"To keep the review thread clean..."

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

let me tell you what i think about this, Angelinadreamer

it's a breathing out - a counseling to just 'b/be', overlaid with the other interpretation of having arrived at one's destination. this is it. from a to b. this is b.




as a zen poem, it has arrived and i am breathing, remembering to be. oooh, i am my own arrival! lmao

 

[butters]

you gonna split yer face doin' that

 

[twelveoone]

la,la,la,la who's doin NPR, Greenmountain guy, or EPMD? today.

 

[Maria2394]

Just a quickie to thank everyone who took the time to read my offerings today.

1021, even though he didn't like them, and Tess, Esperanza, Koba and Paasha. Your encouragement is what keeps me writing and I appreciate ever single suggestion and read that you are all generous enough to give.



p.s.- Hope is an acrostic ( and a rewrite, incorporating some suggested changes from a while back)

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

la,la,la,la who's doin NPR, Greenmountain guy, or EPMD? today.

As long as someone mentions bowling turkeys, IDC. Warning, citizens of the United States, you will never enjoy Thanksgiving after biting this barb.

 

[twelveoone]

Just a quickie to thank everyone who took the time to read my offerings today.

1021, even though he didn't like them, and Tess, Esperanza, Koba and Paasha. Your encouragement is what keeps me writing and I appreciate ever single suggestion and read that you are all generous enough to give.



p.s.- Hope is an acrostic ( and a rewrite, incorporating some suggested changes from a while back)

I got demoted? If it is any makes you fell better, I didn't like anything this morning, not even my face
SAD, so PO'ed about the weather, I kicked the dog. The dog was the neighbor's, that didn't go over well; then the Police, SWAT, I hate helicopters, etc, etc,etc, I'll write a poem about it a SWAT sonnet. someday.
in DEADLY pentameter.

 

[ghost_girl]

I got demoted? If it is any makes you fell better, I didn't like anything this morning, not even my face
SAD, so PO'ed about the weather, I kicked the dog. The dog was the neighbor's, that didn't go over well; then the Police, SWAT, I hate helicopters, etc, etc,etc, I'll write a poem about it a SWAT sonnet. someday.
in DEADLY pentameter.

YOU get demoted???? Never in my book dear, you know Iam enept at typig, yo know that!!
see??



I would go back and fix it, but you have already quoted my mistakes. good thing I am not all anal like that and, doggone it, I didn;t even realize I was on as G-G, I guess my morphine is working, lol.

you know I adore you, so please don;t be mad at me, k?

hugs

 

[twelveoone]

YOU get demoted???? Never in my book dear, you know Iam enept at typig, yo know that!!
see??



I would go back and fix it, but you have already quoted my mistakes. good thing I am not all anal like that and, doggone it, I didn;t even realize I was on as G-G, I guess my morphine is working, lol.

you know I adore you, so please don;t be mad at me, k?

hugs

nah, I sent the helicopters and Swat your way, but you can that me NPR

 

[Maria2394]

nah, I sent the helicopters and Swat your way, but you can that me NPR

I saw you got me back, Mr 12345, on the NPR, thanks for the recommendations. I thought I was banned from being recommended, but ran outta tears a loooong time ago, ROFL

 

[butters]

I thought I was banned from being recommended

why did you think that?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thankyou to raconteuse, Espy, Tess, theo, Chip and 1201 for their comments on Lament for Lost Libido although I not quite sure what 1201 means and Chip gets a :caning:

 

[Paasha]

Thanks to Maria2394, chipbutty, Esperanza_Hidalgo, SweetOblivion, Tristess2 and twelveoone for their time and kind comments on my poem, "Permafrost". It's been years since I posted here and it's good to see poets still supporting each other after all this time.

 

[butters]

Thankyou to raconteuse, Espy, Tess, theo, Chip and 1201 for their comments on Lament for Lost Libido although I not quite sure what 1201 means and Chip gets a :caning:

what?


whatttttt???


still, at least you don't erase my comments on your poems. don't know why i bother with some. lol.

 

[butters]

Thanks to Maria2394, chipbutty, Esperanza_Hidalgo, SweetOblivion, Tristess2 and twelveoone for their time and kind comments on my poem, "Permafrost". It's been years since I posted here and it's good to see poets still supporting each other after all this time.

i don't remember you from the old days, as i've only been here about a year and a half, but it's always good to see poets finding it worth their while to return to posting and taking part in our forums nice readin' you.

 

[Maria2394]

Thanks again to those who commented today- fridayam, angeline, and anonymous. Also 1201, I have a butt-load of spring poems and garden poems and there was one that you liked, it was the rehab poem. I think it got lost when my other computer died, but it meant so much to me that you liked it, well, it was really personal and you liked it, which was a miracle. I always try harder when it's obvious someone doesn't like my work, like with Senna, he reminded me of my dad and I was always trying to get his approval, but like with my dad, I finally gave up when I realized it was futile....

one more thing, I got a couple of emails and one wasn't signed, and whoever it was wanted to know why I'm on certain meds. I have 3 herniated discs in my back along with 7 compression fractures and cervical stenosis in my neck. I need surgery but have no insurance..that's life, lol. I held off getting the medicine as long as I could but sometimes the pain is unbearable so I have it for those times.
Hugs to your anonymous self.

Esperanza, your email made me smile. You are so young and so talented!! You remind me of my eldest daughter Amanda. You have an awesome future ahead of you if you keep on writing. I truly enjoy reading you, keep up the wonderful work. You amaze me on a daily basis. In fact, many of you do

thanks again to you all

 

[UnderYourSpell]

what?


whatttttt???


still, at least you don't erase my comments on your poems. don't know why i bother with some. lol.

cocking my leg indeed?
why who's been erasing your comments I don't think I've ever done that? I usually get rude emails if I make less than complimentary comments, trouble is they always come from Anon (anyone sending u have to put your name on, it doesn't get put on automatically!) and I have to guess! wish I knew how to stop the emails even tho I've clicked not to receive they still arrive

 

[Maria2394]

cocking my leg indeed?
why who's been erasing your comments I don't think I've ever done that? I usually get rude emails if I make less than complimentary comments, trouble is they always come from Anon (anyone sending u have to put your name on, it doesn't get put on automatically!) and I have to guess! wish I knew how to stop the emails even tho I've clicked not to receive they still arrive

Annie, have you tried clicking on the option not to receive anonymous feedback? That has worked for me in the past. One bad thing about that, if someone tries to leave FB that isn't a member of the site, they won't be able to do it, I think.

 

[twelveoone]

Now, surely you don't want me doing New Poems, for the third day, so you?
because it all looks a little too much like prose poetry

 

[Maria2394]

hey Rose-

thanks for your comments and on half 'n half, you really cracked me up there. regarding not passing it off as a haiku. I couldn't write a haiku to save my life and I haven't the nerve to try and pass one off as a haiku. I wish I could write them, but something in the essence eludes me. Some sort of mental block when it comes to rules about forms and such.

I have made efforts though. Once WickedEve said I almost had a good one, but it was backwards I sorta gave up then and just enjoy reading them now.

for the

~ maria

 

[vrosej10]

hey Rose-

thanks for your comments and on half 'n half, you really cracked me up there. regarding not passing it off as a haiku. I couldn't write a haiku to save my life and I haven't the nerve to try and pass one off as a haiku. I wish I could write them, but something in the essence eludes me. Some sort of mental block when it comes to rules about forms and such.

I have made efforts though. Once WickedEve said I almost had a good one, but it was backwards I sorta gave up then and just enjoy reading them now.

for the

~ maria

I love short poems, just love em to death. I loved yours. 1201 will not agree with me about this one but there's a lot of thinks passed off as haiku here that aren't and would be better served by not doing so. Write a tercet. There's nothing wrong with your average three liner that can't be fucked up further by squeezing it into a category it doesn't belong.

 

[vrosej10]

Thanks guys for the comments on The Autistic Bride. Chip,that makes sense; the other thing I write, probably much better than my poetry, is flash fiction on the shorter end. It got my first two piece published first submissions.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I always try harder when it's obvious someone doesn't like my work, like with Senna, he reminded me of my dad and I was always trying to get his approval, but like with my dad, I finally gave up when I realized it was futile....

This is what you like to write. Possibly you even want to believe it. But you know better than that.

Hi Maria,

I see that you are back to your Maria nickname, how nice!

Best regards,

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I've never really been sure whether to respond to comments and suggestions ON the actual poetry board commentary boxes themselves, or here in this thread. But an accomplished member of this forum helped me out, saying that this was likely the better option. I "thanked" before but didn't respond to the points made.

So, again, thanks to all for the comments on Breathing Without Oxygen, Giving Heartache a Ride to Work, and I Realized Your Avatar is a Wraith.

As for Breathing Without Oxygen, the suggestions seemed to be about reworking the stanzas, because the changing lengths were disconcerting. I think I could combine the final four stanzas into three, each with 5 lines to give it more order, like this:


you turn from your crimson painting
brush in hand
frown at the February sky
Pull your sweater against the chill
and draw the curtains tightly.

I pound phantom fists
But the still fence goes on dreaming
of the spring vegetables you will plant.
I wail and scream and cry
But no one hears.

The only sound
ticka ticka ticka
dead vines
on your peeling porch
in the winter wind.


Better?

Also, vrosej10 said it reminded her of Wuthering Heights, and while I hadn't consciously thought of that, it is one of my favorite novels and films, so probably, yes, my brain borrowed from that.

chipbutty gave a lot of thought to revisions to Giving Heartache a Ride to Work. I think your suggestions to tighten it up are good, cb, losing a few lines. More people than not thought the Ryan Adams song (La Cienega Just Smiled) interrupted the poem's flow. I debated whether to put it in for that reason, but think I would leave it out now; it belongs in another poem, with a different voice.

I Realized Your Avatar is a Wraith started as a series of PM exchanges, and when I looked at the PM thread, I thought, "that's a poem!" It's almost verbatim from the PMs.

Espy made an interesting observation in her post: at what point do the comments become part of the poem? Because every time you read a poem and see the comments below, it colors your reading of the poem, unless you're quite conscious to avoid reading them. Or at least, after you've read it, it can alter your view of the poem. It bears some similarity to reading book, movie or theatre reviews before or after viewing a play or reading a novel. In an electronic medium, though, where the comments are tacked onto the poem forever, it is a bit different. Kind of like the ongoing commentaries on Netflix that appear as you're picking out a movie.

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

Esperanza, your email made me smile. You are so young and so talented!! You remind me of my eldest daughter Amanda. You have an awesome future ahead of you if you keep on writing. I truly enjoy reading you, keep up the wonderful work. You amaze me on a daily basis. In fact, many of you do

Turns pink

 

[butters]

hello friday i replied to you on the submission but i'm putting it here in case you miss it:

sorry you got lost at sea, friday

jerichos(oes?) - the rose of jericho, a desert plant that shrivels and dries, rolls and tumbles across the desert till it finds water, then greens and opens in hours... so a bit of a play on making roses bloom for her

... i don't think you're alone, though, in finding i'm not communicating it clearly enough. x

she's in an arid place, he tries to show her the beauty that exists even where she is, emotionally - the vortex on her sole... to suck in the grains of sand, the worlds, to make their wonder a part of her and to maybe create for herself a new cosmos ... the bird on her throat - so she might sing as freely as a bird, release ... the sea, she's on a sea-bed, he wants her to find her cradle of life again, maybe wants her to sail it with him. i don't know if i'll rework it, or leave it be. it was part of our exercises for lauren over on the mote thread.


went back to the comment on the poem and it was gone. pfft. disappeared