Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[loquere]

"Blood!"

 

[coochiebarber]

I'm getting sleepy

 

[loquere]

"The World .Health .Organization just released a new study that confirmed 100% that two much sex leads to cancer. So we should rap this up and start again in a decade."

 

[Lia Monde]

How did you get THAT in THERE!

 

[coochiebarber]

I don't know if this is right.

 

[Mropietaylor69]

Is the router off

 

[coochiebarber]

I don't think this is going to work out.

 

[loquere]

"No. Me and my ex aren't divorced. I killed him because he cheated."

 

[Porkwarrior]

Chatting with a couple Litsters this week about camping & the fun of fucking in tents ( ) reminded me of possibly my most disappointing date, EVAH!

A highschool crush, years of lust & flirtation, finally led to a weekend away together alone on a quiet backcountry lake together. Just us alone in the woods. Thoughts of mad fucking in the outdoors, lying naked in the sun all afternoon, skinny dipping by moonlight... I was hard for 6hrs from when I picked her up to when we got our campsite all set up. We're just starting some very escalating hot & heavy making out, hands roving over flesh, gawd she looking smoking in that swimsuit... And then a fucking troop of boy scouts show up and set up camp DIRECTLY across from us.

The LAST thing you want to hear trying to get your mojo on, in a tent on a July afternoon.
Puff The Magic Dragon for the umpteenth time.

 

[coochiebarber]

Need to change sheets before my husband is home.

 

[loquere]

"Why do you keep screaming I'm not even in yet.... look behind me, why....?"

 

[loquere]

Vomiting sounds

 

[MichaelinChina]

" Honey. I'm home!"

 

[GforGraham]

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[loquere]

The sound of a chainsaw being turned on.

 

[JKendallDane]

Did I mention I'm only 15...and that my Daddy is the chief of police?

 

[loquere]

Back when I had my giant cock I used it way better than you use your tiny thing, you fuck like a pansy!

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Want some lessons? I know a guy...

 

[loquere]

"something just bit me, is biting me.... Bear."

 

[loquere]

My colostomy bag is leaking.

 

[loquere]

Can I borrow a couple thousand dollars for a sex change?

 

[Handley_Page]

"Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"

 

[loquere]

"Mom dad, what the fuck.... why are you too doing this shit in my bed?"

 

[ShyGuy1855]

So, have you thought about any baby names yet?

 

[loquere]

Did you remember to take the apple pie out of the oven?