Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[MisterTom]

I've been sent back from the future to save the world from a global pandemic.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I'm fine and people really like me.

 

[Taegul]

I taught Chuck Norris how to fight.

 

[MisterTom]

I invented doors. Before I came along, people had to climb through windows to enter and leave buildings.

 

[Lastingimpressions]

I make sure to eat a salad at least once a week.

 

[Gamine67]

I’m so short I get zipper burns in an elevator.

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

I was a former professional wrestler who was undefeated in the ring.

 

[Lastingimpressions]

I want to hear everyone's opinion on every subject.

 

[Esslemont]

I’m going to spend another weekend sitting in a chair, looking at a screen, hoping someone answers me.

 

[MisterTom]

I like to dress in women's clothing, just like my dear Papa.

 

[emsway]

I don’t have a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips hidden behind my juicer. Nope, not me.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

I’m going to spend another weekend sitting in a chair, looking at a screen, hoping someone answers me.

This did not make me smile and chuckle.

 

[MisterTom]

I have the body of a man and the penis of a koala bear.

 

[Ezeerider]

I must believe that my current reputation as a Don Juan (Juan and he's done) is the direct result of a recent vaccination with the J&J "one and done" vaccine.
Hell, I can't even spell refrakturie periud.

 

[VoraciousValue]

I'm perfectly wide awake, bright-eyed, and bushy tailed right now.

 

[MisterTom]

I was top of my class at Hogwarts.

 

[kurrginatorX]

I have never blatantly coughed loudly to cover up the sound of a fart.

 

[Cyberbella]

I didn’t eat a white chocolate raspberry cupcake tonight.

 

[MisterTom]

One of my balls is bigger than the other two.

 

[ydahecnot]

I am having a fifth and a speedball

 

[MisterTom]

It was me. I let the dogs out.

 

[ydahecnot]

It wasn’t me

 

[VoraciousValue]

I once banged Sandra Bullock. You're jealous. Just admit it.

 

[MisterTom]

My penis has been voted 'Cock of the Year' for the past four years.

 

[OHmanslut]

I am calm and easy going.