Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[JKendallDane]

Don't be nervous...it's just a small cattle prod.

 

[Lia Monde]

I got so good by practicing on sheep.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

"Wait, I thought that you were a man."

Or

"I want a cock, not a clit."

 

[JWren]

It's okay, you carry on while I make a phone call

 

[Handley_Page]

"Hello Mama. I'm a little busy right now; can I call you later?"

 

[Tenou]

From personal experience.

"What am I doing with my life?"

"If you cut your hair likes this you look just like my ex"

After obviously faking an orgasm. "Aren't you done yet? You made me cum twice already, you're gonna break me!"

"Get that thing out of there right this instant"

While my half-drunk girlfriend is giving me a blowjob, she stops to say "Don't cum on my face or you'll ruin my make-up. I have a date with my boyfriend after this"

"Oh, my period just came. (smile) on the good side, now you can do me raw until the end"

 

[loquere]

"I've actually forgotten what to do here."

 

[loquere]

"Are you a man or a woman?"

 

[loquere]

"Ebola."

 

[loquere]

"Aids."

 

[loquere]

"diarrhea."

 

[Handley_Page]

"Ebola."

Did you hear about the stupid prat who, when his plane landed sneezed loudly and announced "Ebola".
It took four haz-suited blokes to take him away after a couple of hours.

I hope someone who was meeting another plane or whatever, sues him for a great deal; if only for his thoughtless stupidity.

 

[Tenou]

I don't mean to start a fight, but I think Loquere's lines are repetitive and should be warned for flooding. It just looks like he/she is posting one line at a time and repeating lines over and over in order to raise his/her post count.

 

[loquere]

I don't mean to start a fight, but I think Loquere's lines are repetitive and should be warned for flooding. It just looks like he/she is posting one line at a time and repeating lines over and over in order to raise his/her post count.

Flooding/word count(Same as what I PM'd to you)

Yes I am posting over and over again sometimes to raise my word count, but sometimes when I have something I want to express. Most of the time it's because I have something to express.

-I have asked the creator of Literotica Laurel if repetitive posting is against the rules of the Authors Hangout, after someone else raised concerns. I was told I was doing nothing wrong. The Authors Hangout is not moderated unlike some of the other forums.

-If you have concerns with what I'm doing just PM me & I'll work to rectify it. We're here on Literotica to have fun, I certainly don't want to make this an unpleasant experience for you Tenou.

 

[Montanos]

Testing, 1 2 3 .... testing.



Montanos

 

[loquere]

“I feel weird…. Did you wear a condom? I told you not to, I’m allergic to latex.”

 

[loquere]

Edit.

Edit.

 

[loquere]

Edited

Edited

 

[loquere]

Your breath smells like donkey ass.

 

[Vanadorn]

Only a man knows what a man likes...and you're not a man until you've been in one.

 

[loquere]

"Don't worry the fuckin pigs didn't have any real evidence."

 

[NickiC]

Tori this is great. But my name is not Tori.

 

[loquere]

"I should warn you I ejaculate blood, for some reason."

 

[DreamCloud]

"No," she said smiling, "you didn't get me that horny. I just forgot to clean up from the last guy."

 

[Kitty]

The title says it all. Have fun. I'll get us started.

"I hope you don't have AIDS. I don't want to catch it again."

Or the classic

"Honey! I'm home."

Someone else having sex in the apartment or house over. Diiiistracting. Unless we...totallyplanned that.

Or

"This feels so good. You and your mom definitely have something in common." Oh...um...okay then.