The unappreciated limerick

[SimonDoom]

Had we but world enough and time,
We'd make love without censure or crime.
We'd enjoy the sweet pleasure,
But in equal measure,
Abhor loss of a Marvellous rhyme!

 

[Blueskiessmiling]

A girl from Kobe, Japan
Said, “I am going to do what I can
To seduce a boy
Use him as my toy
While I’m on the hunt for a real man.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

I’ve caught a virus, adeno-
Corona- or maybe a rhino-
Whatever the issue
I’m using up tissue
Excuse me, my nose needs a blow

 

[EmilyMiller]

I maybe just ought to think
Is it OK to write ‘bout that kink?
I know that some worry
From my stories they scurry
Because of the fluids I drink

 

[MillieDynamite]

Let it be known
Far and wide
You won't need cologne
For the smell, you will abide
You see, my shit isn't prone
To stink, my dear Clyde

 

[Bamagan]

Em worries that she'll make some riffles
And laments that she's got the sniffles
Oh well, golly gee,
They're both about pee
It's infectious, but as a kink more a piffle

 

[EmilyMiller]

Em worries that she'll make some riffles
And laments that she's got the sniffles
Oh well, golly gee,
They're both about pee
It's infectious, but as a kink more a piffle

I had to look up riffle…

Well played!

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

Lady Jane quickly downed whiskey sours,
With a plan to be naughty for hours.
She stood over Jim's face,
Pulled her thong out of place,
And dowsed Jim with her sweet golden showers.

 

[SimonDoom]

Queen Padme ruled Planet Naboo,
Though a queen, she'd a taste for taboo.
She turned 'way from Ani,
And said, "Take my fanny."
She wanted his saber there, too.

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

There was a good bishop of Buckingham
Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em
Then a learned Parsee
Taught him gamahuchee
So he added a chapter on sucking 'em

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

My favorite pair of clean ones. The first was posted on a tree in the quad at Oxford:

A philosopher once remarked God
Must think it exceedingly odd
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be
When there's no one about in the quad.

It drew this reply:

Dear sir, your astonishment's odd
Since I am always about in the quad
And so this tree
Will continue to be
While observed by yours faithfully, God.

 

[SimonDoom]

Allah, Yahweh, and Odin played pool,
To determine who'd finally rule.
But the balls wouldn't fall,
Leaving Satan to call,
"This game is a no-win, you fool."

 

[samhasstories]

I've often skipped over this thread
I'm supposed to be working instead
But upon quick perusing
It's very amusing
And now rhymes fill up my head

 

[onehitwanda]

A young damsel quite lost her head
and invited a milkmaid to bed.
The vicar caught wind
and came shouting they'd sinned
'til they sat on his pulpit instead.

 

[Bamagan]

There was a lass with lactating teats
That would leak all over her sheets
If you're one of the ilk
Who love fresh, warm milk
You'll savor the stuff she secretes

 

[AlinaX]

I met a wild girl in the toon
Who would bay at the bloody full moon
Her claws were so sharp
She'd destring my harp
But in the morning we'd spoon until noon

 

[EmilyMiller]

It’s cute that people like these
Seems all humanity agrees
But the actual writing
Can be slightly frightening
As short poems require expertise

 

[Bamagan]

Expertise is somewhat misleading
For crafting the verses preceding
A few naughty rhymes...
A meter that climbs...
One's skill need not be exceeding

 

[EmilyMiller]

These poems may seem easy to pen
You’d think you’d be done in just ten
But a young female’s meter
Is naturally sweeter
Which means we’re superior again

 

[Bamagan]

These poems may seem easy to pen
You’d think you’d be done in just ten
But a young female’s meter
Is naturally sweeter
Which means we’re superior again

There's something that really perplexes...
Why make this a battle of sexes?
Who cares who's on top?
We can always just swap!
Or is it transitioning that vexes?

 

[EmilyMiller]

There's something that really perplexes...
Why make this a battle of sexes?
Who cares who's on top?
We can always just swap!
Or is it transitioning that vexes?

I like being on top

 

[Bamagan]

It's no shock that Em likes it on top
And cowgirl's good if a feel you would cop
But one has to be wary
Lest she gets too merry
And leaves you a puddle to mop

 

[Trionyx]

There once was a girl named Emily,
Whose limericks were for all to see.
They were all about sex,
And who she would do next.
Begged onehitwanda “Pick me! Pick me!”

 

[Trionyx]

There’s a writer named onehitwanda,
About Emily she’s rather fonda.
When they jolly well meet,
On a nice London street,
She’ll hug Em like an anaconda.

 

[onehitwanda]

I feel like I've become a caricature