Cock Map

[DarkSimian]

I had a friend in college whose father (a dr.) gave him this advice:

1) Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, name it after me. (A variation of what PB posted)
2) If you're not in bed by ten, come home.
3) You can knock a girl down, but never knock a girl up

 

[default24]

I don't remember any formal talks. I do remember one about masturbation that was so uncomfortable that I had completely buried that memory until just now. Thanks thread.
I do remember when I went away to college my mom had wrapped up in my blanket like 50 condoms and two bottles of bacardi. Allllways looking out for me

 

[hotwords229_A]

I don't remember any formal talks. I do remember one about masturbation that was so uncomfortable that I had completely buried that memory until just now. Thanks thread.
I do remember when I went away to college my mom had wrapped up in my blanket like 50 condoms and two bottles of bacardi. Allllways looking out for me

I got condoms when I went to college too. Let's think about the logic of that for a moment. You're old enough to live away from home, pay rent (in my case, no dorms) feed yourself, go to school on time and do your work, and hold down a part-time job, but you can't be trusted to go to the store to buy condoms even though it's basically bragging rights and you want everyone seeing you buy them. Ah parents, so innocent, so naive.

 

[default24]

I got condoms when I went to college too. Let's think about the logic of that for a moment. You're old enough to live away from home, pay rent (in my case, no dorms) feed yourself, go to school on time and do your work, and hold down a part-time job, but you can't be trusted to go to the store to buy condoms even though it's basically bragging rights and you want everyone seeing you buy them. Ah parents, so innocent, so naive.

Very true
I was really glad to have it though, it became a great talking point among my friends and at parties

 

[Trekka]

I don't remember any formal talks. I do remember one about masturbation that was so uncomfortable that I had completely buried that memory until just now. Thanks thread.
I do remember when I went away to college my mom had wrapped up in my blanket like 50 condoms and two bottles of bacardi. Allllways looking out for me

I got condoms when I went to college too. Let's think about the logic of that for a moment. You're old enough to live away from home, pay rent (in my case, no dorms) feed yourself, go to school on time and do your work, and hold down a part-time job, but you can't be trusted to go to the store to buy condoms even though it's basically bragging rights and you want everyone seeing you buy them. Ah parents, so innocent, so naive.

Such a bullshit double standard.

My brothers were taken to the store ceremoniously (One of them at 14! Because he asked!) by my Dad to get condoms.

But my mom finds one condom in my purse and it's, like, end of days. Out come the rosaries and into therapy I'm chucked.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Such a bullshit double standard.

My brothers were taken to the store ceremoniously (One of them at 14! Because he asked!) by my Dad to get condoms.

But my mom finds one condom in my purse and it's, like, end of days. Out come the rosaries and into therapy I'm chucked.

That sucks. Is your mom the mom from Carrie? "I can see your dirty pillows!"

 

[default24]

Such a bullshit double standard.

My brothers were taken to the store ceremoniously (One of them at 14! Because he asked!) by my Dad to get condoms.

But my mom finds one condom in my purse and it's, like, end of days. Out come the rosaries and into therapy I'm chucked.

Apparently you had to tell your dad to go get them for you

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Apparently you had to tell your dad to go get them for you

...

 

[Trekka]

That sucks. Is your mom the mom from Carrie? "I can see your dirty pillows!"

The weird thing is that I'm pretty sure she's a trippy, saucy minx. Just, a secret saucy minx.

I used to read her diaries when I was a teen. I found a stash in her closet. They were steamy. Quaaludes and rolling in the hay with the teaching assistant, hosting an acid-fueled Thanksgiving dinner for 30 people in various stages of undress... But then just when the stories would get good she'd switch from English to Spanish and I'd be lost.*

When she had surgery recently she was gacked out on meds and blurted out that she and my dad went all the way on the first date. Epic.

Dad blurted back, "It wasn't my fault! She tricked me!"

Poor mom. I think teenaged Trekka might've terrorized her into a temporary state of sexual conservativism.

*pre google days

 

[Trekka]

Apparently you had to tell your dad to go get them for you

Oh not for hell!!

My Dad caught me at 22 fucking a groomsman at a family friend's wedding? (Like I thought that was what ya did at weddings?) and he BROKE DOWN THE DOOR and DRAGGED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE by the scruff of my neck THROUGH A THRONG OF PARTY GUESTS while I stumbled behind him WITH ONE BROKEN STRAP ON MY DRESS dangling down.

I didn't speak to him for, like, 14 straight hours after that.

Still in touch with the groomsman, btw. He's, like, my plan G.

 

[hotwords229_A]

The weird thing is that I'm pretty sure she's a trippy, saucy minx. Just, a secret saucy minx.

I used to read her diaries when I was a teen. I found a stash in her closet. They were steamy. Quaaludes and rolling in the hay with the teaching assistant, hosting an acid-fueled Thanksgiving dinner for 30 people in various stages of undress... But then just when the stories would get good she'd switch from English to Spanish and I'd be lost.*

When she had surgery recently she was gacked out on meds and blurted out that she and my dad went all the way on the first date. Epic.

Dad blurted back, "It wasn't my fault! She tricked me!"

Poor mom. I think teenaged Trekka might've terrorized her into a temporary state of sexual conservativism.

*pre google days

Teenaged Trekka would have been a handful.

Mmmmm teenaged Trekka

 

[Trekka]

Teenaged Trekka would have been a handful.

Mmmmm teenaged Trekka

I got good grades though!!

 

[default24]

I got good grades though!!

Just not in Spanish class?

 

[Little_Sister]

I learned about sex officially from my dad. (I had stolen a few dirty magazines from under my brothers bed before that tho) I was like 13, 14 I think, he said "Sis, there is a dirty movie on HBO tonight. If you have any questions ask C's mom."(my friends mom) That was it.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I got condoms when I went to college too. Let's think about the logic of that for a moment. You're old enough to live away from home, pay rent (in my case, no dorms) feed yourself, go to school on time and do your work, and hold down a part-time job, but you can't be trusted to go to the store to buy condoms even though it's basically bragging rights and you want everyone seeing you buy them. Ah parents, so innocent, so naive.

I remember the first time buying condoms. I ran into my grandmother at the checkout #mortified

 

[default24]

I remember the first time buying condoms. I ran into my grandmother at the checkout #mortified

Oh man, was she buying larger-sized condoms or something?

 

[Little_Sister]

I remember the first time buying condoms. I ran into my grandmother at the checkout #mortified

I have never bought condoms. Did you try to hide them under a bag of chips or something?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I learned about sex officially from my dad. (I had stolen a few dirty magazines from under my brothers bed before that tho) I was like 13, 14 I think, he said "Sis, there is a dirty movie on HBO tonight. If you have any questions ask C's mom."(my friends mom) That was it.

Found girly mags in the bottom of dad's sock drawer whilst I was yet a dewy young thing..

Pretty sure that's when I started fapping.

 

[Little_Sister]

Found girly mags in the bottom of dad's sock drawer whilst I was yet a dewy young thing..

Pretty sure that's when I started fapping.

I think I was just in that morbid curiosity stage. I didn't learn that skill until after I was in college. There was no internet back then.

 

[NeonSubtlety]

Well.

 

[Lunation]

I watched a lot of Discovery channel as a kid. They had an "all about sex week." Like Shark Week, only better (although regrettably fewer sharks). So sometime in elementary school I learned the clinical details of sex and told all my friends (who didn't believe me) and confronted my mom. Here is an artistic rendition of that conversation: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9FnO3igOkOk

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Oh man, was she buying larger-sized condoms or something?

She was actually buying a pregnancy test, lol.

We looked at each other and made the non verbal agreement to never talk about it. Of course, two glasses of wine later she congratulated me on being responsible and reassured me the test was for my aunt.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I have never bought condoms. Did you try to hide them under a bag of chips or something?

That was my rookie mistake. I didn't have anything else to conceal my shame

 

[Trekka]

Fuck it, I'm moving to Ohio.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm guilty of living up to the Oregonian hype.

And bless Washington's kinky ass heart