4 noobs

[Marquis]

Well Never it's 5:18am and I'm too tired and fucked up to figure out what you were trying to ask me before, but I will tomorrow and get back to you best I can.

In the meantime, I went to a fetish play party tonight and I don't know what to say. I did things tonight which I often wondered if I would ever do. Now that I've done them I'm not even sure how I feel about it. I never, ever thought I'd say this, but I may need to be celibate for a while.

Wow, I'm young.

 

[Guest]

Hm, well I just enjoy pissing, mockery, and general mean spirited GB meanness, but that's me. I just hate keeping it in when there is someone who irritates the fuck out of me on a purely personality level.

on the pervert.

Oh I dunno.... I have gotten to the point that it is easier to ignore em, than to (metaphoricly at least) unscrew the cranial top of some annoying git and give the contents a big stir..

Then again ..I may just be getting old...

 

[Marquis]

For Never

Ah, the question was "How do you know?"

I think the correct answer is:

you don't.

You choose a path and hope that one day you'll be able to look back on it and feel ok about your decision.

Frost says it better than I ever could (my interpretation of this poem is very different than the standard "be an all-American individualist"):

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 

[Guest]

Oh I dunno.... I have gotten to the point that it is easier to ignore em, than to (metaphoricly at least) unscrew the cranial top of some annoying git and give the contents a big stir..

Then again ..I may just be getting old...

Though..If you DO need to yell at someone ... Hans from the GB wandered over to start some..

*sigh* I found it rather...therapeutic.
But I'll warn you..you'll be having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

 

[Aeroil]

Though..If you DO need to yell at someone ... Hans from the GB wandered over to start some..

*sigh* I found it rather...therapeutic.
But I'll warn you..you'll be having a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

hehehe, yes, it was fun . Although I don't yell at people, but he seems to be quite the nice target, the definition of a self-righteous curr from what I've seen so far

 

[Guest]

hehehe, yes, it was fun . Although I don't yell at people, but he seems to be quite the nice target, the definition of a self-righteous curr from what I've seen so far

Actually I think I just need a good go round with a willing masochist..*sigh* But I'm starting to think I scare them...

Sad eh?

hmm and now to not hijack this thread any more..Sorry Netz

 

[littlegirlslut]

So please bare with me because I am not 100% sure what I want to ask...

bascially I know I have a submissive side, a very submissive side, but I like Betticus's ex am very bold, opinionated, stubborn, independent... just look at what he said about her and that is me...

I am mostly worried about BDSM outside of the household. I want to be a fairly public person (when i grow up -i'm 22). I would like to become involved in a local munch but i'm not sure how i would handle it....

Do you have any suggestions?

 

[brioche]

I got's me a question too.

So, it is agreed by just about everyone that there is a huge preponderance of wannabe Doms out there. It can therefore be very hard for a sub to determine whether or not these Doms are real or fake. One really has to trust one's instincts...
Given this, when a sub and Dom are meeting online, whether it be for an online relationship or one that may later become r/l, is it reasonable to request a period in which the sub gets to know her potential Dom? To ask questions and view the person on the other end of the line as more than a group of orders on a page? How long should this period be? Isn't building trust, even in o/l pretty damned important?
Just wanting to know from someone who has been around a lot whether I'm being reasonable or not. I know where my mistakes are and what I've done wrong, but under analysis I'm not the only guilty party. I think. And I'd like to have someone else's take.
brioche

 

[Marquis]

I got's me a question too.

So, it is agreed by just about everyone that there is a huge preponderance of wannabe Doms out there. It can therefore be very hard for a sub to determine whether or not these Doms are real or fake. One really has to trust one's instincts...

Real or fake are tough labels to put on someone like a dom or a sub. It's not like there is a union or a certification board. You need to find the dom that is REAL to you.

Given this, when a sub and Dom are meeting online, whether it be for an online relationship or one that may later become r/l, is it reasonable to request a period in which the sub gets to know her potential Dom?

Uhh, yes.

To ask questions and view the person on the other end of the line as more than a group of orders on a page?

Your dom needs to be much more than a group of orders. With regular subs I will ocassionaly ask her to write down a list of all the things I am to her, and I do the same. If one of our lists is longer than the other, I know there is a problem.

How long should this period be?

It should be as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. Keep in mind that you may never feel comfortable with a given Dom, and it isn't your fault. I was watching an episode of sex and the city once where one of the main characters (I can never remember their names) was trying to set up two of her gay friends. The more desirable of the two was offended by her selection and when she exclaimed that she thought they would be a good match he said, "Why, cause I'm gay and he's gay?" Get it?

Isn't building trust, even in o/l pretty damned important?

No, trust is not important. Sorry, I can't resist providing a negative answer when someone is just looking for a reassuring yes.

Just wanting to know from someone who has been around a lot whether I'm being reasonable or not. I know where my mistakes are and what I've done wrong, but under analysis I'm not the only guilty party. I think. And I'd like to have someone else's take.
brioche

Only you are responsible for your happiness, if you are unhappy, move on. A mistake that a lot of subs make is thinking that their Dom is some benevolent despot who knows all, and that their is a shining light at the end of the tunnel if you just have ultimate faith. Faith comes with trust, and if you don't have the trust you shouldn't have the faith.

Oh yeah, and just so a million other people don't have to post this:

COMMUNICATE

 

[brioche]

Thanks. Marquis.
I think when you're new to anything, you tend to take mistakes you make as your fault, your own fault, and nothing but your fault.

I just needed that reassurance.

And yes, I deserved that no.
brioche

 

[SexxyDevil69]

I have a question for anyone that reads this....How is it that people really get to know each other on this site because i have tried to talk to people and i even wrote a hello thread and no one seems to really care...Now dont get me wrong im not trying to sound annoying or rude but i was just wondering why no one really seems to care about new members expecially the really new ones like myself....Now again please forgive me if i have bothered anyone with this post i just really want to make friends and really begin to understand and experience BDSM. Please someone reply to me i dont care where or how but i would really like to understand Thanks

 

[TaintedB]

Hi SexyDevil,

You are posting at a time when this place is emptied out. I've never seen the conversations this slow here before. It will pick up again. If it is slow because people have left (I am not sure whether that is correct or not) then new people like you will start to speak up and fill the vacuum they left. But that takes time.

In general most people new to online groups get what feels like a cold shoulder (it's not, it's just people being preoccupied with their own shit) until their name starts to get recognized. Just keep posting on whatever you want and eventually some people will start responding to you. It will take less time in this forum than it would in a larger one, like the general board.

I had the same experience as you did, by the way. It was disconcerting, but later I figured out that my posts were still so infrequent (because I was new) that they flew below peoples' radar. People didn't recognize my name and because "new names" tend to come and go quickly around here, they are at first ignored by many people. Although I read your intro. message carefully I didn't respond to it because of my _own_ shit (you reminded me a little of someone I know in another circle, a perfectly nice person but not someone I want reading my posts over here, if that makes sense. I now no longer think that, so I can respond to you. ).

You can see next to a thread you start how many people read it. I never worry about how many people respond to what I say, I just worry when nobody even bothers to read the damn thing. :/

Have you seen my Black Valentine thread? It's in the bdsm cafe forum and contains a wide variety of pics: art, comics, and photos. I'm trying to keep the theme to "dark romance" but sometimes I can't resist and slip a silly one in here or there. You might like it if you like to look at kinky images.

Regards,
Taint

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have a question for anyone that reads this....How is it that people really get to know each other on this site because i have tried to talk to people and i even wrote a hello thread and no one seems to really care...Now dont get me wrong im not trying to sound annoying or rude but i was just wondering why no one really seems to care about new members expecially the really new ones like myself....Now again please forgive me if i have bothered anyone with this post i just really want to make friends and really begin to understand and experience BDSM. Please someone reply to me i dont care where or how but i would really like to understand Thanks

Welcome and try not to take it too personally. You will find the weekend is not always the busiest of times on the board depending what people are doing in their offline lives....and some only log on every 2-3 days. Also for some it is a matter of waiting to see if you intend staying around, what you are like etc. This comes partly from people frequently dropping in to make 1-2 posts on the first day and never appearing again, and also some who come to stir etc. Most regulars here are very giving and tolerant, but many have also found it frustrating to give to everyone who appears for a brief moment and then disappears, so I suspect some are being a little more cautious and taking a wait and see approach while remaining open to those who genuinely want to participate in discussions. Gets a bit like a case of burn out when there is a quick succession of such moments. For those who do choose to stay, the rewards usually many. Enjoy.

Catalina

 

[SexxyDevil69]

Hi SexyDevil,

You are posting at a time when this place is emptied out. I've never seen the conversations this slow here before. It will pick up again. If it is slow because people have left (I am not sure whether that is correct or not) then new people like you will start to speak up and fill the vacuum they left. But that takes time.

In general most people new to online groups get what feels like a cold shoulder (it's not, it's just people being preoccupied with their own shit) until their name starts to get recognized. Just keep posting on whatever you want and eventually some people will start responding to you. It will take less time in this forum than it would in a larger one, like the general board.

I had the same experience as you did, by the way. It was disconcerting, but later I figured out that my posts were still so infrequent (because I was new) that they flew below peoples' radar. People didn't recognize my name and because "new names" tend to come and go quickly around here, they are at first ignored by many people. Although I read your intro. message carefully I didn't respond to it because of my _own_ shit (you reminded me a little of someone I know in another circle, a perfectly nice person but not someone I want reading my posts over here, if that makes sense. I now no longer think that, so I can respond to you. ).

You can see next to a thread you start how many people read it. I never worry about how many people respond to what I say, I just worry when nobody even bothers to read the damn thing. :/

Have you seen my Black Valentine thread? It's in the bdsm cafe forum and contains a wide variety of pics: art, comics, and photos. I'm trying to keep the theme to "dark romance" but sometimes I can't resist and slip a silly one in here or there. You might like it if you like to look at kinky images.

Regards,
Taint

Thanks for clearing this all up for me I do plan on staying around for a while and i really do hope that more people will warm up to me but i must admit that i dont really know what to talk about seeing as i am very new to this lifestyle and all i really have is my fantasies about it and the stories that i have read so please forgive my ignorence about some things.
I will be sure to check out your other thread with more detail and thanks again for showing me that this place is not so cold
I also want to thank catalina_francisco for replying to me also. I can honestly say that i am now wearing a smile on my face and really look forward to meeting new people and i promise i will try to be more pacient with things, (oh and by the way please forgive any bad spelling again )

 

[Marquis]

Are other message boards friendlier than this?

 

[Despina]

Are other message boards friendlier than this?

Define 'friendly'.

 

[Marquis]

Hey Despina! Haven't seen you in like, uh, FOREVER! So how is everything and I mean EVERYTHING honey?

 

[Netzach]

in all seriousness, Sexy Devil just get into the conversations a lot. Be an annoying long winded writer of essays. In all honesty, lit gets to know people through volume sheer volume, and if the majority of the time you actually seem to have something to say, people will give you the nods and right ons or they may vehemently disagree with you, but you get out what you put in.

 

[TaintedB]

Originally posted by SexxyDevil69
Thanks for clearing this all up for me I do plan on staying around for a while and i really do hope that more people will warm up to me but i must admit that i dont really know what to talk about seeing as i am very new to this lifestyle and all i really have is my fantasies about it and the stories that i have read so please forgive my ignorence about some things.
I will be sure to check out your other thread with more detail and thanks again for showing me that this place is not so cold
I also want to thank catalina_francisco for replying to me also. I can honestly say that i am now wearing a smile on my face and really look forward to meeting new people and i promise i will try to be more pacient with things, (oh and by the way please forgive any bad spelling again )

Good idea! And remember, people aren't being cold to you. How can you be cold to someone you don't know? They just don't see you yet. Sometimes people compare message boards to cocktail parties. It's not the greatest analogy in the world, but imagine that you've just entered a party with a lot of people boozing it up and you are only 3 inches tall and nobody is looking down at the ground so they don't see you down there. That's an analogy for your visibility when you first enter a forum.

What Netzach said is true: the more you post, the more visible you will become and the taller you will grow, until you reach eye level. Although if don't like heat, I wouldn't recommend opinionated essays right off the bat. Save those for next week! There is someone else new here (or new to me anyway) who is getting visible by starting question threads about things that interest her. That works, as long as you have questions. But it's perfectly OK to be new to a group and not have questions. New is not equal to ignorant. After all, you aren't new to life and you BYOE (bring your own experiences) to this cocktail party.

 

[babiesmiles]

I liked your answers Netzach and TaintedB , being new myself I found very wise and encouraging your words

 

[bridgeburner]

SexxyDevil,

Don't worry about lack of experience keeping you out. If you dont know about something there's generally someone quite happy to wax rhapsodic over their favorite endeavors. The mind is where everything begins anyway.


-B

 

[SexxyDevil69]

This is very helpful thanks a lot everyone and i will try to get more into the threads. My day just got a lot happier

 

[s'lara]

This is very helpful thanks a lot everyone and i will try to get more into the threads. My day just got a lot happier

Welcome to the board SD.

i wouldn't place your days happiness on the ever shifting momentum of the board or its reception of you.

Instead, try to see the board as resource and possibility for making friends. You'll be stung less and enjoy your time much more.

If you need help finding information about a particular BDSM related subject, let me know and i will try to help you. For a point of reference, please see the Library Link.

Good luck.

lara

 

[SexxyDevil69]

Welcome to the board SD.

i wouldn't place your days happiness on the ever shifting momentum of the board or its reception of you.

Instead, try to see the board as resource and possibility for making friends. You'll be stung less and enjoy your time much more.

If you need help finding information about a particular BDSM related subject, let me know and i will try to help you. For a point of reference, please see the Library Link.

Good luck.

lara

Oh my all means i wasnt trying to sounds like my happiness revolved around this site it was just that i was having a not so good time today because of bad news and i was just happy to see that i have made a good step toward making new friends i hope that i cleared that up

 

[Marquis]

Oh my all means i wasnt trying to sounds like my happiness revolved around this site it was just that i was having a not so good time today because of bad news and i was just happy to see that i have made a good step toward making new friends i hope that i cleared that up

Are there any BDSM related questions we can help you with?