4 noobs

[Netzach]

Netz - any advice for dealing with an alpha sub who isn't new and accepts his submissive side?


I have a potential sub who is very aggressive in his RL occupation, but very docile and submissive outside of that.



Is that always the case or is that generally the case? Are you having problems because that's NOT the case and he's taking the work self into the non-work arena?

Or does it trouble you knowing that you can't permeate that part of his life, that there's something about him you can't reach?

This can be very very frustrating for someone like me, quite in love with the idea of calling my IT geek mid-day and telling him to put his buttplug in for the next meeting -- great fantasy, not always something workable or good for real life and M, omega as that boy is, simply WILL NOT and has drawn the lines there. Can't really blame him, making your working day less sacrosanct is a big big deal.

I'm having a little trouble accepting the change in demeanor and am struggling with punishing him for who he is.

I know this is not the best way to approach the situation and if I can't figure it out, I'm going to cut him loose before I do some real damage. I realize the problem is me. Is it really possible to have an alpha sub?

I think it is possible, but I think you have to do a balancing act, at least I have with these wonderful individuals. I think of them as the "cats" of the human pet world, and look at owning them as analagous to cat owning rather than the reliability of fido. You may never actually be able to exert *total control.* You can, however exert *total onwership.* If that doesn't sounds attractive to you, this is not the right pet, you probably need a big fabulous mastiff of an omega who will in fact do anything any time, any where.

If your boy is bringing his aggression home there are two solutions and I'd probably employ some of each. He probably wants some of each, subconsiously.

One - smackdown. You are still to be treated respectfully, the basic core tenets are still in place. You may enforce a 15 minute "shut the fuck up" if you don't like the tenor of the conversation. That usually engages mr. brain to think what might need to be done differently.

Two - let the control freak have a litttle say, give a transition, use ritual.

this is a big problem in my house, not because M is an aggressive corporate raider, but because work--> not work is a hard transition for just about anyone. As a professional fetish renaissance woman, it's just as critical that I don't take MY work home! I am experimenting with letting my boy put on his own collar, which sits on a nice 1930's console at the front of my house, if, when, and whenever he is ready to transition to "protocol." I find that we are actually interacting more as D and s, and playing better and more often, something hard as hell to maintain at times. A few minutes unwind and meditation can work wonders with your live in.








Even if I can't make it work with this one, this is something I want to address with myself for future subs. So any insight would be appreciated. Thanks [/B]

 

[Netzach]

We need someone dressed as a giant strapon or frankfurter to run about galvanizing the crowd and driving them mad.

Yes we do.

Did I tell you about my most frequent threat to my poor DC area slave?

 

[sunfox]

You would make a good horse whisperer KC.

Warm milk and a nap doesn't really do it for horses, I think.

But KC is very persuasive, true. *stalks KC*


I do, however, have an on topic question, though it's for Silverlily.

Why does his occupation matter, if he's very submissive otherwise? The fact that he's alpha in his job doesn't translate to him being alpha with you, and in fact, your post seems to indicate the opposite. (Thus the asking for clarification. I don't want to be seeing something that's not there in your post.)

Cause to me, that doesn't sound like an alpha sub so much as someone in a high powered position of employment.

My personal alpha translates into everything with C.. I'm very picky and perfectionistic about everything (I wonder if perfectionistic is a word. If not, it should be.) and it can sometimes be difficult for me to surrender my responsibilities and tendency to control the things around me when need be. In which case, things like in Netzach's example of simple requests works well to smooth my hackles into submission. Eg: Will you get me another cup of coffee? or I like those jeans, wear them again. Crack the whip immediately at me and I won't give anything you're wanting, but I'll give you a whole lotta negative.

So.. to reiterate, what is this sub's demeanor like with you, and why does his professional personality matter if he's well behaved otherwise?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes we do.

Did I tell you about my most frequent threat to my poor DC area slave?

To make him apply for a job as mascot for an ACC or Big East football team??

 

[graceanne]

My personal alpha translates into everything with C.. I'm very picky and perfectionistic about everything (I wonder if perfectionistic is a word. If not, it should be.) and it can sometimes be difficult for me to surrender my responsibilities and tendency to control the things around me when need be. In which case, things like in Netzach's example of simple requests works well to smooth my hackles into submission. Eg: Will you get me another cup of coffee? or I like those jeans, wear them again. Crack the whip immediately at me and I won't give anything you're wanting, but I'll give you a whole lotta negative.

I'm like that, too. I'm pretty ocd, especially about things that are in 'my control' like the house. To tell the truth, doing what Kenny tells me to is not always easy or even instinctual. It's difficult cause it goes against everything I know, deep inside me, to allow someone to have any control over me, especially a man. It's one of the reasons we are moving slow into this, cause I'm learning as I go. There are times when I literally have to take a deep breath, remind myself that I about our agreement, and force myself to do whatever it was that K just told me to do, as apposed to ripping his head off and spitting down his throat. lol

 

[Netzach]

To make him apply for a job as mascot for an ACC or Big East football team??

Not quite.

I was going to have him ride the capitol district metro dressed in a foam hot dog suit, though.

 

[Silverlily]

I do, however, have an on topic question, though it's for Silverlily.

Why does his occupation matter, if he's very submissive otherwise? The fact that he's alpha in his job doesn't translate to him being alpha with you, and in fact, your post seems to indicate the opposite. (Thus the asking for clarification. I don't want to be seeing something that's not there in your post.)

Cause to me, that doesn't sound like an alpha sub so much as someone in a high powered position of employment.

My personal alpha translates into everything with C.. I'm very picky and perfectionistic about everything (I wonder if perfectionistic is a word. If not, it should be.) and it can sometimes be difficult for me to surrender my responsibilities and tendency to control the things around me when need be. In which case, things like in Netzach's example of simple requests works well to smooth my hackles into submission. Eg: Will you get me another cup of coffee? or I like those jeans, wear them again. Crack the whip immediately at me and I won't give anything you're wanting, but I'll give you a whole lotta negative.

So.. to reiterate, what is this sub's demeanor like with you, and why does his professional personality matter if he's well behaved otherwise? [/B]

One thing to keep in mind, we are only at the very beginning of a relationship. This could all still be his "best behaviour", as we're still feeling each other out. Up until now all my subs have been passive people even outside of a scene. This would be my first encounter with an alpha sub.

It's something I don't personally understand, switching gears like that. Not unlike the description you gave of yourself, my demeanor carries through everything I do. I can't picture myself going from aggressive to passive and not having some of the aggression creep back in. Like I said, this is more my issue than his. Maybe he can do that even if I can't.

This may or may not be a sucessful match, only time will tell. Netzach's cat analogy was wonderful and I will try out some of the tips she mentioned to see if they fit my personal style. Like learning any other new skill, it may take some practice.

He's an interesting man and play with him holds a great deal of potential. But we will never get there if I don't try to figure him out.

 

[Kajira Callista]

between the name of this thread (noobs=netzachs boobs in my silly little mind for some reason) and that other boobie thread i cant seem to stop thinking about Netzachs boobs

 

[rosco rathbone]

Not quite.

I was going to have him ride the capitol district metro dressed in a foam hot dog suit, though.

Anthropomorphic food suits are totally humiliating.

Make him hand out flyers, that's even worse.

 

[BlueSugar]

No, that was in response to Blue Sugar's post.

I seperate kattyness from arguments, discussion and debates... which all are welcome ... but kattyness, pissing matches, and general mindless childish banter I don't support.


love the av btw - really old school pervert

 

[rosco rathbone]

I seperate kattyness from arguments, discussion and debates... which all are welcome ... but kattyness, pissing matches, and general mindless childish banter I don't support.


love the av btw - really old school pervert

Hm, well I just enjoy pissing, mockery, and general mean spirited GB meanness, but that's me. I just hate keeping it in when there is someone who irritates the fuck out of me on a purely personality level.

on the pervert.

 

[graceanne]

between the name of this thread (noobs=netzachs boobs in my silly little mind for some reason) and that other boobie thread i cant seem to stop thinking about Netzachs boobs

*shakes head* you perv

 

[BlueSugar]

Hm, well I just enjoy pissing, mockery, and general mean spirited GB meanness, but that's me. I just hate keeping it in when there is someone who irritates the fuck out of me on a purely personality level.

on the pervert.

I can be found on the GB too, but its nice slight seperation between the boards and their posting dynamics. No reaso to keep it in, just keep the demons where they belong. If it is meant to be out of the GB then bring it on - but for the best grunting, throwing clubs, hair pulling pissing contests... we all know where to get a better thread. But if its that personal, and a thread doesn't need to be made and its just one or two people an angry PM does it for me.

 

[Kajira Callista]

*shakes head* you perv

*looks around to see who grace is talking to*

 

[Aeroil]

*looks around to see who grace is talking to*

aren't we all pervs? she's probably just talking about the brazen ones, I'm a shy perv so it's hard to notice lol

 

[Marquis]

Not quite.

I was going to have him ride the capitol district metro dressed in a foam hot dog suit, though.

OOH OOH put him in the blue line so all the cute college girls will get to laugh at him.

 

[sunfox]

One thing to keep in mind, we are only at the very beginning of a relationship. This could all still be his "best behaviour", as we're still feeling each other out. Up until now all my subs have been passive people even outside of a scene. This would be my first encounter with an alpha sub.

It's something I don't personally understand, switching gears like that. Not unlike the description you gave of yourself, my demeanor carries through everything I do. I can't picture myself going from aggressive to passive and not having some of the aggression creep back in. Like I said, this is more my issue than his. Maybe he can do that even if I can't.

This may or may not be a sucessful match, only time will tell. Netzach's cat analogy was wonderful and I will try out some of the tips she mentioned to see if they fit my personal style. Like learning any other new skill, it may take some practice.

He's an interesting man and play with him holds a great deal of potential. But we will never get there if I don't try to figure him out.

Thank you.. that's exactly what I was curious about.

It's possible that he's the sort who can indeed turn it on or off as the occasion warrants. I wish I had that skill, but it's not always black and white for me, so that can cause difficulties. I know what I'd like, and what he'd like, but getting there can be hard.

I agree, Netzach had some excellent ideas, as she often does. I hope you let us know more as things go on with you and him.

 

[sunfox]

I'm like that, too. I'm pretty ocd, especially about things that are in 'my control' like the house. To tell the truth, doing what Kenny tells me to is not always easy or even instinctual. It's difficult cause it goes against everything I know, deep inside me, to allow someone to have any control over me, especially a man. It's one of the reasons we are moving slow into this, cause I'm learning as I go. There are times when I literally have to take a deep breath, remind myself that I about our agreement, and force myself to do whatever it was that K just told me to do, as apposed to ripping his head off and spitting down his throat. lol

You and I are so alike

I'm a head ripper too, and while that's one of the things that C likes about me, it's also one of the things that gives us the most difficulty. He has a great deal of pride, and I frequently stomp on it.. not intentionally, but I am extremely nitpicky, and the way I am with myself in the pursuit of improvement is merely annoyance to him. It's something I work on, as he works on understanding that my mind doesn't quite handle things the way his does.

It's always a balancing act between his pride and my prickliness.

 

[graceanne]

You and I are so alike

I'm a head ripper too, and while that's one of the things that C likes about me, it's also one of the things that gives us the most difficulty. He has a great deal of pride, and I frequently stomp on it.. not intentionally, but I am extremely nitpicky, and the way I am with myself in the pursuit of improvement is merely annoyance to him. It's something I work on, as he works on understanding that my mind doesn't quite handle things the way his does.

It's always a balancing act between his pride and my prickliness.

Oh I totally hear you. K's always saying that I've been disrespectful, when I totally didn't mean to be. But we're working on it. K likes that I can rip heads off and all, but not when it's him. But I really really try not to rip his head off, mostly cause it doesn't do me any good. Just pisses him off. The whole honey and vinegar thing, I think. lol

 

[graceanne]

*looks around to see who grace is talking to*

*giggles* Gee, I wonder. Wait is that a mirror?

 

[Never]

Netzach:
"Oh my god, fail to be an insomniac and look what happens in one night here."

I slaughtered a good half dozen men and women and manly women and womenly men and women who like men who like men who like women who like women like men.

Yet, you never came...

"Never, I need clarification -- how do I know or how do you know? I don't know the answer to the latter I'm afraid."

I'm so about to inundate you with little sad faces.

I have been here for four years and still feel as... Stupid public schooling, I can't think of the right word.

Stupid, fucking – whatever. Just forget I said anything.

 

[Quint]

I think it is possible, but I think you have to do a balancing act, at least I have with these wonderful individuals. I think of them as the "cats" of the human pet world, and look at owning them as analagous to cat owning rather than the reliability of fido. You may never actually be able to exert *total control.* You can, however exert *total onwership.* If that doesn't sounds attractive to you, this is not the right pet, you probably need a big fabulous mastiff of an omega who will in fact do anything any time, any where.

If your boy is bringing his aggression home there are two solutions and I'd probably employ some of each. He probably wants some of each, subconsiously.

One - smackdown. You are still to be treated respectfully, the basic core tenets are still in place. You may enforce a 15 minute "shut the fuck up" if you don't like the tenor of the conversation. That usually engages mr. brain to think what might need to be done differently.

Two - let the control freak have a litttle say, give a transition, use ritual.

this is a big problem in my house, not because M is an aggressive corporate raider, but because work--> not work is a hard transition for just about anyone. As a professional fetish renaissance woman, it's just as critical that I don't take MY work home! I am experimenting with letting my boy put on his own collar, which sits on a nice 1930's console at the front of my house, if, when, and whenever he is ready to transition to "protocol." I find that we are actually interacting more as D and s, and playing better and more often, something hard as hell to maintain at times. A few minutes unwind and meditation can work wonders with your live in.

This is fabulous advice, just fabulous. I need to read it and think on it and live with it. Gawd I'm horrible with work --> not work.

Ahh, thank you.

 

[Marquis]

As a teacher I find that my on the job personality crosses over extremely well when I'm ready to start doing some domming.

 

[Netzach]

I can't believe I am saying this, but, you may be a brilliant and mature and insightful 23, but you are still 23. It may not be time to know quite yet. Where you will be in 3 years will probably astound you.

I was a pretty damn insightful 23, but man, am I a different person now.

I fucking hated people who told me this, please don't hold it against me.

Netzach:
"Oh my god, fail to be an insomniac and look what happens in one night here."

I slaughtered a good half dozen men and women and manly women and womenly men and women who like men who like men who like women who like women like men.

Yet, you never came...

"Never, I need clarification -- how do I know or how do you know? I don't know the answer to the latter I'm afraid."

I'm so about to inundate you with little sad faces.

I have been here for four years and still feel as... Stupid public schooling, I can't think of the right word.

Stupid, fucking – whatever. Just forget I said anything.

 

[Never]

Netzach:
"I fucking hated people who told me this, please don't hold it against me. "

But I'm as old as I can be for my age!

Netzach, I am not upset by your statement and I would certainly never hold it against you. I've never clamed to have all the answers in regards to myself but I am fairly comfortable and confident about who I am and where my proclivities lay. BDSM is a continual snag in my sexuality and I find that annoying. It's not just that I don't *know* - it's that I haven't the faintest clue, which is a rather extreme contrast to my usual self.

The problem, as I see it, isn't that sadomasochism is novel to me. I read Sade when I was 12 and bondage, leather, and whips have been part of my sexual landscape ever since. The problem is that I always though sadomasochism was part of the realm of the sexual fantastic, like elves, hermaphrodites, and giant tentacle beasts. It's only since I came to Literotica that I realized sadomasochism was real. As I said, it's annoying.