"To keep the review thread clean..."

[vrosej10]

Thanks guys for the comments on Chloe Poses For Jules Lefebvre. Thank you especially to UnderYourSpell for being brave! She knows what I am talking about.

 

[butters]

I want to thank vrose and chip for the recommends and 1201, Tess, ishtat, UYS, Koba and CuddlyAl for comments.

Chip I can't agree with your comparison between Envoi and Phaon's Brother's tin-eared mockery of it. You treat them as equals--why? PB's trivia is an open insult but you talk of it as though it were a poem to be scanned like any other--when it is even based on a complete ignorance of the expression "walking on eggshells". What is the purpose of such prevarication--except to avoid calling a spade a spade?

Ishtat, thank you for your comments over time. I am not so ignorant of animal husbandry though--I just imagined Aries as being killed for that special Golden Fleece. And the armour (not shields) was that of the cthonic army, not the Argonauts: I saw them springing from the earth with their armour tarnished by burial. Robert Graves might have helped PB if he were interested in anything other than being obnoxious (and pretentious).

i understand your frustration, friday, but in all fairness i have the distance to be able to stand back from your poems and look at both for what they are - two quite individual writes, addressing two very separate feelings... his reasoning for putting it up there was flawed, and since it didn't improve on your poem but simply was a different poem about a different situation, i don't see his point at all. if it was intended to show he could write your poem 'better' then he failed. simple as that. what he did do, imo, was show a poem valid in its own right, but it should not have been posted where he did.

i also don't think the 'battered' part was down to any misunderstanding, friday - he was showing us soft boiled eggs, whose tops had been battered in by a spoon. as i said, quite a different poem to your own, and i have no idea why he thought the two could be held up side by side when they had little or nothing to do with the same topic.

i offered my honest opinions, friday, and certainly don't avoid calling a spade a spade if you wish to remove our comments from your work, you are - of course - entitled and able to do so.

if i saw that poem, offered up as a piece in its own right, i would have addressed it for its own worth. the fact he offered it up intending it as something of an insult to your own - with comparison, we were supposed to see his own a better write - was shabby. and backfired, from the responses received.

i stand by my opinions and understand your ire with his post and my response, but i would have hoped you had seen enough of my own postings to realise i always offer them with honesty and a balanced hand.

 

[butters]

PB - to be absolutely clear, and to avoid being unfairly accused again of not calling a spade a spade, you behaved like a wanker by putting that poem up in the commentary box beneath friday's poem.

i do believe it is a poem with its own merits; i disagree with friday about the ignorance of a saying; it doesn't address the same subject matter as friday's. it was like me saying 'hey, my apple is better than your orange'. pointless, except to cause discontented ripples as it has done - if that was your sole purpose, then 'wanker' fits well enough. if you genuinely, and i doubt it, believed you offered a like-for-like comparison because you believe yours was the better way to write the poem, then you are a misguided wanker.

seems to be a bit of a theme this week, wanker-ness


now you can all go complain about the mod calling people wankers.

 

[PhaonsBrother]

'The eggshells are long shattered' is genuinely bad imagery. I didn't intend to mock, just catch our dear friend's attention with his weaker points. I kept the stronger bits, tossed out the rubbish. I think I was pretty nice considering the way fridayHam chose to review my recent poem.

by fridayam
02/26/11
Lots of words

shame they don't mean anything

____
This is just pure laziness, shows no willingness to grow as a poet. FridaySham, there's more meaning in any two of my lines than in any one poem you've submitted to this site.

 

[PhaonsBrother]

The topic's pretty stale, but I'm positive my version was less stale. The kids attention spans and all that. Can't keep recycling the old hat and expect poetry will survive.

The eggshells are long battered
but still I tiptoe through the two lips
and kiss you like the ghost in the hall
the spectre of might-have-been french toasts
our shoelaces slung together on the coat-rack dripping
albumen through the floorboards

 

[NeonSubtlety]

I recently submitted a piece entitled "Window Smoke." I was fairly sure that I had included notes. But I don't see them when I open the page. Normally, this would not be a big deal. But, as wouldve been explained in those notes, I meant for the piece to be a tribute to To Huu's "Emily, My Child."

I'd hate to think that I'd be accused of plagiarism of his work when, in fact, I was trying to show admiration for it. I apologize for the confusion.

 

[Maria2394]

I recently submitted a piece entitled "Window Smoke." I was fairly sure that I had included notes. But I don't see them when I open the page. Normally, this would not be a big deal. But, as wouldve been explained in those notes, I meant for the piece to be a tribute to To Huu's "Emily, My Child."

I'd hate to think that I'd be accused of plagiarism of his work when, in fact, I was trying to show admiration for it. I apologize for the confusion.

High NeonSubtlety-

I just finished reading most of the morning's poems. I really liked yours, and no, there were no notes, but I never thought it was snatched from someone else.

You can submit an edit with the notes included; also include a note for the editor if you want to keep your comments. I have done this before and did not lose the comments that people had

Good luck!




maria

 

[twelveoone]

I recently submitted a piece entitled "Window Smoke." I was fairly sure that I had included notes. But I don't see them when I open the page. Normally, this would not be a big deal. But, as wouldve been explained in those notes, I meant for the piece to be a tribute to To Huu's "Emily, My Child."

I'd hate to think that I'd be accused of plagiarism of his work when, in fact, I was trying to show admiration for it. I apologize for the confusion.

well whatever you stole, it must have worked, probably the best I've read this morning, for what it's worth.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thanks guys for the comments on Chloe Poses For Jules Lefebvre. Thank you especially to UnderYourSpell for being brave! She knows what I am talking about.

 

[twelveoone]

PB - to be absolutely clear, and to avoid being unfairly accused again of not calling a spade a spade, you behaved like a wanker by putting that poem up in the commentary box beneath friday's poem.

i do believe it is a poem with its own merits; i disagree with friday about the ignorance of a saying; it doesn't address the same subject matter as friday's. it was like me saying 'hey, my apple is better than your orange'. pointless, except to cause discontented ripples as it has done - if that was your sole purpose, then 'wanker' fits well enough. if you genuinely, and i doubt it, believed you offered a like-for-like comparison because you believe yours was the better way to write the poem, then you are a misguided wanker.

seems to be a bit of a theme this week, wanker-ness


now you can all go complain about the mod calling people wankers.

Except.......................................
you're the complaint department
Now..........................................
who do we complain to about that

On a completely different note, can I steal your AV, I was looking for something with flames, matches my eyes, ya know.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.royalirishconstabulary.com/Optimized.Lord_Kitchener_Recru

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://lesconcepts.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/kitchener-smoky.jpg&imgrefurl=http://lesconcepts.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/i-want-you-yes-you/&usg=__rjvxpQm13ViQaM_NQ7xQRe_Jvx8=&h=446&w=936&sz=134&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=ro4uAdd9b7Q5RM:&tbnh=76&tbnw=160&ei=D6NvTYecMI6jtgfyvuD5Dg&prev=/images%3Fq%3DI%2Bwant%2Byou%2Blord%2Bkitchener%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D576%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=325&vpy=141&dur=17684&hovh=155&hovw=325&tx=170&ty=82&oei=eaJvTc-xL4S4twfbx7CGDw&page=1&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://samanthaknight.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/colmans_mustard_kitchener_300x2201_1.jpg%3Fw%3D450%26h%3D613&imgrefurl=http://samanthaknight.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/your-meat-needs-you-and-colmans/&usg=__39i0UpE2FDjs8ZetdaQqnxodBNU=&h=613&w=450&sz=295&hl=en&start=74&zoom=1&tbnid=vVFQ18CIpYyJgM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=92&ei=r6NvTaqWB5CjtgfJ67mBDw&prev=/images%3Fq%3DI%2Bwant%2Byou%2Blord%2Bkirchner%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D576%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1828&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=118&vpy=176&dur=58&hovh=262&hovw=192&tx=93&ty=132&oei=eaJvTc-xL4S4twfbx7CGDw&page=5&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:74&biw=1024&bih=576

I found some new ones, if I steal yours...............................................

 

[NeonSubtlety]

thanks for the lovely feedback, guys. I decided to put my notes in a comment instead. I think they're important because the backstory is so beautiful. Norman Morrison was a Quaker who took part in the only act of self-immolation in US history (as far as I know).

In protest of the Vietnam War, he stood below the window of Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara and burned himself to death. On that day, he brought his daughter, Emily, with him. At first he was reviled as one spectator claimed he had to wrestle the one-year-old from his arms because he was trying to take the baby with him. That story was later recanted when multiple testimonies arose, saying that the child was left on the grass a few feet from him.

Since that day, Norman Morrison has become a hero in Vietnam. His name is on street signs and celebrations have been had in his name.

*sorry for the silly typo at the end of it, as well.

 

[butters]

'The eggshells are long shattered' is genuinely bad imagery. I didn't intend to mock, just catch our dear friend's attention with his weaker points. I kept the stronger bits, tossed out the rubbish. I think I was pretty nice considering the way fridayHam chose to review my recent poem.

by fridayam
02/26/11
Lots of words

shame they don't mean anything

____
This is just pure laziness, shows no willingness to grow as a poet. FridaySham, there's more meaning in any two of my lines than in any one poem you've submitted to this site.

The topic's pretty stale, but I'm positive my version was less stale. The kids attention spans and all that. Can't keep recycling the old hat and expect poetry will survive.

The eggshells are long battered
but still I tiptoe through the two lips
and kiss you like the ghost in the hall
the spectre of might-have-been french toasts
our shoelaces slung together on the coat-rack dripping
albumen through the floorboards

this is the place to raise these issues, and i am sure BOTH of you are old enough to behave like adults if you so choose to. as for your opinions, you are free to air them and others here are free to agree or disagree with them - personally, as i have already pointed out, i don't feel they address the same subject matter at all. i actually found friday's piece more subtle. and why so condescending about the kids' attention span? when you adults are behaving this way, i don't think the kids will be too worried about their shortcomings.

I recently submitted a piece entitled "Window Smoke." I was fairly sure that I had included notes. But I don't see them when I open the page. Normally, this would not be a big deal. But, as wouldve been explained in those notes, I meant for the piece to be a tribute to To Huu's "Emily, My Child."

I'd hate to think that I'd be accused of plagiarism of his work when, in fact, I was trying to show admiration for it. I apologize for the confusion.

i haven't seen it yet, NS - thanks for bringing this to our attention

Except.......................................
you're the complaint department
Now..........................................
who do we complain to about that

On a completely different note, can I steal your AV, I was looking for something with flames, matches my eyes, ya know.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.royalirishconstabulary.com/Optimized.Lord_Kitchener_Recru

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://lesconcepts.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/kitchener-smoky.jpg&imgrefurl=http://lesconcepts.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/i-want-you-yes-you/&usg=__rjvxpQm13ViQaM_NQ7xQRe_Jvx8=&h=446&w=936&sz=134&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=ro4uAdd9b7Q5RM:&tbnh=76&tbnw=160&ei=D6NvTYecMI6jtgfyvuD5Dg&prev=/images%3Fq%3DI%2Bwant%2Byou%2Blord%2Bkitchener%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D576%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=325&vpy=141&dur=17684&hovh=155&hovw=325&tx=170&ty=82&oei=eaJvTc-xL4S4twfbx7CGDw&page=1&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://samanthaknight.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/colmans_mustard_kitchener_300x2201_1.jpg%3Fw%3D450%26h%3D613&imgrefurl=http://samanthaknight.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/your-meat-needs-you-and-colmans/&usg=__39i0UpE2FDjs8ZetdaQqnxodBNU=&h=613&w=450&sz=295&hl=en&start=74&zoom=1&tbnid=vVFQ18CIpYyJgM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=92&ei=r6NvTaqWB5CjtgfJ67mBDw&prev=/images%3Fq%3DI%2Bwant%2Byou%2Blord%2Bkirchner%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D576%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1828&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=118&vpy=176&dur=58&hovh=262&hovw=192&tx=93&ty=132&oei=eaJvTc-xL4S4twfbx7CGDw&page=5&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:74&biw=1024&bih=576

I found some new ones, if I steal yours...............................................

i am a small, replaceable cog in the big wheel of Lit

my av? oh, do you mean my patronus? it's a flaming chess piece - a knight

you want to watch out for that red-eye look

do i look like kitchener with my pointy finger?

 

[fridayam]

The topic's pretty stale, but I'm positive my version was less stale. The kids attention spans and all that. Can't keep recycling the old hat and expect poetry will survive.

The eggshells are long battered
but still I tiptoe through the two lips
and kiss you like the ghost in the hall
the spectre of might-have-been french toasts
our shoelaces slung together on the coat-rack dripping
albumen through the floorboards

As thoroughly meaningless as everything else you have posted. Do carry on--we all enjoy a laugh

 

[twelveoone]

i am a small, replaceable cog in the big wheel of Lit

my av? oh, do you mean my patronus? it's a flaming chess piece - a knight

you want to watch out for that red-eye look

do i look like kitchener with my pointy finger?

no,
you are not
yes
yes
no,
just sending some campaign material,
Tess needs a little spice in her life, give her the Colman's

 

[twelveoone]

Hey, who's doing NPR, they weren't that bad, wastrels.
Bronze, front and center, you got a double mention,

 

[bronzeage]

Hey, who's doing NPR, they weren't that bad, wastrels.
Bronze, front and center, you got a double mention,

What?

I do appreciate the kind comments for Shield of Bronze. It was an honest attempt at Iambic pentameter. I have tried this many time and found one line just too good to lose. I was not really happy with the "yelping dogs, but the piece is so compact, I did not want to break the form.

It was written for a dear friend who was having a very bad day.

 

[twelveoone]

What?

I do appreciate the kind comments for Shield of Bronze. It was an honest attempt at Iambic pentameter. I have tried this many time and found one line just too good to lose. I was not really happy with the "yelping dogs, but the piece is so compact, I did not want to break the form.

It was written for a dear friend who was having a very bad day.

No, just recommend something
I'm in enough trouble

 

[UnderYourSpell]

No, just recommend something
I'm in enough trouble

are you? can I watch you being chastised? :caning:

 

[bronzeage]

No, just recommend something
I'm in enough trouble

Okay, I went and tracked down the poem UnderYourSpell mentioned, which elicited the response from the author, "I have seen very little evidence of any decent poetry on the site."

After a careful reading, I do not believe he has done anything to relieve this condition. This is not exactly a recommendation. I have always tried to learn from my mistakes, but it is much better to learn from the mistakes of others. If someone were looking for an example of poorly expressed thoughts, this would be one.

There is something I noticed when I joined the volunteer editor program. Some if the stories I edited were very visual, but lacked other senses. Each sentence read like a description of a snapshot. The story was more of a storyboard for a video than prose. There was a void of smells, sounds and touches. The reader was given a tour of the story, as if watched on a monitor, with minimal narration.

The poem in question is an example of this.

If my observation is true, the explanation can only be that the video generation's view of the world comes mostly through a monitor. I don't want this to become a "Kids, today!" rant, but I do not have any other answer.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

In the dead of night by CuddlyAl

The technical aspects but not the substance of this piece have been covered very well in previous comments.

This is a simple address. The speaker is talking to his victim, who we soon learn is either dead or dying. Cuckoldry is a very old topic and it is hard to bring new words to the subject. This one does not do this and in the process uses the wrong words as well. The spouse is not "angry", he is jealous. There is a difference. He is not "avenging", he is murdering. Since the poem is written in first person, the character can express it in anyway the author likes, but the careful reader will recognize the unreliable words. It comes out as a very adolescent expression.

you should check out the author's answer on his poem! Seems we did not show respect for his greatness!

 

[twelveoone]

you should check out the author's answer on his poem! Seems we did not show respect for his greatness!

I think too much respect.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think too much respect.

I've had another email (complete with email address this time which makes a change!) calling me a hypocrite but which also shows that the writer of it must have been around a very long time to refer back to something I said years ago ..... now I wonder who that might be?

 

[twelveoone]

I've had another email (complete with email address this time which makes a change!) calling me a hypocrite but which also shows that the writer of it must have been around a very long time to refer back to something I said years ago ..... now I wonder who that might be?

the same person that blasted my H's away?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

the same person that blasted my H's away?

doubt it but there are some very two-faced gits around so who can tell?
...........................................................................................................
look 'mate' whoever you are I put my name to what I write/comment etc because what you see is what you get. I make mistakes sometimes but then who doesn't? But I don't hide behind aliases or anons and I didn't put anything snipy on your poem only a fair comment. I've told friends that their poems didn't do it for me and was thanked for doing so ........ so what's your problem that you can't take any sort of criscism at all without taking it as a personal affront?

 

[Maria2394]

While everyone is upset about snarky emails, and choose to complain here, I got one this morning as well. Here is an excerpt-


" Maria, normal jean, whoever you are at any given time, I had the displeasure of reading through some of your old posts and now I am befuddled. What makes you think you are so special that you need an entire thread to showcase some of the worst poetry on the site? Who gives a rats ass about frog poems...."

and it gets worse from there. But the thing is, I don't care because I have been accused before of things I did not do, I have been 1 bombed, I have received emails that made me cry, but I never felt that I needed to plaster it all over the place. I tried to be adult about it and not say anything. Those of you today complaining about hateful emails, I just bet you haven't had half of the meanness I have gotten over the years. And you wonder why I get so upset. Sometimes you just have to let it go, which I do and have done.

Eventually, whoever it is will get bored if he gets no attention and will move on to another target. And Annie, my email referred to reading my old posts, so obviously the person has been here a while or has been picking us at random and reading our old posts, there is a feature that allows you to do that. So my own indiscretions have come back to bite me and I am not proud at all of things I have said here. That is why when I came back, I decided that no matter what anyone does to me, says to me, however they try to hurt me, I will let it slide off my back like water and wish only peace and forgiveness to the troll who chooses to harass me. And that is that. Go for it, kkwhoever you are, post some of your work so that we can see what an expert you are at critiquing poetry.

in the meantime, I wish peace and happiness to everyone here and look forward to reading the new posts today

~~ maria