Why do you choose to be a sub?

[youvegottobekidding]

At the risk of upsetting yet another person, that is one experience. Maybe there should be a different word for someone who likes being submissive because it is a break from their general character. Alt-sub, or fake-sub maybe.

Em

I think I understand what you're saying but if I get it wrong don't be angry. I for the most part am the one to be in control
and lead in my everyday life BUT in the bedroom I like to be submissive to my wife and let her take the lead wherever it goes. I've read studies that many men who have been in positions of power/control in business or whatever like the role reversal as it takes the pressure off of them.

 

[Schiavone]

I have been talking to my college friend and fuck-buddy who came to visit to cheer me up. She has some dom tendencies, whereas I lean the other way.

For me, I think part of being submissive in a sexual context is because I am the opposite IRL. I’m probably the person who wants to be in charge and to have a plan. She is the opposite, IRL she wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but gets off on controlling people sexually.

It it like this with other people?

Em

For me it’s because of an experience I had when I was younger with an older man.
I’m straight acting but always deep inside I feel the need to go back to that role he forced me to play.

 

[Strixaluco]

I for the most part am the one to be in control
and lead in my everyday life BUT in the bedroom I like to be submissive

Many submissive people irregardless of gender are strong in everyday life. Whether by nature or by necessity, it's difficult to say in many cases.

 

[Boat1]

It’s possible to not choose to be a sub and yet choose when and to whom to submit. That’s how it usually is for me.

Being submissive is not really a choice for me, it’s an integral part of who I am. However, when I submit to someone in the D/s sense, most of the time it’s an active decision to do so. It has happened that I’ve sort of just ended up in a situation when I find myself being very submissive to someone, sure. Sometimes it has happened so gradually that I’ve only noticed it afterwards or when things have already gone pretty far, and it’s usually been really scary to find myself in that position. Scary, but also something that feels kind of right. But usually, it’s an active decision.

So, why do I choose to submit to someone? It feels really good, sexually it gets my rocks off better than anything else. It feels like not having to put up a wall and being able to be free for a moment, not worry about if I’m projecting too much of this or that kind of a vibe like I sometimes do. I love being useful and helpful, it grounds me and makes me feel like I’m doing something right. It makes me happy and it allows me to make another person happy as well. Those are some reasons why I choose to submit. I don’t choose to be a sub, though, that’s kind of the default setting for me.

Wow! That was sooooo beautifully well articulated!
My take on submissiveness, is that it's practically synonymous with "trust"... something that eliminates the barriers, setting both parties free.

 

[cascadiabound]

I think I understand what you're saying but if I get it wrong don't be angry. I for the most part am the one to be in control
and lead in my everyday life BUT in the bedroom I like to be submissive to my wife and let her take the lead wherever it goes. I've read studies that many men who have been in positions of power/control in business or whatever like the role reversal as it takes the pressure off of them.

The original post was made nearly 2 years ago... but that being said, and it popping up on this thread again now, I would like to assert that the idea of using a term like "alt sub" or "fake sub" inherently undermines the validity of bring sexually submissive. Just because a person is competent, capable, assertive etc in their daily life/work setting, does not mean that their need/desire to be sexually submissive is somehow not true to their character.

Seela's post - contemporary with the post you quoted, said it most beautifully, as others have commented.

 

[subdudeme13]

The original post was made nearly 2 years ago... but that being said, and it popping up on this thread again now, I would like to assert that the idea of using a term like "alt sub" or "fake sub" inherently undermines the validity of bring sexually submissive. Just because a person is competent, capable, assertive etc in their daily life/work setting, does not mean that their need/desire to be sexually submissive is somehow not true to their character.

Seela's post - contemporary with the post you quoted, said it most beautifully, as others have commented.

Choose to be a sub? Ha ha ha ha ha

 

[cascadiabound]

Choose to be a sub? Ha ha ha ha ha

I agree with the sentiment, but I don't know why you quoted my post to say it.
<confused>

 

[subdudeme13]

My mind wonders. I do recall that your post resonated with me. I have been wired to be sub since I was in puberty. My first fantasies were of being used by women long before I ever saw any porn. I have evolved a bit over the years and have switched which I enjoyed. I am a competent, fairly assertive engineer. I have worked for a woman that may have hit on me but I have learned not to mess around where you work. I hope my submission is satisfactory

 

[subdudeme13]

Wow! That was sooooo beautifully well articulated!
My take on submissiveness, is that it's practically synonymous with "trust"... something that eliminates the barriers, setting both parties free.

Hope your headed home and ............suffer!

 

[Boat1]

Hope your headed home and ............suffer!

That's the plan for sure! I'll post pics later of the new implements that are under construction....

 

[subdudeme13]

I appreciate that. Making any that plug in?

 

[Boat1]

I appreciate that. Making any that plug in?

They're all still prototypes... any we decide to keep, will be completed with insertible handles, similar to the others.

 

[subdudeme13]

They're all still prototypes... any we decide to keep, will be completed with insertible handles, similar to the others.

LOL, I said plug in meaning electrical. I have an interest in electrical toys they put on bulls, (The kind that moo) to make them ejaculate for using the sperm to impregnate cows. I guess you could say something that causes pleasure.

 

[Boat1]

LOL, I said plug in meaning electrical. I have an interest in electrical toys they put on bulls, (The kind that moo) to make them ejaculate for using the sperm to impregnate cows. I guess you could say something that causes pleasure.

Lol... I have some e-stim on the way too.

 

[Cockpit4U]

Bitch, what's your problem? If you don't want to hear what people have to say, don't ask questions.

Now here’s a real winner

 

[Astrotrain]

Now here’s a real winner

Yeah, I just saw this thread and who pissed in Primalex's cornflakes? I read every post Emily made and I have no idea what pissed him off so much.

 

[Playwithmee]

Because with everything else in my life I’m in complete control. So giving up the power is something I love to do to the right woman.

 

[OddLove]

Full disclosure, I'm very much a switch. But if I'm being submissive it's because I want my partner to feel like a queen or king. My life is a chaotic rollercoaster that never seems to bring me back around to the beginning. It's full of unexpected twists and turns and I never know if I'm right side up or upside down. So for me personally, it's definitely not a desire to lose control. I'm not sure what the psychological reason would be. I just want to be used for my partners convenience, pleasure, and entertainment. If they're having fun, I feel like I'm doing a good job and it makes me happy.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

I have quite a responsible job for someone my age and mostly guys working for me. I also work in a industry that is still quite male dominated (not in that sense). It makes a change to be able to let someone else decide what happens to me. To stop being a control freak for a bit.

Em

I could not have explained myself any better than that. Every word I read felt like it was me saying it. Thank you

 

[SpicyMama38]

I love knowing that I’m fulfilling my partner’s every need, want, and desire. Submitting to them and what they want fills me with pleasure. I also love when I’m cherished and praised for being obedient and compliant.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

I'm just wondering why you would think it's a 'choice' to be submissive???

 

[Utmale48]

I'm just wondering why you would think it's a 'choice' to be submissive???

I think for some it is a choice. However I think those are few and far between. I think most subs are that without a choice.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Because I like going under the sea.

Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Darling it’s better
Down where it’s wetter
Take it from me

 

[TallOne]

By nature I'm a switch that leans sub. However, especially since I started having people report to me at work that I mentor, I want to be the one taking orders in bed.

 

[teaching_alice]

It just feels natural. I love to please, probably like attention (slightly unhealthy, I'm sure), and like giving control to someone else. It turns me on so much. Whatever physical act I'm participating in, if I feel like I'm the sub, it makes it 5 to 10 times more pleasurable.