Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[loquere]

"I need to confess something to you, I haven't been working late for the last nineteen years. Ryan & Rachel aren't your kids. They're your uncle & aunt, I've been having an affair with your grandfather."

 

[loquere]

"Hurry up, before the real owner of this home gets home."

 

[Swilly]

I'm Mike Rowe, and welcome to tonight's episode of Dirty Jobs...

 

[loquere]

"Thanks for letting me fuck your ass but after this let's take a break from seeing each other."

 

[loquere]

"Shit in my mouth babby, i'm hungry."

 

[loquere]

'Can I move in?"

 

[Hypoxia]

"You've been served."

 

[Swilly]

I don't know why they make such a big deal about ebola. I have it, and I'm fine.

 

[loquere]

"Why did you wake me up?"

 

[loquere]

"Your getting a bit fat."

 

[loquere]

"If I tell you I love you, can I fuck you in the ass?"

 

[loquere]

"Holy shit this is fucking awful."

 

[loquere]

"Can you wear a mask next time, your face is scaring my hard on away."

 

[loquere]

Snip snip

 

[loquere]

Snip snip

"Forget about ass play. Whats your position on loaded guns in bed?"

 

[loquere]

"My name is Mitt Romney."

 

[loquere]

"Do you believe in God?"

 

[loquere]

"I'm a satanist."

 

[loquere]

“My last four wives died. The police still haven't found the bodies."

 

[MichaelinChina]

the sound of a shotgun's hammers being pulled back.

 

[loquere]

The sounds of the roof ripping off due to a hurricane

 

[Hypoxia]

The sound of footsteps. Multiple footsteps.

 

[loquere]

"Winter is coming."

 

[loquere]

"The night is dark and full of terrors."

 

[loquere]

"This reminds me of when I was probed by aliens."