Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007
- Thread starter chris9
- Start date
intothewoods
Truth seeker
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graceanne said:
Ohhhhhh, lol. I can't believe I didn't get that before. Ha! That's too funny.
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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You're so nice. Thank you!!!intothewoods said:
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
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May 25th - words of the captains wench
"I was curious about pain play before I was willing to be a submissive. My first bdsm experience, I was sitting in the shop that sold my costumes with a girl who was "employed" there (ie she was such a regular they left the shop in her care some times, she worked with out pay). Her and I were just talking, found out we had a lot in common. Married right out of highschool, devorced/seperated 3 years later, and the subject turned to fantasy. I mentioned some of the things in the shop that I was curious about, and she mentioned knife play. That made me drool, but I told her that my ex was not into these things at all, and I'dnever even been teased with a knife. Just then one of the guys (another regular turned "employee") walks past. She looks up at him "J. wenchie's never been teased with a blade" (handing him her throwing knives)"isn't that sad" He grins and says "come here wenchie"
Next thing I know I am standing there in pure heaven, in the middle of the shop with him standing behind me, his arm wrapped around me holding me close, and the other hand tracing the blade along my exposed flesh. When he reached a certain spot on my neck I blurted out "R's my new best friend" totally mindlessly. They got a good chuckle out of it, and we still laugh about it now. She also got me my first spanking/flogging/caning provided by the same guy.
I loved the experience. The next one was with breath play. Then I started into the floggers paddles, canes, and whips. It was a few months after that that I started to toy with the idea of taking my submissive nature into a relationship."
As A Budding Submissive Did You Wonder?
"I was curious about pain play before I was willing to be a submissive. My first bdsm experience, I was sitting in the shop that sold my costumes with a girl who was "employed" there (ie she was such a regular they left the shop in her care some times, she worked with out pay). Her and I were just talking, found out we had a lot in common. Married right out of highschool, devorced/seperated 3 years later, and the subject turned to fantasy. I mentioned some of the things in the shop that I was curious about, and she mentioned knife play. That made me drool, but I told her that my ex was not into these things at all, and I'dnever even been teased with a knife. Just then one of the guys (another regular turned "employee") walks past. She looks up at him "J. wenchie's never been teased with a blade" (handing him her throwing knives)"isn't that sad" He grins and says "come here wenchie"
Next thing I know I am standing there in pure heaven, in the middle of the shop with him standing behind me, his arm wrapped around me holding me close, and the other hand tracing the blade along my exposed flesh. When he reached a certain spot on my neck I blurted out "R's my new best friend" totally mindlessly. They got a good chuckle out of it, and we still laugh about it now. She also got me my first spanking/flogging/caning provided by the same guy.
I loved the experience. The next one was with breath play. Then I started into the floggers paddles, canes, and whips. It was a few months after that that I started to toy with the idea of taking my submissive nature into a relationship."
As A Budding Submissive Did You Wonder?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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May 26th - words of Caitlynne
"There are so many things at play here. I'll try not to sound too preachy.
First, I'll never understand how any couple thinking of adding a third, believe they can maintain an absolute pecking order. The type of third that can live with being an absolute third is rare. Additionally, emotions and preferences change and are much more fluid in a poly situation. That's the very issue that needs to be understood and accepted by everyone. That there many come a time when one will get more attention. Then it will shift back and the other will get more attention, but in the end it will all balance out [if it's done right and everyone feels secure]
You might "think" you're going to keep a pecking order, but the truth is in a D/s type of relationship the Dominant is going to have preferences and they will change in a fluid manner. You're never going to get a dominant to get on some schedule where it's a "Ok, it's Tuesday it must be time to spend with X". Preferences that will change back and forth and the pecking order one month might change the next. It's fluid. That's the nature of poly.
There are exceptions to this, especially if the beta dominates the third, but the general gist of this is that time and preferences are VERY fluid. You cannot maintain a pecking order the way you maintain the order of children.
It is not like a mother and father adding a child. Those relationships are defined and can be kept absolute even if time fluctuates. Adding a third to become poly is not the same. Anyone who thinks that and relies on the status [pecking order] to maintain their balance and well being is going to run into some trouble, unless the Dominant "keeps" the order static. S/he has to keep the order in place for a pecking order to work. That's the key.
Then there is also the problem of 'frenzy'. The third enters into the relationship and she is "new". All the courting traditions will still take place. All the newness will still drive the relationship. It consumes time, which is the problem in poly relationships. Hell it is a problem in all relationships. If the beta doesn't understand the course of relationships and the frenzy at the beginning then she will feel threatened. Actually if the Dominant doesn't understand this and take steps to make sure the beta feels secure, you will have problems. This would be his responsibility as he is the one leading all the relationships. [don't want to put everything on the beta.]
The courting period will end, and things will level out. That's not to say, it isn't hard on the beta, and she should still voice her feelings, but some of it is just the natural evolution of relationships. In the beginning, there is a frenzy of sorts and that is time consuming.
But in any event, all these things have to be discussed. They have to be. Not only should she discuss this with her Keeper, but then they should all three sit down and talk about it as a group. Then I'd even suggest that the beta talk with the third privately. Get it all said and understood. This is a problem for the entire relationship, and there are four relationships to consider. The three of them, and each individual relationship one with another. It's complicated. 'That's why these are such difficult relationships to make work under the *best* of circumstances.
In a poly situation that works, the thirds will usually feel terrible if she knows that the beta is feeling abandoned. There is a specific mind set to a third. They usually become negotiators and peacemakers. Like I said a "third" usually has a very special mind set that is rare and in poly relationships that works the third is this rare breed. In the ones that don't work, the third is usually competing with the beta for time and attention. This is the crux of all problems in poly. Time.
When discussing the possibility of bring a third [or more] into a relationship, you have to really talk with the third and get her 'take' on time. It works best if the third has a real need to be alone instead of needing company. It allows for one less stress point if she needs to be alone at different times. Like I said it's a special breed that becomes a successful third and any Dominant, Keeper, etc needs to understand what dynamics in people will actually make it all work. And that is beyond all the attraction, desire, emotional considerations etc.
If I were the beta, I'd begin a conversation. I'd explain my feelings. I'd also relate that I knew that time is fluid and that preferences can be the same way. I'd then say that I felt abandoned. Which is what she really does feel. I'd ask for help from my Keeper in handling my own fears and insecurities. I'd ask for guidance. I'd ask for his leadership at a time when I could not handle what I was feeling. That is after all what a Dominant is for. To lead. To use for counsel when possible. I'd ask for his help.
Then I'd do the same with the third. I'd explain how I felt and ask for help in dealing with difficult emotions.
I'd own my feeling as my own. It's true you cannot blame the others, but I'd ask for their help. I'd ask for their love in a time when I was lost and afraid."
Polyamorous Pecking Order Compromised
"There are so many things at play here. I'll try not to sound too preachy.
First, I'll never understand how any couple thinking of adding a third, believe they can maintain an absolute pecking order. The type of third that can live with being an absolute third is rare. Additionally, emotions and preferences change and are much more fluid in a poly situation. That's the very issue that needs to be understood and accepted by everyone. That there many come a time when one will get more attention. Then it will shift back and the other will get more attention, but in the end it will all balance out [if it's done right and everyone feels secure]
You might "think" you're going to keep a pecking order, but the truth is in a D/s type of relationship the Dominant is going to have preferences and they will change in a fluid manner. You're never going to get a dominant to get on some schedule where it's a "Ok, it's Tuesday it must be time to spend with X". Preferences that will change back and forth and the pecking order one month might change the next. It's fluid. That's the nature of poly.
There are exceptions to this, especially if the beta dominates the third, but the general gist of this is that time and preferences are VERY fluid. You cannot maintain a pecking order the way you maintain the order of children.
It is not like a mother and father adding a child. Those relationships are defined and can be kept absolute even if time fluctuates. Adding a third to become poly is not the same. Anyone who thinks that and relies on the status [pecking order] to maintain their balance and well being is going to run into some trouble, unless the Dominant "keeps" the order static. S/he has to keep the order in place for a pecking order to work. That's the key.
Then there is also the problem of 'frenzy'. The third enters into the relationship and she is "new". All the courting traditions will still take place. All the newness will still drive the relationship. It consumes time, which is the problem in poly relationships. Hell it is a problem in all relationships. If the beta doesn't understand the course of relationships and the frenzy at the beginning then she will feel threatened. Actually if the Dominant doesn't understand this and take steps to make sure the beta feels secure, you will have problems. This would be his responsibility as he is the one leading all the relationships. [don't want to put everything on the beta.]
The courting period will end, and things will level out. That's not to say, it isn't hard on the beta, and she should still voice her feelings, but some of it is just the natural evolution of relationships. In the beginning, there is a frenzy of sorts and that is time consuming.
But in any event, all these things have to be discussed. They have to be. Not only should she discuss this with her Keeper, but then they should all three sit down and talk about it as a group. Then I'd even suggest that the beta talk with the third privately. Get it all said and understood. This is a problem for the entire relationship, and there are four relationships to consider. The three of them, and each individual relationship one with another. It's complicated. 'That's why these are such difficult relationships to make work under the *best* of circumstances.
In a poly situation that works, the thirds will usually feel terrible if she knows that the beta is feeling abandoned. There is a specific mind set to a third. They usually become negotiators and peacemakers. Like I said a "third" usually has a very special mind set that is rare and in poly relationships that works the third is this rare breed. In the ones that don't work, the third is usually competing with the beta for time and attention. This is the crux of all problems in poly. Time.
When discussing the possibility of bring a third [or more] into a relationship, you have to really talk with the third and get her 'take' on time. It works best if the third has a real need to be alone instead of needing company. It allows for one less stress point if she needs to be alone at different times. Like I said it's a special breed that becomes a successful third and any Dominant, Keeper, etc needs to understand what dynamics in people will actually make it all work. And that is beyond all the attraction, desire, emotional considerations etc.
If I were the beta, I'd begin a conversation. I'd explain my feelings. I'd also relate that I knew that time is fluid and that preferences can be the same way. I'd then say that I felt abandoned. Which is what she really does feel. I'd ask for help from my Keeper in handling my own fears and insecurities. I'd ask for guidance. I'd ask for his leadership at a time when I could not handle what I was feeling. That is after all what a Dominant is for. To lead. To use for counsel when possible. I'd ask for his help.
Then I'd do the same with the third. I'd explain how I felt and ask for help in dealing with difficult emotions.
I'd own my feeling as my own. It's true you cannot blame the others, but I'd ask for their help. I'd ask for their love in a time when I was lost and afraid."
Polyamorous Pecking Order Compromised
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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May 27th - words of VelvetDarkness
I hadn't considered the concept of slavespace before but now I have read the OPs I can strongly identify with it. Subspace is a very selfish place to be and when I go there I am of virtually no use to Master.
Slavespace is very different. It's like everything else has been kicked out of my head so that my response times to whatever he wants are faster. I don't consider my actions on any level, I simply obey as though my body were an extension of his own and under his implicit command in the same way.
The pleasure is still there and I get a huge kick from slavespace even though I remain focused and grounded in what's happening (the opposite of my reaction to subspace where I float off on a cloud and leave Master to his own devices). In many ways I get more of a long term kick from slavespace because I can be confident that I have served him to the limit of my physical ability.
Many times I have emerged from subspace feeling as though he has been effectively serving me and although I enjoy it when he chooses to take me there, it's not a form of service IMO, rather a reward for service that I've earned over time.
Slavespace
I hadn't considered the concept of slavespace before but now I have read the OPs I can strongly identify with it. Subspace is a very selfish place to be and when I go there I am of virtually no use to Master.
Slavespace is very different. It's like everything else has been kicked out of my head so that my response times to whatever he wants are faster. I don't consider my actions on any level, I simply obey as though my body were an extension of his own and under his implicit command in the same way.
The pleasure is still there and I get a huge kick from slavespace even though I remain focused and grounded in what's happening (the opposite of my reaction to subspace where I float off on a cloud and leave Master to his own devices). In many ways I get more of a long term kick from slavespace because I can be confident that I have served him to the limit of my physical ability.
Many times I have emerged from subspace feeling as though he has been effectively serving me and although I enjoy it when he chooses to take me there, it's not a form of service IMO, rather a reward for service that I've earned over time.
Slavespace
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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May 28th - words of shy slave
"I hate hand spankings, I never used to; I used to dislike them, but Andante has a really hard hand! I can be on the verge of tears if he even talks about a hand spanking, if actually he does it then I cry. almost instantly (I think).
It is a different type of crying to when he uses an implement on me.
Then there is a build up to the tears, they are mixed with erotic pleasure and the 'Damn, that hurts' feelings.
Hand spanking tears are because it hurts, but I also find it humiliating and mortifying that he is doing it. So they are 'poor me' tears as well. Nothing erotic, just embarrassment.
I don't like crying but if he continues to hurt me when I do cry, I can move through that state into a place where I am very relaxed. I would not call it sub-space, but it is a place of peace and feeling in the 'right' place and frame of mind. This does not happen when he hand spanks me, I am often yelling and crying and begging him to stop.
Tears, are not a form of a safe word.
I am glad of that, if they were we would do very little.
But I hate that I end up in tears."
How Important Are Tears During Spanking?
"I hate hand spankings, I never used to; I used to dislike them, but Andante has a really hard hand! I can be on the verge of tears if he even talks about a hand spanking, if actually he does it then I cry. almost instantly (I think).
It is a different type of crying to when he uses an implement on me.
Then there is a build up to the tears, they are mixed with erotic pleasure and the 'Damn, that hurts' feelings.
Hand spanking tears are because it hurts, but I also find it humiliating and mortifying that he is doing it. So they are 'poor me' tears as well. Nothing erotic, just embarrassment.
I don't like crying but if he continues to hurt me when I do cry, I can move through that state into a place where I am very relaxed. I would not call it sub-space, but it is a place of peace and feeling in the 'right' place and frame of mind. This does not happen when he hand spanks me, I am often yelling and crying and begging him to stop.
Tears, are not a form of a safe word.
I am glad of that, if they were we would do very little.
But I hate that I end up in tears."
How Important Are Tears During Spanking?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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May 29th - words of ecstaticsub
"Breath play scares the shit out of me. I have mild asthma and am claustophobic. I haven't set it as a hard limit but my Dom knows how I feel about it. I even have problems during yoga class when we are supposed to do alternate nostril breathing. I can't breathe through just my nose, I go into total panic if i can't breathe through my mouth.
Having said all that I'll admit to a part of me--the part that loves to be challenged--that it does cause a bit of an erotic tingle in me. The closest we have come to it is during deep throating and he blocks off my nose.
Sometimes I get too excited by being scared."
Erotic Asphixiation
"Breath play scares the shit out of me. I have mild asthma and am claustophobic. I haven't set it as a hard limit but my Dom knows how I feel about it. I even have problems during yoga class when we are supposed to do alternate nostril breathing. I can't breathe through just my nose, I go into total panic if i can't breathe through my mouth.
Having said all that I'll admit to a part of me--the part that loves to be challenged--that it does cause a bit of an erotic tingle in me. The closest we have come to it is during deep throating and he blocks off my nose.
Sometimes I get too excited by being scared."
Erotic Asphixiation
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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May 30th - words of CutieMouse
"It does boil down to being an object, similar to a necklace, that you both like. It doesn't mean anything more than the signifigance you and your partner lend to it. The marriage analogy (for me) comes along in that a collar seems to be similar in symbolism to an engagement or wedding ring. People are no more or less married if they wear a ring; BDSM couples are no more or less bound if a collar is involved.
I'm not married; I won't wear rings on my left hand, period.
Interestingly enough, I enjoy wearing choker style necklaces, rather than longer ones, but I've made a conscious choice to not do so, as I don't wish to project an image of being something I am not.
So in my own way, I do assign signifigance to a simple ordinary object, even though I (personally) find the symbolism a bit silly.
Myabe my breakdown comes in that I don't really have a lot of security blanket sorts of things in my Life, although I refuse to be more than 3 steps away from my cell phone, as it is my lifeline to those I Love. (I even keep my cell phone within reach whilst showering. LOL) Those who are Important to me, are with me 24/7, even when they are thousands of miles away, even if our only contact is an exhausted 2 minute phone call at 1am to say goodnight. On occasion, I might slip a little token of some sort into my pocket to remember them more vividly, but it doesn't grant me any more bravery, peace of mind, or sense of security than if I'm not carrying such a tome. I don't understand the intenseness of the collar... maybe I'm just not wired in such a way as to be able to... "
About Being Collared
"It does boil down to being an object, similar to a necklace, that you both like. It doesn't mean anything more than the signifigance you and your partner lend to it. The marriage analogy (for me) comes along in that a collar seems to be similar in symbolism to an engagement or wedding ring. People are no more or less married if they wear a ring; BDSM couples are no more or less bound if a collar is involved.
I'm not married; I won't wear rings on my left hand, period.
Interestingly enough, I enjoy wearing choker style necklaces, rather than longer ones, but I've made a conscious choice to not do so, as I don't wish to project an image of being something I am not.
So in my own way, I do assign signifigance to a simple ordinary object, even though I (personally) find the symbolism a bit silly.
Myabe my breakdown comes in that I don't really have a lot of security blanket sorts of things in my Life, although I refuse to be more than 3 steps away from my cell phone, as it is my lifeline to those I Love. (I even keep my cell phone within reach whilst showering. LOL) Those who are Important to me, are with me 24/7, even when they are thousands of miles away, even if our only contact is an exhausted 2 minute phone call at 1am to say goodnight. On occasion, I might slip a little token of some sort into my pocket to remember them more vividly, but it doesn't grant me any more bravery, peace of mind, or sense of security than if I'm not carrying such a tome. I don't understand the intenseness of the collar... maybe I'm just not wired in such a way as to be able to... "
About Being Collared
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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- 18,730
May 31st - words of myinnerslut
"verifiable things are difficult when your online. myself, i am in a LDR for most of the year. webcams came in really usefull when A wanted to see his orders being fullfilled.
this only worked in playtime experiences. if he wanted to watch me play with myelf or use a certain toy, for example. though i am his all the time, it isnt practical to leave a camera on all the time so he can view me.
most of the time it involves trust. if he told me to wear no panties that day, he has to trust that i will. for some people this doesnt work and they will just lie. it depends on the couple."
Advice For Online Training
"verifiable things are difficult when your online. myself, i am in a LDR for most of the year. webcams came in really usefull when A wanted to see his orders being fullfilled.
this only worked in playtime experiences. if he wanted to watch me play with myelf or use a certain toy, for example. though i am his all the time, it isnt practical to leave a camera on all the time so he can view me.
most of the time it involves trust. if he told me to wear no panties that day, he has to trust that i will. for some people this doesnt work and they will just lie. it depends on the couple."
Advice For Online Training
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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June 1st - words of A Desert Rose
"Okay, you bow out. So long. But I can still post to anyone else who cares to read.
When someone posts "that others constatly bash your D/s tendencies AND "religious" views bashed over and over" and knows nothing about me, I have to laugh. My religious views have been discussed on this board and sometimes in ways that I have found very offensive. I'm Catholic and I'm pretty hardcore about my religion. There aren't many people on this board who know that. I keep that part of my life, to myself. I don't post about it nor do I post anything about other people's faith.
Furthermore, I don't ask anyone here to accept my faith, understand it or agree with it. It's my personal business. As it is to you, who has bowed out.
When you become public on a porn board, as you have since you've posted, you accept that some people will not understand, accept or agree with your views. And on the other hand, many people will.
I have to say, that I've not seen anyone "bash" your views. They have however, posted their own and unfortunately, those do not seem to please.
It can be a harsh world out there... you need to realize that. Or be unhappy. It's your choice for your life to make."
wise words ADR
Is it Valid To Look For a D/s Partner Without Being Able To Offer Sex?
"Okay, you bow out. So long. But I can still post to anyone else who cares to read.
When someone posts "that others constatly bash your D/s tendencies AND "religious" views bashed over and over" and knows nothing about me, I have to laugh. My religious views have been discussed on this board and sometimes in ways that I have found very offensive. I'm Catholic and I'm pretty hardcore about my religion. There aren't many people on this board who know that. I keep that part of my life, to myself. I don't post about it nor do I post anything about other people's faith.
Furthermore, I don't ask anyone here to accept my faith, understand it or agree with it. It's my personal business. As it is to you, who has bowed out.
When you become public on a porn board, as you have since you've posted, you accept that some people will not understand, accept or agree with your views. And on the other hand, many people will.
I have to say, that I've not seen anyone "bash" your views. They have however, posted their own and unfortunately, those do not seem to please.
It can be a harsh world out there... you need to realize that. Or be unhappy. It's your choice for your life to make."
wise words ADR
Is it Valid To Look For a D/s Partner Without Being Able To Offer Sex?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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June 2nd - words of Quint
"Wow. I can't believe I'm the only one who went through this thread and can say "sperm is icky." I don't like the taste, I really don't like the feel on my skin (and oh god NOT the hair), and it's incredibly gross coming out of an orifice.
Suffice it to say I get all three on a regular basis."
Precious Bodily Fluids
"Wow. I can't believe I'm the only one who went through this thread and can say "sperm is icky." I don't like the taste, I really don't like the feel on my skin (and oh god NOT the hair), and it's incredibly gross coming out of an orifice.
Suffice it to say I get all three on a regular basis."
Precious Bodily Fluids
intothewoods
Truth seeker
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I didn't know ADR was Catholic! I have a bit of a thing for Catholics.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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June 3rd - words of FurryFury
"It sounds like you are being blackmailed emotionally and financially to stay in the relationship, a relationship that doesn't meet your needs.
People who can't live without you? Almost always can and should.
I'd want my name off that company. I'd want out. I never get out but that's what I'd want. If you do as well, I'd suggest you check out your legal options.
If there are any pictures that your husband has of you with others or whatever, it might be wise to make them disappear.
I think I'd rather flip hamburgers and live in a tent than put up with someone making me responsible for their every emotion while refusing to meet my needs and blackmailing me.
In any case, good luck."
Coming To A Pivotal Point...
"It sounds like you are being blackmailed emotionally and financially to stay in the relationship, a relationship that doesn't meet your needs.
People who can't live without you? Almost always can and should.
I'd want my name off that company. I'd want out. I never get out but that's what I'd want. If you do as well, I'd suggest you check out your legal options.
If there are any pictures that your husband has of you with others or whatever, it might be wise to make them disappear.
I think I'd rather flip hamburgers and live in a tent than put up with someone making me responsible for their every emotion while refusing to meet my needs and blackmailing me.
In any case, good luck."
Coming To A Pivotal Point...
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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LOL, that's what I like about life..you learn something new every day...well if we are lucky we do...and think I must have a things for Catholics now, at least sexy Spanish ones.
Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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June 4th - words of the captains wench
"I've had people instruct me to speak of myself in the third person, and one even had me call myself "his", that only got confusing when I was talking about something of mine. Couldn't figure out if my mom was "his mom" or "his's mom".
With Jounar I often times refur to myself as "your" or "yours". "Your slave loves her owner", "Yours loves you", "Yours begs to be punished" kinda thing. It's not something he requires of me, and he hasn't told me to cut it out, but to be honest I'm not sure how he feels about it....something I should probably ask. For me, it gives me a since of being absolutely owned to the point where I don't even exist, I'm his property, not even my own being. It makes me feel more connected to him some how."
Educate Me
"I've had people instruct me to speak of myself in the third person, and one even had me call myself "his", that only got confusing when I was talking about something of mine. Couldn't figure out if my mom was "his mom" or "his's mom".
With Jounar I often times refur to myself as "your" or "yours". "Your slave loves her owner", "Yours loves you", "Yours begs to be punished" kinda thing. It's not something he requires of me, and he hasn't told me to cut it out, but to be honest I'm not sure how he feels about it....something I should probably ask. For me, it gives me a since of being absolutely owned to the point where I don't even exist, I'm his property, not even my own being. It makes me feel more connected to him some how."
Educate Me
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- 18,730
June 5th - words of Cutie Mouse
"I think a lot of it has to do with connectivity. I am *sloooooooooooow* to trust people or make friends. I mean slow slow. I trust M (whom I've known for almost 10 years, lived within a few blocks of for 5 years, raised kids alongside, was briefly Lovers with, and am currently living [platonically] with); I trust J (whom I've "known" for a little over 2½ years, and spoken to several times a day with for all that time- there are only a handful of days where I think we weren't able to chat for one reason or another- speaking for hours on the phone, 7 days a week, sped up the connection process for me LOL). I Love them; I trust them; they know me; they know a lot (if not most) of my history. Both of them (in different ways- some connected to BDSM, msot not) help me rewrite my story into a more positive me. I know I can be vulnerable around either of them, I'll still be very much loved and safe, and there is nothing i can ever do that will make them go away or hate me.
In comparison, I saw my therapist at most twice a month, for 50 minutes at a time. I had to squish 30 years of poor decisions, struggles, drama, abuse, etc into small enough spaces and chunks for her to help me rewind things and write a new happiness. She did an excellent job; however, it was impossible for me to have the connection to her that I do M or J, simply because I didn't have the luxury of time to settle into her as a person. I trusted her professionally; I couldn't trust her enough (as a person) to be vulnerable around her. Ahh vulnerability... what a fun "issue" to have."
Storytelling, BDSM, and Catharsis - A Scientific Basis For Same?
"I think a lot of it has to do with connectivity. I am *sloooooooooooow* to trust people or make friends. I mean slow slow. I trust M (whom I've known for almost 10 years, lived within a few blocks of for 5 years, raised kids alongside, was briefly Lovers with, and am currently living [platonically] with); I trust J (whom I've "known" for a little over 2½ years, and spoken to several times a day with for all that time- there are only a handful of days where I think we weren't able to chat for one reason or another- speaking for hours on the phone, 7 days a week, sped up the connection process for me LOL). I Love them; I trust them; they know me; they know a lot (if not most) of my history. Both of them (in different ways- some connected to BDSM, msot not) help me rewrite my story into a more positive me. I know I can be vulnerable around either of them, I'll still be very much loved and safe, and there is nothing i can ever do that will make them go away or hate me.
In comparison, I saw my therapist at most twice a month, for 50 minutes at a time. I had to squish 30 years of poor decisions, struggles, drama, abuse, etc into small enough spaces and chunks for her to help me rewind things and write a new happiness. She did an excellent job; however, it was impossible for me to have the connection to her that I do M or J, simply because I didn't have the luxury of time to settle into her as a person. I trusted her professionally; I couldn't trust her enough (as a person) to be vulnerable around her. Ahh vulnerability... what a fun "issue" to have."
Storytelling, BDSM, and Catharsis - A Scientific Basis For Same?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 6th - words of OneLustyWench
"So how do you sort out the asses for the purposeful? For those of us just beginning to explore, it is very hard to sort and find the "good" ones. It's not like you can just dial a dom/domme and always get a good one!
I'm a very impatient person. I know I'd like to do a lot but have, with the words of caution from Litsters, to take my time. I know one guy would flog my ass into hamburger now but have found myself doing more research and self introspection to draw my lines mentally (Maybe, Probably and Absolutely Not) but as I keep looking at more, see those lines blurring even without a Dom/Domme pushing me. Realistically, it's finding the person with enough references and exprience for me to trust that's holding me back."
Am I SUPPOSED To Feel Like This?
"So how do you sort out the asses for the purposeful? For those of us just beginning to explore, it is very hard to sort and find the "good" ones. It's not like you can just dial a dom/domme and always get a good one!
I'm a very impatient person. I know I'd like to do a lot but have, with the words of caution from Litsters, to take my time. I know one guy would flog my ass into hamburger now but have found myself doing more research and self introspection to draw my lines mentally (Maybe, Probably and Absolutely Not) but as I keep looking at more, see those lines blurring even without a Dom/Domme pushing me. Realistically, it's finding the person with enough references and exprience for me to trust that's holding me back."
Am I SUPPOSED To Feel Like This?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 7th - words of Little Jade
"My safe word is RED. Simple. Though my partner stops the moment I whisper "stop"... he'll just pause for a moment... he knows I can take it, just need a minute to get used to it... and then continues... "red" means full-stop, back up, and don't touch me for a couple minutes."
Safewords..Does Yours Have Special Meaning Just For You?
"My safe word is RED. Simple. Though my partner stops the moment I whisper "stop"... he'll just pause for a moment... he knows I can take it, just need a minute to get used to it... and then continues... "red" means full-stop, back up, and don't touch me for a couple minutes."
Safewords..Does Yours Have Special Meaning Just For You?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 8th - words of His_Pita
"I agree that attending a munch is a great way to show her that people into BDSM are friendly and accepting. After that perhaps attending some sort of fetish event. I just went to SELF (South East Leather Festival) and had a blast. There were all sort of people there. I went to classes on flogging and cutting and drooled over lots of lovely implements in the vendors arena. That night there was a dungeon being set up where lots of people were going to be playing. I didn't get to stay for that. I haven't played in public yet, but it is something on our to-do-list for sure. Do you have a public dungeon where you live?"
Is Sharing Wrong?
"I agree that attending a munch is a great way to show her that people into BDSM are friendly and accepting. After that perhaps attending some sort of fetish event. I just went to SELF (South East Leather Festival) and had a blast. There were all sort of people there. I went to classes on flogging and cutting and drooled over lots of lovely implements in the vendors arena. That night there was a dungeon being set up where lots of people were going to be playing. I didn't get to stay for that. I haven't played in public yet, but it is something on our to-do-list for sure. Do you have a public dungeon where you live?"
Is Sharing Wrong?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 9th - words of HisBabydoll26
"Our reaction "whoa!" adding in an echo. I can sypathize with your situation, though mine was slightly different it has some similar ideas behind it. Take your time, don't expect much too soon, reassure her you told her out of trust not out of huge expectation (although you might have some best to tone it down and be careful to start). I think like us you can use this to take what you already have as a marriage and make it stronger. I think education and support are key.
I had a hard time not being so excited that I overwhelmed my husband with my needs. It was like I kept everything to myself and then when he showed some interest I couldn't stop talking about it. I knew I had to give him a break though to absorb it all. After all I did have quite the head start on him.
I'm not the best with advice but there are plenty here that usually are so stick around and I'm sure you will get some."
Need Help...just had 'the conversation' with my wife
"Our reaction "whoa!" adding in an echo. I can sypathize with your situation, though mine was slightly different it has some similar ideas behind it. Take your time, don't expect much too soon, reassure her you told her out of trust not out of huge expectation (although you might have some best to tone it down and be careful to start). I think like us you can use this to take what you already have as a marriage and make it stronger. I think education and support are key.
I had a hard time not being so excited that I overwhelmed my husband with my needs. It was like I kept everything to myself and then when he showed some interest I couldn't stop talking about it. I knew I had to give him a break though to absorb it all. After all I did have quite the head start on him.
I'm not the best with advice but there are plenty here that usually are so stick around and I'm sure you will get some."
Need Help...just had 'the conversation' with my wife
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 10th - words of the_pet
"As far as my budget goes, I'm at both ends of the spectrum. I order the cheapest thing on the menu but drool and easily fork over the cash for a "to die for corset".... and my eye always has a kink in mind when I'm browsing.... you never know when you're gonna find the perfect prop at a STEAL.
For example.... this awesome find below, to the untrained eyes, is a nothing more than a seasonal item, but to freak pet like me, it's instant fun! Put these on while playing pool naked ! I already wear a bell charm on a bracelet anyway 24/7 because he says it's comforting to hear me jingling through the house and i like it too. The gentle jingling is strangely soothing (go figure). So i definitely dress/shop for my kinks."
Playing Dress Up
"As far as my budget goes, I'm at both ends of the spectrum. I order the cheapest thing on the menu but drool and easily fork over the cash for a "to die for corset".... and my eye always has a kink in mind when I'm browsing.... you never know when you're gonna find the perfect prop at a STEAL.
For example.... this awesome find below, to the untrained eyes, is a nothing more than a seasonal item, but to freak pet like me, it's instant fun! Put these on while playing pool naked ! I already wear a bell charm on a bracelet anyway 24/7 because he says it's comforting to hear me jingling through the house and i like it too. The gentle jingling is strangely soothing (go figure). So i definitely dress/shop for my kinks."
Playing Dress Up
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 11th - words of graceanne
"If the govt had the power to choose who gets to have children and who doesn't only the rich would be able to afford to cut through the red tape. I recently tried to adopt a friend of mines baby. (My friend is mentally handicapped, their was no way the state was going to allow her to keep a baby.) At the time we had the money to raise another child, but I did not have several thousand dollars jsut laying around for FUCKING LAWYER FEES. So, in the US, you can only adopt if you're rich. While 100's upone 1000's of children sit in foster care, hoping for an adoption."
How To Avoid Online Creepsters
"If the govt had the power to choose who gets to have children and who doesn't only the rich would be able to afford to cut through the red tape. I recently tried to adopt a friend of mines baby. (My friend is mentally handicapped, their was no way the state was going to allow her to keep a baby.) At the time we had the money to raise another child, but I did not have several thousand dollars jsut laying around for FUCKING LAWYER FEES. So, in the US, you can only adopt if you're rich. While 100's upone 1000's of children sit in foster care, hoping for an adoption."
How To Avoid Online Creepsters
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 12th - words of Nameless_Rose
"As a newish sub, I've been finding it rather difficult to make good contacts in the online BDSM world. I have a subscription to a BDSM personals site and of course I've noticed that there are a lot of creepsters out there, both Dom and sub alike. Although I can't give much of perspective on the creepy subs, I have noticed certain tendencies which I see as warning signs of a creepy Dom (creepy here means they just want to get into your pants or use you as a punching bag, or do any number of other unpleasant internet predator things). I wanted to share my list here not only to help out subs even newer than I am, but also to add to it. If anyone has any other warning signs, I'd love to hear them. Also, if any of you Doms would like to share what you try to avoid when searching for subs online, I'd be very interested in hearing about that too. Here is my list so far:
Avoid Him/Her if:
-His/Her first line is: "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SLUT"
-He/She seems to only to be interested in your kinks/physical attributes rather than your personality traits
-He/She immediately tells you to address Him/Her as Sir/Ma'am
-He/She immediately wants to cyber (not as much a warning of a creeper, as of someone who just wants some online ass)
-He/She tells you to do things which would compromise your family/work life
-He/She wants to meet after 5 minutes of chat
-He/She immediately begins describing all the naughty things He/She will do to you
-He/She asks for pics/personal info. but refuses to give you any
-He/She automatically assumes that He/She owns you after one or two chat sessions
-He/She keeps pressuring you to reveal things like your address/phone number/last name, etc.
Feel free to add to it or share stories about creepers you have encountered."
How To Avoid Online Creepsters
"As a newish sub, I've been finding it rather difficult to make good contacts in the online BDSM world. I have a subscription to a BDSM personals site and of course I've noticed that there are a lot of creepsters out there, both Dom and sub alike. Although I can't give much of perspective on the creepy subs, I have noticed certain tendencies which I see as warning signs of a creepy Dom (creepy here means they just want to get into your pants or use you as a punching bag, or do any number of other unpleasant internet predator things). I wanted to share my list here not only to help out subs even newer than I am, but also to add to it. If anyone has any other warning signs, I'd love to hear them. Also, if any of you Doms would like to share what you try to avoid when searching for subs online, I'd be very interested in hearing about that too. Here is my list so far:
Avoid Him/Her if:
-His/Her first line is: "GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES SLUT"
-He/She seems to only to be interested in your kinks/physical attributes rather than your personality traits
-He/She immediately tells you to address Him/Her as Sir/Ma'am
-He/She immediately wants to cyber (not as much a warning of a creeper, as of someone who just wants some online ass)
-He/She tells you to do things which would compromise your family/work life
-He/She wants to meet after 5 minutes of chat
-He/She immediately begins describing all the naughty things He/She will do to you
-He/She asks for pics/personal info. but refuses to give you any
-He/She automatically assumes that He/She owns you after one or two chat sessions
-He/She keeps pressuring you to reveal things like your address/phone number/last name, etc.
Feel free to add to it or share stories about creepers you have encountered."
How To Avoid Online Creepsters
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
June 13th - words of liberatedslave
"It is daunting to be a single subbie. It makes you feel very vulnerable in a kinda: "If I want a guy who's prepared to dominate me doesn't that just set me up for ending up with an arrogant, abusive asshole?"
Well unfortunately it does - unless you keep your wits about you. If you take a look at the BDSM personal ads here on lit there are the usual culprits giving it the "Kneel bitch!" cyberswagger. It's worth putting an ad up just to laugh your ass off at 90% of the responses you get. But maybe 5% will be worth further investigation, and that's all that matters.
The internet is as useful as it is deceptive. You can screen guys to a degree before you meet them, find out how intelligent and articulate they are, what their personality is like and so on. If you go over facts with people it's easy to catch most of the liars out over time. You can ask for verifiable information and eventually meet in a safe, public setting. Be very careful about the information you give out. All in all it's a safer bet than chatting to some random guy in a bar and hoping you'll have something in common.
Nobody expects you to have a certain level of kink. As long as you are honest about what you would and wouldn't like to try at any stage, what kind of partner you want and so on you will in time meet someone who's desires and personality complement your own.
I do wish you the very best of luck with your journey "
Advice For A Woman On A Journey Of Discovery
"It is daunting to be a single subbie. It makes you feel very vulnerable in a kinda: "If I want a guy who's prepared to dominate me doesn't that just set me up for ending up with an arrogant, abusive asshole?"
Well unfortunately it does - unless you keep your wits about you. If you take a look at the BDSM personal ads here on lit there are the usual culprits giving it the "Kneel bitch!" cyberswagger. It's worth putting an ad up just to laugh your ass off at 90% of the responses you get. But maybe 5% will be worth further investigation, and that's all that matters.
The internet is as useful as it is deceptive. You can screen guys to a degree before you meet them, find out how intelligent and articulate they are, what their personality is like and so on. If you go over facts with people it's easy to catch most of the liars out over time. You can ask for verifiable information and eventually meet in a safe, public setting. Be very careful about the information you give out. All in all it's a safer bet than chatting to some random guy in a bar and hoping you'll have something in common.
Nobody expects you to have a certain level of kink. As long as you are honest about what you would and wouldn't like to try at any stage, what kind of partner you want and so on you will in time meet someone who's desires and personality complement your own.
I do wish you the very best of luck with your journey "
Advice For A Woman On A Journey Of Discovery
