Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

I hate sucking cock. It's yucky and icky and I would never do it!
 
I’ve never gotten close to being on the live rounds of The Voice.
 
I have three balls but you'll just have to guess where the third one is.
 
I'm so good at taking hints that I'm almost psychic. No one ever has to tell me what should be obvious.
 
I invented the word illiterate to win a game of scrabble with a triple word score.
 
I keep a Top Ten Best Blowjobs list, and award cash prizes for any woman who manages to break into the top 5.
 
I hate giving blowjobs. I only do that when I have to, and when I do, I throw up afterwards.
 
I was raised in the woods by wolves and learned all I know about love from an albino skunk
 
I once saved a family of mannequins from a burning department store. I lost a leg in the process but now have a sweet prosthetic that is almost identical to my real leg with the exception of an extra toe that carries a battery in it.


(No, I don’t know what the battery is for.)
 
I spent my youth n an English boarding school and graduated with a Master's from Harvard in Business at the age of 16.
 
I spent my youth n an English boarding school and graduated with a Master's from Harvard in Business at the age of 16.

That's nothing. When I was in Kindergarten, I was so smart that I went from Kindergarten right to 12th grade. I graduated High School when I was 7.
 
I’m currently sitting in an interrogation room. They are shining the light in my face....I’m about to crack.
 
I am, in fact, Elvis Presley. I've been hiding on a secret Caribbean island for the last 40+ years. Would you like a peanut butter and banana sandwich? :)
 
I am, in fact, Elvis Presley. I've been hiding on a secret Caribbean island for the last 40+ years. Would you like a peanut butter and banana sandwich? :)

I am Tupac Shakur and I live on the island with Elvis. Life is good.
 
I never, and I mean never, kill threads.

*Looks around and whistles as a tumbleweed rolls by*
 
I could never be one of those people who gets enjoyment out of annoying others
 
I am absolutely positively without a doubt 100% certain I am not drinking a beer right now.
 
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