How to compliment a woman

[stickygirl]

Oh no

sorry JtohisPB- I should have done those as two separate posts and didn't mean to bracket you into my 'all the other stuff' rant

 

[unregistered]

 

[Lord Pmann]

I don't believe satindesire is the equivalent of a misogynist in the slightest. I don't believe she is a party to "The kind of man hating..." I am not threatened in any way by "people like SD", I welcome their strength of commentary. I believe society as a whole benefits immensely by those who are willing to speak up loud for equality, respect and the right for anyone to go about their lives without hinder from intimidation and fear of assault.

I can not see, in any way, anything that satindesire has said that could possibly be seen as dangerous to society, quite the opposite. Where exactly is the threat? How has anything she said this time or previously that promotes denial of rights for men or attack on the male dignity. I have never witnessed a tarnishing of 'all males' from satindesire.

"Stand tall, walk strong, keep your head raised" has been offered as a way to lessen your chance of falling victim to a bully or be targeted by predatory behaviour. If, however, it still happens I respect immensely the person who has the courage for a stern rebuke of "Fuck off". They owe the perpetrator of the harassment no more energy and time than the delivery of those two words. Those two words along with "Stand tall, walk strong, keep your head raised" may well give cause for a potential attacker to back off. Those two words in that context are not
"The kind of man-hating that she has" being delivered to all men. If those two words help ward of a potential escalation or perhaps attack, then they are empowering.

It was very wrong to have warped this discussion into "people like SD" and "man hating" and indeed "hatred of race". Blanket coverage has only been promoted by one person in this thread as in the use of name calling.

Society is not going to fall over because a woman said "fuck off" while being harassed. She is saying this to one person who is a dick-head not all males. I am glad to live in a society where dick-heads get the two words they deserve, irrespective of gender, race or religion.

Where is the threat in anything satindesire has argued for or promoted? How has anyone's rights been diminished? Where are the personal attacks from her? Where are the blanket statements of "all males"? How is society endangered?

I do believe SD is the same as a misogynist, in the mostest. And, based on the number of PMs that I get from people when she and I got into this argument, I'm not alone. People think she's delusional and she's full of shit. You have no idea how many people PM me saying that they are glad someone stood up to her bullshit. And it's not her beliefs necessarily. It's how she goes about them. She's like a bull in a china shop.

First off, I think her claims of constantly getting accosted are complete and utter horse shit. Why? Well, she accused me of flirting with her one time. Hell. The. Fuck. No. I said I would rather jump face first into a volcano than have a conversation with her. Well, I'd rather jump dick first into an ant pile than flirt with her. I can't imagine the self delusion one has to have to believe that. So, I can only imagine that when a guy smiles at her on the street, how she must take that as a sign of aggression. I've seen her go nuclear or just completely bitch on posters here who make lighthearted comments towards her, on a sex site. Add that to a highly inflated sense of self worth and a massive ego and I think you get delusion.

I'm glad you're not threatened by people like her. I'm not either. But I think she's delusional. It's not because she's a woman. It's because she demands that everyone have a voice. As long as it's the same as hers. Imagine the shit she would give women if someone came out and said they enjoy the compliments and the catcalls.

You ask what she does that is harmful to men? Well, she's constantly on the defensive with them. I mentioned earlier where I've seen guys be flirtatious with her and she responds to a mosquito bite with a gun. And when someone calls her out on it, they are considered a misogynistic pig who is promoting the em"burka"ment of all women here and abroad.

There are times when a fuck off is needed. I don't disagree. If I saw someone else give that comment to someone on the forum who was being overly aggressive, then it wouldn't mean much. But, as stated earlier, it comes with a price when it comes from her, because she's constantly looking to be the victim. That's how I say she is harmful to the cause.

Thank you, Night, for so eloquently showing me where I was wrong. The fact that you don't see the correlation in the race example and that you see it as "hatred of race"... I don't even know how to finish that sentence. Again, I tried to draw on a very similar parallel (one that was sharpened after Bramble's comments) to show that the kind of thinking that was being discussed can be a dangerous form of prejudice, in other contexts. I think MeekMe seemed to really capture it well with her post in response to it.

All I'm saying is that the thoughts need to be there on that kind of conditioning. I was pointing out the dangerous side to the being conditioned to react a certain way in certain situations coin.

@stickygirl- in response to your comments. I'll assume it was largely directed at me, as you mentioned the race thing and I was the one who brought that up. I still feel that it have either been unclear or something about this... I do not think the compliments are appropriate or that they should have to be endured. I don't think that's okay and I don't think, in any of my posts, I have even hinted at that. I am not someone who compliments women, nor have I ever been. For me, it would be really awkward.

I'll reiterate on why I pointed out the racism rabbit. I was showing a parallel that fit into the same scenario. People are uncomfortable saying that they would be okay with someone being conditioned to behave a certain way because of the normally benign action of someone based on race, but we are saying it's okay in other instances. I never took a stance one way or the other. I simply posed the scenario, in a couple of different ways, finally getting to one I think anyone would agree is quite similar. And still, few people chose to actually take a stance on it, because it makes people feel weird to say that they can understand someone being a certain way towards a certain group of people based on race. That was the purpose of that exercise. It wasn't to say women are wrong for their feelings of fear about certain things. It was to pose the danger of a conditioned way of thinking.

SD's outspoken points don't do more good than harm. It's like having Justin Bieber as the spokesperson for the rights of gay marriage. Yes, the cause may be fair and just. But you have a spokesperson that a lot of people think is a ticking time bomb.

Sticky- what do you mean don't call someone gurl? Is that a term used for transgender people that is offensive? Just the term gurl? Or is it attached to something else? I've never seen that term before.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Transgender men who still have their cervices - which is most - are advised to have the same pap screening as cis women. Trans male friend of mine in healthcare mentions that testosterone may actually increase risk levels of cervical cancer. Unfortunately a lot don't get the screening they ought, for a variety of reasons.

http://www.springer.com/about+springer/media/springer+select?SGWID=0-11001-6-1452342-0

If your system copes with trans patients, I'm glad to hear it. Unfortunately it's far from universal. Certainly a friend of mine had trouble with a system designed on the assumption that legally-male people would never need pap smears etc.

Trans awareness is also a real issue with things like prison systems - c.f. the current "Jane Doe" case in CT, where a sixteen-year-old trans girl has been held in boys' facilities and in solitary for months because the CT prison system can't figure out a humane way to deal with her.

In one of the prisons I volunteer, there was a guy in there... Let's see. I don't know the terminology. He was born a guy. He now has breasts and had undergone an operation. So, now identified as a woman. I don't know what one calls that. Trans male or trans female. However, she was a big human. Like, really strong and buff. Well, they put her in a men's prison. Because, well, she was born a man. And, it's not quite fair to put her in a women's prison when she's a foot taller and 100lbs of muscle heavier.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm the only real misogynist around here, all the rest are pathetic posers.

 

[bailadora]

Why can't people just be who they are and let other people do the same without all these fucking hang-ups and judgements. *sigh*

Because there are people who don't. And it causes problems for the people who do.

I'm running out the door, so I don't have time for a lengthy reply, but I've been ruminating on why it's can be so difficult to talk about the these touchy subjects in our society.

I've been following all the discussion in the wake of the unrest in Ferguson, and something another commenter wrote crystallized it for me: When a system works for you, it's hard to see anything wrong with it. Conversely, when it treats you poorly, it's hard to see anything right with it.

For me, it's provided a lot of insight on why people seem to be at such cross purposes, and why it can be so difficult to understand another person's position.

Also - as a side note: while I know there are some who wish this thread would die already, I just want to say I've enjoyed the hell out of it. Stuff like this matters to me, and it's something that I wanted to bring up back in May. I didn't, though, because I was too worn out from all the fallout of bringing it up on my own social media.

Whether I agree with you or not, thank you for your time and your perspective.

 

[stickygirl]

I'll reiterate on why I pointed out the racism rabbit. I was showing a parallel that fit into the same scenario. People are uncomfortable saying that they would be okay with someone being conditioned to behave a certain way because of the normally benign action of someone based on race, but we are saying it's okay in other instances. I never took a stance one way or the other. I simply posed the scenario, in a couple of different ways, finally getting to one I think anyone would agree is quite similar. And still, few people chose to actually take a stance on it, because it makes people feel weird to say that they can understand someone being a certain way towards a certain group of people based on race. That was the purpose of that exercise. It wasn't to say women are wrong for their feelings of fear about certain things. It was to pose the danger of a conditioned way of thinking.

I'm still scratching my head over this example. I don't dislike men because some are a-holes and make smart-ass comments. If a black guy mugged me after asking for money then I'd give every guy begging for money a wide berth, black or white because I seriously don't distinguish on skin colour. The point is the scenario: man making comments; guy begging for money not all men/all black people. But there are smart ass black and white men and their agenda is the same, so it's the context, not paranoia.

Sticky- what do you mean don't call someone gurl? Is that a term used for transgender people that is offensive? Just the term gurl? Or is it attached to something else? I've never seen that term before.

Look where you see the word 'gurl' used and you'll recognise the association with transvestites and porn-speak. It's not a big deal but if I see people using the word, I know what sites they visit

 

[Lord Pmann]

Look where you see the word 'gurl' used and you'll recognise the association with transvestites and porn-speak. It's not a big deal but if I see people using the word, I know what sites they visit

I've never actually seen the word used before this thread, that's why I asked. Is it like using the word "shemale" or something like that? Sorry if it's a dumb question, I really just haven't heard of it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

In one of the prisons I volunteer, there was a guy in there... Let's see. I don't know the terminology. He was born a guy. He now has breasts and had undergone an operation. So, now identified as a woman. I don't know what one calls that. Trans male or trans female.

Trans female.

However, she was a big human. Like, really strong and buff. Well, they put her in a men's prison. Because, well, she was born a man. And, it's not quite fair to put her in a women's prison when she's a foot taller and 100lbs of muscle heavier.

This issue was considered in pro athletics quite a while back, and it's been pretty well established that transgender women who've been on HRT (or had orchidectomy) for more than about a year do not have a significant strength/endurance advantage over their cis competitors. Major sporting associations up to and including the International Olympic Committee allow trans women to compete in female events, and yet most of the winners are still cis.

If your lady has been on HRT and/or had bottom surgery a while back, and still has that much muscle, it's not because she was "born male". It's because she is working hard for it, just as hard as a cis woman would. As far as I know they don't put cis women in men's prisons no matter how tall and strong they are, so there's no excuse for doing it to a trans woman.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm still scratching my head over this example. I don't dislike men because some are a-holes and make smart-ass comments. If a black guy mugged me after asking for money then I'd give every guy begging for money a wide berth, black or white because I seriously don't distinguish on skin colour. The point is the scenario: man making comments; guy begging for money not all men/all black people. But there are smart ass black and white men and their agenda is the same, so it's the context, not paranoia.

Well, there are statistics that show that it is more likely to be a minority that commits the crime. I realize that's not something that we like to say or think about, but it is statistically the case.

I think it's a very real and close scenario. I gave the example of what happened to my friend and that has been the case, right or wrong.

Have you ever seen the movie Crash, by any chance? It's probably my favourite movie of all time because it takes such a real look at relations and prejudices and such. It's a bit off topic, but so are the last 9 pages.

Perhaps you would simply be able to turn off the race and just be bothered by anyone panhandling. But I think that many, whether intentional or not, would struggle with this. I think on some level, it would affect most people.

Again, the reason I pointed that out was to show the conditioning effect that things can have on people and how, even if it is often justified, it can be unhealthy.

I mentioned earlier that I have volunteered in prisons for years. It's left me with certain stereotypes and prejudices that I didn't have before. It's helped me understand how those things come in to play, but nevertheless, it has changed my outlook and views on many things. Race, gender, social status- all of those things have been very interesting to learn in regards to what I've seen in prisons.

So you all don't think I'm throwing stones and being high and mighty, I'll give you an admission... I'll be the first to admit I would be MORE scared if I was approached by a group of young black men in a dark alley than a group of young Asian men. Because statistically, one is significantly more likely to commit a crime than another.

Now, with that said, don't think I walk around thinking black people are going to commit crimes. That's not what I say or think. But what I can say is that I'm willing to admit that, in a situation where I may feel fearful, some prejudices may arise.

I realize this about myself and that's why I brought it up with that example. I brought it up to show the dangers of conditioning.

 

[stickygirl]

I've never actually seen the word used before this thread, that's why I asked. Is it like using the word "shemale" or something like that? Sorry if it's a dumb question, I really just haven't heard of it.

Yup - same thing. You mean you don't visit those sites - that's refreshing to hear. It's about the same as greeting women with "Hi whore"

 

[Lord Pmann]

If your lady has been on HRT and/or had bottom surgery a while back, and still has that much muscle, it's not because she was "born male". It's because she is working hard for it, just as hard as a cis woman would. As far as I know they don't put cis women in men's prisons no matter how tall and strong they are, so there's no excuse for doing it to a trans woman.

I don't know what actually surgery she had. I just know that she was fucking huge and she had breasts. Even if she lost the bulk, she still would have been big. I'm a big guy and if she lost the bulk, she would've been bigger than I am.

I could say there IS a reason for putting a trans woman in a men's prison. I sure as fuck wouldn't want to be in prison with someone who is that much bigger than me if I am in a women's prison. Like I said, lose the bulk and she was still a rather large human.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Yup - same thing. You mean you don't visit those sites - that's refreshing to hear. It's about the same as greeting women with "Hi whore"

I don't know what "those sites" are. I visit Pornhub and Youporn mainly.

 

[stickygirl]

I don't know what actually surgery she had. I just know that she was fucking huge and she had breasts. Even if she lost the bulk, she still would have been big. I'm a big guy and if she lost the bulk, she would've been bigger than I am.

I could say there IS a reason for putting a trans woman in a men's prison. I sure as fuck wouldn't want to be in prison with someone who is that much bigger than me if I am in a women's prison. Like I said, lose the bulk and she was still a rather large human.

Errr. no! Totally not put a trans woman in a men's prison. You're now being size-ist if you think tall/broad/big women shouldn't be in a women's prison!
If she's been living as a woman, has been reviewed by medical professionals, had her drivers licence changed, even if she still has a penis, she's a woman - there is no room for discussion. You are otherwise dismissing all trans women, myself included, based on a preconception as to how women should look.

 

[Emerson40]

When aggression is all you see from a person then it becomes just more of the same for no real reason other than that's just who they are. The vast majority of people do not respond to it or engage well with aggression. Most of what I see here now is just that.

So when aggressive people start to talk on issues of import the people of Lit roll their eyes and do the whole "hear they go again" thing which is sad for those speaking because they probably do have some really good opinions and values to share, and it's sad for us who are just tired of their crap because we might miss out on some amazing revelations when the delivery of them is just so distasteful.

Several pages back I saw this happening.

Originally, when I sensed the thread developing into something that was going to take on some larger, broader issues, I thought "Fantastic!, There are some really smart folks here, a big old mix of folks from different backgrounds, a metric ton of varied life experience. This is going to be an interesting and informative thread."

This image of a long, big table came to mind, like you see at those leadership summits. All participants are present with little name plates in front of them, and there are chairs for others to join in, should they wish. Discussions - both the main one addressing all, and the little sidebar ones, where the delgates lean in to chat to one another - take place.

Very quickly though, the shouting starts, and then pens, cups, and shoes are hurled across the table, and it becomes chaos. It becomes less about the topic(s) and issue(s), and more about personalities and just being heard.

I think there are a number of folks who would've posted, and added some very good insight to the discussion and shared some experiences, had things not devolved as it did. I heard from a few folks who had things they would've like to say or contribute, but they felt, ironically given some of the topics discussed, afraid of being attacked or told they were something or other because they did not agree.


Maybe we need a conch, eh Piggy?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Why can't people just be who they are and let other people do the same without all these fucking hang-ups and judgements. *sigh*

When I was a child the snowbird regime at our school board put all the native southern kids in remedial speech to cure us of our idiom. It worked. You'd swear I'm from Pennsylvania. I usta translate Black Mammy to Pennsylvania Social Worker Girl, neither woman spoke the same language.

The whole world is ethnocentric, all believe their school and team are best. You do, too. Its why we have so many nations and so many conflicts.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Errr. no! Totally not put a trans woman in a men's prison. You're now being size-ist if you think tall/broad/big women shouldn't be in a women's prison!
If she's been living as a woman, has been reviewed by medical professionals, had her drivers licence changed, even if she still has a penis, she's a woman - there is no room for discussion. You are otherwise dismissing all trans women, myself included, based on a preconception as to how women should look.

A woman is her anatomy! Who knew! Its a novel idea that died with Freud a century ago. Cosmetic girls are as clueless of the female sex as they are of being billy goats.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Errr. no! Totally not put a trans woman in a men's prison. You're now being size-ist if you think tall/broad/big women shouldn't be in a women's prison!
If she's been living as a woman, has been reviewed by medical professionals, had her drivers licence changed, even if she still has a penis, she's a woman - there is no room for discussion. You are otherwise dismissing all trans women, myself included, based on a preconception as to how women should look.

No, I'm not saying that someone should be placed in a prison based on size. However, there has to be a certain criteria for determining how to place people in a prison, rather than if she lives as a woman.

You're suggesting that I'm saying women who are large should be placed into a men's facility. No. Not at all. I'm saying a person born as a man may have to be sent to a male prison. That's not me being a size-ist. I have to admit, that's the first time I've heard that one.

I think a person born as a man, tall or not, should be sent to a men's prison, if that's what her chromosome's say she is.

I've never dismissed trans women at all. But I'm saying, there are safety precautions when you go to prisons. You've committed a crime and you are sent there for punishment. It's not a debate on people being mean or anything of that nature. It's a matter of putting people in the place where they should be, whichever that is.

I don't know if that one person had a change or just had breasts. I really have no clue. I just know she would've had MASSIVE advantage over at a female prison. And that does have to do with the fact that she was born a man. That's not dismissive, that's the reason.

 

[stickygirl]

You've heard of Laverne Cox, who is six foot? Or the model Andreja Pejic who is 6'2"? I was only tongue in cheek with size-ist, but if you are going to categorise gender based purely on chromosomes, then you are completely out of step with modern thinking.
I'm quite taken aback here. Wow

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

No, I'm not saying that someone should be placed in a prison based on size. However, there has to be a certain criteria for determining how to place people in a prison, rather than if she lives as a woman.

You're suggesting that I'm saying women who are large should be placed into a men's facility. No. Not at all. I'm saying a person born as a man may have to be sent to a male prison. That's not me being a size-ist. I have to admit, that's the first time I've heard that one.

I think a person born as a man, tall or not, should be sent to a men's prison, if that's what her chromosome's say she is.

I've never dismissed trans women at all. But I'm saying, there are safety precautions when you go to prisons. You've committed a crime and you are sent there for punishment. It's not a debate on people being mean or anything of that nature. It's a matter of putting people in the place where they should be, whichever that is.

I don't know if that one person had a change or just had breasts. I really have no clue. I just know she would've had MASSIVE advantage over at a female prison. And that does have to do with the fact that she was born a man. That's not dismissive, that's the reason.

Trannys usta come to my ER all the time, depressed when folks ridiculed them for appearing in female costume and accouterments. I enraged plenty of their therapists when I tagged these folks as Depressed with Psychotic Features. Trannys aren't girls, or real boys like Pinocchio. Its a delusion.

 

[MeekMe]

I'm going to skip this discussion about trans vs cis because I have nothing valuable to add to that. I have no authority on it. I am grateful for the explainations because reading through it; I learned something.

There's been talk of people having not felt comfortable posting and I feel that way. My responses to this thread have been as fair as I could muster. It takes me a really long time to respond with so little. It's part of how I react and interact with people regularly. The responses I make are based on my experiences. I've had a chance to be on a lot of sides and have a lot of different perspectives. That doesn't make me an expert.

When I read satindesire's posts, I realize she has something I don't. She isn't afraid to say something. I'm happy she does that. There's been times in this thread when I would have LOVED to jump in and rip someone a new asshole because what was said made me so angry. But I don't. That's not to say that satin jumps in and does that, but sometimes my rage is understated.

I look like this: but inside I'm this:

I lose my train of thought easily so if this stops being coherent and I'm rambling I apologize.

I want to share a bit of something I held back. Something that prompted me to finally write down and show my husband what really happened to me. He knew about it, but he didn't have any of the details or how long it went on for. He just knew that sometimes I felt bad thinking about it.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=59615141&postcount=99

^^^This post was vile in my mind. At the time I shut down and decided to wait for the wave of this one to pass. I knew most people would point out how shitty this post came off. Thanks to all those who pointed out why this post was so wrong.

So, why does this post strike a cord with me? I was raped by someone I knew. I'm part of that statistic he felt needed to be pointed out. What that said to me: Don't worry about strangers! You'll KNOW your rapist!

And the only thing I can think is, If I was raped by someone I knew and trusted, how do you think I should react to someone I don't know and don't trust?

Our experiences shape our responses. When a man I don't know asks me for directions, the hair on the back of my neck raises and I get nervous. I politely give him the directions, but my mind is screaming to run. When I give the directions, I try my best to stand away from him and not get too close.

I know for sure that every man I pass isn't looking to hurt me. I'm positive that I'm safe most of the time. But when someone randomly compliments me and I'm alone, I get nervous. I don't know what that person's intention is, I just know that if they've complimented my appearance they've just expressed that they like what they see and I automatically go into panic mode.

When I share my experience, I'm not "fear mongering." I'm sharing something with the hopes that someone will understand where my fear comes from. I'm hoping they will see the other side and be more sensitive to my POV.

With that said, I'm one woman out of millions. I have my personal experiences that shape my way of thinking. I've also been able to read and empathize with other women who have had similar experiences. When you say someone "always plays the victim" you make it harder for someone else to come forward and share what they've been through. For me, I struggled for years with it wondering why I couldn't feel better. I didn't share it because I knew there were other people out there who had been through worse stuff. It wasn't until a friend told me, "It's not about who went through worse stuff, it's about sharing your experience so others can learn from it."

There are a lot of strong personalities battling it out in this thread. It's intimidating to say the least.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The sure and quickest cure for phobias is competence. The instant we master how to do anything the fear and chatter and crap goes away. Because we know what to do.

 

[MeekMe]

The sure and quickest cure for phobias is competence. The instant we master how to do anything the fear and chatter and crap goes away. Because we know what to do.

I wouldn't call it a phobia, and I'm not sure if this was directed at me. I agree that being prepared can help with anxiety, but I have no idea how to help with a phobia.

I feel I should point out that during these interactions, I lose the nerves when it becomes apparent this person really does just need directions. I have a kneejerk reaction to a lot of situations. As I'm sure a lot of people do.

When I feel comfortable or I have a friend with me, it's not the same reaction. I am more at ease. I was just sharing this as an example.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You've heard of Laverne Cox, who is six foot? Or the model Andreja Pejic who is 6'2"? I was only tongue in cheek with size-ist, but if you are going to categorise gender based purely on chromosomes, then you are completely out of step with modern thinking.
I'm quite taken aback here. Wow

I think you misunderstand what my point is. There has to be a more definitive way for the state to determine how to place someone in a prison. A quantifiable, verifiable way to place them. How someone identifies is not relevant in that matter.

If I had my skin bleached and my hair dyed blonde and I listened to Kenny G because I identified more as white than Asian, would that make me less Asian? Certainly if I felt that way society, my friends, my family would treat me as such if that's what I requested. But at the core of my genetics, I'm still half Asian when it needs to be quantified for a specific reason.

I've not heard of those people. I don't deny the existence of tall women. They aren't Bigfoot. But I've been to lots of prisons and seen lots of pretty fucking scary women. Not one of them would've compared to the person in question. Not one.

Perhaps I am out of step with modern thinking.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm going to skip this discussion about trans vs cis because I have nothing valuable to add to that. I have no authority on it. I am grateful for the explainations because reading through it; I learned something.

There's been talk of people having not felt comfortable posting and I feel that way. My responses to this thread have been as fair as I could muster. It takes me a really long time to respond with so little. It's part of how I react and interact with people regularly. The responses I make are based on my experiences. I've had a chance to be on a lot of sides and have a lot of different perspectives. That doesn't make me an expert.

When I read satindesire's posts, I realize she has something I don't. She isn't afraid to say something. I'm happy she does that. There's been times in this thread when I would have LOVED to jump in and rip someone a new asshole because what was said made me so angry. But I don't. That's not to say that satin jumps in and does that, but sometimes my rage is understated.

I look like this: but inside I'm this:

I lose my train of thought easily so if this stops being coherent and I'm rambling I apologize.

I want to share a bit of something I held back. Something that prompted me to finally write down and show my husband what really happened to me. He knew about it, but he didn't have any of the details or how long it went on for. He just knew that sometimes I felt bad thinking about it.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=59615141&postcount=99

^^^This post was vile in my mind. At the time I shut down and decided to wait for the wave of this one to pass. I knew most people would point out how shitty this post came off. Thanks to all those who pointed out why this post was so wrong.

So, why does this post strike a cord with me? I was raped by someone I knew. I'm part of that statistic he felt needed to be pointed out. What that said to me: Don't worry about strangers! You'll KNOW your rapist!

And the only thing I can think is, If I was raped by someone I knew and trusted, how do you think I should react to someone I don't know and don't trust?

Our experiences shape our responses. When a man I don't know asks me for directions, the hair on the back of my neck raises and I get nervous. I politely give him the directions, but my mind is screaming to run. When I give the directions, I try my best to stand away from him and not get too close.

I know for sure that every man I pass isn't looking to hurt me. I'm positive that I'm safe most of the time. But when someone randomly compliments me and I'm alone, I get nervous. I don't know what that person's intention is, I just know that if they've complimented my appearance they've just expressed that they like what they see and I automatically go into panic mode.

When I share my experience, I'm not "fear mongering." I'm sharing something with the hopes that someone will understand where my fear comes from. I'm hoping they will see the other side and be more sensitive to my POV.

With that said, I'm one woman out of millions. I have my personal experiences that shape my way of thinking. I've also been able to read and empathize with other women who have had similar experiences. When you say someone "always plays the victim" you make it harder for someone else to come forward and share what they've been through. For me, I struggled for years with it wondering why I couldn't feel better. I didn't share it because I knew there were other people out there who had been through worse stuff. It wasn't until a friend told me, "It's not about who went through worse stuff, it's about sharing your experience so others can learn from it."

There are a lot of strong personalities battling it out in this thread. It's intimidating to say the least.

And this is the kind of post from which I can learn.

Before I read your story about what happened to you, I read the post you linked. In my mind, I truly saw nothing that stuck out. But then reading your story, it makes sense.

Thanks for your post and your comments.