Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[Kitty]

"I should warn you I ejaculate blood, for some reason."

Haha. But that's interesting, I saw a dildo that can ejaculate blood, but I think you can just load it with whatever liquid and push something to make it come out. Totally unnecessary. http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/images/smilies/colonhash.gif

 

[loquere]

"You looked better in the bar, I'm gonna go now."

 

[spectreofhell]

Him: "Hmmm. No offense, but your pussy tastes a little strange."

Her: "That's funny. My brother said the same thing this morning. I think my herpes is flaring up again."

 

[loquere]

"April fools I got you, like as if I was actually going to let you fuck me with that shrimp of a dick. Get off me retard."

 

[Lia Monde]

"I don't think I'm contagious."

 

[Handley_Page]

I took my last pill this morning

 

[Lia Monde]

Forget the condoms, let's make babies.

 

[Kitty]

A baby crying.

 

[matttyler]

sorry i fell asleep..lol

 

[Lia Monde]

I thought you were your brother.

 

[loquere]

"My favourite book is Mein Kampf"

 

[Lia Monde]

Wake me when you're finished.

 

[JWren]

Wake me when you're finished.

"Honey, I'm home ...."

 

[bbtp41]

"I'm looking forward to getting one of those for myself," she says.

 

[loquere]

"I miss your mother, when's she coming back?"

 

[12igloo12md]

"I'm gay."

 

[DiskoTroop]

"No Wire Coat Hangers!"

 

[GothAngelBabe]

Ooooops!

 

[DiskoTroop]

“I visited your home this morning after you’d left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn’t work out, so I took a souvenir… her pretty head.”

 

[loquere]

"Fuck, your getting me dehydrated. Do you have any pigs blood in the fridge?"

 

[12igloo12md]

*fart*

 

[Rozalin_0123]

"Oh shit! The curtains are on fire!"

http://s25.postimg.org/v5boa06lr/image.jpg

 

[JWren]

Hurry up, I've got a client in thirty minutes

 

[loquere]

"I expected this to be much better; I thought you were a slut, but you're just a boring flat chested prude!"

 

[loquere]

"Every time I look at you I shit myself a little."