StartTheMusic
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2025
- Posts
- 3
So I'm scrolling through Tinder one day, when I suddenly get a match from this girl named Rebecca. We get to talking, and she asks me if she can come over and give me a rimjob. So I politely decline, telling her "Sorry, but I don't have a car."
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
A Young Priest Arrives at a New Parish...
...and he's only there 6 days when his bicycle is stolen. He's very annoyed, and he complains bitterly to the old parish priest.
The parish priest, a wise and thoughtful old man, says, "Look - don't get so angry, don't get yourself all caught up in it. I'll tell you what to do...on Sunday, as part of the sermon during Sunday mass, do the 10 commandments. And when you get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' have a good look round your congregation. And you will spot the guilty face."
So he's waiting for him on Sunday after mass and he says, "Well? Did you do the 10 commandments? Did you get to 'thou shalt not steal?' Did you find your bicycle?"
"Well," the young priest says, "To tell you the truth Father, I didn't get that far. I only made it as far as 'Thou shalt not commit adultery...'
"...and I remembered where I left my bike."
...and he's only there 6 days when his bicycle is stolen. He's very annoyed, and he complains bitterly to the old parish priest.
The parish priest, a wise and thoughtful old man, says, "Look - don't get so angry, don't get yourself all caught up in it. I'll tell you what to do...on Sunday, as part of the sermon during Sunday mass, do the 10 commandments. And when you get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' have a good look round your congregation. And you will spot the guilty face."
So he's waiting for him on Sunday after mass and he says, "Well? Did you do the 10 commandments? Did you get to 'thou shalt not steal?' Did you find your bicycle?"
"Well," the young priest says, "To tell you the truth Father, I didn't get that far. I only made it as far as 'Thou shalt not commit adultery...'
"...and I remembered where I left my bike."
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
Buying cigarettes
So, this young man is about to go on a date with a girl he really likes.
He is stressed and wants to have a cigarette before the date to calm his nerves.
He pays for a pack at the kiosk but notices the image: Guy sitting on the bed next to a woman, He is leaning forward, holding his forehead, disappointed. The text reads: 'Smoking can cause erectile dysfunction.'
So he tells the kiosk operator: "Hey, can you give me the others ones please? The ones with cancer?"
So, this young man is about to go on a date with a girl he really likes.
He is stressed and wants to have a cigarette before the date to calm his nerves.
He pays for a pack at the kiosk but notices the image: Guy sitting on the bed next to a woman, He is leaning forward, holding his forehead, disappointed. The text reads: 'Smoking can cause erectile dysfunction.'
So he tells the kiosk operator: "Hey, can you give me the others ones please? The ones with cancer?"
curioustxn
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2017
- Posts
- 228
The Ballad of Schoolmarm Lou
Schoolmarm Lou from way out west
There's where she does her fucking best
She fucked em' short, she fucked em' tall
She fucked em' one, she fucked em' all
She fucked for fun, she fucked for keeps
And piled her victims in enormous heaps
No ten men could screw Lou down,
But they all agreed, Lou could be screwed
Then one day from Bare-Ass creek
Came a blue-ball bastard named Piss-pot Pete
Eighteen inches of swingin' meat
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
He aimed for her gall and hit her bladder
Out came gall - - bladder and all
Lou tried tricks - - tricks upon tricks
Tricks know only to common pricks
But still this bastard sunk his meat
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
The fucked from dawn till the sun went down
The land was marred for miles around
Where Lou's ass had hit the ground
When an eerie quiet fell over the town
The people gathered from all around
And they all agreed, Lou had been screwed.
This tale of joy, this tale of woe
was written on the shit-house wall
For all to see, for all to know
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
Schoolmarm Lou from way out west
There's where she does her fucking best
She fucked em' short, she fucked em' tall
She fucked em' one, she fucked em' all
She fucked for fun, she fucked for keeps
And piled her victims in enormous heaps
No ten men could screw Lou down,
But they all agreed, Lou could be screwed
Then one day from Bare-Ass creek
Came a blue-ball bastard named Piss-pot Pete
Eighteen inches of swingin' meat
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
He aimed for her gall and hit her bladder
Out came gall - - bladder and all
Lou tried tricks - - tricks upon tricks
Tricks know only to common pricks
But still this bastard sunk his meat
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
The fucked from dawn till the sun went down
The land was marred for miles around
Where Lou's ass had hit the ground
When an eerie quiet fell over the town
The people gathered from all around
And they all agreed, Lou had been screwed.
This tale of joy, this tale of woe
was written on the shit-house wall
For all to see, for all to know
Stink - - God 'O' Mighty did it stink
Shady_nz
cc's girl .. always
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2024
- Posts
- 7,823
When a wealthy husband passed, he left $30,000 for an “elaborate funeral.” 
After the service, a friend asked where all the money went. The widow explained:
“$6,500 for the funeral, $500 to the church, $500 for the wake… and the rest went toward the memorial stone.”
Her friend gasped, “The memorial stone cost $22,500? ! My Goodness, how big is this stone?”
The widow smiled and said,
“Four and a half carats.”
After the service, a friend asked where all the money went. The widow explained:
“$6,500 for the funeral, $500 to the church, $500 for the wake… and the rest went toward the memorial stone.”
Her friend gasped, “The memorial stone cost $22,500? ! My Goodness, how big is this stone?”
The widow smiled and said,
“Four and a half carats.”
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
Sergeants
Two men just got promoted to sergeant. One was, "Let's get drunk!" and the other said, "Yeah, we're sergeants!"
Then one brought up the idea of hiring a hooker, and the other was like, "We're sergeants."
Then, in the days that followed, they thought they were sick and saw a doctor.
One was like, "What did the doc say?"
The other was like, "Gonorrhea."
The first was like, "Yeah, the same as I. What is that?"
The 2nd one got out a dictionary and was like, "This has to be wrong. We can't have it. It says it's a disease of the privates. We're sergeants!"
Two men just got promoted to sergeant. One was, "Let's get drunk!" and the other said, "Yeah, we're sergeants!"
Then one brought up the idea of hiring a hooker, and the other was like, "We're sergeants."
Then, in the days that followed, they thought they were sick and saw a doctor.
One was like, "What did the doc say?"
The other was like, "Gonorrhea."
The first was like, "Yeah, the same as I. What is that?"
The 2nd one got out a dictionary and was like, "This has to be wrong. We can't have it. It says it's a disease of the privates. We're sergeants!"
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S. and couldn't find a job at a hospital.
So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for any disease for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”
So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for any disease for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”
ccs29745
Shady's guy
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2006
- Posts
- 8,552
Damn
curioustxn
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2017
- Posts
- 228
Some days I feel like I should have been a plumber - - all you have to remember is shit don't run uphill and payday's Friday!!!!
Shady_nz
cc's girl .. always
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2024
- Posts
- 7,823
In New York State, after having a couple of glasses of wine at lunch, two wealthy elderly women were driving home in a large Merecedes. Being short, like many elderly women are, both could barely see over the dashboard, especially so in this large sedan. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The light was red... but they drove straight through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought, “I must be losing it. I could’ve sworn that was a red light.”
A few minutes later - another red light. And again, right through it.
Now nervous, the passenger sat up straighter and paid close attention.
At the next red light, they again drove right on through!
She turned to her friend and said,
“Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row?! You could have killed us!”
Mildred looked over and said,
“Oh geez, am I driving?”
ccs29745
Shady's guy
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2006
- Posts
- 8,552
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The light was red... but they drove straight through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought, “I must be losing it. I could’ve sworn that was a red light.”
A few minutes later - another red light. And again, right through it.
Now nervous, the passenger sat up straighter and paid close attention.
At the next red light, they again drove right on through!
She turned to her friend and said,
“Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row?! You could have killed us!”
Mildred looked over and said,
“Oh geez, am I driving?”
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
3 couples on a golf course
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman took their wives to play a round of golf.
The Englishman’s wife stepped up to the tee first and as she bent over to place her ball, a sudden gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties.
“Good God, my sweet pet! Whatever’s wrong with you? Everyone one can see your bloody arse and your happy valley. Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband asked.
“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money afford them, love,” she replied.
The Englishman immediately reached into his pocket and said, “For the sake of decency, Eleanora, here’s £20. Go buy yourself some bloody knickers!”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bent over to place her ball on the tee and a gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties either.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, woman! You’ve no knickers! Ya look like a floozie makin' a holy show of yerself. What on earth arr ya doin'? Everyone can see yer arse 'n all yer other bits!” he shouted.
“Oi can’t afford any on the money ya give me, my darlin’!” she
retorted. He immediately reached into his pocket and said, “Fer tha sake of decency woman, here’s €10. Go buy yerself some knickers, will ya…”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bent over to place her ball on the tee and a strong gust of wind suddenly blew up her skirt, revealing that she too wasn’t wearing any panties.
“Sweet Marie, Mother of Jesus, hen! Where are yerr draws? Everyone can see yer bahoochie 'n yer kitty. Fer fuck's sake, arrr ya off yer trolley or somethin’?”
She replied, “Ya didna give me enough money ta be able ta afford any, my sweetheart.”
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and replied, “Well, fer the loove ‘o Jesus, here’s a comb. At least tidy yerself up a bit, woman!”
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman took their wives to play a round of golf.
The Englishman’s wife stepped up to the tee first and as she bent over to place her ball, a sudden gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties.
“Good God, my sweet pet! Whatever’s wrong with you? Everyone one can see your bloody arse and your happy valley. Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband asked.
“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money afford them, love,” she replied.
The Englishman immediately reached into his pocket and said, “For the sake of decency, Eleanora, here’s £20. Go buy yourself some bloody knickers!”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bent over to place her ball on the tee and a gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties either.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, woman! You’ve no knickers! Ya look like a floozie makin' a holy show of yerself. What on earth arr ya doin'? Everyone can see yer arse 'n all yer other bits!” he shouted.
“Oi can’t afford any on the money ya give me, my darlin’!” she
retorted. He immediately reached into his pocket and said, “Fer tha sake of decency woman, here’s €10. Go buy yerself some knickers, will ya…”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bent over to place her ball on the tee and a strong gust of wind suddenly blew up her skirt, revealing that she too wasn’t wearing any panties.
“Sweet Marie, Mother of Jesus, hen! Where are yerr draws? Everyone can see yer bahoochie 'n yer kitty. Fer fuck's sake, arrr ya off yer trolley or somethin’?”
She replied, “Ya didna give me enough money ta be able ta afford any, my sweetheart.”
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and replied, “Well, fer the loove ‘o Jesus, here’s a comb. At least tidy yerself up a bit, woman!”
curioustxn
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2017
- Posts
- 228
A Texan walked into a bar in Alaska, and started bragging about how tough Texans are.
The bartender responded: "You ain't tough until you can do three things every Alaskan can do!"
The Texan asked: "What's that?"
The bartender said: "Drink a gallon of whisky, kill a Grizzly Bear, and fuck and Eskimo."
The Texan ordered a gallon of whisky and drank it down, then staggered out the door.
All of a sudden in the bar, they heard screaming and thrashing around in the woods for about a half an hour.
The Texan came staggering back into the bar, bloody, clothes ripped to shreds and said: "Where's that Eskimo I supposed to kill."
The bartender responded: "You ain't tough until you can do three things every Alaskan can do!"
The Texan asked: "What's that?"
The bartender said: "Drink a gallon of whisky, kill a Grizzly Bear, and fuck and Eskimo."
The Texan ordered a gallon of whisky and drank it down, then staggered out the door.
All of a sudden in the bar, they heard screaming and thrashing around in the woods for about a half an hour.
The Texan came staggering back into the bar, bloody, clothes ripped to shreds and said: "Where's that Eskimo I supposed to kill."
Shady_nz
cc's girl .. always
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2024
- Posts
- 7,823
An elderly rancher named Hank decided he wanted to head into town to catch a movie.
As he walked up to the ticket counter, the attendant asked,
“Sir… what’s that on your shoulder?”
Hank replied,
“Oh, that’s my pet rooster, Rusty. He goes everywhere with me.”
The attendant shook his head.
“Sorry, sir — no animals allowed in the theater.”
Hank thought for a second, went around the corner, and tucked Rusty down inside his overalls. Then he came back, bought his ticket, and found a seat beside two elderly sisters, Edna and Betty.
As the movie started, Rusty got restless, so Hank unbuttoned his overalls just enough for the rooster to peek out and watch.
A minute later, Edna leaned toward her sister and whispered,
“Betty… I think the man beside me is being indecent.”
“What makes you think that?” Betty asked.
Edna whispered,
“He’s got his… well… you know… out!”
Betty sighed,
“Oh, Edna, we’re too old to be shocked. Seen one, seen ’em all.”
“That’s what I thought too,” Edna replied,
“but this one’s munching on my popcorn!”
As he walked up to the ticket counter, the attendant asked,
“Sir… what’s that on your shoulder?”
Hank replied,
“Oh, that’s my pet rooster, Rusty. He goes everywhere with me.”
The attendant shook his head.
“Sorry, sir — no animals allowed in the theater.”
Hank thought for a second, went around the corner, and tucked Rusty down inside his overalls. Then he came back, bought his ticket, and found a seat beside two elderly sisters, Edna and Betty.
As the movie started, Rusty got restless, so Hank unbuttoned his overalls just enough for the rooster to peek out and watch.
A minute later, Edna leaned toward her sister and whispered,
“Betty… I think the man beside me is being indecent.”
“What makes you think that?” Betty asked.
Edna whispered,
“He’s got his… well… you know… out!”
Betty sighed,
“Oh, Edna, we’re too old to be shocked. Seen one, seen ’em all.”
“That’s what I thought too,” Edna replied,
“but this one’s munching on my popcorn!”
Shady_nz
cc's girl .. always
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2024
- Posts
- 7,823
A country doctor wanted to skip work and go hunting 
, so he told his janitor:
“Buddy, I’m going huntin’ tomorrow. Watch the clinic for me and take care of the patients. I’ll give you $50.”
“Yessir!” Buddy replied.
The next day, the doctor comes back:
“How’d it go, Buddy?”
Buddy grins: “Three patients. First one had a headache - gave him Tylenol.
”
“Bravo! And the second?”
“Stomachache -gave him Maalox.”
“Excellent! And the third?”
“Well, Doc, I was having a smoke
when this woman came rushing in. She stripped off everything - bra, panties, the whole works - and lay on the table screaming, ‘HELP ME, I haven’t seen a man in over two years!’ 
”
The doctor gasped: “Good heavens, Buddy! What did you do?”
Buddy said: “I put drops in her eyes.”
, so he told his janitor:“Buddy, I’m going huntin’ tomorrow. Watch the clinic for me and take care of the patients. I’ll give you $50.”
“Yessir!” Buddy replied.
The next day, the doctor comes back:
“How’d it go, Buddy?”
Buddy grins: “Three patients. First one had a headache - gave him Tylenol.
”“Bravo! And the second?”
“Stomachache -gave him Maalox.”
“Excellent! And the third?”
“Well, Doc, I was having a smoke
when this woman came rushing in. She stripped off everything - bra, panties, the whole works - and lay on the table screaming, ‘HELP ME, I haven’t seen a man in over two years!’ ”The doctor gasped: “Good heavens, Buddy! What did you do?”
Buddy said: “I put drops in her eyes.”
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
Two Ladies Meet Up in Heaven
1st woman: Hi Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
Sylvia: I froze to death.
Wanda: How horrible!
Sylvia: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
Wanda: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
Sylvia: So, what happened?
Wanda: I was so sure there was another woman hiding somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Sylvia: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
1st woman: Hi Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
Sylvia: I froze to death.
Wanda: How horrible!
Sylvia: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
Wanda: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
Sylvia: So, what happened?
Wanda: I was so sure there was another woman hiding somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Sylvia: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
mugsgame
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 8,827
A psychiatrist is sitting in his office, bored out of his mind...
Suddenly, the door creaks open and a man crawls in on all fours. He is clenching something between his teeth, holding something in his hands, and dragging something long behind him.
The psychiatrist lights up: "Oh, look who it is! Are you a little snake? Come on in, little snake, the doctor will help you."
The man shakes his head
"Ah, I see! You’re a little turtle then? Crawl over to the chair, little turtle, and tell the doctor what's wrong."
The man shakes his head again.
"Well, who are we then? Are we a little worm?"
The man spits the wire out of his mouth and shouts: "Oh, f*** off, Doc! I’m the SysAdmin running your new network cables!"
Suddenly, the door creaks open and a man crawls in on all fours. He is clenching something between his teeth, holding something in his hands, and dragging something long behind him.
The psychiatrist lights up: "Oh, look who it is! Are you a little snake? Come on in, little snake, the doctor will help you."
The man shakes his head
"Ah, I see! You’re a little turtle then? Crawl over to the chair, little turtle, and tell the doctor what's wrong."
The man shakes his head again.
"Well, who are we then? Are we a little worm?"
The man spits the wire out of his mouth and shouts: "Oh, f*** off, Doc! I’m the SysAdmin running your new network cables!"
Shady_nz
cc's girl .. always
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2024
- Posts
- 7,823
Two 70-year-old men, Bill and Ted, had been friends their whole lives. When it became clear that Ted was dying, Bill visited him every day.
One day Bill said, “Ted, we’ve loved baseball all our lives, and we played every Saturday for years. Please do me one favor — when you get to Heaven, let me know if there’s baseball there.”
Ted looked up from his deathbed and said, “Bill, you’ve been my best friend for so many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this for you.”
Shortly after that, Ted passed away.
A couple of nights later, at midnight, Bill was awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling, “Bill… Bill…”
“Who is it?” Bill asked, sitting straight up.
“It’s me, Ted.”
“You’re not Ted — Ted just died!”
“I’m telling you, it’s me,” the voice insisted.
“Where are you?” Bill asked.
“In Heaven,” replied Ted. “And I’ve got some really good news… and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” Bill said.
“The good news,” Ted said, “is that there is baseball in Heaven. Even better, all our old buddies who passed before us are here too. And we’re all young again! It’s always springtime, the weather is perfect, our wives are here and young and pretty as ever — and best of all, we can play baseball as much as we want and never get tired!”
“That’s incredible!” Bill said. “It’s more than I ever dreamed! So… what’s the bad news?”
Ted replied,
“Bill… you’re pitching this Saturday.”
One day Bill said, “Ted, we’ve loved baseball all our lives, and we played every Saturday for years. Please do me one favor — when you get to Heaven, let me know if there’s baseball there.”
Ted looked up from his deathbed and said, “Bill, you’ve been my best friend for so many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this for you.”
Shortly after that, Ted passed away.
A couple of nights later, at midnight, Bill was awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling, “Bill… Bill…”
“Who is it?” Bill asked, sitting straight up.
“It’s me, Ted.”
“You’re not Ted — Ted just died!”
“I’m telling you, it’s me,” the voice insisted.
“Where are you?” Bill asked.
“In Heaven,” replied Ted. “And I’ve got some really good news… and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” Bill said.
“The good news,” Ted said, “is that there is baseball in Heaven. Even better, all our old buddies who passed before us are here too. And we’re all young again! It’s always springtime, the weather is perfect, our wives are here and young and pretty as ever — and best of all, we can play baseball as much as we want and never get tired!”
“That’s incredible!” Bill said. “It’s more than I ever dreamed! So… what’s the bad news?”
Ted replied,
“Bill… you’re pitching this Saturday.”
A boy asks his mom, mommy , where do babies come from??
The mother replies, well you see , they come from storks , the storks deliver them.
Oh says the boy, and asks , who fucks the storks?
So I was with my friend the other day and he says, last weekend I was bit by a black widow!!
She was 52!
The mother replies, well you see , they come from storks , the storks deliver them.
Oh says the boy, and asks , who fucks the storks?
So I was with my friend the other day and he says, last weekend I was bit by a black widow!!
She was 52!
