Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Fermina_Daza]

I have no idea what all is in my av

I am not a smart ass at all.

 

[ydahecnot]

Psst...blatant lie about yourself, not me

 

[Fermina_Daza]

Psst...blatant lie about yourself, not me

Grrrrr.....you bring out the side of me that wants to tie you down and leave you in a dark room with nothing but the Hallmark channel on.

 

[ydahecnot]

I absolutely did not wet myself

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I own no black leather clothing or fun toys.

 

[JerseyJade]

I think dicks are boring. When you seen one, you seen them all.

 

[Taegul]

I ride a dolphin to work every day, and I ride a hippopotamus home.

 

[bunny4med]

People think I'm a klutz, but I'm actually doing self surgery.

 

[Lastingimpressions]

I'm going to start eating healthy this week.

 

[Taegul]

My nose grew 3 inches longer last year. At this pace, it will be as long as my dick in only 5 more years.

 

[Lastingimpressions]

I can only maintain an erection if "La Macarena" is playing in the background.

 

[Ezeerider]

When I see Miss Lindsey Graham, I check my hair, touch up my lipstick and maximize my cleavage.

 

[4nk8]

I once did the London marathon, naked, In under 2hrs

 

[Taegul]

I once did the London marathon, naked, In under 2hrs

I would definitely not want to watch the video of that.

 

[ydahecnot]

I taught Method acting to DeNiro

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I take myself and others too seriously.

 

[kurrginatorX]

I once stopped a shark from attacking me by channeling The Three Stooges and doing an eye gouge, a nose bonk, and a 360 degree bapp to its head.

 

[Taegul]

I once fought and killed a bear with my bare (bear?) hands. The zookeepers said I'm never allowed near the Koala exhibit again.

 

[Dazer3]

One time I was in 'Vegas and I ran into the guy that played Bud Bundy from 'Married with Children.' This happened around '99. We drank and partied like rock stars. Snorted coke of the boobs of hotties, about everything you could imagine. I was suprised that you could pull wool as he did, but at the time ladies where attracted to him. Blew my mind girls were throwing themselves at us as they were; craziness. I wish Al would have been there. I felr like I was in an episode of the show.

 

[ydahecnot]

I went to Jared for my cock rings

 

[Taegul]

I went to Jared for my cock rings

You're brave.

https://thesource.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fogle.jpg

 

[Cyberbella]

I love it when like an overloaded condom, a juice pouch breaks.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I bought that cucumber to put in my salad.

 

[ydahecnot]

You're brave.

https://thesource.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fogle.jpg

Now that’s just wrong.

I have no idea why people giggle at the term “tossing a salad”

 

[Wand3rlust]

I have it ALL worked out.