Just for Fun--First Lines of Rejected Novels

[EmilyMiller]

Wyatt Swollen sat in the emergency room, waiting for the doctor to call him in.

It is a far, far better dick that I suck, than I have ever sucked; it is a far, far better cock that I blow than I have ever blown.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Wyatt Swollen sat in the emergency room, waiting for the doctor to call him in.

There was no possibility of fucking a chick that day.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Wyatt Swollen sat in the emergency room, waiting for the doctor to call him in.

Under certain circumstances there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as sigmoidal straightening.

 

[Djmac1031]

It is a far, far better dick that I suck, than I have ever sucked; it is a far, far better cock that I blow than I have ever blown.

How is this different from any atypical LE submission?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Wyatt Swollen sat in the emergency room, waiting for the doctor to call him in.

Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by undress.

 

[WyreBendr0417]

Iluva Ballingsworth sat glumly staring out her window, despising the recent gold rush for stealing away all the town's men from their duties. She so missed her afternoons in the drawing room with her neighbor's twin foreign exchange students, Ubetweer and Ihopewer Gonaphuku.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

It was the best of wanks, it was the worst of wanks…

 

[HordHolm]

Harry jumped with joy: he had all six numbers, and every trouble in his life evaporated, forever!

 

[Pureotica]

I would have thought that the real title Moby Dick would be sufficient.

As an aside, I know two unfortunate souls, surnamed Whacker and Stuck, who's parents saddled them with the name Richard. Not Joking.

 

[Pureotica]

It was the day my cock exploded.

To tell the truth, I don't think I'd be able to stop reading after that. Some beginnings beguile. Others Bludgeon. As long as they keep reading, who cares?

 

[gunhilltrain]

As an aside, I know two unfortunate souls, surnamed Whacker and Stuck, who's parents saddled them with the name Richard. Not Joking.

Sometimes, it's really worth changing your last name. Many people have done it to hide their Italian, Jewish, or other ancestries. Some have done it to enter some cultural field, mainly in show business. But Humphrey Bogart was really named that. If you're really - lucky? talented? - you can make the name instead having the name make you.

 

[gunhilltrain]

A moment after Emily and Rip Schlimazel stepped into the bustling concourse, Emily swiftly retrieved a semi-automatic rifle concealed beneath her baggy raincoat, raised it into the air, and unleashed two shots at the enormous chandelier above her.

"Okay, mothafuckers!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs, spittle flying from her mouth. "Everybody down on the floor before I introduce some ventilation to those ugly faces of yours!"

Rip's eyes widened with concern as he gently inquired, "What are you doing, love? We haven't reached the bank yet."

Is this a parody about the Symbionese Liberation Army? Most of those people, including Patty Hearst herself, were about that ridiculous. Maybe the reality of it didn't need satire.

 

[gunhilltrain]

As Emily Wilson awoke one morning from uneasy dreams ahe found herself confronted in her bed by a gigantic octopus.

"I dreamed I confronted a gigantic octopus in my Maidenform bra." I guess you people are too young to remember those ads.

 

[HordHolm]

From the unauthorised biography of Sir Arthur Thistleton-Thwicke-Bailey:

My grandmother always told me that if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all.

The End.

 

[stickygirl]

It was a truth universally acknowledged that Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without taking a walk that day.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

“You’re a wizard, Harry…a wizard at making SAVINGS thanks to your NEW Tesco club-card (terms and conditions apply. See website for full details)”.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Diane was surprised when she realized that she was a woman who hadn't been spanked but wanted to be spanked.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It was a truth universally acknowledged that Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without taking a walk that day.

Perfect!

Em

 

[stickygirl]

Perfect!

Em

I might even read it

 

[Emilymcplugger]

The door creaked open menacingly, the darkness oppressing the hallway as it clung to the walls like mould spores sucking the light away, almost feeding off it. The young priest walked timidly forward and said “ WELL FUCK THIS!”

 

[Pureotica]

No means no, And stop asking," Kenya Dewitt reminded her handsy boyfriend for the thousandth time.

 

[SimonDoom]

"Heil Hitler," said Inge Gelbwasser, reaching for her stash of handy wipes as Reinhard Springbrunnen, leader of Verrucktstadt's local underground Nazi chapter, finished his golden shower and zipped up.

 

[SimonDoom]

Drawing his last breath, lying in bed, surrounded by loved ones, body withered away by a long-running disease, Dan Bunderwaddle stared into the abyss of eternity and for the last time asked the profound question that vexed him more than any other: "Kim Kardashian -- why is she famous?"

 

[Pureotica]

Drawing his last breath, lying in bed, surrounded by loved ones, body withered away by a long-running disease, Dan Bunderwaddle stared into the abyss of eternity and for the last time asked the profound question that vexed him more than any other: "Kim Kardashian -- why is she famous?"

Completely valid question, though. One of those grand mysteries of the universe.

 

[Trionyx]

"Heil Hitler," said Inge Gelbwasser, reaching for her stash of handy wipes as Reinhard Springbrunnen, leader of Verrucktstadt's local underground Nazi chapter, finished his golden shower and zipped up.

Yellow water, Fountain, Crazycity - Nice choice of names.