Fuck It: Refux

[MrsPassion]

Are there any materials that are better/worse than others for them. Not including the jewellery types

Depends on when and how long you’d be wearing it. The one in my AV is strictly playtime time wear. It’s thick leather and is good for moving me around without being dangerous. But I have a small velvet choker I wear some days when I just want to wear my collar but not a big ass, dueling serpents one what would feel good to you to wear?

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Depends on when and how long you’d be wearing it. The one in my AV is strictly playtime time wear. It’s thick leather and is good for moving me around without being dangerous. But I have a small velvet choker I wear some days when I just want to wear my collar but not a big ass, dueling serpents one what would feel good to you to wear?

I don't really know. I don't wear a lot of jewellery as I'm allergic to most base metals so having something around my neck for an extended length of time would take some getting used to.

A soft velvet one sounds lovely and would probably help me to feel "little" but I would like a heavy duty one too for special occasions

 

[Saltfountain]

I don't really know. I don't wear a lot of jewellery as I'm allergic to most base metals so having something around my neck for an extended length of time would take some getting used to.

A soft velvet one sounds lovely and would probably help me to feel "little" but I would like a heavy duty one too for special occasions

Maybe ask your Daddy if he has any thoughts?

 

[MrsPassion]

I don't really know. I don't wear a lot of jewellery as I'm allergic to most base metals so having something around my neck for an extended length of time would take some getting used to.

A soft velvet one sounds lovely and would probably help me to feel "little" but I would like a heavy duty one too for special occasions

I’m also allergic to a lot of jewelry metals too. Velvet is great, satin is another option. I’ve seen them made with beads and pearls as well. Especially for day collars. Some of the things on Etsy are actually just really beautiful(if you go the jewelry route they do sell them in 24k gold or other allergy friendly metals)

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Probably more alone or under things but it would be a little thrilling wearing something around him. He’d have no idea what it was and think I’d found some cute necklace.
I’m a 90s kid, chokers have always been cute imo, collars aren’t far removed from that

I think you could. As discussed, it was the fashion. I wore not only chokers, but actual collars. The only odd thing is seeing it come around again. But fashion always repeats. My husband wouldn't focus and thought on my jewelry. Everything comes around again, as it should. Well except ultra low rise jeans, I am leading the resistance on those. Never again shall ultra low rise jeans grace my ass.

 

[Saltfountain]

Measure. You'll want it tight enough to serve as a constant reminder, but be sure you can move freely. For example, the one I bought myself works well for daytime wear, but I've found I can't wear it all night, because it's a little too constricting to wear safely when I'm unconscious.

BTW, nice to see you back on lit @hopeful_wife

 

[hopeful_wife]

It would be a little thrilling wearing something around him. He’d have no idea what it was

Can attest to this. A husband with no interest in his wife or her kinks won't notice her kinky accessories.

A lot of "day collars" are essentially chokers

Meant to be worn in "polite" society without drawing too much attention.

I'm allergic to most base metals so having something around my neck for an extended length of time would take some getting used to.

Mine is surgical grade titanium. I'm allergic to gold and super sensitive to nickel (which is in lots of cheaper jewelry). I'll go find the Etsy store I used and PM you.

With a collar I presume if it was a gift from your Dom, it would have a more significant feeling ??

Oh, my, would it.

BTW, nice to see you back on lit @hopeful_wife

Aw, thanks. Haven't been gone... Just busy and only popping in a little here and there. Should be working right now, actually.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

and so I ended up collar browsing, because curious. (I am a shopper) Wow, some of the high end collars as well as the intricate artisan designers have some items that are just gorgeous. It is nice to see jewelers found their niche and how to stand out.

 

[hopeful_wife]

I ended up collar browsing

Me, too. I have a wish list, now.

But they'll have to wait for another day. When someone owns me. When I can safely wear something more obvious in public. When I'm not poor.

 

[barefootgirl69]

With a collar I presume if it was a gift from your Dom, it would have a more significant feeling ??

Being "collared" by a Dom is the best. And there are different types, as well.

• In training
• for play
• being owned

In many cases, a collar is like an engagement or wedding, with friends invited to the ceremony.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Being "collared" by a Dom is the best. And there are different types, as well.

• In training
• for play
• being owned

In many cases, a collar is like an engagement or wedding, with friends invited to the ceremony.

I've seen on reddit subs talking about collaring ceremonies and they seem so special

 

[barefootgirl69]

I've seen on reddit subs talking about collaring ceremonies and they seem so special

Definitely would be on my fuck-it list. I'm not interested in other types of relationships.

 

[Bbl87]

Are there any materials that are better/worse than others for them. Not including the jewellery types

The one that we use for "play" is leather (or fake leather, probably, haha) with a soft fur-like lining on the inside. Makes it very comfortable while still being pretty secure. I'm not sure where we got it, that one is actually something my wife bought on her own some time ago. I'm sure I could find something similar though.

We've never bought one for casually wearing around, so I wouldn't be much help there.

 

[Saltfountain]

So, what things do people wish they understood, but are completely alien to them?

For me, the big one is trying to wrap my head around being submissive. I understand about the desire to make your partner/s happy, but I can't get my stupid brain to process the loss of control bit

 

[Saltfountain]

As the observant peeps have probably noticed I am trying to get my head round the whole Dom/sub thing. The main bit that I'm struggling with is exactly this, the loss of control. To the outsider it looks like an abusive controlling relationship but I know it isn't, far far from it, in reality the exact opposite, but until I started to understand it more that's what it felt like.
I have almost got to the point where I might need to experience this, first hand to really understand, but more learning to do first, I'm not even sure on which side of the relationship I would fit best...
More learning required.

I think there is a very big danger that these relationships can be abusive. There are an awful lot of people out there who identify as doms, but are really just bullies and narcissists who believe that they have a right over anyone who identifies as sub...

And it's not just wet behind the ears subs who fall foul of them. I know of several experienced subs who have bad experiences with abusive doms. Just like in real life vanilla relationships...

What I would say is you strike me as more sub than dom, but you may want to do the bdsm test. It's not a scientific test by any means, but will give you an insight into where you may fit...

 

[Saltfountain]

I did the test, I did post the results but later poofed it, it felt more revealing than posting nudes
As far as the test result it was inconclusive about witch side I am on. But I did the test before I had enough knowledge, I may need to redo the test to see if the results have changed with my understanding.

I can totally get about the bullies etc, I just feel for their subs getting abuse and not the real relationship they want /need.

Did you delete it totally, or just poof it from lit?

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Results from the test can change the more you understand certain things.
You said that your main source of knowledge about D/s came from porn but now you've had real people talk about it with you so now you might think differently about it. It could be worth doing again just for your own benefit, you don't have to share if that makes you uncomfortable

 

[RosewoodTulip]

So, what things do people wish they understood, but are completely alien to them?

For me, the big one is trying to wrap my head around being submissive. I understand about the desire to make your partner/s happy, but I can't get my stupid brain to process the loss of control bit

I do very much like to please.
Knowing I can take care of a partner, not just sexually, is very fulfilling.

It's not a total loss of control. I struggled with that too at first. Why do I - a reasonably intelligent and independent woman - want to be controlled? I don't.

Submission is very empowering. I place my trust in someone and give them permission to take the lead. I don't go into it blindly. A conversation or several is needed to talk about limits before any kind of play can start. Even online this is important.

I find being able to fully let go with someone to be very freeing. It helps with my anxiety and gives me a break from having to do absolutely everything by myself. I feel understood and cared for, especially when I feel like it's a partnership. We each have our roles and I love mine

 

[Saltfountain]

Exactly this, I will redo it when I have a bit of spare time and my mood is in the right place, I don't want my mood to skew the results.

Btw don't panic , my head is is a good place atm.

I'd be surprised if your results would have changed much over the course of a couple of weeks, unless you've been playing with someone who has opened you to new experiences in that time.

The big danger is trying to play the test to get the results you want

 

[RosewoodTulip]

So can I ask about being dominant? Is it just liking to be in charge? What makes it so good for those of you that are?

 

[Saltfountain]

Good question

For me it's about looking after someone, even if that looking after isn't what people would traditionally associate with the term

I'd be sad to be thought of as a control freak, though I'm sure some people will say I am. For me, taking the control isn't the turn on. Making her happy is. And if that means I take control away from her over her life in certain areas, so be it. Apparently I can be quite good at it...

Its certainly not a choice to be dominant. I just am. Before I knew anything about it, I'd been asked by a couple of people. I also know I couldn't be sub. I'm way too bratty and don't do well with being punished

I sometimes envy switches, who can see both sides of the coin...

 

[Saltfountain]

Saying that

My subs still always took care of me. It is a symbiotic relationship when it works properly.

Some doms have a need to take control. Some are happy to take whatever their sub wants to give.

The best D/s I've experienced is where I never expected anything to happen but it just became obvious that it should.

For me it's all about the personal connection

 

[Saltfountain]

I do very much like to please.
Knowing I can take care of a partner, not just sexually, is very fulfilling.

It's not a total loss of control. I struggled with that too at first. Why do I - a reasonably intelligent and independent woman - want to be controlled? I don't.

Submission is very empowering. I place my trust in someone and give them permission to take the lead. I don't go into it blindly. A conversation or several is needed to talk about limits before any kind of play can start. Even online this is important.

I find being able to fully let go with someone to be very freeing. It helps with my anxiety and gives me a break from having to do absolutely everything by myself. I feel understood and cared for, especially when I feel like it's a partnership. We each have our roles and I love mine

That is the best explanation I've ever been given! Thank you so much

 

[Saltfountain]

Found my result, I was quoted so result got saved , 71 % sub, 70% switch and 62% Dom. This is interesting now I know more.

Well, i won't lie. I'm surprised by those. Very surprised
What were your other scores?

 

[Saltfountain]

My other results for a short while

May I comment?