How do you help someone get over being abused

[Noor]

She's back home on the farm now, and has an appointment tomorrow with social services to apply for single mother's benefit.

She has a house she can move into (family owned so she can live there rent free). She will have time to get herself emotionally together again and concentrate on her son, whose pics I have just seen on Facebook (thanks son!) and who is a gorgeous smiley little boy.

Glad to hear it!

 

[Bandit58]

Just heard that all went well with my daughter's appointment with Work & Income NZ and she will be getting a weekly benefit starting next week. Some good news for a change in what has been a rather crap couple of weeks

 

[Wolf_Song]

Wishing best to those healing and those here in support for them. Plus hugs for those wishing them to.

 

[Gil_T2]

*bump*

 

[Bandit58]

My daughter is doing well. Still at her dad's but it's winter not the best time to be moving. She's completely washed her hands of the waste of oxygen who fathered her son. Apparently he was on meth as well as pot so that was maybe the cause of his erratic moods and behaviour.

Bubs now officially has her surname, although she's kept his father's surname as part of his middle names. She thought he would be more likely to sign the papers for that if she did this, which he did.

He's now 7 months and cute as a button (although I do say so myself )

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

My daughter is doing well. Still at her dad's but it's winter not the best time to be moving. She's completely washed her hands of the waste of oxygen who fathered her son. Apparently he was on meth as well as pot so that was maybe the cause of his erratic moods and behaviour.

Bubs now officially has her surname, although she's kept his father's surname as part of his middle names. She thought he would be more likely to sign the papers for that if she did this, which he did.

He's now 7 months and cute as a button (although I do say so myself )

I'm glad to hear that she is doing well and moving on! *HUGS*

 

[BeachMomma]

I haven't had a chance to read much of this thread, but I have to say this is amazing....and all of you are amazing as well. It's easy to think sometimes that Lit is just about erotica, but it isn't. There are good people here, and there are good people on this earth. Sometimes it just takes a little digging to find them.

To answer the question, patience, time, understanding, and support. Create good memories to replace the bad memories. Listen when they need to talk. In other words, things that are already happening here.

*hugs*

 

[Gil_T2]

I haven't had a chance to read much of this thread, but I have to say this is amazing....and all of you are amazing as well. It's easy to think sometimes that Lit is just about erotica, but it isn't. There are good people here, and there are good people on this earth. Sometimes it just takes a little digging to find them.

To answer the question, patience, time, understanding, and support. Create good memories to replace the bad memories. Listen when they need to talk. In other words, things that are already happening here.

*hugs*

Thanks for dropping by & posting Beach Momma

I started this thread for help with one person in mind & was suprised by how many people of both sexes have been victims & I love hearing back from survivers who have found this thread has been a small part in helping.

 

[Noor]

Thanks for dropping by & posting Beach Momma

I started this thread for help with one person in mind & was suprised by how many people of both sexes have been victims & I love hearing back from survivers who have found this thread has been a small part in helping.

Hi guys!

 

[BeachMomma]

Thanks for dropping by & posting Beach Momma

I started this thread for help with one person in mind & was suprised by how many people of both sexes have been victims & I love hearing back from survivers who have found this thread has been a small part in helping.

It's an awesome idea, and I'm glad to see something like this on Lit. Domestic and sexual abuse are at epidemic proportions, and all too often, survivors can't or won't talk about it. Truthfully, that's the only way to get past it. It often takes a conscious effort to transition from victim to survivor. For me, it wasn't even enough to be a survivor; I knew the only way I could get my self-esteem back was to choose to thrive. Every day I tell my self that living well is the best revenge, and that's enough for me.

The men who abuse women are typically cowards. They know they can't pick on somebody who can defend themselves, so they prey on women instead. Unfortunately, by the time the damage is done, the woman's self esteem is shattered, along with her faith in other people and her ability to make decisions. It's good to know that there are good, trustworthy men out there.

 

[icequeen06]

I would just like to say that I think this thread was a brilliant idea. I know discussing things online can be a bit easier than in real life. I have not been able to read all of the posts(I don't think I could), however, I would like to commend each and everyone who has found the courage to talk about their experiences. I cannot say I know what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, but I've seen firsthand the damage it can do. And I do know that being able to discuss hurtful things can be very good therapy in itself. I wish all of you all the happiness and love in the world-you deserve it. Never let anyone make you feel differently!

 

[Elaya]

Sorry if it's already been said..

but EFT or emotional freedom technique.

Download. Read. Do. Heal. Love.



https://***************/file/d/0B8PsZDSg_nTAOGU4YmM3NDEtMmUwMS00ZTcxLTg4NjUtNGM4N2FmMDE3MDkz/edit

 

[nayia]

This thread is amazing. I found it under the Blank Manual. I just got out from an abusive relationship myself, and it's inspiring to read posts from people who have been through worse than me and emerged strong and compassionate. Just wanted to say thanks to all of the people who have posted; I'm only on p. 6 but reading some when I'm having a rough day really helps.

 

[kikmosa]

Thanks for dropping by & posting Beach Momma

I started this thread for help with one person in mind & was suprised by how many people of both sexes have been victims & I love hearing back from survivers who have found this thread has been a small part in helping.

 

[Noor]

Hey Kiki! Good to see you about

 

[Gil_T2]

It's an awesome idea, and I'm glad to see something like this on Lit. Domestic and sexual abuse are at epidemic proportions, and all too often, survivors can't or won't talk about it. Truthfully, that's the only way to get past it. It often takes a conscious effort to transition from victim to survivor. For me, it wasn't even enough to be a survivor; I knew the only way I could get my self-esteem back was to choose to thrive. Every day I tell my self that living well is the best revenge, and that's enough for me.

The men who abuse women are typically cowards. They know they can't pick on somebody who can defend themselves, so they prey on women instead. Unfortunately, by the time the damage is done, the woman's self esteem is shattered, along with her faith in other people and her ability to make decisions. It's good to know that there are good, trustworthy men out there.

BeachMomma. I agree with everything you posted except that there are guys who suffer or have suffered abuse too.

I'm also glad your found your way of dealing with your abuse as this is a tough position to be in from time to time so always feel welcome to come back to the thread.

My wonderful wife is also a survivor who still has flashbacks & dark moments but she is safe, loved & that I know & understand.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi guys!

Hi Noor, sadly we haven't been around much of late as dealing with real life has us busy but BANDIT & I are doing well.

 

[Gil_T2]

I would just like to say that I think this thread was a brilliant idea. I know discussing things online can be a bit easier than in real life. I have not been able to read all of the posts(I don't think I could), however, I would like to commend each and everyone who has found the courage to talk about their experiences. I cannot say I know what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, but I've seen firsthand the damage it can do. And I do know that being able to discuss hurtful things can be very good therapy in itself. I wish all of you all the happiness and love in the world-you deserve it. Never let anyone make you feel differently!

Thankyou for your post IceQueen,
You could melt showing your caring side & so glad that you haven't been through abuse yourself & know it is hard watching people you care about going through it.

If you can keep reading the thread you will see that people have posted & some have found that they have been helped just by posting about their own abuse & it has helped them move on with life.

 

[Gil_T2]

Sorry if it's already been said..

but EFT or emotional freedom technique.

Download. Read. Do. Heal. Love.



https://***************/file/d/0B8PsZDSg_nTAOGU4YmM3NDEtMmUwMS00ZTcxLTg4NjUtNGM4N2FmMDE3MDkz/edit

Elaya, for some reason your link didn't work on my PC but I did Google "the eft manual gary craig" & had a quick look through without downloading it noticing several usefull bits in there, thanks for sharing.

 

[Gil_T2]

Sorry if it's already been said..

but EFT or emotional freedom technique.

Download. Read. Do. Heal. Love.



https://***************/file/d/0B8PsZDSg_nTAOGU4YmM3NDEtMmUwMS00ZTcxLTg4NjUtNGM4N2FmMDE3MDkz/edit

Elaya, for some reason your link didn't work on my PC but I did Google "the eft manual gary craig" & had a quick look through without downloading it noticing several usefull bits in there, thanks for sharing.

 

[Gil_T2]

This thread is amazing. I found it under the Blank Manual. I just got out from an abusive relationship myself, and it's inspiring to read posts from people who have been through worse than me and emerged strong and compassionate. Just wanted to say thanks to all of the people who have posted; I'm only on p. 6 but reading some when I'm having a rough day really helps.

Nayia, Welcome to the thread & so pleased it has helped you when your having a rough day & please feel free to return as often as you like & please feel free to comment, post or ask anything you want.

Wishing continued strength in dealing with your past with past being an important thing to remember.

 

[Gil_T2]

dear KIKI

Gil_T2 Praying for forgiveness in your sig line is strange as you are the only one who needs to forgive yourself, you are still fighting the past & doing a wonderful job of it, feel free to email or message me if you want.

 

[Bandit58]

I haven't been on Lit for a couple of months, just needed some time out from all the idiocy on some boards I guess

Right now we are dealing with Gil's daughter who has just got herself out of a physically and mentally abusive relationship, and who is having mental issues (anxiety, PTSD, eating disorder) plus a back injury (not caused by her abuser) which has kept her off work. She has lost so much weight but insists she isn't anorexic - we had to practically force her to eat something when we last saw her....she is on very strong pain medication for her back which will not be helping her stomach if she doesn't have food lining it!

The waste of space not only abused her but made terribly derogatory comments to her children (10 and 12). The younger one is very concerned about his mum - apparently he used to stand outside her bedroom door while waste-of-oxygen was beating her They are in counselling.

Some good news...my grandson just celebrated his first birthday. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) his father is now in prison for violating his parole by stealing a car. Best place for him I say His mother, my daughter, is doing well and getting her life back together, although it will be quite a while before she trusts a man again.

 

[Beck31]

That is rough. Thank goodness the douchebag is in prison. There is NO excuse for ANYONE to put their hands on a woman. I wish her and her children the best of luck in the future.

 

[Scarlett_69]

Just want to give encouragement to anyone who may be in an abusive relationship.

I am a domestic violence survivor.....I escaped my abuser, and I have now been in a wonderful marriage for 10 years with a man who treats me like a goddess every day.