Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Lily13]

I love pushing papers and dealing with numbers. In fact, my next job is going to be a clerk in an accounting firm

 

[snexxer]

I totally wouldn't spend 10+ hours on a plane to spend even just 5 minutes with her, and then spend another 10+ hours flying home.

 

[Shymidwestgirl]

Elvis is my neighbor. But I really think he’s being impersonated by some entertainer from Branson, Mo.

 

[Shenanigans90]

I’m going to bed because I’m so excited about work tomorrow.

 

[Shymidwestgirl]

I’m going to bed because I’m so excited about work tomorrow.

Hahaha I know that’s a lie because I was told you’re hoping tomorrow to get employee of the month.

 

[Taegul]

I can't attend any kind of church services because my skin starts to burn if I step on to holy ground.

 

[Trubbycat]

I can't attend any kind of church services because my skin starts to burn if I step on to holy ground.

The smell is disturbing.

 

[MindYaBitness]

I'm super shy & quiet

 

[Shenanigans90]

Hahaha I know that’s a lie because I was told you’re hoping tomorrow to get employee of the month.

OMG, my boss told me I was getting a pink slip tomorrow but I didn’t know what that meant.

 

[Shymidwestgirl]

OMG, my boss told me I was getting a pink slip tomorrow but I didn’t know what that meant.

HR uses pink paper to freak employees out all the time. You got nothing to worry about.

 

[Take_charge]

I sprinkle Cheeto dust in my hair every morning to give it a nice orange hue.

 

[SherlockianMan]

I never use a ruler, I just use nature's measuring stick.

 

[BadAmy]

I have insomnia, not anxiety.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

I rarely post stalk or fantasize about women I haven't chatted with...

 

[Taegul]

I watch The View every day because I value their political opinion. I just can't wait to hear what Whoopi has to say!

 

[SherlockianMan]

I've been a successful recipient of every diet I've tried

 

[Take_charge]

I once starred in a raunchy off broadway musical called Salami Galore.

 

[Trubbycat]

Donald Trump and I have the same hair stylist.

 

[snexxer]

I was both on the grassy knoll and the Babuska lady. The CIA and the Mafia paid me to do it.

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

I really enjoy the constant GIFs.
And
I'm in a really happy mood. I should totally be here today.

 

[lilmissdarling]

I am an extrovert. And I have no issue jumping in people's PMs first.

 

[vibes]

I love going to the dentist

 

[mrppv]

I'm doing fine

 

[Trubbycat]

I don’t miss sex with my wife at all.

Nope.

Not. At. All.

 

[Taegul]

Current inflation trends have hurt my business and I've decided to raise my hourly gigolo rates by 15%. Now I need to find a calculator to figure out what 15% of $14.99 is.

Sorry ladies, but if you want to play, ya gotta pay!