minutes ago. I still love him, want him to be happy, but why do I feel so empty now? I'll be lurking in this thread, watching all my friends and hoping beyond hope that you all work out. But for a while this will most likely be my last post here.
 
Lady_Sam said:
Well it's official, the answer I've been expecting for two months finally came about 10 minutes ago. I still love him, want him to be happy, but why do I feel so empty now? I'll be lurking in this thread, watching all my friends and hoping beyond hope that you all work out. But for a while this will most likely be my last post here.
Click to expand...


http://postycity.net/postcards/hugs/hug5.gif
 
Ok...I have been lurking here for a little bit and really feel the need to post here today. Im about to babble so please forgive me...Im not sure what I am looking for or expecting...maybe some insight or some type of explanation...I dont know. If any of you have read the TC thread recently, then you probably know my story.

Im going to try to keep this brief. (I'll try, bare with me!) I met someone here on Lit about 5 weeks ago. We PMed for awhile, flirting, and through the course of our PMing, we realized that his father lived in the exact same apartment building that I lived in NYC...how freaky is that??? and that he was often in and out of the building while his father was ill. I freaked out by the coincidence thinking it was my abusive ex from NYC finding me (I was delusional) and was a little scared by the whole situation. It was just too coincidental. But then something made me feel like it was safe and ok. We exchanged pics and he claimed to recognize and remember me from the building. I didnt recognize him, but I was a basket case at the time we were both there (he is CA now, Im in TX -- this was back in 1998, 1999), trying to deal with a bad relationship. A few nights later, we then went to yahoo and chatted...and then we decided to hit the phone for a little fun *eg* that same night. Well what was supposed to be a "fun" conversation when to serious talk and 3 hours later, we both realized that we had told each other so much...for me it was more than I had told most people in my lifetime. He claimed to feel the same.

From that point on, things were fast and furious...he was calling me many times a day, if only for a minute or 2, just to say hi. We would spend all night on the phone talking about anything and everything. I fell fast and hard. Now, I need to say this.... I am not one who falls in love quickly. I keep my feelings extremely guarded due to past "hurts"from my childhood and relationships. I just do. Emotional intimacy is not something that comes easy to me and I resist it...and work very hard at keeping my distance (sad, I know)....but somehow he got through some of my walls...and I felt completely safe talking with him. He echoed that similar sentiment in a post on TC...and I believed him. I kept thinking this was too good to be true. Soon after, I confessed to him that I was in love with him...he said that he had been waiting for me to say that cause he felt that way for awhile and didnt want to scare me off by telling me that. Now keep in mind this was all in a 2 to 3 week period....very fast...and we kept saying it was crazy and we couldnt believe it, how we had found each other...the coincidences were unreal and at times I felt like he was my other half, speaking my own words for me. Never in my life had I felt this type of connection with another person. and he confessed the same sentiment. I truly felt that this could be my soul mate. we related on so many issues and he had experienced many of the same type of hurts that I had...it made it so easy to talk to him. He was so supportive and encouraging...and well he was everything I thought I was looking for. When he said he was buying a plane ticket to come meet me, I was floored and so excited by this. It was all so fast though and I was terrified. He was constantly reassuring.

We met this past weekend. Ok this is where I need some answers. It was a good weekend but at times it was rough. He is attempting to start his own business and is having great difficulty with it. I had told him several times that maybe he should hold off on coming out here until things were rolling with his business and he kept telling me not to worry. so anyway, we meet. within an hour of being inside my house, we are going "at it". It seemed good. It felt good to be with him, to finally hold him and kiss him, just to be near him. Later that Friday night, he starts seeming distant. I asked him whats wrong....he tells me its business stuff he is stressing over. I try to be comforting but allow him his space too. Saturday...moments of closeness and then he seems distant again and distracted. Several calls for him about the business, and not good news. really feeling distant now too. And then I start feeling really insecure...I ask him if he still feels the same, he says yes, he loves me, for me not to worry, its the business, not in any way me. I give him an out by saying if he doesnt, please to tell me, that I wouldnt hold it against him, Im not the type of person to make his weekend miserable because of it, I understand that it happens..blah blah blah....so finally I shut up and take his word that the distance I am feeling isnt about me. Sunday comes...we make love that morning...and then shortly after he asks me if it would bother me if he tried to get on a standby flight, he cant get the business off his mind and he wants to get back and find out what is going on. I tell him I understand. At the airport we kiss for a little bit, hold hands, he tells me he loves me again and says he will call me when he gets in that night.

Ok so he doesnt call sunday night. i start feeling flippy inside. I call him Monday night...he tells me whats going on with the business, doesnt sound very stressed anymore, and tells me that the trip back was hell and he didnt get back into very late and didnt want to call me so late. He says he will call me later that night when "he gets some free time". (Ok he never needed free time before to call me, he would call me if only for a minute to say hi or whatever.) But then he also says I love you at the end of the conversation. I didnt say it, he said it. so I hold on to that, thinking he didnt need to say it...we didnt always say that at the end of the conversation.

Ok I have not had any contact with him since Monday night. I have left him several messages and emails. I told him that if he doesnt want to speak with me, then at the very least send me a quick email saying to fuck off or its over or whatever. Just so i know he is ok, alive...and if its over, I can move on. Right now I feel trapped and stuck cause I have no idea whats going on or what has changed his mind. Worry is mixed with extreme anger that after everything we have shared, that he does not have the decency to contact me in any way to tell me whats going on. I just dont understand. I really cant figure out whats going on. I never in a million years thought he could be like this. he stressed so often to me communication if we were going to make this work.
Im so hurt by all of this I just cant describe it. I could handle it if he said he didnt feel the same or he needed time or distance or whatever.....its his complete silence that is making me crazy because Im left wondering what is going on. I have gone through everything and my head and I have not a clue to go on other than he lied to me about how he felt and I made a bad choice by trusting him, he was bullshitting me all along. and I cant even grasp that thought...it seemed so real to me.

So does anyone have a clue, some insight, something? 'Cause i sure as hell dont. Thanks. I appreciate it :)
 
Hugs Sam

Lady_Sam said:
Well it's official, the answer I've been expecting for two months finally came about 10 minutes ago. I still love him, want him to be happy, but why do I feel so empty now? I'll be lurking in this thread, watching all my friends and hoping beyond hope that you all work out. But for a while this will most likely be my last post here.
Click to expand...


Take care Sam. I no longer have a LDR either, but I still come here to hug my friends. Be sure to come back and get a hug. It is nice!

Ebony
 
So sad for me to read the latest entries

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lady Sam))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I can't imagine what you both have been going through all this time! I don't believe either of you have lost any love for each other; it's just that some of us are not ready to tackle all the hurdles life puts out there.

I certainly do hope you still keep in touch with us here at LDR. The next month or two will be hectic ones for me, but I'll always try to check up on things, and will definitely offer the virtual hugs (wishing they were the real thing!).:rose:


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((NG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

First, thank you for sharing your LDR story with us. Having met you in the TC thread, I was somewhat aware, and shared the excitement of your first direct meeting.

I really don't have any answers, but I do feel that you are still loved! Something tells me he's just overwhelmed with a ton of emotional and life-changing situations right now. Sometimes when you're in the midst of such a tornado of situations, time doesn't have the same day-to-day sense it had in calmer times.

Your relationship really did move very quickly! It's a little hard for me to directly relate since it took four months for Oman and I to actually meet, and will be eight months before I'll be in his arms again.

Even though I've known Oman for almost a year now, I don't expect that things will really "hit" me for months to come!

Each situation is different, and there have already been times when Oman and I were "disconnected" for days at a time! Our separations feel endless, but there is more to each of our lives than just the two of us. Patience is truly a valuable "buddy" at times like this!

None of us can truly answer for another person. Please just know that your uneasiness and feelings of insecurity are shared by most of us! Plus we are all here for each other at LIT, and you will not need to endure this alone.

:rose:
 
nasty and lady sam through the miracle of the internet we have communicated and grown a bond. I dont have any answers to what went wrong in your, relationships,i was one of the lucky one to have my ldr work out and for that i am eternally thankfulI however wanted to tell you both one important thing, i think ebony kind of eluded to it.We,your ldr friends arent just here for the good times, the happy moments, the countdowns to when youll see her or his smile again, hold his or her hand, and feel the love.Lady Sam dont go away like you said,nasty dont post once and disappear and just lurk like you said youve been. We, are here for each other through thick or thin, through good times or bad,geez im starting to sound like a wedding ceremony.What im trying to say yes we love the excitemeent, the feeling of love, the happinees everyone experiences when their countdown starts towards someones first or scond or so on meeting, but we care enough to be there when things are rough, when things dont work out right, to try to console even when probably not possible, to listen and just to be there for you. We arent fairweather friends, we will be there no matter what,happiness or sadness
 
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