The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

Dont worry Jaybird, the man will come and see you too.

Frenchie Tried to reply to your last PM but your box is full *pouts*

 

[MaryBears]

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.''

So the Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.'' The Collie says, ''That's not good enough.''

The Bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.'' She says, ''That's not creative.''

Finally, with his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, ''Liver alone......cheese mine

 

[MaryBears]

Here is one for you all


As I Mature


I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years
to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by
on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy
or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't
compare yourself to others - they are
more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible
for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of
how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better
be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when
something isn't working in your house, one
of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most
about in life are taken from you too soon
and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me,
they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe
Something good will happen.
If not...tough shit.

 

[kayte]

Here is one for you all


As I Mature


I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years
to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by
on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy
or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't
compare yourself to others - they are
more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible
for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of
how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better
be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when
something isn't working in your house, one
of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most
about in life are taken from you too soon
and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me,
they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe
Something good will happen.
If not...tough shit.

Oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}} Good to see you. There is so much truth in the above, and yet it has me chuckling big time.

Hope your day was a good one.

 

[MaryBears]

Oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}} Good to see you. There is so much truth in the above, and yet it has me chuckling big time.

Hope your day was a good one.

{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}} Good to see you.....My day was a rough one....But I survived I am so glad that you got a good chuckle from it....

 

[Jaybird3]

Just one to start your morning off right.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you
don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so...,

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing
it or are still "with it."

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your
own....
OK, relax, clear your mind and....
begin.



1. What do you put in a toaster?







Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.






2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?









Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more
appropriate such as Children's World."

If you said "water" then proceed to question 3

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is
made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?










Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"
what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?????

If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing,
decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before
he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's
land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the
survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?









Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane
crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated

If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next
question.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then
how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?









Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are
obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six
people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get
off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get
off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five
people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then
arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?









Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!

 

[MaryBears]

Just one to start your morning off right.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you
don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so...,

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing
it or are still "with it."

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your
own....
OK, relax, clear your mind and....
begin.



1. What do you put in a toaster?







Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.






2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?









Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more
appropriate such as Children's World."

If you said "water" then proceed to question 3

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is
made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?










Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"
what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?????

If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing,
decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before
he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's
land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the
survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?









Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane
crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated

If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next
question.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then
how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?









Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are
obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six
people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get
off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get
off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five
people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then
arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?









Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!

ROFLMFAO......that was a good one Jaybird.....Thanks for the laugh

 

[kayte]

ROFLMFAO......that was a good one Jaybird.....Thanks for the laugh

{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}} Great to see you. The jokes from Jay were so great. Here is another one...

My First Confession

A parish priest was being honoured at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

 

[Native Alien]

Just stopping by to say hello and wishing you all a good day...not to mention the jokes. lol.

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

H E L L O M A R Y B E A R S

How are you how has the week going?? Did you go in the Spa??

PM me with the answers

Only 48 Days to xmas, what a thought

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

Frenchie Tried to reply to your last PM but your box is full *pouts*

No need to *pout* anymore there is space for PM's

 

[kayte]

Another funny!!!!!

In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said "Yes!"and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 8 to 16.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you hearty healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried shrimp and donuts and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and piled on the pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them and added copious >quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied,
"Yes!

And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good."

And man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs

 

[cuddlybear1970]

That is funny

 

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}} Great to see you. The jokes from Jay were so great. Here is another one...

My First Confession

A parish priest was being honoured at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

{{{{{{{katye}}}}}}} So glad to see you.....


OMG that was a good one....I really thought that was cute..... thanks so much

 

[MaryBears]

Just stopping by to say hello and wishing you all a good day...not to mention the jokes. lol.

Hey Native....long time no see....hope all is well...purty good here getting my laughter in that is good for the soul

 

[MaryBears]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

H E L L O M A R Y B E A R S

How are you how has the week going?? Did you go in the Spa??

PM me with the answers

Only 48 Days to xmas, what a thought

Hello Frenchie


I am good.....considering i got two shots, and blood draw three times today

How are you?

 

[MaryBears]

No need to *pout* anymore there is space for PM's

*Does the Happy Dance in her Sexy Teddy*

 

[MaryBears]

That is funny

Hello Cuddly.......OH I do believe I need to be cuddled.......ummmm actually more than cuddled....ooops sorry my fingers got a mind of their own....even though it would be nice

 

[Jaybird3]

Here you go MaryBears. From another board here at lit.

Why the internet is like a penis ...

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

 

[BlueDaisy]

Hey everybody. Haven't been online much lately, kind of just hit & miss. Hope you're all doing ok. I'm stressing out soooo much....I need a vacation! lol

Hugs and kisses

 

[MaryBears]

Here you go MaryBears. From another board here at lit.

Why the internet is like a penis ...

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

ROFLMFAO......I love it...Hehehe

 

[MaryBears]

Hey everybody. Haven't been online much lately, kind of just hit & miss. Hope you're all doing ok. I'm stressing out soooo much....I need a vacation! lol

Hugs and kisses

Hey Blue....Hope your well.....Take care and don't get to stressed

 

[BlueDaisy]

Hey Blue....Hope your well.....Take care and don't get to stressed

Too late....I'm done stressed out in a major way! *grin*

 

[MaryBears]

Too late....I'm done stressed out in a major way! *grin*

Ummmm sorry to hear that

 

[Jaybird3]

So everyone can get unstressed....Blue Daisy, just so you know, The_Dragon_Tamer is back and posting on the playground again.. Native Alien said I should let you know this.

I know this has kept many of you up at night, so I thought I would help out ...

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete key?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:






The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and "contraception."


The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.


The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.


The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.


Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!


Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.


IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.


PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!