Barsexual vs. Bisexual

[Safe_Bet]

SB, I can throw just as big a bitch fit as anyone else. I think we already had this bitch off. You really wanna take another thread to do it in? No one outcrazies me, bitch.

*snap snap snap*

Don't get confused between "flaming" and just being an asshole. You're an asshole.

I think it's especially difficult for many bisexual people to understand the attitude some strictly gay people have because our sexuality compels us to pursue a relationship with someone to whom we're attracted without regard to sexual identity. Our sexual identity tells us that gender is irrelevant, which often leads us to believe sexual identity is irrelevant as well. Straight men go for straight women. Straight women go for straight men. That's easy enough for us to understand. But because we think of ourselves as part gay and part straight, we expect gay people to see us as one of them, and straight people to see us as one of them. Quite the opposite, I believe, is true: gay people think we're a variation of straight and straight people think we're a variation of gay. Instead of doubling our chance of getting laid (the common bisexual claim), we've exponentially decreased our chance of enjoying a meaningful long-term relationship.

I understand how gender is entirely relevant to some. Straight men don't like penises. Straight women don't like vaginas. (Funny thing... spell check in this forum does not like vaginas either--prefers the term vaginae.) I also understand why gay men and lesbian women can perceive a relationship with a bisexual person to be an unacceptable risk. Some bisexual people come off as being a bit promiscuous and perhaps unreliable. What I do not understand is how anyone who has broken the bonds of sexual paradigms can perceive sexuality to be as relevant as gender. I'm not saying it's not a valid belief, I'm just saying I don't subscribe to it.

Bisexual men and women are not limited in their sexual desire for men or women. But let's face it, we can be limited in our relationship desire for men or women. How many would pursue a long-term relationship with a person who identified as being straight? Like a "man who likes women but craves cock" type? I know I wouldn't. Is that hypocritical? A double standard? I don't think so, because it's mostly about how successful I think that particular relationship would be in the long term. Would I fuck that person if I found them attractive and was single? Probably. But the key there would have to be that a) I was attracted to them, and b) I was single. Can that be perceived as a lack of sexual integrity? I dunno. Maybe that's at the root of this issue and may be what Safe_Bet is talking about.

If the first draft of my 30-page senior thesis wasn't due today by midnight, I could go on... but since I only have a fraction of it done, I'd better focus my efforts there for now.

Yeah, I think we're in agreement. It's not ALL about sex, but that IS a large component of a relationship. I also think that the "making love to EACH OTHER" aspect comes more into play with women than it does men. (just guessing on the last part).

If a woman isn't interested in me, I move on. I don't ask why That's just fucking weird to me. Is it just me, or....? "Why won't you fuck me?" LOL

Bitching and whining (or ranting as you like to put it) and asking "why?" isn't going to get you any closer to the pussy you don't want to eat anyways, so no big deal, right?

You're just weird! Cute as hell weird, though!

This whole discussion seems a little odd, at least from the reasons being put forward by Safe Bet and such, as if sex was the whole reason a bisexual boy or gal might be upset about being dumped for being bi. Well... not really.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that orientation should be taken off the table as a reason for not engaging in a relationship, but it's still bothersome to me. Mostly because, honestly, I'd hope that who I am as a person would mean far more to anybody wishing to be with me than my orientation. I'm no more defined by the kind of equipment I like to fuck than anyone straight or gay, and surprisingly just because I'm mentally capable of having sex with both men and women doesn't mean that I want to all the time, or that I'm incapable of restricting myself to one gender, or one right individual.

If there's a squicky component to it, I can understand that being an obstacle and I certainly don't mean to diminish that, it just doesn't seem to be the issue that broke the OP up with her ex. The argument that they had, the "you can't understand what it's like to be a real gay person, you can just go back to being normal" is the one I've been exposed to myself, and it's the one that makes the least sense to me. Leaving aside the very obvious fact that yes we can choose to be in a "normal," relationship with someone of the opposite sex but are choosing not to to be with a person of the same sex should imply some level of devotion but... well, it just seems really strange and a little hypocritical to me that a gay person would discriminate against a person based on their sexual orientation.

I'm sure there'll be a few people that'll argue I'm missing something, but seriously...

IDK. I personally think the "Squick" has a BIG part to play! I dislike snakes and I would never shake hands with a snake handler. I don't like basketball and I don't hang with people who do. I hate playing golf so I keep the fuck away from golfers cuz I don't even want to hear about it. I feel the same way about bisexuals.

Any of the above folks might be mighty fine people but because they like something I can't stand we can't relate and wouldn't want to deal with them in regards to their "preferences".

Same thing apply's to bi's on a sexual / relationship level.

 

[CandiCame]

Don't get confused between "flaming" and just being an asshole. You're an asshole.


Yeah, I think we're in agreement. It's not ALL about sex, but that IS a large component of a relationship. I also think that the "making love to EACH OTHER" aspect comes more into play with women than it does men. (just guessing on the last part).


IDK. I personally think the "Squick" has a BIG part to play! I dislike snakes and I would never shake hands with a snake handler. I don't like basketball and I don't hang with people who do. I hate playing golf so I keep the fuck away from golfers cuz I don't even want to hear about it. I feel the same way about bisexuals.

Any of the above folks might be mighty fine people but because they like something I can't stand we can't relate and wouldn't want to deal with them in regards to their "preferences".

Same thing apply's to bi's on a sexual / relationship level.

See, that's a horrible way to be though. Just because someone likes basketball doesn't mean they don't have other interests that are in common with yours. That's not a good way to be. You shouldn't judge people based on one aspect of their personality that you think causes them to be all-encompassing. Yes, it's annoying when someone is obsessed with a single aspect of life, like how you're obsessed with sexuality, but that doesn't mean that they're a bad person.

Take folk with snakes. I have a snake- maybe she's creeping you out via the principle of transit, but that generally translates into a love of animals. I've never met a critter I didn't like. So folk with snakes are generally folk who like to cuddle critters, give them vitamin e baths, care for them, etc. These same behavioral patterns can translate well into human relationships.

Sporty people aggravate me to, because they tend to be rather competitive, but that aggression and desire to be physical and control the body via exercise and whatnot is a good lifestyle choice. It's not all about competition, a lot of it is about bodilykenstetic intelligence- which is a trait that gamers admire just as much as athletics. I realized the connection more when i started exercising.

You're limiting yourself. And if that's how you want to live, then enjoy. But it does make you a bitch. Content of character matters more then interests. And no one can control who they fall in love with. Choosing not to associate with someone based on sexual orientation is more evil then not associating with someone based on interests that you dislike. Take a damn ethics class.

But again, none of that is relevant to the OP. She dodged a bullet by getting away from someone who was petty, angry, and unable to trust. That problem wasn't about sexuality, it was about relationship issues- like most break-ups.

 

[PricelessT]

So a person has to be exactly like you, Safe_Bet, to be your friend? If they like one thing you dislike, you won't be friends with and/or associate with them? If so, I take it you haven't talked to many people who represent the "GBT" in "LGBT"? Or rather, you think you haven't. You can't always tell someone's sexual orientation, gender, or hobbies from just looking at them or having a brief conversation with them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hate playing golf so I keep the fuck away from golfers cuz I don't even want to hear about it.

Fair enough, both for you AND for the golfers.

I feel the same way about bisexuals.

But-- you don't keep away from them, at least-- not here. You kinda can't keep yourself from getting in their faces and telling them how much you hate bisexuals.

Which is not fair for them, or for you.

I'll write a post about the discussion group in a bit. But I'll tell you the first thing they said, which was-- the three MEN who were holding it apologised that there were no WOMEN on the panel...

Um, yeah. There's always something.

 

[PricelessT]

And she's pretty dogmatic about sexual practices too. Plenty of straight men don't like to eat pussy-- plenty of solidly gay women don't eat pussy.

Honest.

Yeah, sometimes I will think that oral sex is the norm for most lesbians, but then I'll come in contact with lesbians who don't care for it or don't do it at all.

You know that I like to cite research. Well, while most research on lesbian sexual practices includes oral sex, some scholars will state that there is a significant portion who don't engage in it and that some only do it because it's expected of same-sex female romances. So maybe it's about 10%? 20%? 30% who don't include oral sex? Just going off the research showing that about 70-90% of lesbians/women who have sex with women include oral in their sexual practices.

Being sexually compatible is usually important. People who aren't have to make compromises, and the starter of this thread said she compromised in that regard (the oral sex part). But I can see how it was a big turn-off for her partner that she's not truly into the act when she performs it on her. No one wants to feel as though they are pressuring their partner into a sex act, unless that's a turn-on for either of the two.

It's really interesting to think about whether some of us (women who are romantically/sexually into other women) would dump a woman partly because she isn't into oral. It's interesting to think about whether or not we need oral to feel an otherwise unattainable level of intimacy and/or to orgasm.

 

[Stella_Omega]

However, there really are a lot of bisexual girls that'll be like "I'm attracted to girls and will date them, but ultimately I want to get married...

You know what... I wonder how many of those women would like to be able to just say that without having to add this;

...to a man."

Oh. And most lesbians are going to want to be with a girl who actually likes going down on her.

A hellofalotta bisexual women love going down on women. But they aren't gold star lesbians they just eat pussy like one...

 

[CandiCame]

You know what... I wonder how many of those women would like to be able to just say that without having to add this;

A hellofalotta bisexual women love going down on women. But they aren't gold star lesbians they just eat pussy like one...

I was thinking this same exact thing... Wondering if that's actually a sexuality thing, or if it's a social acceptance thing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I was thinking this same exact thing... Wondering if that's actually a sexuality thing, or if it's a social acceptance thing.

We won't know until the time when women can freely choose to marry other women.

But all the jokes about a lesbian's second date involving the UHaul and introducing the cats to each other-- I betcha it's a desire to be married, more than anything else.

 

[BiBunny]

A hellofalotta bisexual women love going down on women. But they aren't gold star lesbians they just eat pussy like one...

I don't mind going down on a woman (or a man, whatever). I'd just rather they not do it to me, nine times out of ten. What does that make me?

 

[Jacqueline_]

A hellofalotta bisexual women love going down on women. But they aren't gold star lesbians they just eat pussy like one...

Hear hear.

I just wanted to say that the bisexual-hating on these threads is very off-putting! I get it - you don't want to fuck us and frankly that is fine by me, so can you give it a rest already?

 

[CandiCame]

Hear hear.

I just wanted to say that the bisexual-hating on these threads is very off-putting! I get it - you don't want to fuck us and frankly that is fine by me, so can you give it a rest already?

At this point, are we positive it's not one of those, "thou doth protest to much" dealies?

 

[girlsmiley]

And I wouldn't care if she didn't want to fuck me. I'd care if she didn't want to be in a relationship with me. There's a difference. She wasn't trying to get laid, she was asking about a relationship.

It sounds like the OPs girlf got a little jealous after meeting the ex-boyf. They had a talk and things got a little heated. The conversation turned nasty and shit got personal. But honestly Candi, how bad have these threads gotten in the past? So I want to be clear and say that this is just how I read it.

What I know is, in situations where two people are close, it's best to stay calm when having a heart-to-heart. Remember to be honest and and try to really understand each other. Listen. Care. Find solutions.

My advice to the OP would be to sit down with your ex, and really listen and be honest with one another. Say what you really want to say. Tell her you love her if you do.

 

[girlsmiley]

You're just weird! Cute as hell weird, though!

Don't be silly, I am not weird!

My plan of relentlessly stalking you 'til you cannot resist me anymore, is not weird at all.
Actually, I dare say it's quite normal for a classy and beautiful lesbian like myself. :hair toss:

*ahem*

And I love going down. I just wanted you to know.

 

[John Doe]

Vaginae is the latin way to to do it like penes, vulvae, labia (labium), testes (testis), scrota, or clitorides. All the science words come from latin.

Yes, it's the Latin way and hence the incorrect way in English.

 

[infinity706]

We won't know until the time when women can freely choose to marry other women.

But all the jokes about a lesbian's second date involving the UHaul and introducing the cats to each other-- I betcha it's a desire to be married, more than anything else.

I don't see why we need to wait that long. There's plenty of places same sex couples can marry and it's been that way for years. I'd assume there are probably quite a few lesbian marriage studies going on right now.

 

[infinity706]

Yes, it's the Latin way and hence the incorrect way in English.

Usually when a language steals another language's word, it comes with all the rules attached. If you go by normal english plurals, woman should be womans and man should be mans. No one bats an eye about men and women, though.

 

[CandiCame]

Usually when a language steals another language's word, it comes with all the rules attached. If you go by normal english plurals, woman should be womans and man should be mans. No one bats an eye about men and women, though.

I do. I hate that shit. I hate English so bad... when I was little I failed the fuck out of English, like... all the time. I couldn't spell my own name. I HATE this language. Plus, the old people in my family didn't speak English as fluently as I would have liked, so I could never understand what the fuck they were saying. It was really, really, annoying. And they were the ones with the money, so I had to listen real close for, "You want a dollar?" I like things that are the same all the time. Like math and science and shit. Don't give me this "red" and "read" shit. Either make up a language with applicable rules or STFU. I loved it when I took Spanish because the rules are always the rules. Like photo in Spanish is "foto" because it's a goddamn F sound. It should be "mans". And "deers" and "sheep" and "vaginas"!!

/rant

 

[Brazen_Bitch]

Why won't I spend a minute on a bisexual?

Before I jump into any kind of relationship, I want to know that the prospective partner wants me, not just my vagina and boobs. I have been through the "just want a fling" several times in the past, poured myself into a relationship only to learn later that she was just there for the sex and really intended to marry James from mathematics who she fucked on Wednesday afternoons while I lectured.

I understand that some bisexuals are theoretically capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship with partners of either sex but my observances in real life have not yet proved this theory. I have found more bisexuals who simply are bisexuals instead of biamorous and I am not interested in giving my time and emotions to someone who is just riding the wild side (for them).

I am not squeamish about penis or semen and I do not hate men, although I am intolerant of those who see me as flesh rather than as a person, but I still do not want to fall asleep wondering about who my partner is going to be with next week when I am no longer the flavour of her day.

You see, I live by the idea that sex without love is nothing. I have played at "free love" and it is not for me, my emotions do not well separate from the physical and mental aspects of my person and when I enter into a relationship it is for love and for nothing else.

 

[PricelessT]

Brazen_Bitch, it's not a theory (I mentioned before that most people who identify as bisexual have a sexual preference for one sex/gender over the other and never have an intense craving for the sex/gender they do not favor), but I can see why you'd think it's a theory. It's just that I've known too many people who say "I'm bisexual" and you only see them with one sex/gender without ever crossing over to the other sex/gender. Preference usually wins out, from what I've observed and read.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think there needs to be a distinction between bisexual/biromantic folk, of where there are many, and what might be called "hypersexual" folk, of which there are also many, and who get called "sluts" if they are monosexual, or give bisexuals a bad name if they are bisexual.

Because of the shaming, these people often try desperately to fit in to the accepted mode of conversation, pretending that they are not polysexual.

Me, I'm hypersexual, and bisexual and generally queer. But I understand myself and I will be honest with you if I meet you, and will quite gladly bow out if you don't approve of me-- because who needs the aggravation?

I have had the experience of being romantically chased by a woman who really didn't believe me. It wasn't much fun for me, or her.

 

[BiBunny]

Why won't I spend a minute on a bisexual?

Before I jump into any kind of relationship, I want to know that the prospective partner wants me, not just my vagina and boobs. I have been through the "just want a fling" several times in the past, poured myself into a relationship only to learn later that she was just there for the sex and really intended to marry James from mathematics who she fucked on Wednesday afternoons while I lectured.

Even bisexuals have had this kind of shit happen to them. I certainly have, and it's one reason I wish we would make a distinction between "will fuck both the opposite sex and the same sex" and "will carry on romantic relationships with both the opposite sex and the same sex."

I understand that some bisexuals are theoretically capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship with partners of either sex but my observances in real life have not yet proved this theory. I have found more bisexuals who simply are bisexuals instead of biamorous and I am not interested in giving my time and emotions to someone who is just riding the wild side (for them).

I am not monogamous by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm polyamorous, rather than "will fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere." I'm always up front about this and would never agree to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't cool with it. But I can tell you that there's a world of difference in the ability to carry on multiple loving relationships at once and the desire to fuck anything that walks.

I am not squeamish about penis or semen and I do not hate men, although I am intolerant of those who see me as flesh rather than as a person, but I still do not want to fall asleep wondering about who my partner is going to be with next week when I am no longer the flavour of her day.

You see, I live by the idea that sex without love is nothing. I have played at "free love" and it is not for me, my emotions do not well separate from the physical and mental aspects of my person and when I enter into a relationship it is for love and for nothing else.

I don't begrudge you your preferences in the least, and I don't blame you for the way you feel. I just wanted to point out that there *is* a difference in being poly and being a ho.

I think there needs to be a distinction between bisexual/biromantic folk, of where there are many, and what might be called "hypersexual" folk, of which there are also many, and who get called "sluts" if they are monosexual, or give bisexuals a bad name if they are bisexual.

Because of the shaming, these people often try desperately to fit in to the accepted mode of conversation, pretending that they are not polysexual.

Me, I'm hypersexual, and bisexual and generally queer. But I understand myself and I will be honest with you if I meet you, and will quite gladly bow out if you don't approve of me-- because who needs the aggravation?

I have had the experience of being romantically chased by a woman who really didn't believe me. It wasn't much fun for me, or her.

YESYESYESYES. I have been saying this forever.

I call myself bisexual, but if "bi-romantic" is a better way to describe it, I guess I should go with that. (Even if it does sound clunky as hell coming out of one's mouth.)

I am not monogamous, but I'm not hypersexual or a swinger, either. I'm polyamorous, and I want multiple relationships--key word being "relationships." I could fuck a ton of people, but I don't want to. I want 3-4 relationships, and that's it. No fucking around with other people outside of those relationships. No leaving my partners for someone I found more interesting.

Some folks use the word "polyfidelity" for that. I kinda like it, I think. A sort of "monogamous" poly, so to speak.

/soapbox

 

[CandiCame]

Hmmm... I guess that I would be hypersexual, inasmuch as I like to have a lot, lot of sex. I always just considered myself a very sexual person, but if I'm in a relationship, I go from "slut" to "high maintenance"- inasmuch as I don't really wanna go pick up and fuck random folk anymore- I mean, I will if I have to, but my preference is for my partner. Especially if monogamy is important to them, because at that point, it becomes a love/respect thing rather then a purely sexual thing. But I still want to have sex a lot, and I'm still attracted to other folk, but I have this thing called "self control". It's pretty convient for relationships. And not ODing.

 

[Etoile]

Just want to say that as a lesbian, I don't care if someone I am sleeping with has slept with men. As long as the person I'm involved with is only involved with me, whatever she likes with her head is fine. She has washed her pussy 10,000 times since then, there are no more penis germs on it, I'm cool. I don't have a problem.

There are other lesbians who do, though, and I'm fine with that too, it's 100% their prerogative. Just wanted to mention that not all of us have the problem.

 

[PricelessT]

Just want to say that as a lesbian, I don't care if someone I am sleeping with has slept with men. As long as the person I'm involved with is only involved with me, whatever she likes with her head is fine. She has washed her pussy 10,000 times since then, there are no more penis germs on it, I'm cool. I don't have a problem.

There are other lesbians who do, though, and I'm fine with that too, it's 100% their prerogative. Just wanted to mention that not all of us have the problem.

Exactly, Etoile. Most lesbians aren't gold star lesbians (as in never having had sex with a man). So the issue is more about whether the woman is still having sex with men, instead of it having been something done out of societal pressure/to conform to the heterosexist view of the world or out of curiosity/confusion.

 

[girlsmiley]

Just wanted to mention that not all of us have the problem.

What problem?