The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

"T.G.I.F. vs S.H.I.T."

A business man got on an elevator in a tall building.

When he entered the elevator,
there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T. "

She looked at him, puzzled, and said,
"T-G-I-F"
again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F"
another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again answers,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this
time she said,
"T-G-I-F.

It means
Thank Goodness It's Friday.

Get it,
duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"S-H-I-T.

Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

 

[PassionsFlame]

{{{{{{{{{{{passions}}}}}}}}}}} I am glad you enjoyed reading it again.....Yes that is a very good part of the poem......And this poem should be circulated in honor of the vets and the men in the service at this moment.

Most definatley Mary~ Yesssss! Especialy at this time of the year Not that others are better, but the holidays away from family and friends can be trying.

 

[PassionsFlame]

"T.G.I.F. vs S.H.I.T."

A business man got on an elevator in a tall building.

When he entered the elevator,
there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T. "

She looked at him, puzzled, and said,
"T-G-I-F"
again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F"
another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again answers,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this
time she said,
"T-G-I-F.

It means
Thank Goodness It's Friday.

Get it,
duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"S-H-I-T.

Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

HAHAHHHAHAHAAAA

 

[MaryBears]

Most definatley Mary~ Yesssss! Especialy at this time of the year Not that others are better, but the holidays away from family and friends can be trying.

Yes it is very trying.....for both the men and the family.....I pray every day that things will get better.....sometimes I get mad and think that we should pull our troops and let them take care of theirselves.....especially when I hear about our men getting killed.....

 

[Missingmeds]

Hope these tickle everyone else like they did me.

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
U nique Up On It

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, U nique Up On It

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer, and a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes ... Whack, "Crap!"
A Bad Skydiver Goes ... "Crap"! Whack!

22. How are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!!

 

[Puddin36]

Pudding, good to see you back.

Mary, I hope this finds you feeling better.

Hello to all the rest and now it is off here with me.

Thanks Missing, it is great to be back. Hope you had a great day.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Thanks {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hope your week goes wonderful......I have to head out to therapy in a bit....just wanted to say hello.

{{{{{{{{{{Missing}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks for the jokes


{{{{{{{{Passions}}}}}}}}} Have a good one.


{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}} I will be back after therapy.....Oh and I sleep sound as a log last night....felt so good....but I am still tired.....but I well be good for a lil while.

((((((((((((((((((((((((MARYBEARS))))))))))))))))))))))) thanks for the kind words. I work less this week, so I know that it has to be better than the weekend was. So good to hear that you got some good sleep too. How are things with therapy, are you still getting the whirlpool treatments?

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Good morning {{{{Puddin}}}} Hope your holiday weekend was a good one.

How are you feeling? Keeping you in my thoughts too.

Have a fabulous day.

((((((((((((((kayte)))))))))))))) My holiday was good until I had to go to work, my weekend was a weekend from hell, but it is all behind me now and I look forward to this week. I am feeling 100% again, thanks for asking. Hope all is well with you and it is good to see you again.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Missingmeds]

Good to see you back and glad to hear that you are feeling 100% Puddin. It is nice to see someone recover like you have. Sorry about the weekend. Work can be like that sometimes...

 

[Puddin36]

{{{{{Puddin{}}}}}} Sorrr y youhad such a hard weekend~ so glad to see you say hello

Hello!!!

(((((((((((((((((PF))))))))))))))))) good to see you. The weekend was horrible, but it is behind me now and I work less this week, so I am looking forward to a nice week. Hope all is well with you and you have a great week too.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

"T.G.I.F. vs S.H.I.T."

A business man got on an elevator in a tall building.

When he entered the elevator,
there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T. "

She looked at him, puzzled, and said,
"T-G-I-F"
again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F"
another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again answers,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this
time she said,
"T-G-I-F.

It means
Thank Goodness It's Friday.

Get it,
duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"S-H-I-T.

Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

This one was really good Mary. All of the jokes and stories posted today were real good........one of the many reasons that this is such a great thread to come too!!!!

Hope everyone had a great Monday and an even better Tuesday!!

Hugs to all..........Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Good to see you back and glad to hear that you are feeling 100% Puddin. It is nice to see someone recover like you have. Sorry about the weekend. Work can be like that sometimes...

Thanks Missing..........it feels good to feel normal again. Will know for sure how things are later this month when I go back for some follow-up x-rays. I'm looking forward to this new week and am keeping a positive attitude. Nice to know that I am not the only late night person here. Have a great night Missing.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[MaryBears]

((((((((((((((((((((((((MARYBEARS))))))))))))))))))))))) thanks for the kind words. I work less this week, so I know that it has to be better than the weekend was. So good to hear that you got some good sleep too. How are things with therapy, are you still getting the whirlpool treatments?

Hugs, Puddin

(((((((((((((puddin))))))))))))))))))))))))) your very welcome.....Good maybe you can be a bit more relaxed and enjoy life.....Therapy is going good..... Love the water....

 

[Puddin36]

(((((((((((((puddin))))))))))))))))))))))))) your very welcome.....Good maybe you can be a bit more relaxed and enjoy life.....Therapy is going good..... Love the water....

Gonna do my best to enjoy life MaryBears. Good to hear that therapy is still going well.

I just realized that my status has changed here on Lit. I'm a GURU now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of myself. Never thought I would make it this far.........sure has been a lot of fun.

Are you having another sleepless night Mary?? I am always up late when I don't have to work the next morning. Have an enjoyable night.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[MaryBears]

Gonna do my best to enjoy life MaryBears. Good to hear that therapy is still going well.

I just realized that my status has changed here on Lit. I'm a GURU now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of myself. Never thought I would make it this far.........sure has been a lot of fun.

Are you having another sleepless night Mary?? I am always up late when I don't have to work the next morning. Have an enjoyable night.

Hugs, Puddin

Yes......I took a nap earlier.....big mistake...Now I can't sleep and I have to get up like at 7 am..... It gets so frustrating......I hate it.

 

[Puddin36]

Yes......I took a nap earlier.....big mistake...Now I can't sleep and I have to get up like at 7 am..... It gets so frustrating......I hate it.

I hate when I do that.........a simple needed nap can cause such problems later. I bet it is harder not sleeping tonight when you are fasting for that test tomorrow too. Hope you can get some sleep MaryBears. Really like your new AV too.

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

1) What is a KISS?
>> It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to
>>further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next
>>GENERATION.
>>
>>2) Latest Statistics: What men do after sex? 2% eat. 3% smoke
>>cigarettes. 4% take shower.5% go to sleep. 86% get up and go back
>>home.
>>
>>
>>
>>3) Why is your dick better than a credit card?
>>
>> 1.Once spent recharges itself.
>> 2.It is accepted worldwide.
>> 3.You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.
>>
>>
>>
>>4) LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor's son
>>has a
>>penis like a peanut!
>> MUM: You mean it's small?
>> LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!
>>
>>
>>5) A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.
>>He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.
>>
>>
>>6) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
>>
>>The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
>>
>>MAN: No,I work in a condom factory and these are customer
>>COMPLAINTS.
>>
>>
>>
>>7) Women top 5 lies:
>>
>> 5. I am a virgin.
>> 4. It is so big.
>> 3. I can't do that to my best friend.
>> 2. I won't gain weight after marriage
>> 1. I am coming! I am coming!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>8) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play
>>magic.
>>She says: What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you
>>disappear.
>>
>>
>>9) What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
>>Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it
>>doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!
>>
>>
>>10 ) Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
>>A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs
>>up
>>high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".
>>
>>
>>
>>11) Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
>> Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say
>> "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".
>>
>>
>>
>>12) What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
>>Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but
>>when
>>you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
>>
>>
>>
>>13) AGES OF VAGINA:
>>
>> -16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
>> -20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
>> -29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
>> -37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
>> -46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
>> -56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
>> -61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>14) MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say
>>"DON'T".
>>And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
>> GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him
>> DON'T STOP!!!!"
>>
>>
>>15) GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
>>
>> 9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
>> 7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
>> 6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
>> 5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
>> 4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
>> 3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
>> 2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!
>


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope these make you all chuckle this morning!!!!

Hugs, Puddin

 

[Missingmeds]

Here is one more for the morning chuckles.

The Cowboy and The Genie

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert
without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed
his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out
of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary
genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge
and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie. "You know how I work. You have
three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to
trust an IRS auditor genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and
it looks like you're a goner anyway."

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the
genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has
ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters
of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it
a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that
no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything,
there's going to be a string attached.

 

[MaryBears]

Good Morning .......Here is a morning chuckle.......



REJECTED NURSERY RHYMES

JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill
Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

LITTLE MISS MUFFET
Sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider
that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

SIMPLE SIMON
Met a Pieman going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you dumas!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY
Sat on a wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
When it died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY
Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL
who had a little curl!
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good,
She was very very good
But when she was bad she got a
Fur coat, jewels, and a sports car.

 

[MaryBears]

Good Evening......Hope your Tuesday was great.....here is a joke


A doctor had the reputation of helping couples
increase the joy in their sex life, but always
promised not to take a case if he felt he could not
help them. The Jones came to see the doctor, and he
gave them thorough physical exams, psychological
exams, and various tests and then concluded, "Yes, I
am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On
your way home from my office stop at the grocery
store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts."

Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll
the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls
eye in your wife's love canal.

Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a
leopard and retrieve the grape using only your
tongue.

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and
from across the room, toss them at your husband until
you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a
lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the
doughnut t." The couple went home and their sex life
became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Smith that they
should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the
Smiths and said he would not take the case unless he
felt that he could help them; so he conducted the
physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Smiths the bad news. "I cannot help
you, so I will not take your money. I believe your
sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot
help."

The Smiths pleaded with him, and said, "You helped
our friends the Jones, now please, please help us."

"Well, all right," the doctor said. "On your way home
from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy
some apples and a box of Cheerios..."

 

[MaryBears]

Signs


On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."


Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit, please back in."


On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."


Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."


At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."


On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"


At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."


On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."


In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."


At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."


On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."


At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."


Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."


In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."



At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."


And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

 

[MaryBears]

CHRISTMAS WARNING...




Christmas has been canceled
and it is all your fault
because you told Santa
you had been good this year.






And he died laughing!

...

 

[PassionsFlame]

All the jokes are greeeeeeeeeeeat!!!! Thanks for sharing them Puddin, Mary and Missing! *hugs* Hope you all are well... Mary I hope your day went all right and you got some rest!

 

[PassionsFlame]

CHRISTMAS WARNING...

Christmas has been canceled
and it is all your fault
because you told Santa
you had been good this year.

And he died laughing!

...

OMGosh!!!!!


He REALLY can SEE when you are....!!!

 

[Puddin36]

All the jokes are greeeeeeeeeeeat!!!! Thanks for sharing them Puddin, Mary and Missing! *hugs* Hope you all are well... Mary I hope your day went all right and you got some rest!

(((((((((((((((((PF))))))))))))))))) so nice to see you. I have to agree the jokes were great today. I am doing well and having those x-rays next week to make sure they got all the stone. Bad part of that test is that I can't eat after 2 p.m. except clear liquids and nothing after midnight and my test isn't until 9:30 the next morning. This will be the third time that I have been tortured like this. That is a long time to go without food. Hopefully it will be my last time though.

How did your tests go today MaryBears? Hope everything is okay and that you had a great day.

Hope everyone had a good day and an even better tomorrow.

Hugs to all..........Puddin