"To keep the review thread clean..."

[My Erotic Trail]

You forgot this one, Art

what spider are you ? by KittenishJane

a wonderfully imaginative write

Yeah! I did enjoy this poem... as well! (~_~)

 

[Guest]

Dairy Queen Girl by neonurotic ... oh what fun you can have with a ice cream machine and a dairy queen girl <bigrin...

also...

Postcards and a pocket full of Greece , neo's poetic charm always intrigues me! (~_~)

Thanks for the mention, Art.

Also much thanks for the feedback on my poems yesterday, particularly WickedEve and vampiredust for their suggestions to improve them.

 

[HeMan-n-pookie]

I am considering writing a poem. So hello and beware. I may write a poem.

 

[HotKittySpank]

I am considering writing a poem. So hello and beware. I may write a poem.

no idle threats : )

 

[clutching_calliope]

For Mingus Tourette 2-20

.....

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Welcome home, Quackers. You've still got it, I see.

my memory of you,
half challenge, half teasing restraint,
transforms in one sexy cuss
holy

fuck
and leaves me enflamed
again

my memory of you
flooding my blood and my brain -
just as you have to go, just
holy

fuck
you left me unmade,
again

my memory of you
the colours, breath, touching, and games
Shakti, I think of you thus:
Holy.

Fuck -
let us both reach out
again.

 

[clutching_calliope]

Period Piece 2-21...heading into the home stretch....

.....

 

[Rybka]

Thank you VD for the mention and the comment on the poem Sundowner and thank you WE, WSO, & BR for your comments as well.

As I explained to WSO this poem was written years ago when I used to winter in the West Indies and doesn’t have anything to do with apples. (I never knew there was a variety named “Sundowner”.)

FYI: Here is an explanation I once wrote for a friend.

A “Sundowner” is actually a South African drink consisting of a splash of bitters in a shot of gin. The swirling of the bitters is reminiscent of clouds at sunset, the time when the drink was taken to ease the bitterness of the daily anti-malarial quinine. (Can you say “gin & tonic”? ~ Try it with a splash of Angostura bitters sometime!)

At the time I was into exploring “color words” which explains the interest in the subject and the use of some unusual colors. also about then I was bothered by “sunset”, which is way overused, and since it doesn’t even, as the first stanza points out. Consequently I couldn’t name the poem something like “Antiguan Sunset”, but “Sundowner” fit everything perfectly, including my “gin” mood.

The poem, if stripped of the poetic is a straight forward description of many sunsets on small islands in the tropics. ~ As the sun lowers, the village sheep and goats head home in mass, the leaders’ bells tolling as they bleat and baa (often blocking the narrow country roads) back to their owners’ homes, where they will mill around, lick the salt lick, drink, and finally bed down for the night. The clouds seem to do the same thing. Heading rapidly at first, then apparently slowing down (change of perspective angle) as they near the horizon. The metaphor is strong and obvious.

There is also very often a brief moment, which seems much longer then it is, when day becomes evening, and it is as if the “day-shift” animals have punched off the clock and the “night-shift” has not punched in yet, so everything is still, frozen without sound. Then, usually a bird will call and break the spell and evening hurries on.

The colors are of sunset, starting with the green flash and the color of the sea, then the light and clouds, from yellow through the reds and purples to the dark. The rhymes and metre are intentional of course, and near rhymes and allusions (i.e. sultry/salty) purposeful, but also fortunate.

Sorry if this is more than you wanted to know, but I am rather happy with this one.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Ice chip boogie

I teased and played with your feet
and fists, did it on purpose
by eating ice chips day and night,
which most likely gave you shivers
inside my belly, causing you to
do your little dance, spinning
round and round. I never exactly
knew what direction you were in.

I took hard punches around
the sides going towards my back
but found it fascinating, beautiful,
knowing I created you with a little
help from two men. One was
bigger than the other, or maybe not.

Everyone saw my love for
flowered maternity shirts and I
showed off how I'd wake you
within seconds. The shirt would
bubble up then flatten and repeat.

I thought for sure you'd be
born with the umbilical cord
wrapped around your neck,
got worried at the end when
you were painfully heading out,
screamed like most pregnant women
do in movies and was told to shut up
from the doctor.

And I still sucked on ice cubes
through delivery even though
I wasn't allowed, pushed as hard
as I could, and there you were
on top my belly after a thirty-hour fight
having peach colored, velvet-like skin,
and the last thing that came out
of my body was the largest
ice cube I found in the styrofoam cup
I hawked at the doctors forehead.

You weren't the only one dancing, baby.
Two for life and one for death.

(major revision needed - 1 minute left!)

Edit: Too much pressure for time. This has to be my last. I know. I suck.

I don't know if you'll see this saldne because I see you've left but you DO NOT suck. You've written some great stuff. Just sayin'. Be well, where ever you are.

 

[The Mystery Valiant]

How is it?

OK, I understand time zones..., but how can My poem have been approved on the 7/18/06 when it isn't even that date yet? I'm assuming that it wasn't approved just before I came on the forum at 11:00pm. That would be too much of a co-incidence. I just would like a little idea of how this works.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Welcome home, Quackers. You've still got it, I see.

Thanks, and thanks

Quack,

the D

 

[champagne1982]

OK, I understand time zones..., but how can My poem have been approved on the 7/18/06 when it isn't even that date yet? I'm assuming that it wasn't approved just before I came on the forum at 11:00pm. That would be too much of a co-incidence. I just would like a little idea of how this works.

I live on the eastern limit of the mountain time zone in Alberta. 15 kms east of me you are welcomed to central time, which in Saskatchewan can mean they are either the same time or an hour behind (the cows don't like daylight savings time).

It is a fact that until midnight on any given day, I'll be (temporally)a day behind anything east of me. It was the 18th of July where Literotica has its time zone settings and where you live (and points west of you, too) still hadn't passed 00:00:01 18/07/06 on the clock.

 

[dirtyjoe69]

thanks for your kind words...I am not much of a poet but I do enjoy writing them

 

[clutching_calliope]

Skewer-Tip 2-22

.....

 

[vampiredust]

thanks to everyone whose commented on my latest poem, Star Hunting

 

[RhymeFairy]

Doin' tha Funky Monkey Dance ~

Sloppy Licks going out to VampireDust
for the mention of my newest poem in todays reviews.



Have had quiet a bitta feedback on this one.
Feelin the love and just wanted to say ....

Thank you all ~!!!

 

[The Mystery Valiant]

Damn Anonymous!

I live on the eastern limit of the mountain time zone in Alberta. 15 kms east of me you are welcomed to central time, which in Saskatchewan can mean they are either the same time or an hour behind (the cows don't like daylight savings time).

It is a fact that until midnight on any given day, I'll be (temporally)a day behind anything east of me. It was the 18th of July where Literotica has its time zone settings and where you live (and points west of you, too) still hadn't passed 00:00:01 18/07/06 on the clock.

Yes..., I understand that. Maybe I wasn't clear. In order for my poem to not make a same day posting that would mean that the poem would have to been "Authorized" not an hour and a half before I posted. But then that would mean it was barely a co-incidence that I came on when I did. And rather hard to understand why some one would be doing their homework rather late that night. And I hate late-night homework.


Well that really doesn't matter any more and should considered a waste of time. I really should give some big thanx to Vampiredust for the in depth analysis of my poem and mentioning it. Your comment caught me a little off guard. I really hadn't considered those poet's in regard to it's contruction. I am regretful that I haven't read any of the "Blake" poetry. Please give me a full name so I can search this poet out. But the Poe reference is a little surprising. I didn't think I would even come close to his work. Also, your mention of “Joselyn and Balthazar” by SexSweetheart is well chosen. I love it! It is a gorgeous piece of work! Good stuff!

 

[perks]

my memory of you,
half challenge, half teasing restraint,
transforms in one sexy cuss
holy

fuck
and leaves me enflamed
again

my memory of you
flooding my blood and my brain -
just as you have to go, just
holy

fuck
you left me unmade,
again

my memory of you
the colours, breath, touching, and games
Shakti, I think of you thus:
Holy.

Fuck -
let us both reach out
again.

I may just have to start writing again.

 

[TheDR4KE]

I may just have to start writing again.

Please do, you have a voice worth hearing.

Q, the D

 

[clutching_calliope]

Unpoetry 2-23

.....

 

[f-cynyr]

wrong forum - my delete

Delete

 

[Selkie1]

Wednesday Review

This was the unkindest cut of all."

--From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 187)

My initial reaction on seeing my poem mentioned in the New Poems Review was astonishment and a humble delight. I think the customary procedure is to thank the reviewer.

Alas, dear Mr. LeBroz, while I am grateful that apparently my poem is not quite the worst of the offerings today, the manner in which you “reviewed” (euphemistically, you understand) was truly “damning with faint praise”. In short, you make it abundantly clear that there is really nothing worth reading today, but in a pinch, if you are absolutely desperate, check out the offerings you indicate.

“Not much really tickled my fancy but at least check these out:”

As a former parliamentary reporter for a provincial newspaper, I am completely in sympathy with your need for a break from the tedium of in-House obfuscation and I apologize that my offering was unable to provide you with even a momentary break; however, I feel it might have been more …. politic …. to merely acknowledge that there was nothing outstanding or unusual enough to review this lovely Wednesday.

I’ll be blunt; for myself, the sting of your review is slight – I have no pretension to poetic brilliance and confess myself touched and pleased at how kindly my efforts have been received to date. However, I find I must object on behalf of the others you reluctantly mentioned – I have been reading their material for some time, and although not a prolific commentator, I vote regularly. Each of those poets is unique with their own vision and their own turn of phrase. Each, to my mind, is sincere and is taking (in essence) Kierkeguaard’s “leap of faith” by putting out there to the sometimes cruel world, that which is close to their heart and soul.

I believe that that type of sincerely should be respected. In essence, mentioning a writer as (in essence) the ‘best of a bad lot’ is at best, condescending, at worst, ignorant.

 

[wildsweetone]

"This was the unkindest cut of all."

--From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 187)

My initial reaction on seeing my poem mentioned in the New Poems Review was astonishment and a humble delight. I think the customary procedure is to thank the reviewer.

Alas, dear Mr. LeBroz, while I am grateful that apparently my poem is not quite the worst of the offerings today, the manner in which you “reviewed” (euphemistically, you understand) was truly “damning with faint praise”. In short, you make it abundantly clear that there is really nothing worth reading today, but in a pinch, if you are absolutely desperate, check out the offerings you indicate.

“Not much really tickled my fancy but at least check these out:”

As a former parliamentary reporter for a provincial newspaper, I am completely in sympathy with your need for a break from the tedium of in-House obfuscation and I apologize that my offering was unable to provide you with even a momentary break; however, I feel it might have been more …. politic …. to merely acknowledge that there was nothing outstanding or unusual enough to review this lovely Wednesday.

I’ll be blunt; for myself, the sting of your review is slight – I have no pretension to poetic brilliance and confess myself touched and pleased at how kindly my efforts have been received to date. However, I find I must object on behalf of the others you reluctantly mentioned – I have been reading their material for some time, and although not a prolific commentator, I vote regularly. Each of those poets is unique with their own vision and their own turn of phrase. Each, to my mind, is sincere and is taking (in essence) Kierkeguaard’s “leap of faith” by putting out there to the sometimes cruel world, that which is close to their heart and soul.

I believe that that type of sincerely should be respected. In essence, mentioning a writer as (in essence) the ‘best of a bad lot’ is at best, condescending, at worst, ignorant.

On that note, I’ll shut up –

As a last comment – a sincere and grateful thank you to wildsweetone for your mention of the phrase from my poem Whispers – that phrase is actually one of the few I am actually satisfied with and I am truly happy that you liked it!

you're welcome. i feel the rest of the poem needs some work, but I loved that phrase.

i also feel the urge to speak up on LeBroz's behalf (not that he needs me to explain for him). i believe you have misread his review and seen it in a slightly negative light.

i think the emphasis of his words should be placed on 'but at least check these out'.

also you might like to note, there were many poems that did not get a mention at all. when i don't mention a poem, i have either missed it or i simply didn't like it. when i choose a particular phrase to mention, it is usually that phrase that has caught my attention and sometimes not the rest of the poem.

please keep in the back of your mind that what might 'tickle' one reviewer's fancy may well not tickle anothers. on another day another reviewer may well have just left it up to the readers to make their own choices without suggestion.

if you would like constructive criticism for your poems, please bring them along into the Construction thread in the forum. you'll be more than welcome.

 

[LeBroz]

you're welcome. i feel the rest of the poem needs some work, but I loved that phrase.

i also feel the urge to speak up on LeBroz's behalf (not that he needs me to explain for him). i believe you have misread his review and seen it in a slightly negative light.

i think the emphasis of his words should be placed on 'but at least check these out'.

also you might like to note, there were many poems that did not get a mention at all. when i don't mention a poem, i have either missed it or i simply didn't like it. when i choose a particular phrase to mention, it is usually that phrase that has caught my attention and sometimes not the rest of the poem.

please keep in the back of your mind that what might 'tickle' one reviewer's fancy may well not tickle anothers. on another day another reviewer may well have just left it up to the readers to make their own choices without suggestion.

if you would like constructive criticism for your poems, please bring them along into the Construction thread in the forum. you'll be more than welcome.

WSO - Thanks for the defense. And your identification of the key phrase is correct. After listening to 6 hours of testimony on the Wegman report, my brain was a bit fried - climate scientists, statisticians, and politicians - oh my! Still, the 4 pieces I mentioned were able to break through my shell-shocked state, which, in this context means they were good.

 

[RhymeFairy]

Thank you Leon for the mention of my new poem *Shy ...

I had no worries with what you posted and I so understand needing a break. That is why we are here right ... I know this poem was not one of my best, but something about it stuck and I like it, so I submitted ~

Thank you again for the mention and for the time you take to boost us all up here.

Also, Thank You to all the readers out there in Lit. Land. It is summer and so much is going on in our daily lives. I really appreciate your time and commentary.