The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}

I stayed in today, didn't even go to church. Looking up waiting for the bolt......

Anyway. I studied and made some bread today... Now I am overindulging... Hot bread and real butter.... Damn, I make good bread.

Glad to hear you were able to get some extra rest. Please take care sweetie.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} mmmmmmmm the smell and taste of homemade fresh bread.....mmmmmmm indulge for me also

 

[MaryBears]

I got a new car stereo the other day and it has voice activation
software installed into it!

If you yell out Rock, it switches the settings to "ROCK"!
If you yell out Classic, it switches the settings to "CLASSIC"!

On my way home last night some kids ran out in front of my car. Hitting the brakes I yelled "F**king Kids" and the radio started playing Michael Jackson.

 

[PassionsFlame]

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} for everyone.... that warm bread sounds good..... I just found out my landlord is coming aorund tomorrow to size windows and I am behind in cleaning up the place... been sore and tired all day yesterday... otherwise okay.... working on organizing so stuff is all over while I figure where to put it LOL... what a mess... dejected sigh..... guess I need to tidy it up and all.... OK rant over

 

[MaryBears]

DUCK TRIAL

Three ducks were arrested and brought to Court.
The judge asked the first duck, "What's your name, and what are you here for?"
The first duck answered, "My name is Quack and I was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."
"I see," said the Judge. "I sentence you to three months in the County Jail.
Then he turned to the second duck, "What is your name and why are you here?"
"My name is Quack Quack and I too was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."
"I sentence you to three months in Jail as well!"
The Judge then turned to the third duck and said, "Don't tell me that your name is Quack Quack Quack!"
"No Sir, I'm Bubbles!!!"

 

[PassionsFlame]

DUCK TRIAL

Three ducks were arrested and brought to Court.
The judge asked the first duck, "What's your name, and what are you here for?"
The first duck answered, "My name is Quack and I was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."
"I see," said the Judge. "I sentence you to three months in the County Jail.
Then he turned to the second duck, "What is your name and why are you here?"
"My name is Quack Quack and I too was arrested for blowing bubbles in the pond."
"I sentence you to three months in Jail as well!"
The Judge then turned to the third duck and said, "Don't tell me that your name is Quack Quack Quack!"
"No Sir, I'm Bubbles!!!"

ROFLMAO.... thanks for the chuckles Mary!!!

Trying to think of some jokes instead of my rant before... Iffin I do I will post them lol... mind's mush right now....

 

[MaryBears]

More Chuckles

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would shout from the curb.

"No. Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks?"

******************************************************************************
*************************************************

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin
when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?" She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?" She replied, "No, not yet, Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband." She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!" The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband doing?" She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blowout yer damned candle."

*
* * * *
A man was walking down the street, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two pounds and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you buy beer with it instead?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man said. "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked. " Gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on football instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you BLOODY NUTS?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't watched football in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you two pounds. I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I'm very dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."

The man replied, "That's okay, mate! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling and football."

 

[MaryBears]

Cyber Sex Drive
I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel... then I got out all the manuals and went through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat.

Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her...

figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone... she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives in stock... He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive, I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed... he started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him... You're killing me! or something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him... I wasn't even hurting him.

The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck... I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it and walked away laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under his breath and walked away... wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores. Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet and search for one.

So that's where I am now... If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. Then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.

 

[kayte]

Cyber Sex Drive
I have run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel... then I got out all the manuals and went through them.

I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one so I decided to go to the computer store and see if I could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore my math hat.

Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman, I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kind of scowled at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her...

figuring she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to be smart with everyone... she said, rather rudely I thought, that she couldn't help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock.

In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and model of my computer and asked it they had any sex drives in stock... He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive, I thought about it for a minute and told him Yeah, maybe that, but I think I should already have one installed... he started laughing at me said something about me trying to kill him... You're killing me! or something like that, and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too. Must be hard to keep in stock. I wasn't trying to kill him... I wasn't even hurting him.

The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck... I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times. He mumbled something about that explaining it. She's fallen off the wagon, that explains it and walked away laughing.

The guy in the fourth store said something like boob under his breath and walked away... wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured they must not carry them in stores. Maybe have to order from a catalog or get on the Internet and search for one.

So that's where I am now... If any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. Then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with it.

LMAO!!!! Oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}} that is priceless!!!! Thank you!!!

 

[MaryBears]

LMAO!!!! Oh {{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}} that is priceless!!!! Thank you!!!

Your very much welcome {{{{{{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} glad you liked it....

 

[PassionsFlame]

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is suffering from PMS, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected ....

 

[PassionsFlame]

City of L. A. High School Math Proficiency Exam

NAME:____________________________
GANG:________________ AGE:________

1: Leroy has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 15 times each drive by, after how many drive by shootings will he have to reload?

2: Pony has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Fernando for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3: Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn, so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4: Lemeric wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make a 20 % profit to pay his underaged street resellers. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5: Blade gets $200.00 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he has already stolen two BMW's and three 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6: Jose is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $25,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $250 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?

7: If the average can of stolen spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 4 square feet, how many letters can Shaka Zulu spray with 3 cans of stolen spray paint?

8: Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

9: 18 year-old Raul carjacked a Chevy Camaro for his date Saturday night with his 14 year old girlfriend. He was arrested that night while making out with his girlfriend in the back seat. How much prison time is he looking at for the carjacking and for statutory rape, even though the girl looked legal? Assume no prior convictions when arriving at your answer.
------------------------------------------------------------------

College Entrance Examination - (required to ensure a lifetime of free Government Grants for enrollments.)

Question: Marshetta can cook dinner for her 16 children born out of wedlock, at $7.50 per night. She gets $234.00 a month welfare for EACH child. If her $325.00 per month rent goes up by15%, how many more children should Marshetta have to keep up with her expenses?

Question: Salvador was arrested for dealing crack-cocaine, his bail was set at $ 900.00. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[PassionsFlame]

http://www.laughnaked.com/jokepics/54.jpg

 

[MaryBears]

http://www.laughnaked.com/jokepics/54.jpg

awesome jokes there {{{{{{{{{{{{passions}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks for the chuckles

 

[Puddin36]

Happy Hello to one and all

Hello to one and all..........hope you all had a great weekend!!!!!! Mine was good. Spent time with the kids and took my daughter to see Cheaper by the Dozen........pretty good movie. Anywho.........just wanted to stop in and say hello to all my friends here at the Den. Talk to you all tomorrow. Stay warm and well.





Warm Huggles to one and all...........Puddin

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Happy Hello to one and all

Hello to one and all..........hope you all had a great weekend!!!!!! Mine was good. Spent time with the kids and took my daughter to see Cheaper by the Dozen........pretty good movie. Anywho.........just wanted to stop in and say hello to all my friends here at the Den. Talk to you all tomorrow. Stay warm and well.





Warm Huggles to one and all...........Puddin

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} So glad that you had a good weekend with your children.....My weekend was good....But it was BURRRRRRRRRRRRR....cranked the heat up and stayed in alot

 

[kayte]

Chuckle

Good morning everyone!!!

Kids' Bible Jokes

Q. Why should we be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?
A. Because Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.

Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using "fowl" language.

Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
A: By his net income.

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Chuckle

Good morning everyone!!!

Kids' Bible Jokes

Q. Why should we be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?
A. Because Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.

Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using "fowl" language.

Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
A: By his net income.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks for the chuckle....LMAO.....It was good

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Chuckle

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks for the chuckle....LMAO.....It was good

Good afternoon {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}


So glad you enjoyed the humor. Hope you are doing well today. Please take care and keep warms sweetie.

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Good afternoon {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}


So glad you enjoyed the humor. Hope you are doing well today. Please take care and keep warms sweetie.

Good Afternoon {{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


I am having a good day....going to get me something to eat soon....as i have only been up for two hours.....couldn't sleep last night....so finally i printed a couple erotic stories and read them and well had my fun *blushes* and went to sleep sleep like a baby

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Good Afternoon {{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


I am having a good day....going to get me something to eat soon....as i have only been up for two hours.....couldn't sleep last night....so finally i printed a couple erotic stories and read them and well had my fun *blushes* and went to sleep sleep like a baby

Glad you were able to get yourself "relaxed"!!! The stories and fun can do that.

I did something today I haven't done in months.... Decided to use what used to be my favorite toy this morning.... Now I remember why it was/is.

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Glad you were able to get yourself "relaxed"!!! The stories and fun can do that.

I did something today I haven't done in months.... Decided to use what used to be my favorite toy this morning.... Now I remember why it was/is.

Well sometimes we have to just do what we have to.....and I seem to do it alot lately....Sometimes i think i am nuts....


Check out this story.....very good.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105359

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Well sometimes we have to just do what we have to.....and I seem to do it alot lately....Sometimes i think i am nuts....


Check out this story.....very good.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105359

Great story!!!!!

What do you think of this?

http://www.mypleasure.com/store/assets/product_images/0749.jpg

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Great story!!!!!

What do you think of this?

http://www.mypleasure.com/store/assets/product_images/0749.jpg

I like it.....looks very exciting and fun.....i could think of a few ways to use it.....

 

[kayte]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

I like it.....looks very exciting and fun.....i could think of a few ways to use it.....

Some day when I wear out the "BoB" that I have I will look into that one. It is a bit pricey....$79.

 

[MaryBears]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Chuckle

Some day when I wear out the "BoB" that I have I will look into that one. It is a bit pricey....$79.

yes it is a bit pricey.......But if i can please you then ....GO FOR IT!!!!


I order my toys from toys it is very discreet when they ship them.....