Just for Fun--First Lines of Rejected Novels

[Emilymcplugger]

'Call me Maleish.'
A story of gender identity and cetaceans.

I see what you did there and I love it.

 

[Pureotica]

Maybe it was fate. From a young age, Pryor Oppen understood that his father expected him to follow in his footsteps--to become a safecracker.

 

[dmallord]

Richard Needle was a carefree, proud lad when he came of age, and people began to refer to him as Dick Needle; that changed when he found himself drafted, and the Army enlisted him as ... Needle, Dick.

 

[onehitwanda]

Brick Laine said. In English, the subject comes before the verb. Find an editor!

In English, all rules are there as guidelines only. Brick Laine said is perfectly acceptable within the context.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Brick Laine said. In English, the subject comes before the verb. Find an editor!

That’s why it got rejected. Duh!

 

[onehitwanda]

Only she wrote "said Brick Laine."

My editor would strongly oppose your statement about English rules being guidelines only. She's a professor, and trust me, you... I was about to say that you don't want to fuck with her, but you probably would.

Yeah, that's a nice appeal to authority there, honey. you do you; you're going to do it anyway, I should have realised it was futile before I bothered.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

The grizzled Spanish gunslinger, Juan Shot looked across at his opponent. “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us…you know? Cause it’s Wigan”.

 

[SimonDoom]

I submitted this entry a while back to the infamous Bulwer Lytton bad writing contest (the idea is to write the opening sentence to the worst novel imaginable). Unfortunately, it did not get recognition.

Porky quietly crept toward the movie set trailer (much larger than his own), hand grimly gripping the pistol, mind ecstatically envisioning that smug bunny munching his last carrot, and heart crazily cueing up a febrile fugue of rage and revenge -- a lifetime without pants or genitals will do that to a pig.

 

[onehitwanda]

I see what you did there and I love it.

I stared at that so long and couldn't work out why... and then, like a very dim lightbulb...

 

[SimonDoom]

Brick Laine said. In English, the subject comes before the verb. Find an editor!

This isn't even a guideline, let alone a rule. Since you like authority, look it up in the Chicago Manual of Style, section 13.39 et seq. It offers multiple examples. It's perfectly acceptable style to put the verb first or second in a dialogue tag. It reads better if you mix it up. Tolkien, an Oxford professor, often placed "said" before the noun in his books. It's not a rule in either American or British English.

If we were to follow the logic of your "rule" to its conclusion, then we would always begin dialogue sentences with the tag, because the dialogue itself is the object of the tag verb and by your logic as the object it should come last.

E.g.,

Max said, "This is errant, pedantic nonsense."

As opposed to

"This is errant, pedantic nonsense," Max said.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

It was a dark and stormy night, so dark, I smacked right into a tree and bent it. Still, I persevere, and hobble on, searching for the perfect woman, who might be into a guy like me. A little twisted, but my aim is true.

 

[SimonDoom]

For some peculiar reason, you wrote "Max said" instead of "said Max."

1. It's acceptable either way.
2. "Max said" tracks the same order of the tag in the first example; the greater similarity made it a clearer example.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Doing myself would be the ultimate achievement for a narcissist, but unfortunately, I'm not that long.

You have no imagination. In my Mickey Spillane tribute story, I had my protagonist, ever so loosely a fictional moi, fuck a young English boy who I modelled upon myself aged twenty, tanned, blond. If you're going to do narcissism, do it properly, or don't bother.

 

[lustychimera]

Jesus wept. As Deborah pulled up her knickers, she cast him a side-eye and said, "Don't worry about it, hun. Happens to everyone."

 

[Pureotica]

Ima Spinster never expected to find true love, but then Heywood Dewer walked into her life.

 

[Pureotica]

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger was going to follow, but decided not to.

I've killed a few of own stories because I realized the MC could walk away, and that it was undeniably sensible to do so.

 

[Pureotica]

Call me jizz-male.

-tentatively titled Moby Prick.

Honestly, I'd probably read it. Worse porn parodies have been written.

 

[Pureotica]

Jesus wept. As she pulled up her knickers, she cast him a side-eye and said, "Don't worry about it, hun. Happens to everyone."

It feels wrong, but I laughed.

 

[Pureotica]

'Call me Maleish.'
A story of gender identity and cetaceans.

This. is. brilliant.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I've killed a few of own stories because I realized the MC could walk away, and that it was undeniably sensible to do so.

I think most times the MC could walk away. It’s about creating the internal and external forces that make them stand and fight…High Noon style, but a sexy High Noon.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Ima Spinster never expected to find true love, but then Heywood Dewer walked into her life.

You see NOW I want to find out what happened.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Ace Russian Pilot, Ivan Airplane looked at the elegant, demure air stewardess and thought “PHWOAR! I’D GIVE HER ONE!”

 

[HordHolm]

It was a wall, a strong wall, and with little else to do he sat down before it.

 

[Pureotica]

I think most times the MC could walk away. It’s about creating the internal and external forces that make them stand and fight…High Noon style, but a sexy High Noon.

Agreed. Sometimes it's about the proper motivation, and building stakes high enough to be worthy of the effort. One problem I have in erotica is a lack of stakes in some concepts. Slutty character does slutty things isn't fun to write for me. (Comparitively)innocent character does slutty things for a reason, and has to deal with the consequences is more interesting. Sometimes it's hard to balance motivation and stakes. I need both if I'm going to spend the grueling effort on a complex writing project. I hope that makes sense. Thanks for the insightful feedback.

 

[Pureotica]

Genre: Courtroom Procedural

Approaching the bench, Wei Su Mi lamented the litigious nature of modern society.