How to compliment a woman

[satindesire]

Continuing to prove my point that the hatred and insults come from an obsessive place that is keen to demonize me to anyone who cares to listen regardless of what I ACTUALLY do and say.

One search of my posting history will prove everything they say wrong.

 

[Emerson40]

Happy Anniversary Pmann & Satindesire!

Happy Anniversary you two! Almost to the day.



Did you guys not hash this all out and get it out of your systems last year?

Can we move along to the Geneva-esque ending and wrap this baby up?

I said you said!

You said i said!

I didn't!

You did!

No!

Yes!

Read it again!

You read mine!

You first!

See!

Sorry.

Sorry.

Cool?

Cool.

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

Perhaps one of the issues that seems to exacerbate the problem in the English-speaking world is the fact that we seem to equate the feminine, whether it is the anatomy or perceived feminine qualities, as being weak and less-than-a-strong human. Such association is hugely damaging to the fight of human equality. It diminishes the value of women by being descriptor of 'weakness', and it damages men as they are taught that feelings are not 'manly', and therefore in order to be more of a man, they must conquer what is 'feminine' (within themselves or in the actual society).

I wonder if this itself contributes, if not the actual source, of much of the 'gender argument' and the frighteningly high number of harassment towards women.

I am reading this thread closely and with great interest, and I have noticed several posters using such language indiscriminately and I am positive that it was done unconsciously. However, the terminology we use is a reflection of the society we live in, which neatly ties into the debate that is raging on.

Just an observation, really. Nothing more.

I would love to know how you perceive the different societies we each live in based on the terminology we each use. What can you discern from the terminology? Age? Race? Gender? Education? Economics? Environment? Or do you mean "our" society as a whole? Relative to past societies or different cultures?

 

[Bramblethorn]

The second point I wish to make of the above quote is that not one person on this thread who you view as "Not just, "I shouldn't have to put up with his shit."" has presented their views without very clear attempts to justify their reasoning, either through personal experience or the offering of resource material and quoting opinions of others.

On a side note: I chose to give some explanations of why people feel the way they do about certain issues. That was my personal choice. It does NOT mean that anybody else is required to make the same choice, and I'd prefer that my decision not be used as a stick to beat on anybody who (is perceived to have) made a different decision.

Requiring people to explain why certain things upset them is walking on extremely dangerous ground. For some people, merely talking about that kind of stuff can be triggering - PTSD flashbacks, that sort of thing. If they feel willing and able to offer free education on an issue, great! That's their prerogative. But it's not a woman's DUTY to justify why she finds certain situations intimidating, any more than she's obliged to tell a guy why she doesn't want to sleep with him.

Likewise, tone: if I discuss certain things without yelling, and somebody else yells while giving a similar reply, it doesn't necessarily mean that I am the nicer and more reasonable person. It may just mean that they are experiencing a lot more pain than I am, or that their reaction to pain is different. I tend to be a "calm angry" person, which isn't necessarily a good thing, because sometimes the only way people will realise they're hurting you is when you get loud.

What I'm saying is, please don't tell anybody "you should be nicer, like Bramble is". I like compliments on my behaviour just as much as the next person, but not when it's bundled with a criticism of somebody else

 

[Aquagal]

Happy Anniversary you two! Almost to the day.

ZOMG that chopstick thread was hilarious!

 

[Que]

Wait, Is this the GB?

 

[NightL]

Careful, if you defend me you're running the risk of getting the same treatment.

I love you dearly and you don't deserve that.

People like yourself, Night and Sticky that appreciate what I do mean the world to me. Thank you.

Don't you find it offensive that he thinks you need defending though? That maybe you're just a poor woman who needs a KnightL in shining armour? What makes that less offensive than a compliment?

Serious question because to me that idea is much more offensive than a random compliment.

While the question was not directed toward me, it does involve me and of my actions, so I will offer a serious response.

I was not defending satindesire as a kNight(L) in shining armour. I have nothing to offer in defence for her well-being above what she is clearly able to do for herself. I was defending the values she upholds. I believe those values need to be heard.

I have contributed with my views toward those values as I see fit and as to the comment made by another that I was being dismissive of pmann, quite the contrary, my aim was purely to point out inconsistencies as I saw them and how they and his personal emotions were not helpful toward an informative debate.

satindesire needs no help from me nor did she request assistance from anyone. I do, however, support shared values and I will defend the right for those values to be heard and indeed discussed.

 

[Doog_kuron]

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

 

[Doog_kuron]

I'm heading back to the Serengeti.

Okay, okay, I know when I've been shot, skinned and made into a decorative lamp. This giraffe knows when he's been beaten. You madam have exquisite wit. I, dare I utter it? Compliment you! Yes I went there. I complimented a woman!

 

[SmileyGirl]

I'm never complimenting anyone EVER again after reading this thread

 

[stickygirl]

A last word from John Cleese: take offence as appropriate. I already have - this thread's been a real eye-opener

 

[jodylee]

Safest - a moment of eye contact and a genuine smile.
Next best, complimenting one thing, like her hair, great shoes, sunglasses, with a smile and at least a glance at her eyes.

Didn't bother to read the whole thread, so I'm sure these things are already said

Good luck, and be genuine!

 

[Que]

I'm never complimenting anyone EVER again after reading this thread

I am a contrarian. I plan to complement a woman a day until I get slapped or incarcerated.

I may have to travel to do so. The women around here do not wear cute shoes or display their legs. What skin they do show is scribbled with tattoos.

 

[SmileyGirl]

I was trying to lighten the mood. But.....offending people seems to be a theme!

 

[SmileyGirl]

I am a contrarian. I plan to complement a woman a day until I get slapped or incarcerated.

I may have to travel to do so. The women around here do not wear cute shoes or display their legs. What skin they do show is scribbled with tattoos.

Hehe you are offending women who choose to cover themselves in art

Yes I have tattoos but I don't find it offensive. Life would be boring if we all shared the same opinions.

 

[Aquagal]

I'm never complimenting anyone EVER again after reading this thread

RAWR


Nice Av, missy.

 

[SmileyGirl]

RAWR


Nice Av, missy.

nice toes Miss Aqua hehe xxx

 

[Que]

Hehe you are offending women who choose to cover themselves in art

Yes I have tattoos but I don't find it offensive. Life would be boring if we all shared the same opinions.

You haven't seen these tattoos. Tattoos, can accentuate lines, or they can be the "artistic" equivalent of letting a child loose with a pack of my little pony stickers. Some of them are actually doing them themselves. And, no I am not currently an inmate or guard at a women's prison.

I don't think I know more than 5 or 10 women at the moment with zero tattoos.

 

[SmileyGirl]

They're addictive. I wish I knew 5-10 men with tattoos. And beards. *dreamy sigh*

Simon Neil *shwoooooon:

http://indigomoore.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Indigo-Moore-Biffy-Clyro-Simon.jpg

Sorry I had to post him. Any chance I get I just have toooo haha

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Good God! This is the place for Happy Horseshit. Where every thesis defies the human condition and a few million years of evolution. I laugh at the equality thing. Look around you, nothing and no one are equal to anything.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Happy Anniversary you two! Almost to the day.



Did you guys not hash this all out and get it out of your systems last year?

Can we move along to the Geneva-esque ending and wrap this baby up?

Feel free to not click on this thread if you dislike it.

 

[Emerson40]

Feel free to not click on this thread if you dislike it.

And miss the Pmann Summer Of Conquer Tour 2014?

Wouldn't dream of it.

 

[NightL]

That is bad - so bad

I am almost crying with laughter

 

[satindesire]

Oh no you don't.

I think if you go back over this thread you will find that not once have I addressed you in a negative manner. Not once have I "demonised" you. Not once have I suggested you're a femnazi or whatever other rubbish you've accused me there. In fact, quite the opposite.

I have gone to great lengths to ensure I did not engage you on a personal level, to not bring what I may or may not perceive your personality to be into the arguments presented here. Not once have I said ANYTHING about you as a person. I have in fact asked questions of you to try and get through the delivery of your message to see what is actually going on in that head. It seems however, that YOU are the one that is in fact "incapable of finding it in YOUR heart" to see that and you're happy to just make me guilty by association because I'm friends with pmann.

If you're referring to this post as the source of your inaccurate assumptions about how I feel about you or my (non-existent) "obsessive hatred" for you, then I'm happy to admit I do feel you're one of people behaving aggressively that I speak of here, and while I don't want to turn this into a name calling exercise I don't believe it's fair for me to just name you and not anyone else. As such, Pmann knows I think he's being aggressive, and if Night cared at all what I thought he'd know it too. Granted different presentations of aggression but I perceive it as aggression none-the-less. Those things aside, not once did I call you out or name you or attack you on a personal level. Not once.

Elsewhere I have made exasperated attempts at humour about certain labels that I didn't understand. Again, not once have I said anything about YOU or WHO YOU ARE.

I don't really care if you "decline to ever explain anything to me again" I will however explain something to you, one last time:

- I do not obsessively hate you, I do not FEEL much of anything at all toward you to be precise. I have OPINIONS about how you relate to people, and I have OPINIONS about how you deliver your messages and the (?)benefits of that to the causes you champion but I don't hate you, or obsess over you, and until recently I had not once even thought of you. I have a mild curiosity about whether you're in fact like this ALL the time and who you actually are. I FEEL not much of anything beyond that.

- I do not see the love and care you give to people because all I see is the anger and aggression you show to people. The majority of your posts here in the HT are proud take-downs of people you perceive to have done the slightest of wrongs, or trolled, or offended you or someone in some way. So there's that or your make-up thread that I have to go on. I get what YOU give me. It's as simple as that. If you, or anyone in fact, wants me to see who they think they are then LET ME SEE IT. If not, that's cool too, but you can't expect someone to see the love and care when it's not there to see.

- I am more than interested in what everyone has to say on this topic, and have even learnt something. However, it seems even when I try to hear you and understand you, you're all about playing the victim and lumping me into a "the people that hate you." Well, I'm sorry, not this time. You're not my victim and I won't be cast as your villain.


TLDR; To suggest I hate you, have some campaign against you, or even that I'm "obsessively convinced" of anything at all about you is disingenuous, far-fetched and a mistruth. I have a mild curiosity about who you actually are, and if your blood pressure is in check and that's about it. Your beef this time is NOT with me. I am NOT guilty by association, and I would think someone who portrays such a strong sense of social justice would have thought twice before doing that.




And to the rest of Lit, I apologise for this brief but personal interlude. As you were...

I'm not referencing that post actually, but rather the backhanded remarks made on my makeup thread which I absolutely refused to engage with you on and instead good-naturedly tried to be nice to you regardless of them to show you that I could be a polite and friendly person. Also this thread where you implied that I should be offended for Night defending me, because in YOUR eyes I'm a hostile Feminazi who hates men/can't tolerate any MALE sticking up for me? Plus the MULTIPLE times you noted that you were tired of "someone" "always acting certain ways" and feeling like "oh no not again" and the remarks you've made to me in other times in the past in other threads. I know you and pmann like to tag-team up to either make sarcastic or rude remarks at/about me. I'm not blind or stupid.

You can sit here and claim all day that you "don't feel anything" but you and your boyfriend's actions speak louder than words. You made backhanded comments about me in THIS post, but I'm sure you'll just claim I'm making it up or exaggerating things to "play the victim", right?

You know what makes me the saddest about this?

After that "cancer" incident a LOOOONG time ago, I vowed that I would be much kinder to people and I have. But again, everything I do and say is twisted in your's and your partner's eyes to fit that perception of me that I'm helpless to change. I haven't -ever- said anything that cruel to anyone in a VERY LONG TIME, I've taken my lumps for it like an adult and owned my mistake. I've admitted that I was 100% out of line, but he uses that against me like a weapon, regardless of how I've changed or how many times I've apologized. I don't expect anyone to forget, I just want people to forgive with empathy and compassion. I haven't been mean to ANYONE since then, the only people I go after are trolls and liars on the board to drive them off, and only after digging up proof of their lies so that I'm not being a villain. Other posters besides me do the SAME THINGS. Several people in this very thread do it more often than I do, but I'm the only one that isn't allowed, right?

I'm called hateful and insulting...Like he's perfect and never said anything heartless to anyone, or insulted anyone. Like he's never made a mistake. He's been in here insulting me and calling me a HELLBEAST and saying that he'd rather "KILL HIMSELF" rather than talk to me, but that's okay for some reason. But I made a mistake a long time ago that he uses against me over and over again because I'm not allowed to make mistakes, HE'S the only one that gets to insult people, right?

He uses "Other people PM me all the time to tell me how much they hate you." as a weapon against me, because that's okay for him to do?

He calls me a hypocrite and a liar, but he'll lie about me in his posts to try and make me look bad. He'll say that I'm insulting and rude, and be insulting and rude to me over and over again.

I'm sick of the hypocrisy and lies, I'm sick of him carrying out this ridiculous vendetta on me for YEARS now. Yes, it's been MULTIPLE YEARS. If he's going to say I'm a liar, he better come up with proof of his claims or stop it.

And yes, he DOES lie about me. Every incident he's raised to make me look like I overreact when someone says what he claims are "minor" remarks about me, I warn them politely to please stop first. If they continue to make remarks about me after I've politely stated my boundaries, I absolutely WILL tell them to fuck off, AS IS MY RIGHT because they ignored my polite requests/boundaries. I have the posts, anyone can see them.

If he's going to call ME insulting and rude, when I haven't been in a LONG TIME, he needs to stop being insulting and rude.

He has a lot of nerve calling -ME- a hypocrite while being a hypocrite himself.

I'm so done with this shit. He does EVERYTHING I've done in the past and more, but I'm the bad person. It's wrong. It has to stop.

Yes, I ferret out people when they're lying here on this board, people who have posting history contrary to what they're saying about their spouse or selves. That's not me being MEAN and INSULTING, that's me looking out for other posters on this board so they won't waste their valuable time on someone who's either trying to solicit sympathy wanks or making shit up about the people they're with for whatever reason. I don't see how this could be a bad thing, but because I'm automatically the bad guy no matter what, nothing I do is ever good or okay. Other people can do 10x more of what I did, but I'm the one who gets called names for it.

But yeah. I'm the lying hypocrite.

 

[Lord Pmann]

And miss the Pmann Summer Of Conquer Tour 2014?

Wouldn't dream of it.

Hahaha. That's great Em. You amaze me with your pics. After a couple years you're still pulling them out.