The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[FurryFury]

This is the standard of safety maintained by the casual community.

As long as you can "pay", you can "play".

Where I am, the standard safety protocol in dealing with potential first time members is maintained by the kink group I visit, is precisely as rigorous as a first coffee date with a possible beloved. I do not consider that group to be part of a casual community. I don't seen anything casual about any of the kink communities I've been in. This is a paper dragon you've built to harp on flog and argue about.

As to the statement that as long as you can pay you can play, nope. You clearly misunderstood or more likely, deliberately twisting what I said. that. I said nothing of the sort. As you know, I said, that first you must be invited not everyone is. Then if you wish to go you can pay a nominal fee to help the organization continue to do all the things they do. This, to me, is a worthwhile cause since unlike your fantasy of being persecuted many kinky people actually are or would be were it public knowledge they were kinky. We need a community. Not a casual one mind you.

If you were invited. If you chose to pay for the priveledge of going to the play party, the question then becomes with whom would you play?

You'd have to bring someone with you who was into public play with you or be capable of making friends and trust enough with someone on the spot for actual play to be involved.

Now it's true that I was invited. It's true I could have arranged to play. I am just not that kind of person.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't hate you at all. I feel sorry for you. I can't believe this is all the product of a balanced person.

GREAT post. I have to agree.

 

[BLoved]

Then if you wish to go you can pay a nominal fee to help the organization continue to do all the things they do.

Such as more pay-per-play 'play parties'?

I take it the submissive doesn't get a cut.

100% profit for the pimps involved.

And this is a measure of the safety protocols involved in casual 'bdsm'?

 

[FurryFury]

Such as more pay-per-play 'play parties'?

I take it the submissive doesn't get a cut.

100% profit for the pimps involved.

And this is a measure of the safety protocols involved in casual 'bdsm'?

Nothing you wrote in this post is remotely true.

How sad for you.

Perhaps you could use some reading comprehension courses.

 

[seela]

Actually, I expect those involved in BDSM to set a higher standard for safety than anyone else.

We have an obligation to ourselves, to our loved ones and to the community to show we're not a bunch of would-be rapists and spouse abusers.

We've an obligation to establish the most impeccable standard of ethics, and enforce it, even at the cost of no longer hosting public events.

If practitioners of bdsm cannot demonstrate a greater concern for safety than profit, then they deserve no better a consideration than pimps.

Such as more pay-per-play 'play parties'?

I take it the submissive doesn't get a cut.

100% profit for the pimps involved.

And this is a measure of the safety protocols involved in casual 'bdsm'?

In case anybody was wondering where this tangent came from.

 

[BLoved]

Nothing you wrote in this post is remotely true.

How sad for you.

Perhaps you could use some reading comprehension courses.

One munch and a payment and anyone can 'play'.

This is the safety standard for a 'play party'.

 

[FurryFury]

One munch and a payment and anyone can 'play'.

This is the safety standard for a 'play party'.

Repeating what you got wrong over and over again doesn't make it somehow right dude. Get a grip.

 

[Bette_coquette]

I want to beat my head against the wall. I can't believe the stupidity of some people. It's like a freaking train wreck!

 

[BLoved]

Repeating what you got wrong over and over again doesn't make it somehow right dude. Get a grip.

My local group doesn't allow under 18 people in. There is no booze either.

How we do it is this:

Open munch at local public place in normal clothing. If the person seems okay, they are then invited to a demo and play party.

Demo is held at a private residence. Regular clothing only though you can change if you wish.

Play party to follow should you wish to stay, pay and play. No one is pushed to do anything at any time.

In what way am I misrepresenting you?

 

[chy_girl]

And how come your "act of faith" toward your ex is more valid and healthy than my faith and trust in my Mistress and Sir?

Open munch at local public place in normal clothing. If the person seems okay, they are then invited to a demo and play party.

Demo is held at a private residence. Regular clothing only though you can change if you wish.

Play party to follow should you wish to stay, pay and play. No one is pushed to do anything at any time.

Out of curiosity, how much of the fee does the submissive get for letting someone "play" with them?

Even prostitutes get a cut of the fee.

So how much of the fee goes to the submissive?

And how much to the pimp?

As I said:

One could say that the inability to even temporarily see things from another's point of view lacks empathy. As an example, you've continued to insult and demonize me and my own relationship because I choose not to label it as love.
*snip*

Are you asking what I "get" out of my relationship with my Mistress and Sir or are you implying that I'm a hooker?

And as a word of advice, step very carefully because I am nobody's whore.

 

[CutieMouse]

Out of curiosity, how much of the fee does the submissive get for letting someone "play" with them?

Even prostitutes get a cut of the fee.

So how much of the fee goes to the submissive?

And how much to the pimp?

Are you able to see how broad inflamatory statements like this equate an individual's decision to experience something like public shoe worship (bootblacking) *a perfectly legal, safe, sane, service oriented act* with the illegal act of sex for money?

 

[RuReal]

One comment to point out to you all that I think you might be missing about beloved. I asked him a question about sex and he did not answer. I would almost think he is a very religious fellow who thinks BDSM is sex and as such treats it the same way.

I am betting he does not buy into casual sex do you big guy? I am also betting his idea of love is a bit skewed as well. Do you have problems with spilling the seed? You know with what you were saying I thought it all sounded familiar I just could not place it. Then things snapped into place it reminded me of the just don’t have sex campaigns that don’t work. You know only have sex with those you love ect ect.

As I read through more of the conversations you have with others it just becomes even more clear. We are all wrong in your book we are blinded by lust and wanting things are you or were you catholic? Not that they are bad people by any means, but it takes a pretty interesting mind to link things the way you have. Prostitution is the same as being a sub or a slave what world do you live in? Do you think that BDSM is about sex or intercourse do you think that the bottom is not having a fun time as well. If so then your BDSM is not my BDSM. Just so you know in most cases hookers are only looking for the cash at the end of the rainbow and of note most women do not just walk into a play party and wait for some random man to pick them to play with.

Please BLoved speak on I am still watching and learning more about you. Ohh have you thought at all about going to a Play Party in Toronto like I said I have no issues making arrangements so that you can get in. Please note when you do book or when you arrive they expect you to sign in with your real name. I still have not seen you point out dangerous BDSM at a play party in the Toronto area oops I am sorry you confuse dance clubs and bars with BDSM. You point at gang violence as say that we are all not safe. Does 1 + 1 add up to 2 in your world as well or does it actually equal 5?

 

[Bette_coquette]

Are you able to see how broad inflamatory statements like this equate an individual's decision to experience something like public shoe worship (bootblacking) *a perfectly legal, safe, sane, service oriented act* with the illegal act of sex for money?

Um, no, he's not able to equate this.

 

[intothewoods]

One munch and a payment and anyone can 'play'.

This is the safety standard for a 'play party'.

My local group doesn't allow under 18 people in. There is no booze either.

How we do it is this:

Open munch at local public place in normal clothing. If the person seems okay, they are then invited to a demo and play party.

Demo is held at a private residence. Regular clothing only though you can change if you wish.

Play party to follow should you wish to stay, pay and play. No one is pushed to do anything at any time.

In what way am I misrepresenting you?

No one under 18; not everyone is invited. That is more than just - you pay, you play.

But you knew that. It's been said repeatedly in this thread. And then you say no one's words here can be trusted. And yet you keep engaging. And so do we. And this is the thread that never ends...

 

[BLoved]

Are you asking what I "get" out of my relationship with my Mistress and Sir or are you implying that I'm a hooker?

And as a word of advice, step very carefully because I am nobody's whore.

Are you saying the 'pay for play' arrangement FurryFury is describing doesn't apply to you?

 

[BLoved]

Are you able to see how broad inflamatory statements like this equate an individual's decision to experience something like public shoe worship (bootblacking) *a perfectly legal, safe, sane, service oriented act* with the illegal act of sex for money?

I was completely unaware of the 'pay for play' 'play party' until FurryFury mentioned it.

Are you saying I shouldn't explore this concept?

 

[BLoved]

One comment to point out to you all that I think you might be missing about beloved. I asked him a question about sex and he did not answer. I would almost think he is a very religious fellow who thinks BDSM is sex and as such treats it the same way.

I am betting he does not buy into casual sex do you big guy? I am also betting his idea of love is a bit skewed as well. Do you have problems with spilling the seed? You know with what you were saying I thought it all sounded familiar I just could not place it. Then things snapped into place it reminded me of the just don’t have sex campaigns that don’t work. You know only have sex with those you love ect ect.

lol

Sure.

All of us who believe in loving relationships and who avoid casual 'bdsm' are secretly religious zealots.

Anything else you want to know, just ask.

 

[chy_girl]

Are you saying the 'pay for play' arrangement FurryFury is describing doesn't apply to you?

Perhaps you should expand on your question so I have a better idea of what you are asking and what you are implying. After all it's not good to assume.

 

[CutieMouse]

I was completely unaware of the 'pay for play' 'play party' until FurryFury mentioned it.

Are you saying I shouldn't explore this concept?

I'm saying you are being intentionally obtuse and inflamatory. Again.

 

[RuReal]

lol

Sure.

All of us who believe in loving relationships and who avoid casual 'bdsm' are secretly religious zealots.

Anything else you want to know, just ask.

Riddle me this BLoved how do you feel about casual sex?

Do you consider BDSM the same as sex?

I figured I would make it short since you keep dancing around the questions.

PS I never said you are a Zealot I said you could be or could have been catholic and you did not answer that did you.

 

[intothewoods]

I was completely unaware of the 'pay for play' 'play party' until FurryFury mentioned it.

Are you saying I shouldn't explore this concept?

You've repeatedly alleged that that is a motivation for the parties. Why would you say you were unaware?

 

[BLoved]

Perhaps you should expand on your question so I have a better idea of what you are asking and what you are implying. After all it's not good to assume.

FurryFury has said all a stranger needs to get into a 'play party' is pass muster through one munch, pay a fee and "play".

That's the screening process: one munch, then "pay and play".

Is that the way it is with your casual community?

 

[BLoved]

You've repeatedly alleged that that is a motivation for the parties. Why would you say you were unaware?

I was speaking of public 'parties'.

I was unaware this was happening at private ones as well.

 

[BLoved]

Riddle me this BLoved how do you feel about casual sex?

Do you consider BDSM the same as sex?

Yes.

Both are forms of intimate behaviour, linked to intimate emotional bonding (love).

PS I never said you are a Zealot I said you could be or could have been catholic and you did not answer that did you.

Are you attempting to apply a religious 'purity' test?

I was unaware bdsm cared one way or the other about a person's religious affiliation.

However, if it will set your mind to rest, I do not belong to any religion. My understanding of reality is quite a bit more scientific than any religion with which I am familiar.

Having said that, I will also state that I am not an agnostic nor an atheist.

I believe the universe has a spirit, and everything, including us, is a part of it.

And yes, asking me about "spilling seed" is indeed an attempt to suggest I am a zealot.

 

[chy_girl]

FurryFury has said all a stranger needs to get into a 'play party' is pass muster through one munch, pay a fee and "play".

That's the screening process: one munch, then "pay and play".

Is that the way it is with your casual community?

No, it isn't. Does the local membership only dungeon have a small entrance fee? Yes. To help cover the cost of food, certain supply/equipment upkeep, and building expenses. Do any of the free weekly groups take donations? Yes. One. To aid in the cost of heating and fire play expenses.

Do others pay an admission for the chance to seek permission to play with me. Absolutely not. On top of which, any play with another is negotiated in conjunction with my Mistress and Sir and I have the right and responsibility to say no if it doesn't please or appeal to me.

I'm a collared submissive... not a door mate, not a fuck toy, not a living doll, not a servant to everyone in the room, not whipping post, not a selling point, and I'm sure hell not a whore. Remember that.