The unappreciated limerick

[EmilyMiller]

Umm, that was actually an 'ode' to Emily Blunt.
...Awkward!

You sure it wasn’t Emily Beecham?

 

[Bamagan]

You sure it wasn’t Emily Beecham?

I'm quite sure it wasn't, although to be fair, she deserves one as well.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I'm quite sure it wasn't, although to be fair, she deserves one as well.

We agree on that.

Em

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

The was a young muse named Erato.
Who juiced at the sound of vibrato.
She slaked her desire
By fucking the choir.
But the soloist (alas) was castrato.

 

[Bamagan]

@BrightShinyGirl was a writer
Whose characters oft would excite her
To get herself off
Their clothes she would doff
And in public they then would flaneur

 

[EmilyMiller]

For @Emilymcplugger

Emily was Emily’s alt
At least that’s what some people thought*
If you’re confused
By this little ruse
Don’t worry it’s not really your fault

* © Swift, Taylor 2014

 

[EmilyMiller]

Once a lady quite young and fit
Thought I’d like a bit more for my clit
I want something greater
Than my current vibrator
Bought a Wand and then she couldn’t quit

 

[EmilyMiller]

There once was a girl who asked how
Can you possibly fuck with a sow
I know beastiality
Is just your reality
But you’ll need a new girlfriend from now

 

[Bamagan]

There once was a girl who asked how
Can you possibly fuck with a sow
I know beastiality
Is just your reality
But you’ll need a new girlfriend from now

The farmer looked quite perplexed
At his pig-hating girlfriend so vexed
My dear, you're mistaken
I'm just makin' bacon
And don't fret, I promise you're next!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a man from Bear Pass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they tinkled together
They'd play 'Stormy Weather'
And lighting shot out of his ass

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "Stop your plumbing,
There's somebody coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

 

[Curiouscarli]

I have a new sexy red thong
For crossdressing, it won't go wrong
Its made of fine lace
But won't keep me in place
Its okay though, it won't stay on long.

 

[Blueskiessmiling]

The pretty girl always got praise
For her innocent feminine ways
One night on a bet
Four guys she let
Thus started her moral malaise.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Once a young Miss liked a whack
On her butt cheeks a really good smack
Touching her toes
Her ass red as a rose
And juice pouring out of her crack*

* Part of a continuing series in which I employ less than pleasant synonyms for girl bits

 

[SimonDoom]

The limerick get little regard;
Its rhymes, so quick to discard.
But if humorous pleasure's
An adequate measure,
Then pleasure is ample reward.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a fucking machine.
Concave and convex,
it fucked either sex
and jerked off itself in between.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man from Kent
Whose dick was so long it was bent.
To stay out of trouble,
He stuck it in double
And instead of coming, he went.

 

[AlinaX]

A lassie once went on a date
With a college professor till late
She little resisted
When, "Let's go home," he insisted
"To drink coffee, dance salsa, and mate."

 

[Blueskiessmiling]

The professor was quite well endowed
For which he was justly proud
The lassie was eager
For a major leaguer
A bookish one too, she allowed.

 

[yowser]

A confused young bisexual from Leeds
Reckoning his wide-ranging needs,
A cock or a quim?
What'd be best for him?
Settled for multiple feeds.

 

[SimonDoom]

Liv had two strapping suitors to choose:
Which to pick, and which to refuse?
But what was the fun,
Of just having one?
So she opted for two cocks to use.

 

[12oclocktales]

Now that they’re back in the news again because of their deal with the UFC, here’s a big shout-out to the so-called King of Beers:

There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Coors in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I haven’t penned one in days
I guess that I’ve been in a laze
I’ll get back on the road
By writing this ode
And hope that it garners some praise

 

[EmilyMiller]

Inspired by Franziska Facella (see here)

I’m in love with a girl called Franziska
She doesn’t know me, at least this far
She’s skinny and blonde
Of her face I’m quite fond
And, like me, she won’t need this bra

 

[SimonDoom]

A bra is a curious thing,
Its purposes, so interesting.
But without it, we know
Avid minds tend to blow
At the sight of flesh without lifting.