✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[Lord Pmann]

Planned out or go with the flow? How in control do you have to be in various parts of your life? ​

Are you a person who needs to pre-plan things to feel comfortable, or do you prefer to see how things unfold as they will? Does one give you more anxiety than the other?

For example, on a road trip, can you have the destination in mind no directions how to get there? Or do you need directions from point A to point B with X number of planned stops along the way?

How in control do you tend, or need to be in other areas? How things are done in your house or work? The way things are when planning outings with friends—do you initiate? What about in the bedroom? What do you prefer? Is it usually the same or is there a mix? Does it depend on certain factors?

Do you feel like your level of control in some areas affect your level of control in other areas of your life? To clarify, if you are always in control during the day at your job, does that make you want to not be in control when you get home?

Now I’m singing “Control” by Janet Jackson. Anybody else? Just me?

It’s just you singing that song.

I’m a control freak. Not of others. But of my own behaviour. I have things planned out so incredibly tight. I always have a plan. It has served me well in many ways- work, finance, education. But, being unable to be flexible has, in a couple large life events, made things more difficult.

I also like control in the bedroom. It carried over there. But in a sexy way. Not like a “I have to count the pubic hair on your pussy” kind of guy (my preference is zero, in case you ladies wondered).

I love control. Don’t like being controlled.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

It’s just you singing that song.

I’m a control freak. Not of others. But of my own behaviour. I have things planned out so incredibly tight. I always have a plan. It has served me well in many ways- work, finance, education. But, being unable to be flexible has, in a couple large life events, made things more difficult.

I also like control in the bedroom. It carried over there. But in a sexy way. Not like a “I have to count the pubic hair on your pussy” kind of guy (my preference is zero, in case you ladies wondered).

I love control. Don’t like being controlled.

Oh that’s right, your favorite is Pink Pony Club. I forgot.

Or Watermelon Sugar?

 

[cheekygirl75]

Planned out or go with the flow? How in control do you have to be in various parts of your life? ​

Are you a person who needs to pre-plan things to feel comfortable, or do you prefer to see how things unfold as they will? Does one give you more anxiety than the other?

For example, on a road trip, can you have the destination in mind no directions how to get there? Or do you need directions from point A to point B with X number of planned stops along the way?

How in control do you tend, or need to be in other areas? How things are done in your house or work? The way things are when planning outings with friends—do you initiate? What about in the bedroom? What do you prefer? Is it usually the same or is there a mix? Does it depend on certain factors?

Do you feel like your level of control in some areas affect your level of control in other areas of your life? To clarify, if you are always in control during the day at your job, does that make you want to not be in control when you get home?

Now I’m singing “Control” by Janet Jackson. Anybody else? Just me?

ETA: for your viewing pleasure

I’m a mix, I think. I don’t like planning much for vacations or road trips, I’d rather have a vague idea of where I’m going and what I’m going to do.

For work and other areas, I can be a little more controlling, though not in the bedroom. I have relaxed a lot more as I’ve gotten older - I think teaching gave me patience for that since you have to let people figure things out for themselves when teaching, it’s more effective that way.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I’m a mix too. If the person who is planning the trip or in control of whatever chores, etc is someone I think is reasonable or has good judgement, I am fine with him or her making the plans. I have a hard time if they’ve made choices in the past that I don’t agree with.

In my job, I give directions frequently so I’m happy to let go of that in the bedroom. But again, I have to feel like he knows what he’s doing otherwise I’m not going to take him seriously.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I always consider myself to be in control, even if I’m not—I may not be flying the plane, but I’m confident I could take over and land it even with absolutely no flying experience whatsoever—it’s just how I am.

So, I like control, but I also like to leave a lot up to fate at the same time. I don’t over plan things, I plan a little, then make it up as I go.

I’m comfortable with the knowledge that I have some kind of plan, but I can also wing it when necessary and still maintain a comfort level with myself.

In the bedroom, or on the kitchen table, you know, wherever it happens , I am in control, but I also don’t mind being “attacked” and taken over by an aggressive woman. I’m still in control, though.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Oh that’s right, your favorite is Pink Pony Club. I forgot.

Or Watermelon Sugar?

Damn you.

And yes.

I always consider myself to be in control, even if I’m not—I may not be flying the plane, but I’m confident I could take over and land it even with absolutely no flying experience whatsoever—it’s just how I am.

I have this same misguided confidence about some things. For instance, I own a set of bagpipes because I thought I would be able to play them. Pretty proficient at some strings instruments. But for some reason, I thought I’d be able to play these despite never having a single bit of exposure to any similar kind of instrument. The sounds are awful and I swear if you heard them you’d think a cat was being assaulted in the darkest of alleys. But there’s my misguided level of confidence and thinking in that in control of certain aspects of the world.

 

[Mei5ter]

Planned out or go with the flow? How in control do you have to be in various parts of your life? ​

Are you a person who needs to pre-plan things to feel comfortable, or do you prefer to see how things unfold as they will? Does one give you more anxiety than the other?

It's very situation-specific for me. I think when something matters enough, or is interesting enough, or is complicated enough, I'll plan it. When I'm faced with something really tough, I will plan it into submission. But for lots of things, I'm fine dealing with situations as they arise.

For example, on a road trip, can you have the destination in mind no directions how to get there? Or do you need directions from point A to point B with X number of planned stops along the way?

Road trips here don't need planning. Even Dita's elderly GPS can tell me how to get somewhere and how long it will take. I live in a country where I can get hideously overpriced gas and revolting fast food at an exciting range of motorway service stations (Membury, I'm looking at you...). If we want to stop off at interesting or fun places on the way, sure? But that's not something which needs lots of planning, is it?

Now. If I were driving across the Taklamakan desert with five children aged under eight, all of whom were taking turns to ask if we're nearly there yet, and requiring potty stops at precisely twelve minute intervals for which only perfectly hygienic bathroom facilities are acceptable? That requires planning. But I have yet to make that trip under those conditions so...we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

How in control do you tend, or need to be in other areas? How things are done in your house or work?

I don't like being out of control, but I don't need to keep everything on a tight rein unless it will fall apart if I don't?

I have one work colleague who is a catastrophiser. He tries to anticipate absolutely anything which might go wrong in any given situation and needs to develop a specific plan for it. He's a lovely chap, but this bores and exhausts me. I know perfectly well that we can deal with any of these things if they happen. But he finds my approach terrifyingly unprepared and slapdash, so I just shrug and let him do the things with gaffer tape which make him feel better. It isn't worth arguing about.

But I'm still right

The way things are when planning outings with friends—do you initiate?

Ah. I'm bad here. I'm a social pillow princess. Well, more of an antisocial pillow princess. I like my friends to initiate, which I appreciate is lazy and bad of me. In my defence, I spend a lot of time at work having to be professionally sociable - once upon a time people wanted my skills and qualifications, but now I'm just a suit and posh accent - so I don't want more of that when I'm off duty. But it does make me a lazy and bad friend sometimes, and that's something I can definitely do better with. And should.

What about in the bedroom? What do you prefer? Is it usually the same or is there a mix? Does it depend on certain factors?

I think you know the answer to that one.

I tried switching once. It didn't end well.

Do you feel like your level of control in some areas affect your level of control in other areas of your life? To clarify, if you are always in control during the day at your job, does that make you want to not be in control when you get home?

No. I quite like taking responsibility for things? And if I'm going to be responsible for them, I want some agency in how they're done?

Now I’m singing “Control” by Janet Jackson. Anybody else? Just me?

I was actually singing Self Control by Laura Brannigan. But your choice is better

ETA: for your viewing pleasure

 

[birdy]

Are you a person who needs to pre-plan things to feel comfortable, or do you prefer to see how things unfold as they will? Does one give you more anxiety than the other?

It depends on the situation. I tend to plan things out for big events, but I also lean at times with go with the flow. If it's just me, I tend to just flow. When it involves more people than me, such as my little humans, I am usually a planner and worst case scenario imaginer lol.

For example, on a road trip, can you have the destination in mind no directions how to get there? Or do you need directions from point A to point B with X number of planned stops along the way?

If I need to be to a place by a specific day I will plan it all out, but if it's a trip where there is an end destination but there is time to explore i tend to be more laid back about it. I've driven cross country a few times with no stops planned ahead of time and have had great experiences. With little ones it's more structured.

How in control do you tend, or need to be in other areas? How things are done in your house or work? The way things are when planning outings with friends—do you initiate? What about in the bedroom? What do you prefer? Is it usually the same or is there a mix? Does it depend on certain factors?

I am in control of work and home situations. I am almost always the initiator in every respect, and that can be exhausting at times which I think is why I let go of that control when traveling long distance. I'm also working on just letting things happen, and understanding things will be okay without imagining ever possible worst case scenario. I'm getting better about it lol.

Do you feel like your level of control in some areas affect your level of control in other areas of your life? To clarify, if you are always in control during the day at your job, does that make you want to not be in control when you get home?

Yes, absolutely though that isn't always possible, which causes anxiety. I am working on that though.

 

[hotwords229_A]

The sounds are awful and I swear if you heard them you’d think a cat was being assaulted in the darkest of alleys.

That’s what bagpipes sound like, so maybe you are doing it right!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Especially here. Things aren’t always what they seem and you just have to be yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to quiet the “shoulds”. But then I have to remember that the whole reason I came here was to be able to discuss things that I couldn’t other places and find like-minded people. And here we are in this weird little corner of the internet. So, sometimes it’s ok to post a bombshell on a Monday night just for the hell of it.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I need a new book to read. I did some damage to my stack over spring break. What’s the last book you loved?

 

[cheekygirl75]

I need a new book to read. I did some damage to my stack over spring break. What’s the last book you loved?

View attachment 2530479

I was a little behind in reading this but loved the Broken Earth trilogy by N. K. Jamison! If you like sci-fi/fantasy, it solid.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I was a little behind in reading this but loved the Broken Earth trilogy by N. K. Jamison! If you like sci-fi/fantasy, it solid.

I do like sci-fi. Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[QuietCanadian]

I need a new book to read. I did some damage to my stack over spring break. What’s the last book you loved?

As evidenced by previous posts, I'm big fan of the Calvin and Hobbes collection.

 

[StacyLeigh]

I need a new book to read. I did some damage to my stack over spring break. What’s the last book you loved?

Neither are new, but they are the books I most recently finished:

Fiction: The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah
Non-Fiction: Think Again by Adam Grant

I enjoyed them both.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Non-Fiction: Think Again by Adam Grant

Adam Grant is awesome. Excellent recommendation.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Neither are new, but they are the books I most recently finished:

Fiction: The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah
Non-Fiction: Think Again by Adam Grant

I enjoyed them both.

Thank you for these suggestions! I read Hannah’s The Women a few months back and I really enjoyed it. It was a story that was unique- to me, at least. The Nightingale is on my list of books I’d like to read.

I haven’t heard of Think Again, and I’ll admit that non-fiction is a genre that I don’t read as often as I should. Being in bookclubs encourages me to branch out and so I appreciate this recommendation. Just by reading the short synopsis, I think I’d like it. Rethinking- I wonder what it says about those of us who question our thinking too much?

Have you read the Let Them Theory? I just finished that one. It was helpful, especially for overthinkers.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

The Let Them Theory ties in nicely with the talk above about control- what we have control of and what we don’t.

Easier said than done, for sure. But it helps to try and remember, at least.

 

[Lmizzler]

The Let Them Theory ties in nicely with the talk above about control- what we have control of and what we don’t.

Easier said than done, for sure. But it helps to try and remember, at least.

View attachment 2530797

Been trying to teach my kids this for their whole lives. This is a great visual of it though!

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I'm bad here. I'm a social pillow princess. Well, more of an antisocial pillow princess.

I don’t think I can adequately explain how much I relate to this. Or your explanation.

I need a new book to read. I did some damage to my stack over spring break. What’s the last book you loved?

View attachment 2530479

Dungeon Crawler Carl. I’m on book 5 and I regularly laugh out loud. They’re fun, hilarious, and insightful. I’d describe them as a mix of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Ready Player One, Hunger Games, and Squid Game.

I’m dreading catching up and then having to wait for the rest of the books.

 

[Photog1rl]

Great thread @Love_Is_Blonde I hope catching up and reacting to the first seven pages didn’t bother anyone. While I could have yellow highlighted and responded to every comment and post no one wants to see that much yellow highlighter from me.
Instead I will touch on a few things (all yellow highlightable).

I’m hoping playing catch up is ok.
I’m a go with the flow kind of person. I like directions so I can then add stops and detour to points of interest but with a general idea of where I’m going. I’m as likely to initiate and take the lead as I am to follow.
I love audio threads. I love to listen to people and I love to talk. A voice helps me feel a connection to a person. I also think I express myself better in a audio than I ever do in writing. I’m not eloquent but in a recording I my tone or intention is not confused the way it is when I write. This is something I find super frustrating and often leads to me overexplaining to try and get my point across.
I’m used to be an early bird but COVID killed that so now I am a night owl and a groggy bird.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Been trying to teach my kids this for their whole lives. This is a great visual of it though!

I thought so too. I got it off of LinkedIn, strangely enough. And what a great lesson to learn so young!

I think it’s really hard to stay focused on what I can control when I THINK I hear whisperings and grumblings about what others think about what I’m doing or about me. (My vanity at play, probably). Now, whether this is real or just my perception is questionable. I am getting better about trying to just worry about myself rather than spreading myself too thin by concerning myself with everyone else’s perceptions.

This is a topic I want to revisit soon and I have some notes started: when advice conflicts with one another.

I don’t think I can adequately explain how much I relate to this. Or your explanation.

I agree that this was so well stated. The antisocial pillow princess analogy - I need to steal that. But sometimes I just don’t know what to say, and I want to soak it all in and I need to process what has been said.

One thing I really wish that I could change about myself and that I envy about some of the more prolific posters here is their ability to process info quickly and respond in a timely manner. They can come back with a witty response so immediately! I take time to think. And it is slow - really slow - sometimes. But there have been times when I have been impulsive and posted back right away and it hasn’t reflected what I really think. I have let my emotions dictate it and that hasn’t been good bc I can be a hot head. So I try my best to bite my tongue and not engage if I’m angry or annoyed so that I don’t say something really mean that I will regret and that doesn’t reflect my true thoughts.

Great thread @Love_Is_Blonde I hope catching up and reacting to the first seven pages didn’t bother anyone. While I could have yellow highlighted and responded to every comment and post no one wants to see that much yellow highlighter from me.

I LOVE that you used the Blonde Highlight feature! I was tickled to see that this morning!

Instead I will touch on a few things (all yellow highlightable).

I’m hoping playing catch up is ok.
I’m a go with the flow kind of person. I like directions so I can then add stops and detour to points of interest but with a general idea of where I’m going.

A general direction is a nice start and then little detours sounds like a nice mix.

I’m as likely to initiate and take the lead as I am to follow.
I love audio threads. I love to listen to people and I love to talk. A voice helps me feel a connection to a person. I also think I express myself better in an audio than I ever do in writing. I’m not eloquent but in a recording I my tone or intention is not confused the way it is when I write. This is something I find super frustrating and often leads to me overexplaining to try and get my point across.

I love hearing people’s voices. Some voices melt me.

I want to participate, and I have in the past. I just need to have time and privacy and those are two things I rarely have.

I’m used to be an early bird but COVID killed that so now I am a night owl and a groggy bird.

Haha I love the image of a groggy bird.

 

[StacyLeigh]

Thank you for these suggestions! I read Hannah’s The Women a few months back and I really enjoyed it. It was a story that was unique- to me, at least. The Nightingale is on my list of books I’d like to read.

I haven’t heard of Think Again, and I’ll admit that non-fiction is a genre that I don’t read as often as I should. Being in bookclubs encourages me to branch out and so I appreciate this recommendation. Just by reading the short synopsis, I think I’d like it. Rethinking- I wonder what it says about those of us who question our thinking too much?

Have you read the Let Them Theory? I just finished that one. It was helpful, especially for overthinkers.

In all transparency, I'm not a Mel Robbins fan. Her ideas are really just repackages of existing concepts like Stoicism and detachment without offering novel insights.

Specifically regarding the "Let Them Theory" - the idea of telling people to "just let them" can bypass the nuanced emotional, psychological, and situational dynamics that exist in relationships. It also leans on disengagement as a coping mechanism instead of healthy confrontation/communication. All that said, "Let Them" is more of a mindset shift than a researched framework for behavior change - so take it for what it is.

*Disclaimer: This overlaps heavily with the line of work I am in so my views are likely more pointed than others and this reading/approach might be a great entry point to personal/professional development for many.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

In all transparency, I'm not a Mel Robbins fan. Her ideas are really just repackages of existing concepts like Stoicism and detachment without offering novel insights.

Specifically regarding the "Let Them Theory" - the idea of telling people to "just let them" can bypass the nuanced emotional, psychological, and situational dynamics that exist in relationships. It also leans on disengagement as a coping mechanism instead of healthy confrontation/communication. All that said, "Let Them" is more of a mindset shift than a researched framework for behavior change - so take it for what it is.

*Disclaimer: This overlaps heavily with the line of work I am in so my views are likely more pointed than others and this reading/approach might be a great entry point to personal/professional development for many.

This was a large portion of our conversation in my bookclub- not nearly as well stated as you put it though. We were more like, “so I’m just supposed to not feel sad??”
In the book, there was an example of a friend group all going on a trip and leaving one person out, and that one person was supposed to “let them” go ahead on with the trip and put that left out feeling energy towards doing something for herself and making better use of her time. I had a really hard time with this. I know, in theory, how that could possibly, arguably, be advice one could follow. But not for an emotional person like me. That would really hurt my feelings and I’d be wondering why I wasn’t included.

Also, after learning a bit more about Mel and her husband, and how they treated people during some of their shows, I wasn’t totally sold on her advice. But her book wasn’t all bad and it has some good talking points, one being to keep in mind that one only has control over what they do, and not over someone else.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I don’t think I can adequately explain how much I relate to this. Or your explanation.


Dungeon Crawler Carl. I’m on book 5 and I regularly laugh out loud. They’re fun, hilarious, and insightful. I’d describe them as a mix of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Ready Player One, Hunger Games, and Squid Game.

I’m dreading catching up and then having to wait for the rest of the books.

Oh, that series sounds amazing - why does my library only have the e-version of the first book and in French!?