hot tub and dirty jokes......

[stargirl32]

last one for today ,, happy sunday guys licks n slicks

The first little pig walked into the bar and said

"Can I have a rum and coke?" The bar man said,

"Okay." Then the little pig said, "Can I use

your toilet?" The bar man told him it was

straight ahead. Then the second little pig walked

into the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?"

The bar man said, "Okay." Then the little pig

said, "Can I use your toilet?" The bar man said

straight ahead. The third little pig walked into

the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?"

and the bar man said, "Okay." Then the bar

man said, "I suppose you want to use the toilet?"

But the third little pig replied, "No, I'm the pig

that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A duck goes into a bar and askes the bartender,

"You got any fish?" The bartender replies, "No,

this is a bar and we don't sell fish," so the duck

leaves. The next day, the duck goes back to the

bar and asks, "You got any fish?" The bartender

says, "I told you yesterday, this is a bar and we

don't sell fish!" The following day the duck returns

and says, "You got any fish?" The bartender loses

it, grabs the duck by the neck and screams,

"I TOLD YOU TWICE, THIS IS A BAR. WE

DON'T SELL FISH. IF YOU ASK
AGAIN, I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR WEBBED

FEET TO THE FLOOR!" The next day, the duck

goes into the bar and asks, "Got any nails?"

The bartender sighs and says, "No, we don't have

any nails." The duck says, "Good. Got any fish?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"

 

[trixiefirecracker]

LOL...no ones gonna laugh at this put hell i'll post it anyways!

Two guys are stood at the top of a cliff.
One is holding a budgie....the other one had a parrot perched on one hand and a shotgun in the other.
The first guy jumps of the cliff with his budgie....and lands with a thud at the bottom.
The second guy jumps off the cliff, shoots the parrot in mid-air and lands at the bottom next to the first guy.
The guys look at each other and the first one says 'well i don' reckon much to this budgie jumping'.....the second guy nods and says 'this parrot shooting isn't all its cracked up to be either'.

Sorry....that was REALLY bad....

 

[alwaysawake]

Here is one for the blonde one, LL...

What did the blonde woman's left leg say to the right leg?

Nothing...they've never met! Hee Hee

 

[trixiefirecracker]

Here is one for the blonde one, LL...

What did the blonde woman's left leg say to the right leg?

Nothing...they've never met! Hee Hee

LOL...thats funny!
I'm not posting anymore jokes on here....they all suck....LOL

 

[Slick]

After a terrible accident a lady ends up at the hospital in a coma. Her husband comes to visit her and begins talking to her and rubbing her calf. The doctor enters the room and says, "Wow! Her vital signs are improving greatly. What were you doing?" The guy explains that he was justrubbing her lower leg and talking to her. The doctor suggests, "Why don't you rub her thigh and see if she reponds even better."
The husband complies, and sure enough, the vital signs improve even more. So, the doctor says, "OK, let's try something even more drastic and see if we can bring her out of the coma. I'll leave the room, lock the door, and monitor her vital signs from the nurses station. You try a little oral sex and see how she reponds."
The husband says, "OK", and the doctor leaves the room. Shortly thereafter, her vital signs flatline and she's dead as a door nail. The doctor rushes into the room and asks, "What happened?" The husband replies, "I dunno, I guess she choked."

 

[nstygrl]

Re: last one for today ,, happy sunday guys licks n slicks

The first little pig walked into the bar and said

"Can I have a rum and coke?" The bar man said,

"Okay." Then the little pig said, "Can I use

your toilet?" The bar man told him it was

straight ahead. Then the second little pig walked

into the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?"

The bar man said, "Okay." Then the little pig

said, "Can I use your toilet?" The bar man said

straight ahead. The third little pig walked into

the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?"

and the bar man said, "Okay." Then the bar

man said, "I suppose you want to use the toilet?"

But the third little pig replied, "No, I'm the pig

that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A duck goes into a bar and askes the bartender,

"You got any fish?" The bartender replies, "No,

this is a bar and we don't sell fish," so the duck

leaves. The next day, the duck goes back to the

bar and asks, "You got any fish?" The bartender

says, "I told you yesterday, this is a bar and we

don't sell fish!" The following day the duck returns

and says, "You got any fish?" The bartender loses

it, grabs the duck by the neck and screams,

"I TOLD YOU TWICE, THIS IS A BAR. WE

DON'T SELL FISH. IF YOU ASK
AGAIN, I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR WEBBED

FEET TO THE FLOOR!" The next day, the duck

goes into the bar and asks, "Got any nails?"

The bartender sighs and says, "No, we don't have

any nails." The duck says, "Good. Got any fish?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Horse: "Cool."
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"

Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LTNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugggggggggggssss

 

[stargirl32]

Re: Re: last one for today ,, happy sunday guys licks n slicks

Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LTNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugggggggggggssss

nsty sexy babe ,,, hhhhhuuuuuuuuugssssssssssss

for every ones whos gone back to work ,,


http://www.funs.co.uk/fp/213.gif



http://www.funs.co.uk/fp/215.gif

 

[nstygrl]

Re: Re: Re: last one for today ,, happy sunday guys licks n slicks

nsty sexy babe ,,, hhhhhuuuuuuuuugssssssssssss

for every ones whos gone back to work ,,


http://www.funs.co.uk/fp/213.gif



http://www.funs.co.uk/fp/215.gif

Cute Star.!!!

Don't be such a stranger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggsss

 

[LAPSUS LlNGUAE]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. " You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blond. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen carefully, for the last time, I said BRING POSSE!

 

[sideshow_cecil]

ung huh

two fellars are standin on a bridge uh huh, one says the waters cold... the other says it's deep. unh huh.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.

Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.

After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there.

She exclaimed "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"

Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"

 

[nstygrl]

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.

Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.

After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there.

She exclaimed "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"

Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"

Hi Jenny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[shagnasty]

A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join them. Naturally, the guys all agree.
Smiling, the blonde thanks them and says, "Look, fellows, I work in a bar as an exotic dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you wants to smoke, have a beer, bet, take a leak, swear or tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots." With that the guys agree to relax and invite her to drive first.

All eyes are fastened on her shapely behind as she bends to place her ball on the tee. She then takes her driver and hits the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth is agape. "Wow that was beautiful."

The blonde puts her driver away and says, "I really didn't get into it and I should have faded it a little."

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots (she was closest to the pin) the blonde takes out a nine iron and lofts the ball within five feet of the hole.

The son says, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."

The blonde frowns and says, "It was a little weak. I've left a tricky little putt."

After the son buries a long putt for a par, dad two putts for a bogey and granddad overruns the green with his pitching wedge, chips back and putts for a double bogey, the blonde taps in the five-footer for a birdie.

The guys all congratulate her on her fine game.

She puts her putter back in the bag and says, "Thanks, but I really haven't played much lately, and I'm a little rusty. Maybe I'll really get into the next drive."

Having the honors she drives first on the second hole and knocks the hell out of the ball, and it lands nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continues to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When the get to the 18th green, the blonde is three under par, but has a nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turns to the guys and says, "I really want to thank you for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 25-year old single malt in him, fix him a dinner and then have sex with him the rest of the night."

The yuppie son jumps at the thought. He strolls across the green, carefully eyes the line of the putt and finally says, "Honey, aim for about 3 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over the little hump and break right into the cup."

The father kneels down and sights the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The old gray-haired grandfather walks over to the blonde's ball on the green, picks it up and hands it to her. "That's a gimme, sweetheart Your car or mine?"

 

[trixiefirecracker]

Two nuns are driving along t=in thier car one day, when all of a sudden the devil appears in a puff of smoke on the hood of the car. The nun slams the brakes and and the devil sits and grins at them. The driving nun looks ta the other nun and says @what do we do now?'....the other nun says 'show him your cross'. So the nun jumps out of the car and shouts 'GET OFF MY FUCKING HOOD!!!'.

 

[tnguy04]

Two nuns are driving along t=in thier car one day, when all of a sudden the devil appears in a puff of smoke on the hood of the car. The nun slams the brakes and and the devil sits and grins at them. The driving nun looks ta the other nun and says @what do we do now?'....the other nun says 'show him your cross'. So the nun jumps out of the car and shouts 'GET OFF MY FUCKING HOOD!!!'.

awwwwwwwww you are going to hell for that one....but misery loves company...sooooo
2 nuns are riding bikes along a river, beautiful trees and scenery all around them. The one nun calls to the other, "You know I do not believe I have cum this way before." Second nun looks over her shoulder with a grin and says, "Yeah, it's the cobble stones."

 

[trixiefirecracker]

awwwwwwwww you are going to hell for that one....but misery loves company...sooooo
2 nuns are riding bikes along a river, beautiful trees and scenery all around them. The one nun calls to the other, "You know I do not believe I have cum this way before." Second nun looks over her shoulder with a grin and says, "Yeah, it's the cobble stones."

LMAO!! two nuns in a bath....one says 'wheres the soap?' the other says..'yes it does doesnt it!'

Hey Tn...drop by the sorority thread...we'll make ya a sister....!!

 

[tnguy04]

LMAO!! two nuns in a bath....one says 'wheres the soap?' the other says..'yes it does doesnt it!'

Hey Tn...drop by the sorority thread...we'll make ya a sister....!!

I'll try anything once...where is it?

 

[shagnasty]

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies basking in the sun in lounge chairs.
When he looked closer, he saw they were all stark naked. He went to the front door and rang the bell.

When the director answered, the man asked if he realized he had nine naked old ladies in his front yard.

The director said: "Yes, I know. They all live here. They're retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale."

 

[Magnolia]

Laughing....................

HUGS and KISSSSSSss thanks for the smile ya'LL..... Magnolia

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Very belated!

Hi Jenny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI Nstygrl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sooooooo behind on the going's on here at the boards, but packing up and getting ready for the Midwest!! October 9th cannot come soon enough!!

Hope all the tubbers enjoy a wonderful weekend!

 

[shagnasty]

A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?"

 

[Arden]

A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?"

The guy must be a computer programmer!

 

[shagnasty]

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best ^#%$ in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just @&^#%$ your mom, and it was sweet!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad,... you're drunk!"

 

[tnguy04]

WHO MOWS YOUR YARD?

Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn
chair drinking beer and watching my wife mow the
lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so
outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me,
"You should be hung." I calmly replied, "I am. That's
why she cuts the grass

 

[tnguy04]

MATH LESSON

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.
It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years
old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to
satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. -- Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by
the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."