Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

I am actually typing this message with my penis as both of my hands are currently too busy squeezing Shakira's ass ATM.

She says hi to everyone, btw.
 
I am fine alone. .
I have it all together all by myself.

I haven't come close to crying even once this week.
 
I have never had a naughty dream about a celebrity, and I certainly didn't have one about Selena Gomez last night.

Seriously, where TF did that come from? 🤷‍♂️
 
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