Most women don't climax from penetration alone — and 4 other important facts about female orgasms

[Goldenfinger]

I am lucky. My wife is very orgasmic. She has inside and outside orgasms. When she told me this 30 years ago I was like, I prefer the bed but if you want to have sex outside somewhere we can find a place.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I've never come from penetration alone... Just once, I'd like to.
Of course...
And I've only been with two partners (one younger, one about 30 years older, both men) in my my life (I'm 52), who cared about me enough to figure out what got me to orgasm at all...
I can get myself there just fine, multiple times a day if I want, but with a partner... It varies and most of the time, they have been focused on their own pleasure, and if I'm honest, so have I... (there's trauma there, we all have it in one way or another)
I think, should I ever have sex again, I'll be much more selfish...
Everyone's experience is different.

If your lover is any kind of real man he will ensure you have an orgasm... if he's already cum and lost his erection he has fingers and a tongue perfectly capable of giving pleasure...

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife has experienced orgasms occasionally from intercourse only, but our usual practice includes intense foreplay that gets her to the verge of orgasm. After I enter her, she falls over the edge into a full orgasm. So we do not depend on penetration, alone, to satisfy her.

 

[lil_jenni]

I'll add to the "it depends" responses. I don't think I ever climaxed from one-on-one vaginal penetration before Hubby. With Hubby, I almost always climax during vaginal sex, but I'd not classify it as penetration alone. Even in rare instances we don't engage in a variety of foreplay (a quickie situation), I'm already aroused just by the fact I'm with him. And there is component of knowledge and expectation. I know I almost always come when he fucks me, and I expect that will happen. That goes a long way toward making it happen. I never had that with any other guy.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

I'll add to the "it depends" responses. I don't think I ever climaxed from one-on-one vaginal penetration before Hubby. With Hubby, I almost always climax during vaginal sex, but I'd not classify it as penetration alone. Even in rare instances we don't engage in a variety of foreplay (a quickie situation), I'm already aroused just by the fact I'm with him. And there is component of knowledge and expectation. I know I almost always come when he fucks me, and I expect that will happen. That goes a long way toward making it happen. I never had that with any other guy.

So do you think it was a mental hurdle for you?

My wife has never climaxed from PIV alone. She always climaxes through a combination of things, to include PIV. I just assumed it was an anatomical thing but If I’m reading the tea leaves, you’re saying it just took a mental leap to get you to that point.

I know everyone is different and there will be people who just can’t, mentally there or not.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

There’s also this radical new technique called asking your partner what she likes.

You want the male partner to ask for directions?
What a concept.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I am a statistics major, though haven't worked in this field for a looong time.

Many surveys are skewed not so unintentionally. And this goes to any soft science, not just the sexology.
In most situations people want to get results that they can publish, not the truth, so they don't bother with running their survey designs by somebody that can poke holes in them because this takes time, money, and increases the risk of not getting any useable results at all.

It is sad but true. This also occurs in medical clinical trials.
Sometimes it's because getting the right population would be difficult, and sometimes they want to ambiguous or not focused.

Most recently, CoVID vaccine.
You can't find 1000 healthy children under two to test the vaccine on.
Please sign up my 18 month old for an injection of unknown consequence where I signed away all liability.
Not going to happen.

Now 1000 seriously ill children. If death is imminent, sign me up for any shimmer of hope. No problem.

 

[lil_jenni]

So do you think it was a mental hurdle for you?

My wife has never climaxed from PIV alone. She always climaxes through a combination of things, to include PIV. I just assumed it was an anatomical thing but If I’m reading the tea leaves, you’re saying it just took a mental leap to get you to that point.

I know everyone is different and there will be people who just can’t, mentally there or not.

So, a disclaimer up front. You are correct -- everyone is different. I am often vexed by the 'all women' and 'all men' positions, as well as those omitting the 'all' but using the terms in such a way that the implicature is homogeneity for the category.

And my situation is more complicated than it may appear. Some important background is that (1) I never was in a relationship before Hubby, so all sex was casual and lacked the consistency and repetition that leads to learning what each other likes; (2) prior to Hubby, I never engaged in any sexual activity when I was not at least buzzed; (3) except for Hubby, vaginal penetration almost always hurt unless I was drunk; and (4), while being buzzed used to promote my ability to climax, being drunk tended to have the opposite effect.

Taken together, back when I had to be drunk to have pain free intercourse, everything was against me coming from just that intercourse. Further, I did not expect to come from intercourse, so I was never in the right frame of mind anyway. So for me, mental, chemical, and physical all were an issue.

I can't speak with any authority to your wife's situation, but it may be physical, it may be mental, and it may be a combination (I know, clear as mud ). Slow, careful, and caring exploration may help you narrow it down. But in the end, if you are making her come on a consistent basis, I doubt she's worried about how it happens, and you probably shouldn't be either. Take the win. I'm betting she is.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I am a statistics major, though haven't worked in this field for a looong time.

Many surveys are skewed not so unintentionally. And this goes to any soft science, not just the sexology.
In most situations people want to get results that they can publish, not the truth, so they don't bother with running their survey designs by somebody that can poke holes in them because this takes time, money, and increases the risk of not getting any useable results at all.

you have to read the stats carefully because 99% of 5% of people that It works on will have positive results.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

So, a disclaimer up front. You are correct -- everyone is different. I am often vexed by the 'all women' and 'all men' positions, as well as those omitting the 'all' but using the terms in such a way that the implicature is homogeneity for the category.

And my situation is more complicated than it may appear. Some important background is that (1) I never was in a relationship before Hubby, so all sex was casual and lacked the consistency and repetition that leads to learning what each other likes; (2) prior to Hubby, I never engaged in any sexual activity when I was not at least buzzed; (3) except for Hubby, vaginal penetration almost always hurt unless I was drunk; and (4), while being buzzed used to promote my ability to climax, being drunk tended to have the opposite effect.

Taken together, back when I had to be drunk to have pain free intercourse, everything was against me coming from just that intercourse. Further, I did not expect to come from intercourse, so I was never in the right frame of mind anyway. So for me, mental, chemical, and physical all were an issue.

I can't speak with any authority to your wife's situation, but it may be physical, it may be mental, and it may be a combination (I know, clear as mud ). Slow, careful, and caring exploration may help you narrow it down. But in the end, if you are making her come on a consistent basis, I doubt she's worried about how it happens, and you probably shouldn't be either. Take the win. I'm betting she is.

The reason I brought it up is she was asking me about a former GF who could climax from PIV and she had mentioned she wished could do that. Other than masturbating she didn’t even have what she considered her first “real” orgasm until after our first child. That leads me to believe it’s probably more anatomical, but like you said it could be a bit of mental also.

Either way, I’ve figured out how to unlock that door for her with a combination of everything, and she has stuck around for 30+ years so I will take that win!

I remember your story from another thread now that you mention it. I’m glad you’ve found the groove also!

 

[AnnieLit]

The reason I brought it up is she was asking me about a former GF who could climax from PIV and she had mentioned she wished could do that. Other than masturbating she didn’t even have what she considered her first “real” orgasm until after our first child. That leads me to believe it’s probably more anatomical, but like you said it could be a bit of mental also.

Either way, I’ve figured out how to unlock that door for her with a combination of everything, and she has stuck around for 30+ years so I will take that win!

I remember your story from another thread now that you mention it. I’m glad you’ve found the groove also!

What does she consider to be a "real orgasm"? Anything that is not self inflicted?

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

What does she consider to be a "real orgasm"? Anything that is not self inflicted?

LOL! That was my question also. This just came to light recently.

I asked her about pleasuring herself and she said she had them that way before. She said that she never had one from a partner PIV specifically. So I guess the “real” part is actually having one or the rolling wave type from different machinations I apply.

It wasn’t until after our first child that they became “easy” for her. It still takes a combo of maneuvers and not just PIV.

 

[SloBlo69]

From my perspective, I am all for women having/needing more stimulation than just intercourse. It gives me endless possibilities to try and satisfy a woman. So much fun, so much enjoyment...for the both of us.

Yup, same here, I agree wholeheartedly

 

[SloBlo69]

For me what works best is the guy licking me to orgasm first then as soon as I cum fucking me rigerously as I will cum again.

Yeah, that's about my favourite, we'll 4play till the cows come home & eventually hava pounding only 2 return 2 oral when dry & start all over again. Guess it's just not about the awesome release, but the endless enjoyment

 

[SloBlo69]

But did you give her oral first? Most women will orgasm through penetration if they've had good oral beforehand. The 30% figure I mentioned was women who can orgasm through intercourse alone (i.e. no foreplay beyond kissing, and just straight to intercourse). I find easiest to cum through intercourse alone if I get to be on top and control the thrusting, and hardest if he just takes me from behind and gets done quickly.

So true, that oral build-up is crucial to en enjoyable session, also partners break down barriers & boundaries easier through good arousal

 

[L1511p]

I can highly recommend a good quality vibrating cock ring. The question then changes from - can she come from vaginal stimulation, to - can she cum from clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously - the result for her may be rare/new, but i am sure that for a woman having an orgasm while enjoying penetrative sex is just more than clit stimulation aone, and may be the straw that introduces a whole new camels back [thats a terrible metaphore but you get the idea...]

Tenga or lovense are both excellent. And yes, a quality vibrator is the sexual equivalent of heroin, but it can lead to more confidence.

 

[THoney269]

For us geezers with erection issues this info can be life saving.

It certainly helps..

 

[THoney269]

There’s also this radical new technique called asking your partner what she likes.

You forgot the other part of that technique..putting her feedback into play..especially if feedback included a physical demonstration of what feels particularly wonderful

 

[THoney269]

Not as reliable as you'd think. It was remarkably difficult for me to drag that sort of information out of my wife when we were dating. She said it was embarrassing.

She might not have known well enough herself to be able to explain; I certainly couldn't explain to my ex what I liked when he asked..though he   did connect the dots super quick between the sounds I made and "I should keep doing this to her"

 

[Strixaluco]

She might not have known well enough herself to be able to explain; I certainly couldn't explain to my ex what I liked when he asked..though he   did connect the dots super quick between the sounds I made and "I should keep doing this to her"

Kudos for him connecting the dots! A lover able to do that is worth gold. I have issues with being able to speak during sex. As in at all (it might be mild selective mutism). And as you say, explaining is hard anyway. For me writing works better, actually... I'm in a D/s relationship and my Dom has told me to keep a diary and write feedback about our sessions (appears to be a known thing in the bdsm scene, though not all do it). It really made him learn me a lot faster.

Alas, for many it's indeed just too embarrassing. Especially when young, but also religious inhibitions are very bad in this regard.

 

[Rob_Royale]

She might not have known well enough herself to be able to explain; I certainly couldn't explain to my ex what I liked when he asked..though he   did connect the dots super quick between the sounds I made and "I should keep doing this to her"

I'm sure you're right and I did learn the same way.

 

[THoney269]

I feel strongly that he should complete her pleasure, and not simply enjoy getting off himself. Don't be selfish, guys. If he's already cum and she hasn't, he has tongue and fingers to bring her to an equally delicious climax...

If he's cum and I haven't yet, I tend to blame my ADHD or a pressure issue(degenerative nerve damage in his hands).. with one (ADHD), I'll ask him to cuddle bc climax is a No-go til my brain shuts off again; with the pressure issue (which only clicked for my former partner a few months ago), I can't handle being touched AT ALL for the three to four days it takes to stop hurting.

 

[THoney269]

Kudos for him connecting the dots! A lover able to do that is worth gold. I have issues with being able to speak during sex. As in at all (it might be mild selective mutism). And as you say, explaining is hard anyway. For me writing works better, actually... I'm in a D/s relationship and my Dom has told me to keep a diary and write feedback about our sessions (appears to be a known thing in the bdsm scene, though not all do it). It really made him learn me a lot faster.

Alas, for many it's indeed just too embarrassing. Especially when young, but also religious inhibitions are very bad in this regard.

I can't speak in words during sex either.. purring/growls/squeaks/hissing are what occur; I thank god for the Doms I've met who invested the time to truly understand what is being said without words.. and the ones who insist that I record my feedback in both visual and unedited audio format so they can hear from the tones in my voice what might not come through in my writing

 

[Strixaluco]

I can't speak in words during sex either.. purring/growls/squeaks/hissing are what occur; I thank god for the Doms I've met who invested the time to truly understand what is being said without words.. and the ones who insist that I record my feedback in both visual and unedited audio format so they can hear from the tones in my voice what might not come through in my writing

I seem to be a mostly very easy case to read if he hits a right spot. My Dom just recently told me he can't fathom how fast I react to mere kisses to my neck - 20s elevator ride is well enough to get me all excited. Eyes shining, breathless etc. And in more intimate places... Well I'm still often surprised myself at how fast I react in his hands. (I think the record is orgasming in less than 10s.)

So he has done also some experimenting and found ways of touching I hadn't even guessed to be effective. I love that! Never quite knowing when will he touch how adds to the pleasure.


But some men never hit the right spots or the right ways of touching on their own. Both things have to match at the same time, or there's not much to notice. Maybe a low mmmm at most, but... Well. I haven't found a way to really show how, as usually those guys have lacked sensitivity and finess in their touch. I've been seduced by just caressing my legs, but a caress too light or too strong doesn't feel sensual and seducing in the least.

 

[jehoram]

You forgot the other part of that technique..putting her feedback into play..especially if feedback included a physical demonstration of what feels particularly wonderful

Good point. If you can get her (or him) to masturbate for you, you can see the specific things that the partner likes to have done to their junk.