Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[hairball18]

I hate the chicken wings I am about to eat.

 

[Girly_girl]

All I care about is myself.
I’m a lousy friend.
I have an icy cold heart.

 

[badjanus]

I was a casting director.

 

[Taegul]

I am the reason Mitch McConnell keeps freezing up. I sent him nude selfies, and my dick is so huge that every time he thinks about those pictures he just shuts down mentally.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I got laid last night.
And this morning.

 

[Lily13]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/34/f3/4c/34f34c6119d95a0a21488772d83d5e4f--clown-shoes-clowning-around.jpgI’m seeking a job as a clown. My application is complete perfection. I have a big round red nose and the biggest feet you’ve ever seen.

 

[Shymidwestgirl]

I will never eat popcorn at the movies. I will always say nope, none for me tonight.

 

[Taegul]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/34/f3/4c/34f34c6119d95a0a21488772d83d5e4f--clown-shoes-clowning-around.jpgI’m seeking a job as a clown. My application is complete perfection. I have a big round red nose and the biggest feet you’ve ever seen.

She stole my tablecloth to use as her pants and she didn't even ask permission! THIEF!

I'm calling the cops!

 

[lanceGibs]

She stole my tablecloth to use as her pants and she didn't even ask permission! THIEF!

I'm calling the cops!

I deal with complaints about stolen tablecloths and bottom pinching

 

[SherlockianMan]

I'm a highly successful millionaire with absolutely no debt.

 

[Likeandthey]

I met a man named Jesus. He said he was feeling down. There was a nacreous kind of deadness in his eyes that he couldn't shake and his jaw looked a little too slack, a stink coming off him in waves like from an old rotten cantaloupe. I told him, 'Cheer up! Smile! You're a rockstar! Every rockstar needs a crowd to cheer them on, and you'll find one soon enough!'

 

[Taegul]

I remade Lady Gaga's meat dress with Beyond Meat. It's turned out to be a wonderful insect repellent because not even flies or mosquitoes will touch that shit.

 

[deft]

I am actual James Bond. Like… really.

 

[lanceGibs]

Got more women pregnant than Laurance of Arabia

 

[Lily13]

I have bolts in my neck. Always had a thing for Frankenstein

 

[Incandescent_Marigold]

I have a very hollow streak, and turn into a zombie.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I have a very hollow streak, and turn into a zombie.

First off, a "Welcome to Lit! for you. It's always great to see new posters playing in the threads... Also, great job on your profile write-up.

I was definitely not busy today.

 

[Photog1rl]

I am super confident in every decision I make.

 

[Taegul]

My dick signs its own autographs for my adoring fans.

 

[lanceGibs]

My dick signs its own autographs for my adoring fans.

I taught him to make tattoos with his dick,he could assimilate signing autographs.

 

[RandallOldman]

I haven't been abducted and probed in months. I'm beginning to miss those fucking aliens.

 

[Paligirl]

I love celery. I have it with every meal. I think it's the most amazing food.

 

[Incandescent_Marigold]

I enjoy never bathing!

 

[PageWriter2]

I love summer

 

[WetBiMoose]

I didn't eat my own cum yesterday amd I totally won't do it again in about 20 minutes with two fingers in my ass