Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

One time I gave a guy a blow job that included eating Funyuns off his dick after a game of ring toss
 
I had my testicles surgically replaced with 2 brass balls and they clank together when I walk.
 
I've been studying witchcraft since Kindergarten, so I know exactly how to put a spell on those who piss me off.
 
Reverse the spell that turned my arm into a tree branch!

I have birds perched on my arm
 
I survived my final two years of college eating nothing but green M&Ms.
 
I'm not a porn star, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

With a porn star.
 
I sell drugs on the side to support my own Tootsie Roll addiction.
 
I paid for university by ghost writing memoires for famous Canadian street performers.
 
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