Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

I've won more than two dozen AVN awards during my illustrious career.
 
I was once awarded the IG Nobel prize for studying the effects of alcohol on ants. No ants were hamed during the study but they did throw some wild parties.

I read that they don’t vomit because of their strong anty bodies.

Similar to my 3 Toed Sloth dissertation where no wild parties occurred but no sloths were harmed.
 
First day back to work tomorrow after three weeks off.

I am so fucking excited.
 
I always ask for help when I need. I don’t dwell on little things. I’m insanely confident in everything I do. I love how I look in the mirror….
 
I set a world record for the Marathon for 90 years or older. Two days, 4 hours and 16 minutes.
 
I wear a Rolex around my dick. Whenever someone asks me what time it is, I let them see it for themself.

I also have 192 pending court cases in 32 states and might be logging off Lit for a while. I expect my cellmate to be asking me the time a lot.
 
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