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Not sure how to approach this

This post is tough to respond to. I fully appreciate why you are posting, but I also think that if I replied, it would seem as though I am conceited😳. With the disclaimer out of the way, here we go.

I feel confident in saying I meet all of the qualities you listed, including your specific list. I am sorry you were on the brink of joining the ranks of the "I hate men" club. I can assure you, not all of us are here hoping to as you so eloquently put it, "E-bone". I do hope you will let me use that in the future 😊.

I myself would just appreciate someone to talk with, and just let our conversations go wherever they might lead. Please don't misconstrue, if the conversation goes there I would be delighted to fulfill the others fantasy. But to just jump right in I believe is like showing up for a first date with my fly open and a condom already on. Not gonna go well right?

Anyway, I feel as though I am rambling. If you are interested in talking, hit me up.

Ciao
 
Well this thread has gone in some interesting directions.

Some thoughts though: Why are we on here looking, if not because we all believe that we have our own brand of awesomesauce that might not be appealing to everyone, but is going to be right flavour for at least someone out there? It's been a long time since I've been active on here, but I think every woman I've communicated with has their own special, awesome qualities, even if not always the qualities I'm looking for.

The downside of posting a list of requirements is that everyone is eager to show how they meet the requirements, but what makes them awesome might be something more elusive... sometimes something that they might not realize. It's a tough balance: say explicitly what you're looking for, and either nobody responds because you've been too specific about the person or the arrangement you're seeking (*checks PMs... nope, still empty*), or people make more of an effort to align themselves with your expectations... then get stuck being someone they're not with you, possibly leading to problems down the line. I can say that from experience in my youth - sometimes it's not intentional: you think 'yeah, I can be that guy,' and then a month later realize, 'I thought I was that guy, I wanted to be that guy, but I'm really not.' Each of us being authentic to ourselves is so important for finding what we want and for giving someone else something awesome.

That's not to disparage your approach Lonelywife, just musing about what works and doesn't work as far as finding what you're looking for; I do hope it works wonderfully for you, and you find someone who's awesome both for the reasons you've listed as well as reasons you haven't - maybe even for reasons you haven't considered.

(In case this sounds like I'm sidling into submitting an application, it's really not - over the years I've grudgingly developed the self-awareness to know I wouldn't pass #3 at the least, and possibly others.)
 
fogbank said:
That's not to disparage your approach Lonelywife, just musing about what works and doesn't work as far as finding what you're looking for; I do hope it works wonderfully for you, and you find someone who's awesome both for the reasons you've listed as well as reasons you haven't - maybe even for reasons you haven't considered
Click to expand...

I think this at the crux of LWs problem. We all want to be as many women as possibles’ awesome men, to maximise our chances across as many suitable partners as possible so as few as possible escape the net. But to (perhaps foolishly) extend the metaphor some of us are fishing for Seabass others for sardines.

LW wants someone emotionally available and not out to be e-boned. Whilst I want to at least catch her in my net, (because who knows we might be each other’s unicorns), the reality is we’re looking for different things. And that’s completely OK. That’s each other’s loss (or not). I think LWs contention is that if only people men or women were honest with their correspondents, and indeed themselves about what they’re really looking for, there might be happier people on here

Personally if I was looking for an emotional connection, literotica would be the last place I’d look. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made friends for life on here. Women I’ve initially engaged with to e-bone but whom have turned into confidants, shoulders to cry on, people whom I would dearly love to be living in the same continent as, because they’re a valuable addition to my life (you know who you are!) but that’s a bonus, a real bonus. I was not expecting to find. And I’ve been chatting with women for over a decade to fill the gap in my intimate life. But my feeling (no empirical data, and the number of men replying to this text as I did, that they are not emotionally available) is that many men in here are looking for the same thing as me, to get off, get their chat partner off and share an experience that would otherwise be a lonely wank when the missus isn’t around.

Sad but true.
 
I don’t know what this world is coming to when you can’t trust men on a porn site to be honest, dependable, and emotionally available.
 
theeonanist said:
I think this at the crux of LWs problem. We all want to be as many women as possibles’ awesome men, to maximise our chances across as many suitable partners as possible so as few as possible escape the net. But to (perhaps foolishly) extend the metaphor some of us are fishing for Seabass others for sardines.

LW wants someone emotionally available and not out to be e-boned. Whilst I want to at least catch her in my net, (because who knows we might be each other’s unicorns), the reality is we’re looking for different things. And that’s completely OK. That’s each other’s loss (or not). I think LWs contention is that if only people men or women were honest with their correspondents, and indeed themselves about what they’re really looking for, there might be happier people on here

Personally if I was looking for an emotional connection, literotica would be the last place I’d look. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made friends for life on here. Women I’ve initially engaged with to e-bone but whom have turned into confidants, shoulders to cry on, people whom I would dearly love to be living in the same continent as, because they’re a valuable addition to my life (you know who you are!) but that’s a bonus, a real bonus. I was not expecting to find. And I’ve been chatting with women for over a decade to fill the gap in my intimate life. But my feeling (no empirical data, and the number of men replying to this text as I did, that they are not emotionally available) is that many men in here are looking for the same thing as me, to get off, get their chat partner off and share an experience that would otherwise be a lonely wank when the missus isn’t around.

Sad but true.
Click to expand...

I’ve experienced some amazing emotional connections with men from Lit. You might be very surprised at the number of men here who are actually looking for or are open to that. I have casually e-boned people in the past, and each time it left me feeling worse. What’s missing in my life is intimacy. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex, it’s just not the be all end all for me. No judgment towards the “just sex” people, it’s just not what I’m looking for. I’m very honest with people about that.
 
Lonelywife1205 said:
It’s crazy, right? :D
Click to expand...

Part of having feelings is knowing that you’re going to have them hurt sometimes.

If your guy ended things because he was troubled by your being married, tell yourself that it’s because you’re so awesome he couldn’t help falling too hard for you, and had to get out to protect his heart.


I find life more enjoyable if I believe that every man I’ve ever shared any level of intimacy with (and a respectable number of casual acquaintances) are spending the rest of their lives miserably pining away for me. It might not be true, but it also might be, right?

The poor guy is heartbroken. Surely.

That’s a compliment. Take it as one. Mourn the loss of the relationship and take as long as you need to be sad about it. That’s part of the relationship, too.
 
Lonelywife1205 said:
I’ve experienced some amazing emotional connections with men from Lit. You might be very surprised at the number of men here who are actually looking for or are open to that. I have casually e-boned people in the past, and each time it left me feeling worse. What’s missing in my life is intimacy. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex, it’s just not the be all end all for me. No judgment towards the “just sex” people, it’s just not what I’m looking for. I’m very honest with people about that.
Click to expand...

This is perhaps the limitation of the platform or for a
Lot of people (m&f) to articulate their needs or even examine them. Just because I’m not looking for a romantic relationship with people on lit, it doesn’t mean I’m just after sex. I can get by quite adequately with my hand and pornhub, without the hassle of finding someone looking for the same thing I am, feeling like a creep because the only way men who are quite shy about posting openly like this (yes I’m terrified writing this if you must know) can hope to attract attention is to send s hopeful, hopefully not creepy sounding PM. Then for the one in 20 that gets a reply, hoping that we have some kind of rapport. It’s hard work for an average guy like me. Maybe not as hard as fielding s full inbox, I wouldn’t know.

No, do don’t think anyone on here is here just for the sex, even if they think they are. For me intimacy is part of it actually. But it’s more. Dealing with a dead bedroom marriage is not all about replacing the sex. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel desired. And yes, my fragile male ego needs to be reassured that my chat partner is there because she wants to be and is getting as much out of the “relationship” as I am and hopefully wants a repeat performance. (Every day please).

Other than taking issue with your assumption that it’s “just sex” for some, I’m not sure we’re disagreeing here, just seeing things from different contexts.
 
KatieDoes said:
Part of having feelings is knowing that you’re going to have them hurt sometimes.

If your guy ended things because he was troubled by your being married, tell yourself that it’s because you’re so awesome he couldn’t help falling too hard for you, and had to get out to protect his heart.


I find life more enjoyable if I believe that every man I’ve ever shared any level of intimacy with (and a respectable number of casual acquaintances) are spending the rest of their lives miserably pining away for me. It might not be true, but it also might be, right?

The poor guy is heartbroken. Surely.

That’s a compliment. Take it as one. Mourn the loss of the relationship and take as long as you need to be sad about it. That’s part of the relationship, too.
Click to expand...

Ha! This is how I’ve dealt with some real life heartbreaks. Doesn’t take the pain away but it makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself
 
KatieDoes said:
Part of having feelings is knowing that you’re going to have them hurt sometimes.

If your guy ended things because he was troubled by your being married, tell yourself that it’s because you’re so awesome he couldn’t help falling too hard for you, and had to get out to protect his heart.


I find life more enjoyable if I believe that every man I’ve ever shared any level of intimacy with (and a respectable number of casual acquaintances) are spending the rest of their lives miserably pining away for me. It might not be true, but it also might be, right?

The poor guy is heartbroken. Surely.

That’s a compliment. Take it as one. Mourn the loss of the relationship and take as long as you need to be sad about it. That’s part of the relationship, too.
Click to expand...

Thanks Katie!
That’s how I approach things too.
To be fair, the guy is quite wonderful. I was just caught off guard and hurt in the moment.
 
KatieDoes said:
Part of having feelings is knowing that you’re going to have them hurt sometimes.

If your guy ended things because he was troubled by your being married, tell yourself that it’s because you’re so awesome he couldn’t help falling too hard for you, and had to get out to protect his heart.


I find life more enjoyable if I believe that every man I’ve ever shared any level of intimacy with (and a respectable number of casual acquaintances) are spending the rest of their lives miserably pining away for me. It might not be true, but it also might be, right?

The poor guy is heartbroken. Surely.

That’s a compliment. Take it as one. Mourn the loss of the relationship and take as long as you need to be sad about it. That’s part of the relationship, too.
Click to expand...

Haha. I try and do this too! :rose:
 
My two cents for whatever it’s worth. This same thing happens to us all, regardless of gender. And it can make any of us jaded.

But honestly, I don’t think this same type of thread would go over well if it was done the other way around.
 
ArtisticControl said:
My two cents for whatever it’s worth. This same thing happens to us all, regardless of gender. And it can make any of us jaded.

But honestly, I don’t think this same type of thread would go over well if it was done the other way around.
Click to expand...

Try it and see how it goes!
 
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