UnderYourSpell said:
The_Fool said:
Tathagata said:
Tathagata said:
wildsweetone said:for today's delectable morsel, read the GREAT POETRY thread. more poets have joined in and each poem is like reading a novel in a day. wonderful! keep up the great writing! i know i can't get enough of reading you all.
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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.
11 new poems up today.
l8bloom has submitted Love Poems from the A&P. An audio submission in which the sounds come across very clear and easy on the ears. I found it slightly distracting as the words, in my opinion, didn't seem to fit the music that has a soft romantic feel. Talk of broken bags of sugar and cake mix seemed out of place. I also don't feel there is any poetic language apart from the rhyme. Sorry, that's just my take though.
new poet Jacob_L_Reed posted his first poem today, The first... i found the presentation of this submission, interesting. something a little different. it could be reworked as a List Poem, but it seems to work well this way. i'm not understanding what happens between lines 5 and 6, i think in this case the poem errs slightly on the side of 'too little' information. i'd like to know more and to see this filled out a little. i like how her 'smile crosses the room' - nice image that one. Welcome to Literotica.
new poet Tarakin submitted Passion today. this poem seems to create so many questions in my mind that i think it also errs on the 'slightly too little information' scenario also. why was the light 'long buried'? why is the vulcan, dormant? what deed? why does the lyrical subject experience jealousy? Welcome to Literotica and thanks for making me think.
Haiku Bomber was submitted by evelyn_carroll. a haiku that isn't, in my opinion.
new poet kerker_meister submitted A wonderful man. a couple of improvements to start you off, 'Your' should be 'You are' or 'You're', and line 11 is missing 'man'. i think the rhyme works well here. Welcome to Literotica.
Goldeniangel submitted Inside today. i like this poem. i think a suggestion for improvement would be to add punctuation and perhaps stanza breaks.
first poem by ardentforce is Doubt. i found this read a bit choppy sounding. i would like to see more concrete imagery in this poem.
anniebug brings us amongst the lupins. should it be 'among'? sorry i'm not sure on that one. this poem raises many questions. for a start, is 'she' alive, or dead? the sounds and smoothness of read might be deceiving. if the poet wants clarity for this, then perhaps the title could be used to an advantage - i see no problems with the wording of the poem, except that i want to know more.
new poet, death_osito has three submissions today. And Then came the calm, Broken Heart Mended with XoX, and Dust Ash Desires. each of these three poems has problems of punctuation, spelling etc. a quick proofread, even spellcheck, would pick up many of them. i don't like the use of text speak that is sprinkled lightly through one, i find it distracting. in the third poem, i like the unusual beginning. it caught my attention. unfortunately what followed didn't keep my attention, but it was a good start. Welcome to Literotica.
Please note that these are my opinions on poems, it is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!
anniebug said:
