Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[Handley_Page]

"Honey have you considered getting a vasectomy?"

"I take it that this blood is from your vasectomy ?"

 

[loquere]

"I take it that this blood is from your vasectomy ?"

Well, that's just sick!

 

[loquere]

Snoring

 

[Handley_Page]

Well, that's just sick!

sorry.
I'll leave by the back door, shall I ?

Perhaps it should rather be:-

"Oh dear. I think you've pulled the stitches on my vasectomy."

 

[loquere]

sorry.
I'll leave by the back door, shall I ?

Perhaps it should rather be:-

"Oh dear. I think you've pulled the stitches on my vasectomy."

I added the smiley face to indicate it was a joke. I wasn't serious.

 

[Handley_Page]

"Aaaa a ah h h "

 

[loquere]

"You love dogs right? So what do you think about maybe...."

 

[BrokenBarbie]

"Oh no, not again."

 

[Handley_Page]

"Not a hope in Hell's chance"

 

[J-Nite]

"It's so cute! Can you even fit the condom?"

 

[loquere]

"The specialists said its safe... Now!"

 

[Lia Monde]

Please pass the vibrator, I need to finish.

 

[sr71plt]

Now, how did a stink bug get there? (seasonal application)

 

[Najesta]

Damn what's that smell!?

 

[Setanta84]

Recently, I discovered two of them:

1) Slap me in the face.
2) I hope you find tears sexy.

 

[Hypoxia]

"I liked you better before the operation."

 

[loquere]

"Holly flying fuck, it's stuck!"

 

[loquere]

"Surprise motherfucker!"

 

[loquere]

"You're the ugliest fucker I've ever fucked!"

 

[loquere]

"Die!"

 

[CyranoJ]

"That's not my name."

I knew someone who called out the wrong name during sex with another guy. I was terrifically flattered because she claimed it was my name (no idea if that was actually true, she may have just been stroking my ego as we were getting back together), but if it happened that way, it can't have been any fun in the moment.

My entry: "I have a confession to make." Actually (witless shithead that I was) said this to someone just post-coitus while still inside her -- the "confession" fortunately was innocuous and flattering, as she discovered a few seconds later -- but I'll never forget the way I felt every muscle in her body tense up around me. I felt bad about that...

[Apocryphal bonus, claimed on behalf of someone many years ago: "Are you done, yet? I wanna go shopping."]

 

[Hypoxia]

(complete silence, no breath, no heartbeat)

 

[loquere]

"Honey I'm home!"

 

[loquere]

"Diarrhea."

 

[loquere]

"April fools... Now get the fuck off me you animal!"