"To keep the review thread clean..."

[bogusbrig]

1201 comment - 'complexly put, you have a strong beginning, good end, wondered where Wittgenstein showed up, interesting concept. Phaseology sounds like John Cale at times ~ a good thing. You from Wales?
The Welsh have a natural talent for doing things with the invaders language.'

I wrote 'Wittgenstein's Cage' last night straight off and wondered about the wisdom of posting it without sitting on it for a couple of days but I thought, well I havn't posted a poem in ages so post and be damned. The original title was going to be 'Whatgenstein's Cage' to point to the corruption of Wittgenstein's philosophy.

The quote which I am sure you know but for those that don't ‘The limits of my language means the limits of my world.’ is Wittgenstein's and I was hoping this would point to his Tractatus which he later said was flawed but has been took up in the areas of the social sciences and taken as gospel, leading the English language to be afflicted with 'political correctness'.

The subject in the poem is a mythical social worker who appears in a lot of my poems in one guise or another. Having worked with social workers for ten years and having a relationship with a couple I can vouch for their blindness to the world through their indoctrination, though they would call it education. I find them a convenient metaphor for all sorts of issues. (Though love and affairs of the heart are not one of them unless accompanied with the regulation stake, garlic and crucifix.)

Getting back to the poem itself, I think you are right in implying that the centre is weak. It requires some cynicism and sarcasm or perhaps straight humour to lift it.

 

[twelveoone]

1201 comment - 'complexly put, you have a strong beginning, good end, wondered where Wittgenstein showed up, interesting concept. Phaseology sounds like John Cale at times ~ a good thing. You from Wales?
The Welsh have a natural talent for doing things with the invaders language.'

I wrote 'Wittgenstein's Cage' last night straight off and wondered about the wisdom of posting it without sitting on it for a couple of days but I thought, well I havn't posted a poem in ages so post and be damned. The original title was going to be 'Whatgenstein's Cage' to point to the corruption of Wittgenstein's philosophy.

The quote which I am sure you know but for those that don't ‘The limits of my language means the limits of my world.’ is Wittgenstein's and I was hoping this would point to his Tractatus which he later said was flawed but has been took up in the areas of the social sciences and taken as gospel, leading the English language to be afflicted with 'political correctness'.

The subject in the poem is a mythical social worker who appears in a lot of my poems in one guise or another. Having worked with social workers for ten years and having a relationship with a couple I can vouch for their blindness to the world through their indoctrination, though they would call it education. I find them a convenient metaphor for all sorts of issues. (Though love and affairs of the heart are not one of them unless accompanied with the regulation stake, garlic and crucifix.)

Getting back to the poem itself, I think you are right in implying that the centre is weak. It requires some cynicism and sarcasm or perhaps straight humour to lift it.

I did not imply, but all you mention would be assistance. I thought it was killer, but it needs bass and drums to really bash home the point.

 

[bogusbrig]

I did not imply, but all you mention would be assistance. I thought it was killer, but it needs bass and drums to really bash home the point.

It's always dangerous to assume but I'm rooting in my cupboard for anything that resembles a bass and drums.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. (am I assuming again?)

 

[twelveoone]

It's always dangerous to assume but I'm rooting in my cupboard for anything that resembles a bass and drums.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. (am I assuming again?)

does the amplifier go to eleven?
Hey you, I refered to you as an intellectual writer. It has it's pitfalls. C'mon want to make something of my non use of "subtle" .

 

[bogusbrig]

does the amplifier go to eleven?
Hey you, I refered to you as an intellectual writer. It has it's pitfalls. C'mon want to make something of my non use of "subtle" .

Yep. If one puts ones head into the lions mouth be prepared to have it biten off.

Actually I thought you were being subtle which is most unlike you. I was fearing you were going soft.

 

[Sara Crewe]

I think three new poets appeared yesterday that deserve everyone's attention. Two have been been mentioned already in the above reviews ( Coi ) and ( clutching calliope ).

A third was missed in the avalanche of new poetry, and has another attractive poem posted today.

Go see for yourself: Sara Crewe

Thank you, TheRainMan.

 

[WickedEve]

Art, good of you to mention those poems. I will have to go check them out.

I see some other good poets on today's list, like Maria and Bogusbrig and others.
I'm going to read those now, then I'll report back.

 

[WickedEve]

A Moment by Shadow_Kyss critics would point out a list of grammar ...'no nos', but beyond that... this 'poet' relays some great points about marriage and the love between two as one waits for love from another for work and time tend to take away from a relationship, I found the poet relayed their feelings 'nicely' while touching a topic very well. A diamond in the 'ruff' you might say.

'excerpt'
Money that feeds your family,
Money that starves your family.

Perhaps a diamond in the rough--one who should be encouraged to learn more so she can improve her poetry, if that is what she is interested in doing. Her words are full of emotion. The poem could be better if she stepped back from it, then did some editing. Of course, that may not be her goal.
And guess what, Art. Editing isn't a no no. Critics giving constructive feedback is not a no no. Shooting down critics who point out grammatical mistakes is more of a no no, as far as I'm concerned. It only encourages novice poets to ignore GOOD constructive feedback. Many novices want the praise and believe they may be too fragile for anything less. But I have to give many of them credit. Many really do prove that they can take suggestions and improve their writing.

 

[WickedEve]

I'd like to put in a word for Various Valentines by LittleMinna.

I don't know if it's prose poetry or s-f flash fiction or both. But whatever it is, it's imaginative, captivating and very cool.

I am agreeing with the smart guy. I missed this poem. Now, I need to see if I missed some other good stuff.

 

[bogusbrig]

I just want to thank everybody who commented on my poem Wittgenstein's Cage. I do take notice of them, particularly the critiques, they are very much appreciated.

When I write in this style I'm trying to grasp for something and if I'm honest, I'm not entirely sure what I'm grasping for so the help of someone else compass is always a help.

Thanks

 

[PatCarrington]

Before Harfleur?
by Susan Strict ©

I watch you lie restrained upon my bed
Straining against your bonds. The game’s afoot!
Summon your spirit; I am in charge;
And you shall feel my every whim and urge.

This poem made me smile. Yes. Susan is strict.

I'm sure glad I missed this poem....

She plagiarized Shakespeare.

That takes some onions.

 

[WickedEve]

I'm sure glad I missed this poem....

She plagiarized Shakespeare.

That takes some onions.

Oh, damn. I love Shakespeare and I read Shakespeare, but obviously not enough!

 

[PatCarrington]

It could have been meant as a parody, but it should have been announced as such, I would think.


from The Life of King Henry V Act 3 Scene 1. France. Before Harfleur

KING HENRY:
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let it pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as does a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath, and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English,
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought,
And sheath'd their swords for lack of argument.
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeomen,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding, which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot!
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry, "God for Harry! England and Saint George!"

 

[WickedEve]

It could have been meant as a parody, but it should have been announced as such, I would think.


from The Life of King Henry V Act 3 Scene 1. France. Before Harfleur

KING HENRY:
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let it pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as does a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath, and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English,
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought,
And sheath'd their swords for lack of argument.
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeomen,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding, which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot!
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry, "God for Harry! England and Saint George!"

Parody? It wasn't word for word? (I don't want to reread it.) I've already reported it...

 

[annaswirls]

Welcome MnRider!

Please do not worry about making mistakes or etiquette, (or spelling ) just jump in and participate. The more you get involved the more you will get out of literotica.

Have you found the critiques to be helpful?

~as

*What you hope to get out of your time at lit (please include level of critique you are looking for)
I’m not really sure, I wanted a place to share some of my words, even the ones I don’t share with close friends. I welcome any level of critique people are willing to give. My “poems” are normally just an outlet for my thoughts or fears and I don’t tend to work them much. But having some critique may urge me to change that. [silly grin]

*What do you hope to contribute to the poetry community at literotica? What role do you see yourself playing here?
I’m so new, I’ve looked around and made a couple of mistakes already… But I hope I can add something of interest. I’m still trying to figure out the etiquette here, once I've done that, maybe I can offer some words to create a smile or a few tears.

*How would you describe your writing?
Rough, unpolished, formless and mine.

*URL to your work at lit, personal website etc.
My Stories and Poems on Lit

*List of some of your favorite poems/stories you have at Lit, in case anyone wants to get a taste of your work.
My favorite poem is one I’m not ready to post, of the ones I have “She” and “Today in the Café” are my favorites. Both were written with my late wife in mind.

 

[PatCarrington]

Parody? It wasn't word for word? (I don't want to reread it.) I've already reported it...

There were changed words -- without an announcement of the original, that is not a parody.

I recognized it the instant I read it, and there has been a lot of this going on recently.

Reread and see - that is why I put up the Shakespeare passage.

 

[annaswirls]

Hey ms_clitic!

Sorry for this late welcome, I think you have already come out of the lurking phase... good to see you here!

~annaswirls

I am a lurker. I am trying to be alert to these things here which will be of interest years from now.I'll just keep lurking. It's too early to talk about my "writing". Over years I will develop my phrase. Today I can't claim much in this respect. I want to get the full sound and texture.You have to wait for this. Till then I will just lurk, be it here or anywhere.I have none to share at this time, sorry. I'll present my work when I am ready.

Happy Holidays everybody!

 

[WickedEve]

There were changed words -- without an announcement of the original, that is not a parody.

I recognized it the instant I read it, and there has been a lot of this going on recently.

Reread and see - that is why I put up the Shakespeare passage.

I'm guessing we have one person who is playing games and creating new user names for his/her amusement. I'm afraid to comment on new poems now without researching them first.

 

[annaswirls]

Hi Amy,

You will find that the more involved you become, the more you can get out of literotica. I am sorry this welcome is so late, I hope you can give us a chance to get to know you and your work.

~annaswirls

*What you hope to get out of your time at lit
Simply to get more exposure for my writing in general, which seems to be working. Looking to see if this community will provide more feedback on my writing than others as well.

*How would you describe your writing?
Simply put, I'm varied depending on my mood

*URL to your work at lit, personal website etc.
http://studentpages.scad.edu/~aswaby20/writings.htm

 

[twelveoone]

It could have been meant as a parody, but it should have been announced as such, I would think.


from The Life of King Henry V Act 3 Scene 1. France. Before Harfleur

KING HENRY:
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let it pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as does a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath, and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English,
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought,
And sheath'd their swords for lack of argument.
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeomen,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding, which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot!
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry, "God for Harry! England and Saint George!"

She admitted as such in a thank you email, for what it is worth. Correcting me on the Victorian (ouch) contractions. I would just send her a PM, expressing concerns.

 

[PatCarrington]

I'm guessing we have one person who is playing games and creating new user names for his/her amusement. I'm afraid to comment on new poems now without researching them first.

Maybe.

I recognized this as Shakespeare in the first few lines - there are changes, to turn it into a sex poem.

The simple acknowledgement, however that were done, would let it be known that it was a reworking of an already established piece of written material.

To just put your name above it, without some sort of acknowledgement, is a no no for me.

We had this discussion recently, on a thread Jim started.

 

[WickedEve]

Maybe.

I recognized this as Shakespeare in the first few lines - there are changes, to turn it into a sex poem.

The simple acknowledgement, however that were done, would let it be known that it was a reworking of an already established piece of written material.

To just put your name above it, without some sort of acknowledgement, is a no no for me.

We had this discussion recently, on a thread Jim started.

Only thing that matters now is that her name is Susan Strict and I reported her poem!
Oh, and these posts are about to be relocated. You know where to find them.

 

[annaswirls]

*How would you describe your writing?
o What person who writes like she has a monkey on her back has enough perspective to describe her own writing?? I write constantly, amateurishly, and with few inhibitions. I would say my writing describes me.

Wow that is like the perfect answer! Not that I am judging answers or anything, that one just stuck out. I am sorry my welcome is very very late, but welcome! I am glad to see you are still here and writing. I hope you are finding the opportunity for growth and improvement you were looking for

~Annaswirls

*What you hope to get out of your time at lit (please include level of critique you are looking for)
o I have no real hopes or expectations. I've been enjoying reading the poetry here on Lit more than the stories, to be honest. It could be interesting to connect with people who enjoy expressing themselves in the type of forum that Literotica is and has the potential to be. As far as criticism goes, I'm open to anything constructive. I like to think that life is about growing and changing, and perhaps posting poetry and prose here is an opportunity for growth and improvement. That said, I do understand that there is often pain associated with growth, so, if you have something to say about what I've written--out with it. I am a big girl.


*What do you hope to contribute to the poetry community at literotica? What role do you see yourself playing here?
o I wish to contribute my psychological and experiential uniqueness to the Lit Collective. We are Borg....err we are Boring... err we are Born. Resistance is futile (and a real turn-on).





*URL to your work at lit, personal website etc.
o View my forum profile. Or, my Lit submissions page: http://english.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=495297&page=submissions


*List of some of your favorite poems/stories you have at Lit, in case anyone wants to get a taste of your work
Poems:
Down by the Willow
Exertion
Sensual Physics

And two others I just submitted that should be showing up shortly:
Inseminated
Crescent Moan

Stories:
Check and Mate
Under You

 

[PatCarrington]

She admitted as such in a thank you email, for what it is worth. Correcting me on the Victorian (ouch) contractions. I would just send her a PM, expressing concerns.

Well, that's good.

Shouldn't there be a listed acknowledement on the posted poem itself?

She could simply repost it as such, and remove this one.

 

[annaswirls]

Damn ewopper that is one whopper of a poem collection! I know I have already welcomed you elsewhere, but welcome again! I am glad you are finding yourself at home here at literotica!

~annaswirls

I joined Lit in July /05. I've been writing poetry since high school,I've written over 50,000 poems since 1993. my poems cover a wide range of genres from spiritual to political, to humor, to romance, to fantasy and more. I've self published nine books, just using my computer and printer. I designed my own covers and backs. My books have been well received in local book stores and libraries and schools. I host a couple of open mics in my local area, I am a member of a writers group called the Writers Bloc. Several of my poems are posted around lit. I'm just here to make friends, share my poetry and meet new people. I have close to 1400 poems posted at the Starlite Cafe at this moment.I have also written over 200 poetic short stories [ long poems] and I''ve lusted after some women on here feel free to IM or email me in yahoo at ewopper2@yahoo.com