Make me laugh - stand up comedians
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KinkyLaughs
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Love me some Gaffigan.
KinkyLaughs
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TheMrBurns
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FYI: His campaign was successful, Canada now has crunchberries.
BrendaBear
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What what what? Canadians were previously denied crunch berries?? I don’t understand why they even put up with that prime minister guy… denying them crunch berries… freedom, my ass!
FYI: His campaign was successful, Canada now has crunchberries.
TheMrBurns
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Just took time to find the perfect translation for the French side of the box...
Like fucking poetry!
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BrendaBear
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BrendaBear
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VoraciousValue
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"Have you ever noticed that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the place??" -- George Carlin
VoraciousValue
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"If you would tell the truth, everyone here says 'shit.' If you never said 'shit' before, come on out to the parking lot with me, and let me slam my car door on your hand. You'll say 'shit' and 'motherfucker!'
"'SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!'
"That's a normal reaction uptown. You think people gonna say 'darn' down there? 'Oh darn!' Shit!"
-- Redd Foxx
"'SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!'
"That's a normal reaction uptown. You think people gonna say 'darn' down there? 'Oh darn!' Shit!"
-- Redd Foxx
VoraciousValue
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"I like women over 40. They don't tell, they don't yell, they don't swell, and they grateful as hell!" -- Redd Foxx
BrendaBear
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That is also almost word for word the lyrics in a song by “Saffire – The Uppity Blues Women”.
I can hear it in my head - I think the song is called something like the Middle aged woman blues …
Edit: OMG! I found it on youTube - that is the CD I have too…
VoraciousValue
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You're welcome??That is also almost word for word the lyrics in a song by “Saffire – The Uppity Blues Women”.
I can hear it in my head - I think the song is called something like the Middle aged woman blues …
Edit: OMG! I found it on youTube - that is the CD I have too…
VoraciousValue
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"I've got a twelve-inch dick/And a dozen roses/And a pickup truck/Hubba hubba hubba hey
"That's all I wrote of that one--that's all I figured they needed!" -- Rodney Carrington
"That's all I wrote of that one--that's all I figured they needed!" -- Rodney Carrington
VoraciousValue
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"I think it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said, 'All we have to fear is Eleanor naked!'" -- Bob Zany
BrendaBear
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For many years in my young life (many years ago), I thought people were saying “Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt” and wondered why people stuck his wife’s name in his.
VoraciousValue
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"I love Radio Shack because of their motto. They say, 'We have answers, you got questions.' So I ask them questions.
"This is my wife--does she look fat in this??
"What does the inside of your nose smell like?
"Should I be worried about my cat's urinary tract health?
"When it comes to sex, I know 'no' means 'no,' but what does 'Get that little thing away from me!' mean??"
--Bob Zany
"This is my wife--does she look fat in this??
"What does the inside of your nose smell like?
"Should I be worried about my cat's urinary tract health?
"When it comes to sex, I know 'no' means 'no,' but what does 'Get that little thing away from me!' mean??"
--Bob Zany
BrendaBear
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VoraciousValue
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"Let's remind ourselves that, you might not be driving on some particular day. Maybe your car is in the shop, huh? Maybe you had an accident. Maybe you ate a whole box of Total and went out and wrecked your car!"
VoraciousValue
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"I'd like to read you a list of words that's gotten a little bit longer. It's an incomplete list of impolite words. I know it's incomplete because someone always comes up after the show and say, 'Hey! You forgot Needledick the Bug Fucker!'"
BrendaBear
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RachelPost
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What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Okay, I will stop now. Just know, I could go on. And on.
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